Mr. Brooks Knocked Up Nancy Drew

I Eyjafjallajokulled Your Mom Last Night

2010-04-20T08:20:00.000-07:00

I love the name of the Icelandic volcano. I really do. I still can't say it properly but I did Eyjafjallajokull your mom last night...with Captain America's shield. Here's a fun video on how to pronounce it. I'm American I don't need to learn things but in case you're foreign, here it is. Anyway, onto our irregularly scheduled blog post.

I do like to talk about politics and there will be a little bit today but I'm in a pop cultural mood. So here are 10 things going on that you should know.

1. If you've read previous posts here, you know I'm a huge Doctor Who fan. If you haven't and don't know anything about Doctor Who, well, it is a show that you should be watching. Doctor Who concerns a character named "The Doctor." The Doctor is a time traveling hero who just likes to have a good time and go anywhere in the universe. He's the last of a race called the Time Lords. He had to wipe out his own race during a war that engulfed and killed trillions of people. The Time Lords became more and more cruel during the war and the Doctor destroyed his own people as well as the enemy they were fighting. Keep in mind this is a recent development on how he had to kill a lot of people.

For 47 years, Doctor Who has been a staple of British culture. If you're famous in Britain, there's a good chance you've been on Doctor Who. Simon Pegg (Scotty in the new Star Trek and brilliant comedic actor) went as far as to be part of Doctor Who audio plays. Kylie Minogue (she's Australian but y'know, still really big in Britain) was in one of my favorite stories, Voyage of the Damned. Doctor Who is a really big deal in Britain. Its one of the highest rated shows they have and its on a Saturday. Last weekend, Doctor Who premiered in the United States.

Now, I've seen the first 3 episodes of this season. Its fantastic. I was hesitant on the new Doctor. The Doctor doesn't really die. He regenerates into a new person with the same memories. Its a really clever way to keep a show going when the actors grow bored or get fired or just can't handle it anymore. David Tennant, the previous Doctor, is still my favorite Doctor. But the new one? He's really good and the writing is really good. You need to watch because its fun, over the top, and its the best sci fi out there right now. I'll digress as if I can't convince you, look it up on wikipedia, your Doctor Who wikiodyssey will work out, you'll start watching.

2. RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!!!!!!!......!!!!!!!!!! Scott and I saw Clash of the Titans. Let me say this, Gemma Arterton is smoking. Like, I do want to do fairly unconstitutional things to her. So I have to say that before I explain my Clash of the Titans experience. I didn't hate the movie. In fact, I strangely enjoyed it. Scott and I both cheered at RELEASE THE KRAKEN! There are points in the plot that I got a little confused. There really isn't much of a plot. But, the special effects and the movie's own awareness of not being serious made it enjoyable. I think there were 30 lines of dialogue and it was fun. Do I recommend seeing it? Probably as a netflix rental. That's best for you but I still had fun seeing it.

3. Last night, the show Damages had its season finale. It is easily the best show on tv that apparently no one watches. Go buy the DVDs. The show is utterly brutal and wonderfully acted. Glenn Close terrifies me in the show. Damages is a show about white collar crime. The first season had an Enron type scandal, the second was an environmental one, and this season was Bernie Madoff. I highly recommend the show and hope it gets a 4th season.

4. Here's a Corgi as Star Fox

5. Its baseball season and the NFL draft is this week. So I'm completely obsessed with the Cubs as usual and the draft picks the Bears don't have in football.

6. Did you know we're getting a Wizard of Oz sequel? Yes, we are completely out of ideas.

7. What's going on in the picture? I get the whole sex kitten look but did you have to torture that cat?

8. I'm thinking of having a new girl of the blog. Here are some quick ideas Alyson Hannigan, Karen Gillan, and Mila Kunis. They're the ones I thought of right off the bat but I'm willing to take suggestions and I'll keep thinking.

9. I still am pushing for a show Scott & Hate plus Hate. I say this because I heard Kate Gosselin, a person who is talented at pushing out babies and being a bitch, ruined Simple Minds' Don't You Forget About Me. I take pride in having never watched an episode of Dancing with the Stars outside of when Tom Delay was on...yup, I had to watch it...ugh. I generally lack shame but even I felt dirty.

10. SUBLIST!!!!!! Music on the brain.

Collective Soul's Welcome Home Again
The Heavy's How Do You Like Me Now
Greg Laswell's cover of Your Ghost
Drive Shaft....I mean Oasis' Rock n Roll Star
Michael Franti and Spearhead's Say Hey (I Love You)
London Bus Stop's remix/cover of Get It On (Bang a Gong)
Scissors for Lefty's Got Your Moments
Shiny Toy Guns' cover of Major Tom
Ben Kweller's Penny on the Train Track
Jacob Miller's Charlie Brown's Lament
Decembrists' The Infanta
Otis Taylor's Ten Million Slaves
The Who's My Generation (in Mono) trust me it sounds more cool
U2's Unknown Caller
The La's There She Goes
The Perms' Running Away

That's it for now. See, I avoided politics for the most part...okay fine. I still think Sarah Palin is the biggest scam artist in American media...god damnit, is she bigger than Glenn Beck and Rushbo? Oh man, that's for another day.

Allons-y

The Validity of Thought

2010-04-13T09:51:00.000-07:00

The United States is a fun place in that if you think something up, there are likely to be those that agree with you. Because others have agreed with you, your idea, no matter how random or outside the mainstream, will become a valid idea that others must treat with respect. You could make the claim this validity of ideas is enshrined in the US Constitution's 1st Amendment. I'm here to tell you that its utter bullshit.

People in this country have a right to believe whatever they want. The government can't and shouldn't do anything about what you believe. But that doesn't mean that because you believe it, your beliefs are valid. Over the past few years there are issues that come up that develop a point-counterpoint narrative that are so ridiculously stupid that it defies comprehension. With many of them, I've reached a point where if you have taken a certain position, all your other thoughts are immediately invalid to me. I don't care any more what you have to say because you have demonstrated an extreme level of stupidity.

I'll give you a for-instance. Climate Change and Evolution. People say they don't "believe" in them. Guess what? Its science. It doesn't give a shit what you believe. Thats the great thing about science; it either is, or it isn't. The other nice thing, is it builds on itself. People who take the opposing viewpoint like to retort "well its just a theory." These are people who don't know what they are talking about. Yes, in our colloquial understanding of the term, "Theory" doesn't mean much. In a scientific context though "Theory" is a whole lot more meaningful. In a scientific context, "Theory" means "a coherent group of general propositions used as principles of explanation for a class of phenomena."

These are general propositions that are tested thousands of times over. Then, when they are tested, they are retested. Intelligent Design has tried to be some sort of counter-theory to Evolution, but frankly its a bunch of shit. With regards to climate change, opponents like to point out the e-mail scandal and also some of the problems with the UN's research council. But the thing they like to ignore is there are still thousands upon thousands of data sets, research papers, and models that all say the same thing. The Earth is warming and its most likely due to human intervention.

If you don't "believe" these two things as scientific theory, then frankly I don't care what you have to say on anything. You are wrong and no amount of evidence will ever dissuade you. I'm done.

But this brings us to our issue du jour. Of course, at this point we're all aware of Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell's SNAFU regarding "Confederate Pride Month" or whatever the fuck he wants to call it. Most of you are probably also aware of Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour's defense of Governor McDonnell's omission of slavery. These men like to talk about honoring the soldiers of the Confederacy.

Pardon me for a moment but what exactly are they honoring?

The Confederacy was comprised of a group of states that attacked American soldiers at Fort Sumter. They were fighting for the right to own other human beings as property. Thats what we're talking about when we talk about the Civil War. It was a rebellion fought for slavery. And because "the North" or as I prefer it now be known "The United States of America" was ready to end slavery they fought for the right to break up the United States of America.
They did this by launching an attack on an American military base. They did this by assassinating the President of the United States. They did this by forming an army and killing more American soldiers.

The Confederacy's leadership was composed of traitors to the United States. They were held up by a cadre of wealthy land owners who, today, would be charitably described as war criminals. One of the sadder things about the Civil War is it didn't really need to happen. The US was already showing that one didn't need to own slaves in order to be successful at much of anything. Mechanizing tasks had made simple human labor outmoded. But this was irrelavent to the South. They wanted slaves because they also knew they didn't have the population (without slaves) to be a potent political force. Their options were either to end slavery and let former slaves vote or resort to treason.

If you want to honor the Traitors of the South, by all means, go ahead. But I'm done with anything else you have to say.

April 13, 1204

2010-04-12T20:28:00.000-07:00

Hey kids, I usually do a post that's random pop culture with politics as explained in the previous post. We interrupt my trend to discuss a little controversial topic. I don't avoid hard issues. I do run away from things. I'll admit that. I run and never stop at times but this is something that I've been wanting to talk about. Don't mind if its incoherent. I can't read.

A note before I begin, today is an important day for the Orthodox. So history means a lot to me. I adore history actually. I like to think I'm part of several decades that I wasn't close to being born into. There are points in history which IOn April 13th, 1204, Catholic crusaders sacked Constantinople, an Eastern Orthodox Christian city. It was the center of so much of the Orthodox ideology. Think New York combined with Washington, DC, London, Paris, and Rome. 806 years later, the Orthodox still do not trust Catholics all that much. I say this before I begin to explain that I probably have a bias

Anyway, I was thinking about the Catholic Church scandals. There have been a lot of attempts to explain what caused things to go so wrong. Some have argued that the Catholic Church is just plain evil. I don't think that's true. Yes, I'm Eastern Orthodox but I've been educated by Jesuits for a good portion of my life. I think there's great possibility in the Catholic Church but there are a lot of problems.

Members of the Church hierarchy have blamed the victims. Yeah, that's it...oh wait, that's awful. Nothing kills me more than the idea of children suffering. So those who think its the victims doing this, go fuck yourself and don't ever comment on what God intends because you're wrong.

Some have blamed the media. Sorry kids, blaming the New York Times only works if you're a pathetic half term governor of a state you most likely couldn't locate easily. It's annoying that it works for the half term governor anyway. Nope, its not the media on this one.

Here's my favorite, blame the Jews. For more information, go here . Yes, its the Jews who are responsible for members of your church leadership covering up sexual depravity. Because you know what? Its tradition. Man, that's crafty...no wait crafty isn't the word, cliched and pathetic...that's a few words. When in doubt, blame the Jews...thanks...because that hasn't led to terrible things before. Oh wait....nope kids, try again.

I heard the Catholic Church's number two man, Tarcisio Bertone, (Really intimidating name) blames homosexuality... see here . Okay, so far they've blamed the victims, media, Jews, and now the gays. I'm kinda disappointed that gypsies aren't in this list. But the whole blame the gays deal is of course a fall back position. Its what right wing people love to blame for pedophilia. Chile would like to have a word with people of this thought process. They've got a priest who has abused young girls. Also, there is not a study that I know of that links pedophilia to homosexuality. Its one of those things that the really really conservative people like to argue on very simplistic terms. For instance, some deny global warming because it was cold that day or they got lots of snow. Here they blame pedophilia with boys on homosexuality. Nope, its not homosexuality. Its about an archaic sense of sexuality combined with an ancient idea of power management.

I really enjoy that the Catholic Church lectures on sexuality because its almost comical. I love the Old and New Testament. I legitimately do. They're beautiful in many parts of it and I accept many parts of it too. However, its not a good document for talking sex. Nor are the writers drawing from the bible like Thomas Aquinas. Trust me, I have a habit of reading a lot of very boring old documents for fun because I'm crazy. But back on point, part of the problem with the Catholic Church's scandal is partly sexuality but it isn't homosexuality that's the problem but understanding of sexuality and also gender in general. I mean for Aquinas, sheep are above women in the Church Hierarchy. Nuns are treated terrible in the Church. There's not a real sense of where people are in the modern world in current Church teachings.

The Catholic Church has an archaic sense of sexuality, gender, and power. You have an organization that's ancient and powerful willing to do defend the Church at any cost because of a higher calling. It never really developed that humans are sexual. It also understands secular society's attempt to punish members who commit horrible things as an attack on the Church itself. I don't advocate arresting the Pope. These guys do . I don't think the Pope should resign. I mean really, that would compromise the entire Church and there are good things in the Catholic Church. I do find that the current Pope did pretty terrible things before he was Pope. Its unreasonable to demand the collapse of Catholicism. These abuse scandals are about an abuse of power at the highest level as well as abusing power on a local level. They ruined a lot of trust and reestablishing trust needs something on an organizational level. I advocate a Third Vatican Council. In time of crisis, the Catholic Church has gathered for council to reexamine how the Church should function. Pope John XXIII brought people together decades ago to discuss Papal direction. He invited Jews, atheists, Orthodox, and many other religions. It should happen again and here are my own ideas that no one will consider but I can't keep my mouth shut.

Here we go,

1. The Church can't protect priests who commit evil. Sounds easy right? It's hard when you feel your church is under siege. But this is how it has to be. The moment you hear about things like this, you investigate and you do it thoroughly and then you turn them over to authorities with all the information.

2. I think women should be priests. Its surprisingly controversial and its not even allowed in my church which is Eastern Orthodox. Women were essential in early Church history. I don't understand why women aren't higher up on Church hierarchy. The Apostolic argument that the Church should consist of men based on the Apostles denies the idea that women were integral to the formation of the early church. I'm not talking Mary Magdalene Da Vinci Code things. I'm talking about early Roman converts in the aristocracy were women initially because the Roman religion wasn't too kind to women. Man, how things change...

3. Marrying priests? Its something worth thinking about. Its not like we're going to have a married Pope. People who rise high in churches which have marrying priests generally aren't married when they become heads of church. I don't think sexed up priests are going to pop up.

4. Stress social justice, progress, and the Catholic Church's role in modern society. I learned a lot from Jesuit Catholics about the modern world.

There are probably more but that's on my mind right now. I'm still outraged about the scandals. Its something that really bothers me a lot. People hurting children and arrogant people in power protecting those who hurt children just kills me. Anyway, new post tomorrow that should be very different. Yes, I ramble. I write here like I talk. Keep in mind I talk much faster and bounce all over the place on topics. Just keep up.

Allons-Y

Hello, let me reintroduce myself.

2010-04-11T00:23:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile. For awhile, I couldn't have a blog. Time and other things. It's one of the few times I've followed rules. But that's life. It's brilliant but has the habit to be a tad unforgiving. So I'm going to reintroduce myself. I think I can do a blog now. I go by Edmund Dantes when I write. It's sometimes Edmond Dantes too. I'm like that. Confusing, contradictory, and manic and etc. Oh I do love the etc. Those who know me personally, and I'm pretty sure those who read this blog do know me personally, know that I'm all over the place. I adore culture, high and pop. I love to talk about culture. Actually, I like to talk about anything but culture, oh culture, you're just brilliant. So this blog at least when I'm posting will talk about TV (I love and watch a lot of TV), movies (old and new), books (I read history, science fiction, biography, political, regular fiction, and comic books), music (Lots of Indie Rock, classic rock, and random ones), and video games (I refuse to grow up), and probably whatever pops in my brain.

I'm also a political animal. I'm an unabashed liberal Democrat. I believe in an active government, an evolving constitution, I'm pro choice, and there are a host of issues that define me as a liberal. Its a safe assumption that there's a good chance I'm more liberal than a lot of people you know. I'm a huge fan of Franklin Roosevelt, John F. Kennedy, and yes, I'm a fan of Barack Obama. I'm a November Does Matt Democrat though. I get governing and not getting exactly what I want.

There aren't many living Republicans that I'm a fan of right now. Sure, there are actually many in the past I like. There are some living right now whom I'm a big fan of on a personal basis. You know who you are. But I hate the Tea Party (yes its a Republican offshoot mixed in with Faux News). I hate Faux News with a passion. Rush Limbaugh disgusts me. Glenn Beck too. Sarah Palin terrifies me because not that she might become President but that she appeals to the worst aspects of politics. I just watched Tina Fey do another Sarah Palin sketch....she's absolutely dead on about her. But that's for a later time.

You want to get an idea about me real quick? I'm a big Doctor Who fan (David Tennant's 10th Doctor is someone I relate well with), I love the West Wing, Psych, Mad Men, Rome, Chuck, How I Met Your Mother, Smallville, and there are many many others. I watch a lot of TV because my DVR is my god.

I have a huge DVD collection just in case I'm ever bored. There'll be more to talk about. I'm tired. So today begins a new.

Allons-Y

Ever Looming

2009-02-12T07:10:00.001-08:00

As 2009 waxes (its already dawned) we must revisit an earlier blogpost. While the Mainstream Media (MSM), that ever neglectful and yet convenient target of the left, right, and everyone in between, continues to refuse to report on various reports of zombie ism throughout the world, your intrepid blogger continues his observations.

I don't think we need to cover all the points made in 2007, but I do think it is important to revisit the idea of location. And I think I have solved the problem. The ideal location is one that is sparsely populated, has access to fresh water and arable land. Food and water are critical and if my courageous group of survivors can cobble together some semblance of agriculture, even better. Basic agriculture will be important in the post-zombie-apocalyptic world, because it will allow survivors to avoid going into previously densely populated urban and suburban areas, where zombies are likely to abound. The best defense against zombies is avoidance. If they can't attack you, then they can't zombify you.

Additionally, defense against incoming zombies is important because eventually they will discover pockets of survivors and having the ability to hole up somewhere, or have an escape route will increase our odds of survival. Underground bunkers would be good for this because there are generally very few exit points and they should be easy enough for the living to discover and cover up or disguise. This is why I suggest we head for one of the many Titan missile bases that dot the Midwest.

As you can see by the map, this is a fairly extensive underground facility and presents several advantages. With a proper power source (basic steam power using local coal) the actual missile silos could be converted to hydroponic gardens capable of growing quite a variety of edible plants. Additionally, it would only be necessary to use electricity in the event there is a zombie scare. During safe periods, the actual doors to the silos could be opened to let natural sunlight and rain water in. Of course, it would be necessary to closely monitor the status of the closing mechanisms on the silo doors to ensure they could be shut in the event of an attack.

Another advantage to the missile base is that it is a hardened nuclear facility. This means that it is capable of withstanding a nuclear blast. As such, even if zombies attack, claws and fists will not be able to break in the doors. Thus, a group could hold out in the facility as long as food and water supplies lasted. Additionally, there is bound to be an escape hatch, though this will require a little bit of exploration. A missile base would also be an ideal location for a radio transmitter capable of calling out to any other survivors. Just as there is strength in numbers for zombies, there is strength in numbers for survivors. Another point to consider is we know these facilities are abandoned, thus there will be no zombies that have been locked underground just waiting to chew us up when we go down there.

Finally, an advantage to the Midwest is we know the land there is capable of supporting agriculture. We also know that it is relatively flat. Flat land makes it easy to spot zombies at a distance. We also know that coal is in abundance, especially on derailed trains traveling cross-country, which means we would have a near limitless supply of fuel for electricity, though I must stress that electricity will not be used at all times.

Now comes the depressing part for I am not a man who cannot see the worst case scenario. Say we are driven underground by roving bands of zombies too numerous for us to shoot and kill. There may be no way out. We would have the choice of a slow death or a brutal one at the hands of zombies. This is not an ideal situation, but the Titan missile base's other attributes far outweigh this grim possibility. Consider that the size of the facility allows us many options for storage and sleeping arrangements during periods of heightened alert. It would also provide us with a safe place to wait out long winter months.

While zombies are devious and cunning creatures, they are no match for human ingenuity and technology. Keep in mind that the zombie apocalypse will render much of what we have accomplished useless. But, certain technology may remain viable. An example of this is the GPS satellite system. This is something to ponder in the future, but I think it may be worth exploring the idea of sub-dermal GPS trackers on all survivors. This way we could keep track of everyone and if they are late reporting, we would be able to know where they are. If a person has fallen to zombieism, we would then be able to track roving bands of zombies, and the sacrifice of our fellow survivors may help to keep the rest of us alive.

Even in the zombie apocalypse, knowledge is power. Setbacks must be turned to our advantage. Stay alert, stay alive, and good luck to us all.

Cheers.

Teh Hardcorez

2009-02-05T08:18:00.000-08:00

Now, as many of you may know, I am an avid video game player. I look forward to new games, I read about how to be better in my video games, and I also appreciate the new technologies that go into new games. I suggest games to other people and for the parents at my office, I am their source for knowing what to get their kids. So, while avoiding doing anything resembling work while at work, I came across an interesting article over at IGN. Now, IGN is not exactly a purveyor of stunning literature, but it can be interesting, if for no other reason than sparking debate. But, go ahead and read it yourselves.

http://retro.ign.com/articles/950/950939p1.html

Now, I'm thinking we should just take them in order, hm?

10. Japanese voice acting: This one may actually be a little bit true, but not for the reasons IGN asserts. The thing is, a lot of Japanese games feature children or young teenagers who can charitably be described as having ADHD. So, when games get localized to a western market they tend to get people who have higher voices and can talk super fast. This is annoying. Also, Japanese games are notorious for poor localization. So, combine the two, and you've got bad English voice acting. The Japanese voice acting may be better, but the bar is rather low and, to be honest, they all sound alike.

9. World of Warcraft Pity: I can't speak too much to this one because I don't play games like WoW. I'm afraid I'd never see my credit card again. A fairly legitimate concern. What I will say though is a more experienced player helping a less experienced one is a common occurrence in video games. Most of the time, we are not playing against each other. Many of us also realize that for us to have more fun in our games, we should help others to be better to better challenge ourselves and our own experiences. But, it can turn obnoxious and patronizing, which is where the pity comes in. People who do that only serve to hurt video gaming as a hobby because they serve as a barrier to new players. New players get talked to like they are 5 years old, they get frustrated, they give up, and they then proceed to denigrate the hobby to others. This is bad and if you are going to show pity just so you can prove your hardcore credentials, you are actually hurting your own hobby. Nice job, ass.

8. The Secret Genius of Super Mario Bros. 2: If you seriously find yourself arguing this, then you're a bigger jackass than I thought possible. Everybody knows Sega was better anyway.

7. Final Fantasy VII is Overrated: Absolutely true. Final Fantasy VII is about as overrated as a game can be, but the reason why everybody loved it is because for many people it became their first experience with more mature games that featured complex storylines and more complex gameplay. Squaresoft did make the game more accessible to a broader audience, and by doing so created a legion of people who will rabidly defend the game for all time. This happens quite a bit in games and causes people who think of themselves as hardcore gamers to feel abandoned or betrayed because the game they loved changed so much that it removed the challenge or the feel of the games we originally liked. This fosters backlash from the gaming community and actually causes developers to lose their own legitimacy. For the record, FF7 was the first Final Fantasy game I played.

6. Saturn vs. Playstation: Honestly, I couldn't care less about this one. I didn't own a Saturn. I will say though that all platforms are inferior to the PC.

5. The Grand Theft Auto III Aftermath: They say that imitation is the highest form of flattery. If you liked GTA3 (and a lot of you did) then its aftermath isn't that bad. If you thought it was an interesting game but not the be all - end all of gaming, then yes, GTA3 destroyed gaming. Certain games come to define their genres and break them in such a way that everybody tries to be like them. This is actually more common than one might think. We recently looked at FF7, and for many gamers, the aftermath of FF7 was just as destructive as the aftermath of GTA3. For many other people, Halo became the game that broke first person shooters and even today Halo clones are everywhere on every console. World of Warcraft broke the massively multiplayer online RPG and almost singlehandedly murdered the entire genre. GTA3 was a genre-defining game. Some would even argue it invented a new genre entirely and nowadays every game has to have an "open world" format as developers of entirely different genres try to shoehorn the one innovative piece of GTA3 into every game out there.

4. Shmups are Real Shooters: Who cares? But this actually leads into a bigger point that I'll deal with soon.

3. Japanese RPG's vs. Western RPG's: Ah yes, this one is my favorite. I love RPG's. Love them. And I used to love JRPG's. But then something happened. I played a western RPG and knew WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON! If you play video games, you've probably played games like Onimusha, Devil May Cry, Metal Gear Solid, and other big name brands that carry a lot of weight. But you know what they all have in common? Their stories are completely fucking incomprehensible. Another problem with JRPG's is they all feature teenagers trying to save the world for some reason. Now, I've read that the Japanese developers feel that teenagers are a symbolic choice because the life of a teen and their maturation also represents the maturation of the hero in the story. Some of them are even frustrated with that mechanic but feel they are trapped in it because that's what Japanese gamers expect. My response? Fuck. That. Shit. Now, the IGN post claims that by removing choice, JRPGs are a more pure experience. But, my problem with this contention is that the stories are so bad or so poorly told that why would you want to make it more pure? Plus, this concept leaves out the notion that the ultimate ending point of a western RPG is just as scripted, but by choosing our own way there, the game resonates more and leaves a more lasting experience. I mentioned in #4 that I was going to come to a larger point. Here it is: many JRPG's feature some game mechanic that requires either rote memorization or a giant spreadsheet in order to effectively use it. Memorizing firing patterns in a shooter is an example. Another example is Rikku from FF10 who could turn items in other things in the middle of combat. Some magazine published the key to this and it was literally a poster sized spread sheet that cross referenced every item in the game with every other item. I'm sorry, but if I have to consult a spread sheet in order to get the most out of a character, that is not fun. That is work. While I used to be an ardent JRPG player, and, indeed a big proponent of Japanese games in general, Western developers have caught up to and surpassed their Japanese counterparts in gameplay, story, and characterization. This may be the reason why Japanese developers are seeing their market share fall as well as their national prestige.

2. Halo's Pistol: Absolute bullshit. Halo's pistol was like a semi-automatic sniper rifle with a zoom on it that you could run around with and not lose accuracy. Everybody was good with it. If everybody is good at something then the true test of who is better is not skill, its luck. Also, since everybody started with the pistol, there was no reason to use much of anything else in the game and much of the strategy that generally goes into choosing one's weapon was lost. Balancing a game so there are no super weapons means skill becomes a very important aspect of the game. The pistol was overpowered and anybody who says otherwise is probably the guy who keeps getting shotgunned in Halo 3.

1. ...and the Wii Defense: This one could actually be true. I'm willing to give this one time. However, my issue with the argument is it assumes there are games worth playing on the Wii. Are there? Yes. Are there enough to justify my picking up the system? No. Many of the games released on the Wii are simple party games. Thats not necessarily Nintendo's fault. Nobody really knows how to make a game for the Wii that utilizes the controls in a compelling fashion. Also, a severe limitation for the Wii is its lack of processing power. Why would I want to play a game on the Wii when the same game has come out on another system and looks about a hojillion times better, has better gameplay, and also has more online capability? The Wii defense could be accurate if there were anything to defend. Maybe with the Wii 2. Or is that the Wii II?

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

2009-01-29T23:41:00.000-08:00

Its been awhile hasn't it. Well, I have excuses but those hardly matter. I mean, things change, things fall apart, and things come together. Its a quarter to 3 AM and I can't sleep so I decided to put something back together. Welcome back to the blog that rarely makes sense but has a lot of fun in the process. Barack Obama is the President of the United States. How cool is that? I got a bit part in that whole campaigning. I can say I took part in some ads for him. I froze my ass off at Inauguration too. Look back at the blog and you'll see we were big fans of Obama way back. I can't help it. I'm from Chicago. So onto the future. More politics because I can't help it. More absurd pop culture because I love it. People are hilarious, beautiful, tragic, and absurd.

I spent a lot of time on this blog hating Republicans and Joementum Lieberman. I really didn't like President Bush. I really still don't like President Bush. Does that mean, I wouldn't be critical of the Obama Administration? Are you kidding? I'm not Rush Limbaugh (more on that later). I'll probably still be angry at the Bush Administration for quite awhile. I'm still open to mocking Democrats and being annoyed with my own party. No one hates on Democrats like other Democrats. So with that in mind, onto the list!

1. Rush Limbaugh is the leader of the GOP? Ha, that's pathetic. This a guy who once said he didn't like liberals rooting against America's success and now, says he wants President Obama to fail. That's leadership! Limbaugh looks out only for Limbaugh. Game on GOP. You got played on the bipartisan game. By not even trying to support President Obama's stimulus package with a single vote after he went out of his way to talk, the Republicans just look petty. I was wrong when I got angry about the lack of Republican support. I still don't think working with them is productive because if their new leader is Limbaugh, then good luck on substantive debate. However, President Obama is far better at this political game than anyone in the GOP.

2. Yup, my former governor is a joke. Literally. His hair, the way he talks, and his circus is absolutely hilarious. Rod Blagojevich is a character that no one would believe if he were in a novel or movie. Oh wait, been there done that. All the King's Men. Read the book, watch the original movie, and please for God's sake don't go near the Sean Penn movie. Its like Milk except really, ungodly, bad. Blago was impeached and can never work in politics again. I smell Jerry Springer like show for him if he survives his criminal aspect. See his begging for his job on the IL Senate Floor for a good time....okay, I wouldn't wish that on anyone except political nerds.

3. I still hate Bill O'Reilly. Waterboard him and then let's talk what is torture and what isn't.

4. Wait, can we really reach 60 votes in the Senate? Judd Gregg, Republican Senator from New Hampshire, is apparently a front runner for commerce secretary. New Hampshire has a Democratic governor that appoints replacements as of right now. So if Al Franken (ha yeah, I know, kinda hilarious, kinda awesome) gets his seat as he should and the NH governor, we can get to 60. Crazy huh. Somehow I'm sure we'll screw this up.

5. Okay to the fun stuff. Does this woman look 27?

No, this isn't me just being weird because that's always a possibility. But this woman actually fooled John Cleese into believing she as 27. Don't get me wrong, she looks good. But she's really 45. Cleese broke up with her upon finding out the truth. I'm pretty sure everyone should play a game with John Cleese to see what else they can convince him of believing. Make him believe a toaster is actually his pet cat! Or that Amy Winehouse lives a healthy lifestyle! Maybe convince him that the show Lost is actually the director's cut of Life of Brian!

6. I'm watching Smallville at 3:30 AM and its a real strange realization that I don't like Lana Lang and would like her character to die off. Its a sad realization because I find Kristen Kruek to be extremely hot. She's in my top ten and I generally like the eye candy bit. But man, I'm done with her especially with the new plotline. PS, yes I love the show Smallville. Judge at will.

7. Speaking of women, can someone please explain why people like Renee Zellweger? She squints too much and really shouldn't be a lead love interest in movies.

8. Lindsay Lohan has breached the "if you open up a window, she'll go flying out and be sucked into an airplane engine" thin. Its too bad. Sorry Olk, she's losing the attractive bit fast. On a lighter note, she's apparently into very unattractive people like Samantha Ronsen or how ever you spell it because I don't care enough to look it up. My brother saw them both in Chicago a few months ago and was convinced Samantha was a guy. She also is losing work fast too. Remember Mean Girls...that was so long ago.

9. I'm still mourning that David Tennant is going to stop being the Doctor from Doctor Who. Doctor Who sky rocketed into one of my favorite series all time. Still have a series of long specials this year before he exits. Martha Jones is coming back soon. She's hot, smart, and really good at being the Doctor's companion so I can be happy with that.

10. I love movies among the crazy amount of things I adore for barely a decent reason. I always go to movies. I've been running through the Oscar movie nominations and will talk about each of the best pictures in upcoming posts. Stay tuned. I'm back. PS, Slumdog Millionaire is my pick for best picture but we'll get back to that later. Well its almost 4 AM so I'm off to sleep. I'll post maybe tomorrow or the next day. Good night!

Happy Birthday and Mourn the Disaster

2008-05-14T07:02:00.000-07:00

Sixty years ago on this day, the British Mandate of Palestine ended and Israel gained its independence. So Happy Birthday Israel. I'll admit I'm a bit of an interesting case with Israel. I'm not Jewish, nor am I from Israel, nor am I an evangelical Christian who seems to think that Israel is needed for the return of Jesus due to an apocryphal text that people take too seriously and was actually written much after the Book of Revelation. I support Israel for a lot of reasons and its remarkable that the state has survived this long. Israel is a democracy that is the last refuge place for Jews in the world in case the worst happens again. It also needs to be the beacon of hope for those people who have no where else to go. Their free press is as remarkable as ours can be. They develop high tech advancements for the world. I admire their courts for challenging their executive branch when they need to but that doesn't mean I support their decisions all the time. For Palestinians, this day begins the Al-Naqba (Disaster). Its people's ability to view history, deny others' history, and create their own, that drives conflict. The settlements, dehumanization of people, and militarization in order to secure peace are all things I can't see helping. Two-state solution is the hope. Its funny that Ehud Olmert, once a right of the right wing of Israel, has become the hope for a two state solution. Its also ironic that he'll be brought down by a scandal that is the norm for the Bush Administration hacks. So wow 60 years and we'll probably be back to square one in a few months when crazy settlement hungry fools take over.

1. Mississippi 1! Holy crap, another goes Dem where honestly we shouldn't be winning. Congrats Travis Childers. He won big too. I would not want to be in RNC meetings today.

2. The new slogan for the Republican Party is "the change you deserve." Really? I mean Really? I don't get it. I mean, the change from the disaster you created? Over at other liberal leaning blogs, because we're all pill poppers and who need to solve their problems through medical wonders (okay not really...I mean I'm probably the only one at MBKUND that thinks pills are great and those liberal bloggers aren't pill poppers) anyway back on topic, at the other blogs, they've found that "the change you deserve" is the slogan of an anti depression med called Effexor XR aka Venaflaxine. Its supposed to help with anxiety, depression, and panic attacks. The FDA has taken issue with Effexor not being able to substantiate its claims. I find this hilarious because this Effexor can't substantiate its claims nor can the Republican Party. I love it.
3. Next presidential cycle, I want to put up a lawn chair in West Virginia and just interview people on their voting choice. Yeah Hillary won West Virginia. But these people's responses were just amazing. Hearing about not voting for the "colored" candidate or not voting for the woman is just priceless.

4. Bill O'Reilly flipping out in some old Inside Edition clip made my week. Its been removed from youtube because god forbid, you find out that Bill O'Reilly is an ego maniac wackjob with weird sexual fantasies about producers whom he pays off and assumes he's innocent because he paid her off.

5. Racist? You bet it is.

6. So, yeah, I saw a preview for Woody Allen's new movie where Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz get it on...yup...you finish this on the list.

7. How does Britney Spears have a license? She hit another car again. Honestly, I don't understand this. She had her license taken away (GOOD) and they gave it back later (BAD).

No, I haven't watched How I Met Your Mother this week yet where she came back.

8. Drew Barrymore is a bad ass...okay not really but this is a bit crazy. Apparently, someone hit and run her car and she took off after him. I keep envisioning French Connection/Bourne Identity car chase. Now, is this a good idea to chase someone down after an accident? Probably not since that person might be crazy. Crazy meets crazy and boom Amy Winehouse!

9. Someone should monitor my blood pressure when HBO airs the movie Recount about Florida in 2000. Anyone sitting near me might suffer collateral damage when I throw stuff at TV and yell things that'll ensure my place in hell.

10. PLAYLIST!

1. Our House (Cover) by Jacaranda. Look for the Top Gun reference in the song.
2. Living Well is the Best Revenge by REM. Its off the new album Accelerate that's pretty good.
3. Ready to Go by Republica. I just watched the music video recently and though I get a headache watching it but I forgot I liked this song.
4. Seed 2.0 by the Roots. Yeah, I know but Olker keeps bring up the Roots.
5. Kill the Director by the Wombats. The line of "this is no Bridget Jones" is a hilarious line.
6. Switches by Drama Queen. Its good, trust me.
7. Ca Plane Por Moi by Plastic Bertrand. French rock at its best. Its actually from Belgium but its all the same...
8. New Transmission by the Lostprophets.
9. Such Great Heights (Cover) by Iron and Wine. They turned a poppy fast song into something sweet and melancholy.
10. You Can't Break a Heart and Have It by Frank Black. See it in Forgetting Sarah Marshall for a second.
11. Too Much, Too Young, Too Fast by Airbourne. Yeah it annoys me how much they rip off AC/DC. I mean seriously, no originality. That said, the song is really catchy.

Finally, go watch Doctor Who. Netflix the first season and you'll enjoy it. Its not the same doctor as it is now but its great. The Doctor is pretty much the character I'd love to be most.

Frank Sinatra died 10 years ago on this day. Swing on a star for him.

The New Transmission

2008-05-09T08:41:00.000-07:00

Well I'm back. It took awhile. I suffered through final papers, crazy primaries (that are still going), my quarterlife crisis began last week when I turned 25 on the greatest day of the year, and I'm still livin the dream....Anyway, you may be wondering what exactly got me to this point? Actually, it was an email that Domino's Pizza sent me...Recession buster deal is the title of the email...I mean seriously, Domino's is giving economic analysis with their pizza deals and the scary part is their probably more right than most of the Republicans in power. I was just baffled and kinda just stared at the email with sardonic amusement. I felt the need to spew out my random thoughts on the world and what I've been up to for the past month.
My family invaded DC and we ate the new restaurant attached to the Newseum. It was fantastic though a bit expensive. My table was right next to Rob Lowe's which I thought was hilarious considering my 80s binge going on right now. My brother and I debated on if we were to interrupt his dinner with something. I pushed for either a St. Elmo's Fire joke or a Wayne's World joke like to recommend the creme of some young guy. My brother wanted to go all out Wayne's World and ask about Tia Carrere.
If you don't know, I'm exceedingly proud of Barack Obama. Rock on and let's go. I've got two national ads up hitting John McCain on the economy and his 100 year comment. You can view them at here and here. And with that, onto the list.

1. I'll start with this. I don't hate Hillary Clinton. I actually like her. I think she's smart, tough, and would be worthy of being President if not for Barack Obama. I actually feel sorry for her. Watching her speak after Indiana and North Carolina was a tough thing to do. I don't think she should drop out now. I'd rather it happened after Kentucky since she has a commanding but futile lead there. That said, if she forces through the Florida and Michigan delegates as they stand via changing the rules, I will not vote for her if she somehow became the candidate. I also will be very pissed if she doesn't campaign hard for Obama and allows for McCain to win so she can run in four years again. I will campaign to the ends of the Earth to halt that. Read this, its a great understanding of where we (DemocratIC Party) stand.

2. I'm going to be something of a bipartisan on this thing. Myanmar "government" FUCK YOU. How could you? They began seizing the goods the UN brought in. There's this part of me that wants to give their junta an ass kicking. I know its not a good idea but my god, an official has said that it could be 100,000 people may be dead from the cyclone. So as I said HOW COULD YOU!?

3. On that note, I was watching the First Lady on TV as she was supposed to talk about that whole public diplomacy aspect of deploying aid and what she was going to do and such. Y'know First Lady stuff. Y'know what she talked about instead? Her daughter's wedding....I can't wait till they're out of the White House. It really represents a lot of what the Bush Administration has been. Everything is about them and nothing else.

4. In case you thought the world was getting better, Hezbollah has seized western parts of Beirut in Lebanon. The civil war that really has existed in Lebanon for most of the 20th century in some way and into the 21st century is something that either Barack Obama and John McCain will have to handle. Israel will need to confront this sadly again. Every decade it seems Israel has had to attempt to stabilize Lebanon through armed force and end up making it worse.

5. Speaking of Israel, most of you know that I have a lot of interest in the region, Prime Minister Ehud Olmert is/was a positive force for peace. I mean, he really did want to work for it with Abu Mazin (Mahmoud Abbas) of the Palestinians. It looks like we're entering into the post Olmert era. He's being investigated for bribery and corruption charges and it looks like that's the last straw for left, center, and right in their political spectrum. The funny thing is that the next election will have all failed former PMs running...can you imagine if former Presidents decided to run again in the US? Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, George HW Bush, and even George W. Bush all running on different parties?

6. PS. Barack Obama does not = Hamas douchebags. John McCain's statement is horrific and pathetic.

7. I wonder if the right wing will pick on Cindy McCain for not releasing her tax records like they did Teresa Kerry. For the record, I was against the hesitance to release Teresa Kerry's tax records. But isn't John McCain the maverick who is about open government? I'm also wondering which of his 8 houses I like the most but aren't on his tax records. That private jet is pretty sweet too.

8. Onto more important news, a moment of silence, Scarlett Johansson is engaged to Ryan Reynolds. Good for him. Sadness for everyone else. I'm still a Natalie Portman guy if I had to choose.

9. I saw Iron Man for my birthday. What the hell are you doing if you're reading this and haven't seen it? I loved it. A great comic book movie.

10. Band that I think you should be listening to and you're probably not. The Wombats. Kill the Director is really enjoyable as is Moving to New York.

11. Amy Winehouse got arrested again...yeah I'm almost bored with her now.

12. How did Britney Spears get more visitation rights for her kids? I mean so she's got a guest spot on How I Met Your Mother and looks less crazy. Don't care, she still hasn't quite gotten past the "hey I lost my kids to an out of work back up dancer who is king of the douches."

13. Erin Andrews shares my birthday I learned recently. Once again, my day is the greatest day of the year. ESPN even talked about it. If you don't know who Erin Andrews is....google image. She may be perfect. Hot and can talk about sports. Now if she can make nonsensical pop culture references...well god damn.

14. So someone asked me recently, "would you like a girl more if she were a Cub fan?" I said it helps.

15. I hate Cedric Benson.

16. One of my room mates looks like he could be in the movie American History X.

17. I have a video camera now...beware.

By bullets or by drugs?

2008-04-08T08:45:00.000-07:00

Okay, so its been a while since I've been on here. I haven't really had much to say and I generally like to write with a point. That being said, I come to you with a new contest! This one however will not be in the form of a poll, but rather in the comments section. We here at Mr. Brooks Knocked Up Nancy Drew are starting a Celebrity Death Pool!

The rules are simple. We have three categories of people. Music celebs, TV and movie celebs, and professional sports celebs. Through the dedicated work of our crack team of Fun-gineers (ie. Chris) we have come up with 5 names in each category. You pick a name from each category, and that is your first person to die in that category. Then, you pick one person from among your category winners. That person is your choice to be the first of the fifteen to die. Now, some of you may have others on your mind that you think are going to kick it first, and thats okay. You may pick someone not on the list, but they have to die from self-destructive behavior. For instance, you could not have picked Charleton Heston because he was old. You also can't pick someone with cancer or anything like that. They have to die because they are a total fuck-up. Additionally, your person must fit into one of the three categories. I'm banning Paris Hilton because she doesn't have a career, she just pretends she does. I haven't decided what you'll win yet, but I am totally willing to put money on this. Make your selections in the comment section. Now, on to your lovely contestants!

Music:
Pete Doherty: I think one of my department's interns put it best. Every picture you see of Pete Doherty is at some weird time and he's on coke or crack or smack or some other concoction that really doesn't belong in your body. Its only a matter of time before he OD's or gets involved in a drug dispute.

Blake Fielder-Civil: Ah yes, the husband of Amy Winehouse, who is currently in jail. You would think that being in jail would make him less likely to be on this list, but you would be wrong! If I remember correctly, he was put on suicide watch because he tried to hang himself, and he's still getting tons of drugs. Does he make it through his prison term?

Amy Winehouse: Because the couple that fucks up its life together, is the couple that dies together. Seriously, how many pictures of this chick have you seen where she looks like she's on crazy pills? About a billion? Lets go with about a billion. Hell, they wouldn't even let her in the United States to attend the Grammy's because she's so drugged out of her mind. And we love drugs here in the US! How is that possible? I'm personally saying within 6 months.

Britney Spears: Now, I know it seems like she's gotten her life together, but how long can she keep that going? How long before she has a relapse? How long before she accidentally eats one of her own children? This little tale will either end in a police stand-off or a murder-suicide pact. Either way, its going to be all over the news.

Keith Richards: The man has defied the odds for who knows how many decades but how long can he keep doing it? I mean, for God's sake, he looks like Skelator! Even he knows he's living on borrowed time. So when do the decades of drug use finally catch up with our wily veteran?

I'll admit, I was half tempted to put Tupac on this list. We all know he's not really dead. He's just hiding and biding his time.

TV/Film:
Lindsay Lohan: Firecrotch is burning through men at about the same speed she's burning through bottles of Everclear and DUI's. I'm guessing that the way she goes is she drunkenly takes a header off of someone's beach house into a as-yet-unfillled pool. That way we get one last bikini spread of the former Mean Girl.

Robert Downey Jr.: Once again, we got someone who has, by all appearances, turned his life around. But once he's between projects, or just a little bored, how long before he starts hitting the sauce or other, more illicit, substances and slams his car into a building. Personally, I'm rooting against this one because I want there to be an Ironman 2. Nobody ever said that my reasons had to be altruistic or value human life or blah blah blah.

Mischa Barton: She had one good role ever and then got herself kicked off the show because she was a bitch and a problem to deal with. I'm guessing that she gets strangled by someone who's defense will be "the bitch deserved it." At which point the judge will shrug his shoulders, agree, and everyone goes home. And another forgettable TV starlet fades away.

Owen Wilson: He's severely depressed and tried to kill himself. Plus, have you seen his nose? That right there is something to be depressed about. Also, he keeps having roles in Wes Anderson films and that has just got to fuck with your mind.

Heather Locklear: Yeah, I'll bet you didn't see this one coming, did you? Apparently, last year, she attempted to commit suicide and her therapist had to call the police last year to stop her. It never really got any play in the media because they covered it up. Its hard to age gracefully for some people. But if I were a betting man (and I am), I would say that a stalker from her Melrose Place days finally gets close enough.

Pro Sports:
This is actually my favorite category. In the previous two categories its been a question of who is going to kill themselves with drugs and alcohol. In this category its a question of who forces the police to kill them with bullets. Hey, every good contest needs a splash of violence, right?

Adam "Pacman" Jones: This guy is one of your world-class fuck-ups. He was banned from the NFL for a year because he committed so many crimes. And lets not forget that he decided to "make it rain" in a strip club, which then resulted in a gun battle taking place. He's a ticking timebomb that is likely to get killed outside a strip club at 3am.

Chris Henry: This particular gem has been arrested 5 times since he entered the NFL in 2005. Almost all of those arrests have been for violent crimes such as assault and drawing a gun on a college student. He was just recently arrested again for assault and during his bail hearing the judge called him a "one man crime wave." As a result, the Cincinatti Bengals cut him from the team. Violent tendencies plus nothing to do? I smell chalk outlines.

Jose Conceco: How about Jose? He's the single most hated man in all of baseball right now. Not only that, but there are rumors that he's made some rather bad business deals with gentleman who may or may not hail from Sicily. I'm just saying. The rules for Conseco might have to be a bit different. If he randomly disappears and stays disappeared for about 3-5 months, I'm willing to say he's been fitted for a pair of cement shoes and dropped off a pier.

Allen Iverson: Not only is he a gangsta' rapper, but he's also got a somewhat violent past from his time in Philadelphia. He's another poster boy for his past catching up to him. While he has kept his nose clean recently, it is hard to give up a lifetime of bad associations and bad decisions. Plus he's being sued for a 2005 brawl. Brawls never go away.

Ron Artest: Malice in the Palace! Ron Artest is probably the craziest motherfucker in the NBA. He's probably going to get shanked sooner rather than later. He's unpredictable, he's tempermental, and he probably doesn't back down. I predict death by stabbing, actually.

So there you have it folks. Those are our 15 contestants. Make your choices known in the comments section and watch your newspaper.

Make Gentle the Life of this World

2008-04-04T09:02:00.000-07:00

Ladies and Gentlemen - I'm only going to talk to you just for a minute or so this evening. Because...

I have some very sad news for all of you, and I think sad news for all of our fellow citizens, and people who love peace all over the world, and that is that Martin Luther King was shot and was killed tonight in Memphis, Tennessee.

Martin Luther King dedicated his life to love and to justice between fellow human beings. He died in the cause of that effort. In this difficult day, in this difficult time for the United States, it's perhaps well to ask what kind of a nation we are and what direction we want to move in.

For those of you who are black - considering the evidence evidently is that there were white people who were responsible - you can be filled with bitterness, and with hatred, and a desire for revenge.

We can move in that direction as a country, in greater polarization - black people amongst blacks, and white amongst whites, filled with hatred toward one another. Or we can make an effort, as Martin Luther King did, to understand and to comprehend, and replace that violence, that stain of bloodshed that has spread across our land, with an effort to understand, compassion and love.

For those of you who are black and are tempted to be filled with hatred and mistrust of the injustice of such an act, against all white people, I would only say that I can also feel in my own heart the same kind of feeling. I had a member of my family killed, but he was killed by a white man.

But we have to make an effort in the United States, we have to make an effort to understand, to get beyond these rather difficult times.

My favorite poet was Aeschylus. He once wrote: "Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God."

What we need in the United States is not division; what we need in the United States is not hatred; what we need in the United States is not violence and lawlessness, but is love and wisdom, and compassion toward one another, and a feeling of justice toward those who still suffer within our country, whether they be white or whether they be black.

(Interrupted by applause)

So I ask you tonight to return home, to say a prayer for the family of Martin Luther King, yeah that's true, but more importantly to say a prayer for our own country, which all of us love - a prayer for understanding and that compassion of which I spoke. We can do well in this country. We will have difficult times. We've had difficult times in the past. And we will have difficult times in the future. It is not the end of violence; it is not the end of lawlessness; and it's not the end of disorder.

But the vast majority of white people and the vast majority of black people in this country want to live together, want to improve the quality of our life, and want justice for all human beings that abide in our land.

(Interrupted by applause)

Let us dedicate ourselves to what the Greeks wrote so many years ago: to tame the savageness of man and make gentle the life of this world.

Let us dedicate ourselves to that, and say a prayer for our country and for our people. Thank you very much. (Applause)

Robert F. Kennedy - April 4, 1968

John McCain voted against MLK Day in 1983 so you know

and

Happy Birthday Olker.

The gods are too fond of a joke

2008-04-01T07:11:00.000-07:00

Last night was amazing TV. This is not April Fool's. Let's start with Greek. I love this show mainly because its great for a large audience. The major storyline of this episode of Greek is the Great Gatsby Party where the Dean is there. I love the retro story of the Prohibition era attempting to dodge authority due to having alcohol. The lead characters are holding two parties one which is dry and just a front and the downstairs which is a speak easy. All of them are in costume and I thought it was just hilarious that this storyline can be used on college campuses now. Now for the best moment...its legendary! Cameron from Ferris Bueller's Day Off is the dean! I leaped out of my seat as Ashleigh has a conversation with Cameron (I don't care about the actor's name nor his name on the show) about how Ferris Bueller is the the Great Gatsby of our generation! I got so excited about this it was sickening. I sickened myself! I know, it should happen more often but doesn't.
Now for the second great moment of TV last night, How I Met Your Mother is the funniest show on TV when the Office isn't around and at times it does give it a run for its money. Last night was a great episode but what made it amazing was at the end of the episode NPH (Neil Patrick Harris to the uninformed) did a Doogie Howser computer segment ending with "what I learned about myself is....I'm awesome." I seriously was cheering as I watched the dvred episode.

1. Now I'm kinda pissed, I caught part of the Daily Show last night. Jon Stewart is money but he had a great segment how success in the Iraq is when violence is rising and when its falling according to the White House apparently. Its kinda funny when you see the clip. But it made me angry because the White House is still full of shit. I honestly am horrified that there are people who think things will be different if they voted for McCain. He's exactly the same. Around 30 % approve of the President and around 42 % are supporting McCain. So 30% are complete morons and 12% are in denial morons.

2. I saw a puppet show where a Hamas puppet video where a Palestinian boy blames Israel and the US for the death of his family and then proceeds to stab the President Bush puppet with the sword of Islam. It is noted that the President repents and agrees to convert to Islam. The boy after stabbing the President then claims the goal is to make the White House a mosque. This is why we aren't winning in the world. We have no communication with the Muslim world of any meaningful value outside of blowing up Iraq, torturing Muslims, continued support of ineffectual Palestinian/Israeli policies, and a remarkable amount of bad policies.

3. Baseball is back! I love the sport. So when President Bush threw out the first pitch at the Nats opener for their new stadium, I'm actually okay with it. However, I did love that President Bush aka Bubble President had to feel what a nonvetted worshiping crowd was like. I don't think I've seen someone booed that heavily by that many people in some time. What does that say about the status of President Bush? To think there are people who will support Senator McCain who is Bush III.

4. So Tammy Baldwin is the only gay woman in Congress. Congress allows for members to take along spouses to fact finding missions....so...you see the problem when Tammy Baldwin is going to take her partner on a mission and then the military blocks it... absolutely ridiculous. Nancy Pelosi intervened with Secretary Gates to fix it. Even Republicans were okay with Baldwin bringing in her spouse. Not sure if this is a "Don't ask don't tell" Pentagon problem or from another segment of the Executive Branch. I've heard both.

5. Mike Myers has a new movie coming out this summer called the "Love Guru." Apparently, he didn't get the memo that people are very tired of the Borat impressions. This movie is about an Indian love guru. Second best in India...yeah Mike Myers needs to do Wayne's World again...okay maybe he's a bit old...So I Married an Axe Murder 2?

6. What the hell happened to Lara Flynn Boyle's face? She was on Law and Order a few weeks ago and I remember just not being able to look at the screen when she was on and she was supposed to be a sexy, scheming reporter.

This is a comparison photo. Now and 2001
She was cute when she was on the Practice though if you opened a window, she'll float away.

7. REM has a new album out and apparently its amazing. I've got it back home so I'll listen to it then but good for them. As part of my I'm stuck in another era bit, REM and U2 are bands I love and REM has fallen off for a bit. Also the Raconteurs have a new album out that I really like. I'm going to see them with my brother aka Feebleman at the end of May.

8. Barack Obama is a terrible bowler. I feel I need a few drinks in me and I'm decent. I think I have an in for the campaign. I wonder if Hillary Clinton can bowl? I'm pretty sure McCain can't physically.

9. Battlestar Galactica is back this week! Best show on TV. Seriously, not even close to joking. Go buy the DVDs and reward yourself for having some taste.

10. I want to see Leatherheads still this week. Anyone want in?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WINSTON! Winston, the Basset Hound turned 10 today!

Love your madness, please go on.

2008-03-28T06:32:00.000-07:00

So its been a bit. I've had a ton of work. So its Friday and no I'm not in love...Anyway, this week saw the return of one of my favorite shows of the new shows of last year came back. Greek. Yes, I do really enjoy the show as do many of my friends. I was in the Greek system at AU. Apparently, I'm always supposed to be a Greek. Well, that I'm not too sure of that but many of my friends are from my time in Greek life. I don't think of them as Greeks and I don't really see as many brothers anymore. Anyway, Greek is back and enjoyable. Yes, Spencer Grammer and Dilshad Vadsaria are eye candy on an extraordinary level. Dibs for those wondering. The show really is a lot of fun for those who really liked Superbad. I feel many of my friends would make good Kappa Taus which I find funny. Go watch. The DVD season 1 is really cheap.

1. So how about that unending primary season? Should we start calling it a secondary after Super Tuesday happened? How about tertiary for this point? I really want it to end soon. There really isn't a chance that Hillary can statistically enter the convention leading. She's hoping that Obama has a dead hooker in his brief case I guess. I've been making Bosnia sniper jokes all week about Hillary's wacky memory. I really do think there should be a skit of Hillary talking about how she saved LA from a nuclear weapon and someone says, Senator Clinton that was season 1 of 24 not you. Then she starts talking that she made a mistake and then proceeds to describe season 3 of 24. Maybe she retells Die Hard.

2. Have you noticed we label our candidates by ethnicity, skin color, gender, and sanity (Mike Gravel, Dennis Kucinich, 85% of the Republican field) but not age? Seriously, McCain is 72 years old. He gave a speech talking about that he was five when he heard about Pearl Harbor happening. I mean, really? I mean, even Reagan wasn't as old as McCain is when he became president. Americans are voting for a VP if they vote for McCain.

3. John McCain and Hillary Clinton aren't that great on the economy. McCain is border line stupid actually using vague notions and laughing to himself that he doesn't know anything about the economy so there's that. Hillary Clinton wants to put together a group headed by Alan Greenspan to fix the economy. Umm...Yeah...Alan Greenspan is part of the problem. Some call him the architect of the current situation. Not a good idea. This isn't the 90s. I love the 90s but don't think you can push the reset button. Until we have a flux capacitor, we're not going back to the 90s...though that'd be awesome.

4. FAUX Suffering! Some think I enjoy Faux feeling antiquated. That should be everyone. Maybe they need to become a real news station instead of an ad in the Starship Troopers movie. Faux is tabloid journalism at its worst because I know the tabloids at least know what they are. Faux is just a monster. Yeah I said it. Monster! AHHHH! Real Monsters! Okay I'll stop.

5. I finally watched How I Met Your Mother that had Britney Spears. I actually thought it was really good. Reviewers are liking it too but I actually attribute it to people finally watching the show because it is the most funny show on TV next to the Office but it rivals that at times. Britney Spears played this clingy crazy...holy god that wasn't acting. Watch for the Ted gets a mustache part. I nearly died mainly because I've had ideas on that.

6. Here is yet another example on why Jon Stewart is better than all of us. He's been quietly visiting wounded veterans of the Iraq and Afghanistan War. Bill O'Reilly tells the whole world about his support. Most of these loud mouthed pundits like to do that with all the chutzpah they can muster. Jon Stewart does it on his own and doesn't need to.

7. The Bear Stearns CEO dumped his stock and got 61.3 million from it. John Edwards liked talking about two Americas. Tell me that isn't two Americas. Bear Stearn survives the Great Depression, World War 2, the Cold War, and is brought down during the Bush Economy of Piss on you Economics. The Bear Stearn stock became worthless ruining so many people's lives and yet the CEO walks away with 61.3 million. Fuck you, James Cayne, CEO Chairman. Go join the Enron execs that are with Cassius in hell.

8. Oh, I want to know how the "Surge" aka escalation is working? There is no such term as a surge in warfare assholes. Anyway, there's a "surge" of violence now in Iraq. So no political development, no infrastructure forming, and now the military situation looks bad. Thanks.

9. Best Buy opened in my neighborhood! Seriously, I'm ecstatic. Now there's a Target, Best Buy, and there will be a Potbelly's soon. I'm going to be broke but happy with it.

10. The Tudors is back this weekend. The show had remarkably hot women of course but that isn't why I liked the show. I really enjoy the show because it does capture some of the characters really well. I thought Sam Neil's Wolsey was utterly intriguing and I sympathized with someone who has been considered a villain in the narrative. In fact, I actually agreed with him. I also related with the other villain Charles V who we don't see very often but is most fearsome figure of the age. He's one of my favorite people in history though he did sack Rome and was just an amazing figure. The show has violence, sex, interesting concepts, and it portrays an era that is alien yet not to us.

11. I'm going to confess that I watched about three episodes of the L Word recently. It is a terrible show. I mean, I thought hey lesbians, I'll watch. Its edgy and sorts. God its awful. People whine throughout the show about fake problems. Its like they've been playing off the edgy oohhh...the L word, you think its lesbian but its actually love but we'll keep it about lesbians in love. I hated it. It takes a lot for me to hate attractive girls in a series especially if they're hooking up and all. What is up with Jennifer Beals too? She obviously uses a body double for much of it and she really is a bad actress. The Shane character was probably the most entertaining. Katharine Moennig is the actress. All she does is hook up and mock people which seems alright by me.

12. Upcoming movies I want to see. Part of me wants to see 21 for some reason. I need someone to suggest it before I do it though. I do want to see Leatherheads mainly because it reminds me of old movies.

13. Downloads? Go download Shiny Toy Guns' Rainy Monday. I liked it.

14. Riddle me this. Coincidence that the Australian PM is here? Probably

4,000

2008-03-24T08:57:00.001-07:00

a collage of the 4,000 dead Americans in Iraq someone made. You're going to need a bigger collage for the civilians.

Celebrity News

2008-03-20T13:30:00.000-07:00

I have a bit of a pet peeve. I can't stand people who are obsessed with celebrity gossip. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind people who know what celebrities are up to, in fact I encourage people to have an idea what is going on in pop culture. What I can't stand is people with an obsession.

There is a girl I work with who we will call K.T. for the purpose of the story so that nobody knows here real name (it's Katie). Recently, while I was trying to eat my biscuit bowl from KFC, I had to spend the entire thirty minutes I had for lunch listening to her talk about the celebrity news in her magazine (people, star, tiger beat, something along those lines). I don't understand how you can not only spend your entire lunch break wanting to know why Britney can't get her kids back, but also assuming everyone (or anyone) else in the employee lounge cares. It did lead to this conversation between K.T. and me:

K.T.: Look at this picture of Good Charlotte.
Me: Good Charlotte sucks
K.T.: Hey, I went to high school with those guys.
Me: Then you should know they suck.

I also have an issue with the "celebrities, they're just like us" section. Recently, there was a photo of some B-list celebrity front row at a Lakers game with the subtitle, "they cheer on their favorite team." I want you to raise your hand if you have ever sat on the front row for a professional basketball game. Noone? That's what I thought. I don't care if they are walking their dog to the grocery store in their sweats like I do. Their dog probably cost them a thousand dollars because it's some purebred posh dog. Mine was free. they are probably walking to some highend grocery store that makes Wholefoods look like it's for poor people. I'm going to Giant. Their sweats are probably Juicy Couture. I stole mine from my roomate. Celebrities are not like us. If they were like us why would anyone care?

On to other things.

1. As many of you may know, Heather Mills did not get nearly as much money as she wanted from Sir Paul McCartney (50 million instead of the 250 million she asked for). I guess the judge felt that in court she didn't have a leg to stand on.

2. For those of you who follow cycling (editors note: Do we have European readers of this blog?) there are two American teams that qualified for the Tour De France. While this news is exciting by itself, the best news is that it brought us this. http://velonews.com/photo/73486 (picture courtesy of our friend Greg)

3. For those of you with the sense of humor of a child (probably a higher chance of that than of us having cycling fans reading this) you'll appreciate the fact that we have a friend named Guy Seemann. While he is in Israel, he had a blog. I assume it will talk about real life issues such as how difficult it is to find a good pulled pork barbeque sandwich in Tel Aviv. http://guyseemann.blogspot.com/

Hard Sun

2008-03-17T08:31:00.000-07:00

President Bush is the luckiest guy. I swear the economy looks terrible with Bear Stearns going down, but y'know what's great? Its March Madness. No one pays attention to news. We just mourned another anniversary of the Iraq War...and how many American deaths are there? 3,988. But what really matters is that Arizona State not making the Big Tournament will be watched more than the news. On a lighter note, AU is a Big Tournament team! Irony huh? I love my hypocrisy. First time ever!

On a separate note, I think I'm in the mood for 80s movies when I get back from Chicago next week after Easter. Sixteen Candles, Breakfast Club, St. Elmo's Fire, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and maybe more.

I also on a semi similar note really want to watch Parker Lewis Can't Lose for some reason. But that's from the 90s.

Downloads of the week.
-Hard Sun by Eddie Vedder on the Into the Wild soundtrack
-I downloaded the entire discography of Flogging Molly
-Bittersweet Symphony cover/remix by Supraliminal

1. Vice President Cheney, Senators John McCain, Lindsay Graham, and Joementum Lieberman are on a campaign I mean investigative trip to Iraq. I'm glad I helped pay for John McCain to campaign...oh wait. I wonder if Dick Cheney is more popular in Iraq than here?

2. NEWSFLASH! Bill Kristol is a douchebag! Oh wait we already knew that. Here's a blatant image of why Bill Kristol isn't a journalist. This him talking about Obama and his less than politically correct pastor.

"But Ronald Kessler, a journalist who has written about Wright’s ministry, claims that Obama was in fact in the pews at Trinity last July 22. That’s when Wright blamed the “arrogance” of the “United States of White America” for much of the world’s suffering, especially the oppression of blacks. In any case, given the apparent frequency of such statements in Wright’s preaching and their centrality to his worldview, the pretense that over all these years Obama had no idea that Wright was saying such things is hard to sustain."

Ah a hit piece...unfortunately, Obama was not there. He was heading to Florida. I heard of this place called google that you can learn this information in seconds. If you're going to do a hit piece, look up your crucial aspects....oh wait Republicans don't do that anymore (ever?) Furthermore, if we're going to judge Obama on people associated with him even tangentially, let's do it to Clinton and McCain. I think the results really do make Wright insignificant compared to the guys hanging around McCain a lot. Clinton too has this problem.

3. Anyone remember Governor McGreevey? Yeah, news on the former governor has popped up again. Damn you Spitzer for thinking you can one up the Greevey! Apparently, McGreevey's lead guy put a new spin on middle man. The former assistant to the governor says that he was involved in several threesomes with the governor and his wife and that there was no way that his wife wouldn't have thought he was gay. Well then...that's...something. Maybe someone hasn't explained what gay means to Dina McGreevey? I mean she probably read the Great Gatsby and is now confused.

4. Heather Mills is getting 48.6 million. Well that's a lot more than the 1.37 drachmas I thought she should get. Paul made out pretty good honestly, I mean she wanted something like 200 million.

5. So I thought this morning that ABBA had street cred and had gone gangster when I heard their drummer had been stabbed in the throat and killed in the Spanish Island of Mallorca. It turns out it was an accidental death.

6. Halle Berry gave birth to a baby girl. Olker has started the countdown to when she's legal...no he hasn't but you could believe this right? Anyway, it would be a tragedy if her daughter wasn't hot when she was ready to be the next 18-25 Hollywood obsession. Though you don't have to be attractive at all to get Hollywood attraction and be the kid of a famous actor. I mean look at Bruce Willis' daughter. I'm not going to post pics because it hurts my eyes.

7. I have never really been into Courtney Cox. But her character on the show Dirt is awesome. I haven't really liked this season but I still think she cracks me up and it is a bit hot how much of a bitch she is. I totally admire her.

8. Well I need 15 seconds back of my life..stat. Like I saw Madonna's new cover of her album and now I'm trying to gouge out my eyes. Not fair, people should warn ahead of time before they go hey chris, take a look. I mean I can handle violence, gore, sexual things, but Madonna? Nope. Now I'm hating the world more than usual. She's still not rock and I'm not posting pics because I look out for the people of Mrbrooksknockedupnancydrewistan.

9. I'd like to point out that though I fall under the Natalie Portman favoritism over Scarlett Johanssen, for 40,100 dollars I'd say it might be worth it to get a date with her. Scott says she'll put out. I mean Eliot Spitzer spent more than that for all his trysts but I feel everyone would forgive him if he just had spent 40,100 on Scarlett only and gotten something out of it. Even his wife would go "wow, really? I guess its alright."

10. So I watched a favorite movie of mine last week. Independence Day. Yeah I know. I enjoyed the hell out of it like I did TWELVE YEARS AGO. Holy god, I'm feeling my 15th midlife crisis when I say that. Anyway, I love that movie. the effects are a bit dated but its so enjoyable. Also Jane from Firefly is in it. I listened to that very bad speech at the end and enjoyed that too. I mean, I've heard worse...okay maybe not. But its fun. I read on Wikipedia that a reviewer thought that the July 4th independence day for the world was the most arrogant thing declared in an American movie ever or something to that accord. I think we've easily topped that easily since then. I actually really enjoy that someone is pissed off about ID4. Another thing I noticed is that though I haven't been to New York since I was like 8 I'm pretty sure the Empire State Building isn't the location where it is in the movie. I'm also not sure how the main alien weapon really works. Like is it supposed to choose a tall building and blow it up and the wave carries like that? Or does it not need a tall building? If it does need a tall building, shouldn't it been at the World Trade Center then? Would this become a more watched movie again if it had been?

11. Just a side note, I probably have mentioned this before or if I haven't cool. I have this concept of a Wikiodyssey. Its when you start on a topic at Wikipedia and see how far you can go choosing topics only on the pages you come across. Like my wikiodyssey started with the Golda Meir and ended up at Giovanni Boccaccio's Decameron? Golda Meir-Munich-Guy who played Caesar on the show Rome-Rome-Julius Caesar-Shakespeare-Cymbeline-Decameron. Try it when you're bored at work. I could have continued for hours after the Decameron but I stopped to post.

I'll have the Stegosaurus, medium-rare

2008-03-11T10:36:00.000-07:00

Do you guys remember that scene from the Flintstones intro when Fred ordered a rack of Brontosaurus ribs from a fast food place and it tipped the car over because it was so big? I’m assuming it was Brontosaurus. It could have been a Diplodocus for all I know. Anyways, aren’t you curious what that might taste like? Or, perhaps maybe you want something a little more contemporary, a little more modern. How about a Rhinoceros? I can hear the cries now. But Scott, those are either extinct or almost extinct! Eating those animals would be some combination of impossible and highly unethical and illegal!

Au con trair mon frair. (Note: I don’t know French and may have butchered the spelling of their surrender language. I don’t care.)

Apparently scientists are getting close to cloning individual muscle groups in animals. You know, lungs, kidneys, hearts, tenderloins. The idea is that instead of raising a cow for slaughter you could instead clone that NY Strip steak and just sell that. A lot of people are uncomfortable with this idea because of the fears of genetically engineered meat, the ethics/slippery slope of cloning, and so on and so forth. Me? I’m enthusiastic about this and want to throw these pioneers of gastric awesomeness as much money as they need to make this a reality. Why?

Haven’t you ever wondered what some of these endangered animals taste like? What might a Giraffe-kabob taste like? How about Rhino Stew with root vegetables. This is to say nothing of the cured versions of these meats. Endangered hot dogs anyone? We could even perhaps modify the Turducken into a completely new homunculus for consumption. And that’s only the animals that still exist.

If Jurassic Park has taught me anything, and it has, it’s that dinosaurs can be cloned. And why not? Right, the horrible amounts of destruction that they wreak across jungle and city environments. There's always that. But thats why we only clone specific muscle groups! Though, we may have to clone a whole dinosaur, raise it, then slaughter it so that we can determine what the most delicious bits are. This may take a couple of generations of trial and error, but thats a temporal sacrifice I'm willing to make. This brings us full circle back to the Flintstones. Who knew that Hanna Barbara would be so prescient?

But, there are questions here that I think are important and have yet to be considered. As has been mentioned in this space before, I loves me some chicken wings. This past Friday, I was part of a group that had a brief discussion on what it means to be a chicken wing. After all, we’ve been seeing boneless chicken “wings” come onto the market recently. But are these really “wings”? We decided that they were not. Eating a chicken wing is not just about the actual wing. Its also about the experience and the moment. One cannot just lift a hunk of chicken up and plop it whole into their mouth (though it is a fun thing to do when you want to horrify your table mates). Rather, you actually have to eat around the bone, making sure that you get the meat and not break your damn teeth. It requires a certain agility and dexterity that we all possess but rarely utilize. I remember when I was a kid boneless chicken “wings” were referred to as chicken tenders. And all of this is nothing to say of the effect that bones have on ribs.

So, now that we have established that in order for a wing to be a wing, it must include a bone, we are left with the question that if we were to clone other birds and make wings out of them, would we also be able to clone the bone structure? If not, we will not have an entire appetizer sub-group available for cloning. And that would be a real shame, because wouldn’t you be interested to know what a Dodo wing tastes like? I know I would.

So long as they only bring me Ranch dressing.

Cheers.

Daylight Saving Time and its War on the American People

2008-03-11T06:03:00.000-07:00

I'm sure foreign people have daylight saving time (We're actually the last nation to pick it up of all the nations in World War I...Ben Franklin didn't create it so I don't hate him). But I don't care about them right now. I'm cranky because I miss my hour of sleep. Sure I'll actually get home with some sunlight on some days, but man, more sleep is far more interesting. So I wanted to declare a fatwa on daylight saving time but apparently I can't...yet.

So last night was the season finale of October Road. It was a ridiculous too. Not only was there a Marissa Tomei reference which caught my attention, but U2 love in it AND.....DRUM ROLL! Stacy Keibler had a guest spot! Honest to god, I don't plan these things. Worst part is I'm actually liking the show. I didn't just watch to mock. Odette Yustman, Stacy Keibler, and a host of other eye candy plus improbable parings and decisions and I'm hooked. This would be awful if I had shame.

So question before the 10, what super hero are you? Batman? Spiderman? Superman? Wonder Woman? Any of those X-men? I've been considering who I would be. I mean I need to be someone who is a smart ass, makes too many pop culture references, and may be amoral or gray area level.

1. Eliot Spitzer! I want to be part of something called the Emperor's Club. Scott and I were debating on who do we know would go to a prostitute. Anyway, I'm actually disappointed in Spitzer. I liked him before he was governor. I think if he used state's money to fund his extracurricular activities then he should fall. I have no problem burning someone for using state's money that way. Its yet another powerful person who really just was reckless. I'm really curious on why David Vitter got it better than Spitzer?

2. So Barack Obama's bad week? Really? I mean he gained 7 Delegates on Hillary and technically won Texas. That's odd, I thought the media hated Hillary and would have pounced on that. Oh wait, they like a narrative. It isn't against Hillary. Its against boredom.

3. Yeah Bill Foster! Beating Jim Oberweis is a Democratic rite of passage in IL. However, this was Denny Hastert's seat. None of you Republicans are safe.

4. Pride, Envy, Gluttony, Lust, Anger, Greed and Sloth felt lonely so we have new sins!
1. 'Bioethical' violations such as birth control
2. 'Morally dubious' experiments such as stem cell research
3. Drug abuse
4. Polluting the environment
5. Contributing to widening divide between rich and poor
6. Excessive wealth
7. Creating poverty
Well, I didn't have much a problem violating the first set of sins. The second set made me laugh at how specific these are. Morally dubious experiments? Was Galileo morally dubious too?

5. I don't like the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I find its defining features as a bit...vague for my tastes. Madonna is not rock and roll...it helps I can't stand her but she is not rock and roll. I heard most of the speeches. Billy Joel and John Mellencamp were really good.

6. I was listening to Howard Stern and he had Pete Burns on the phone. You're asking who?! He did the "You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)" song during the 80s. He apparently is into women's clothes and I had heard this but it shocked everyone in the show that he isn't a woman now like everyone thought. He also has a wife and husband which I'm not sure is legal.

7. Apparently the Earth is gone in 7.59 billion years. Eaten by a red sun, that kinda sucks. I plan on being somewhere else.

8. Kurt Cobain bought a 3.2 million dollar house last year! Oh wait...something fishy

9. Britney Spears is going to be on one of my favorite shows...yeah I know....How I Met Your Mother.

10. 10,000 BC made 37.5 million dollars...I have no idea what its about but it has saber tooth tigers!

A Tribute to Paul Raymond, Porn Baron

2008-03-05T08:27:00.000-08:00

I must say Porn Baron is a great title. Do you suppose there is a ranking system? Porn Lord? Porn King? Porn Emperor? I heard Brian, one of my house mates, is a Porn Squire, recently upgraded from Porn Serf. Anyway,Paul Raymond was worth 1.3 Billion dollars. The Brit knew his audience with such titles as "Yes, We Have No Pyjamas." He died at age 82 and one of the most wealthy British citizens.

Anyway, here is my soundtrack for the average day.
1. Any Other Beauty from American Beauty Soundtrack- Chris wakes up and gets ready.
2. Clocks (String Quartet Instrumental cover of the Coldplay song)- Chris' tedious and repetitive trip to work.
3. Everybody Wants to Rule the World by Tears for Fears- Chris starting the day of work
4. Company in My Back by Wilco- Chris going through meetings in the morning
5. I Need More Allowance by the Beets (Yeah from the Doug cartoon)-Chris realizing that he doesn't get paid enough
6. Believe (Moon version) by the Bravery- Chris losing faith in Democracy
7. Easy Way Out by the Pink Spiders- Chris' co workers thinking that he might be insane
8. Apply Some Pressure by Maximo Park- Chris takes risks and probably fails but hey its worth it
9. Driving in Geneva by Alexandre Desplat from the movie Syriana- Going through the motions
10. Hook Theme Song- Chris in afternoon meeting but in his happy imaginary place actually.
11. You're so Cool from the movie True Romance- Chris is goofing around Gchat and other jokes at work when he's not supposed to.
12. End Credits from Cider House Rules- The day dies down
13. Take the Long Way Home by Supertramp- Chris trying to leave work and taking forever to do so.
14. Touch of Grey by the Grateful Dead- Everything is going to be alright
15. Sound of Settling by Death Cab for Cutie- Relaxing at home
16. Mad World by Gary Jules- Turning on the news and getting ready for bed.

That's my framework for a boring day and a soundtrack

1. Well Hillary pulling out some victories was surprising. She campaigned at those soccer moms scaring them into submission. I don't hate Hillary Clinton, I hate her tactics. I do hate Ohio. They really did just vote for NAFTA woman. She says she's against it but it was listed as one of Bill Clinton's achievements and apparently Hillary was actually president during those years. Impressive victories but the math is against her. She didn't get overwhelming victories. She needs to pull out 70% wins in the next few weeks. Its going to be a rough ride.

2. Remember when Edwards had his own anti Christian friends/employees? The uproar and all that fun? Well John McCain has a pastor who follows him around and introduces him to people and such and he thinks Catholicism is a whore of a cult....Where's the outrage? Oh wait, do you mean that right wing rage is fake? John McCain supporters don't seem phased by it. I guess they think Catholicism is a whore of a cult too because there has been zero resistance. I mean if we use the logic that was used with the Edwards incident that's how it works.

3. Holy nobody puts baby in the corner (yes that is a quote for dirty dancing, those who doubt it are morons and should look it up) Its rumored that Patrick Swayze has pancreatic cancer and only weeks to live. Doctors have told him to be ready...That's crazy sad and I think he'd be the second cast member of Dirty Dancing to suffer cancer (Jerry Orbach being the first I think).

4. Glen Beck honestly asked if Obama could be the anti-Christ. Can someone please tell me how is this man qualified to be commenting on politics on CNN?

5. I hate independents who feel the need to comment on politics and act a certain way i.e. conservatives who don't want to be Republicans because it might look bad so they became "independents." They take all the forms of a Republican or Democratic person but divert maybe on one issue. This whole notion that Joe Lieberman has made independents a good thing is an awful notion. Independents want all the positives of being part of a party but none of the negatives. Have your cake and eat it too. I'm aiming this mostly at the independents who are conservative and agree with Republicans on most things but won't join up because they would have to account for President Bush. So people like Bill O'Reilly, Glen Beck, and all these "independent" voters that keep getting interviewed piss me off.

6. Okay now that I've let that out. Joan Cusack is going to play Isla Fischer's mom in Confessions of a Shopaholic. I mean wow, that's kinda weird that I remember when Joan Cusack was playing people's daughter. But hey I don't think John Cusack is in this movie so take what part you can.

7. So I'll admit I don't get certain brands some times. Like take Louis Vuitton, Scarlet Johannson was the previous spokesperson. Makes sense right. She's sex icon and all. Not as good as Natalie Portman but what are you going to do. Anyway, you know who is replacing her? Keith Richards! Want to look like a burnt burnt burnt rock star?

8. Apparently In Touch magazine is asking of Britney Spears was raped at some point...I'm not sure if this is an honest question or not. I mean is this hey this woman is completely insane this probably happened?

9. I bought video baseball for my PS3. Can you tell I'm excited for baseball? Cubs domination incoming!

10. 10,000 BC comes out this week. I have very little faith in a Roland Emmerich movie where New York isn't destroyed. So they should just put New York there in 10,000 BC so that saber tooth tigers can destroy it

Toasters and other funny things

2008-03-04T07:41:00.000-08:00

Random download of the week: I downloaded Trust from the Batman Soundtrack by Prince...I have no idea why.

So I lost an argument to maybe a 5 year old. I was on the bus going up to Silver Spring and this little girl claimed that this pole on the bus was hers. I said okay, do you have other poles. She said she didn't know but I'm not allowed to have this pole. I asked what happens if I need to use the pole to stop myself from falling. I kept getting images of being kicked in the leg or punched in a rather unhappy place at this point. She told me she didn't know and I figured that she was a tiny version of the Hulk and found another pole.

That same night, some random little kid told me I had sad eyes on the metro. I mean really? How does this keep happening? I was just staring blankly out the window in my little happy place imagination and this little kid had to make an observation. I was in the middle of listening to Peter Bjorn and John's hideously catchy Young Folks on my Ipod. After random kid made observation, I kept waiting for Haley Joel Osment to walk by and punch me in the face. PS, HaJO is 20 now or almost 20 now. That's more scary than the Sixth Sense but not as scary as Pay it Forward.

A while back, I thought of having a personal soundtrack. Now, I'd like to make a soundtrack for a day in my life. Figure out yours. My first three tracks so far are
1. Any Other Beauty from American Beauty Soundtrack- Chris wakes up and gets ready.
2. Clocks (String Quartet Instrumental cover of the Coldplay song)- Chris' tedious and repetitive trip to work.
3. Everybody Wants to Rule the World by Tears for Fears- Chris starting the day of work
I'll have a full soundtrack for tomorrow.
Onto the list
1. Hillary has an ad up that asks who you do you want answering the phone at 3 am in the White House as an emergency is breaking? I thought the ad was hilarious. Tasteless and awful but hilarious. I mean I have variations for it. It's 3 am, do you know where your husband is? It's 3 am, do you know when Fraggle Rock is on? I truly don't like the fear card played. Its ridiculous.

2. Its Primary fun again....Hillary might be that guest who doesn't know when to leave. I feel sorry for her because she's a much better candidate than McCain but not as good as Obama is. Rush Limbaugh would like Republicans to go vote for Hillary today. I thought how quaint, GOPers' head exploding because they'd have to vote for a Clinton. Once again, Rush is a douche bag not because he wants to vote for Hillary but because he just wants to have the process drawn out. By doing this he hopes he can buy McCain some time....ha, both Hillary and Obama have raised four times the amount McCain has each month...I guess I can feel the excitement in the tepid McCain Campaign.

3. "Here at Fox, we like to be feminine. So we don't wear the pants." That's a Faux anchor. I'd like to thank Faux for being douche bags. They hate all things liberal, feminism, and the least bit intellectual. After a week where O'Reily went on a rant how Ariana Huffington is a Nazi, KKK member, Faux doing a segment against feminism really is something.

4. Amy Winehouse has a bacterial infection on her face? Weird. How does that explain the crazy hair, weird body, and remarkable drug crazed insanity?

5. This ranks as one of my favorite stories....ever. Seriously, let my people go, man.

6. Steve-O is apparently in jail for torturing his neighbor. He drilled holes into his neighbor's apartment and flooded in crazy hard rock and a very loud noise. Isn't that what was done at Abu Grahib too? He's charged with vandalism.

7. This is a remarkable story that you should read before I comment on it tomorrow. Its an area of interest for me but I find it just amazing.

8. Brett Favre is apparently retiring! I'll believe next year when the season is over and he hasn't played. That said, I'm making myself a drink tonight.

9. Baseball season is so close. If you want to play fantasy baseball, join up in our league. All three of us are in it.

10. TV you should be watching. I'm still obsessed with Doctor Who/Torchwood. I totally am enamoured with them. Go Netflix the dvds and you'll learn. Also, catch up on Sarah Connor Chronicles. I ended up liking the show a lot but that may be due to the strike wiping out most of my TV. I watched another episode of October Road that I shouldn't watch but I do. It was about how at 10 years old you develop some sort of notion on what your perfect girl is. The guys in the show all had theirs and she died in a car accident years later and its how they begin to realize that. However, the writing is still bad but I enjoy it.

11. I love my Sirius Radio though it has killed Radiohead for me by playing all their songs too often.

Perhaps A la Mode?

2008-03-04T07:38:00.000-08:00

Its been a few days since our poll ended, but you, the great mole people of the inter-webs have gone and declared that the new co-host of American Gladiators for season two should be! A pie. This (finally) concludes our search.

I have to say, I am very proud of you all. I have always known that we lived in a great pie loving nation, and it is gratifying to know that our readers are a pie loving group. It brings new heights of patriotism to my heart.

So, if you are a producer for American Gladiators, and you have been following this, may I humbly suggest that strawberry rhubarb in the first episode? This is from the good people of Mr. Brooks Knocked Up Nancy Drew.

Ice cream is optional...

Cheers.

And the Winner is....

2008-02-24T19:45:00.001-08:00

Okay, these are just notes that I was taking during the Oscars going on right now. My notes literally go all over the place and aren't in order.

-Wow, George Clooney really is the man...seriously.
-Why am I not finding Jon Stewart very funny?
-Is Nicole Kidman human? I don't think the Stepford Wives movie was fiction...
- God, I don't care about these songs...I find that's the same case every year.
-The little skit of the guys from Superbad, Knocked Up and etc was funny.
-Why is John Travolta dancing? Is that real hair or spray paint?
- Hal Holbrook has been old forever? Is that possible? I mean, is he Lazarus?
- Robert Boyle, the guy who won a special Oscar, make everyone feel young even Hal Holbrook.
- I mean, even Harrison Ford feels young now. I keep forgetting that he's with Calista Flockhart. At least I think that was her...it could have been a cardboard cut out because they weigh the same.
- Jon Stewart is still not funny. Not really amused that I don't find him funny tonight because I love the Daily Show.
- I'm starting to think Bourne Ultimatum should have gotten more nominations for things. I loved the movie but apparently it wins all the lesser awards...
-Yes, cinematography matters a lot to me. Good for There will be Blood
-I generally can't decide if I'm into Penelope Cruz and then she speaks and I really love accents and I melt....god I can't wait for her scenes with Scarlett Johanssen.
-I'm always saddened by the memorials they have at the Oscars for people in the industry.
- A little known fact about me unless you all know which then it isn't little known is that I love movie scores. I have a massive collection of them. So best score generally means something to me. Atonement had a great score that had a life of its own in the movie.
-Holy god, this whole tribute to the troops thing bothers me. Allowing them to present the nominees for best documentary short subject is heart breaking. I mean this is how they do it? Its like when I was at hockey today and basketball last night when they gave a few seats to some soldiers. That is an easy way out into thinking you're honoring them. You want to honor them? Give them better armor, send them where they're supposed to go, and bring them home. That's supporting the troops.
-These documentary nominees say a lot about what kind of world we're living in. Ah Taxi to the Darkside won...yup the one that Discovery wouldn't air and several channels won't air because of its subject matter that the United States tortures people. I'm dying to see this documentary. I'd like to see No End in Sight as well.
-During the saying of the nominees for screenplay, I love that they show the writers typing...for those who don't know what they put screenplays on...its a computer! However, I know when I write things its on crap things like napkins, scratch pads, and other worthless things. So maybe the whole typing thing makes it look dignified.
-Diablo Cody or whatever her name is that I'm not willing to look up right now who wrote Juno was a stripper apparently before writing Juno. I can't look at her without wondering if she was any good. I live in DC aka land of terrible strip clubs. You'd think in a city where sleeze comes with the word politics it'd have great strip clubs. Nope. I guess they get private showings. I also can't quite make out what her tattoo is.
-The Best Actor montage makes me sad too. I kinda wish I made human contact that made me sad...
-Helen Mirren is kinda hot...weird huh?
-Totally rooting for George Clooney on best actor though Daniel Day Lewis was amazing and I wouldn't mind him winning. Woah Viggo Mortensen has a crazy beard...oh well Daniel Day Lewis won. I'm happy. NOT FINISHED!
- Why wasn't Daniel Day Lewis in one of the Pirates movies. He already has pirate earrings! That was a nice little speech he gave.
-Man, Sophia Loren was hot back in the day. I'm not sure anyone is her level these days as she was back in the day.
-I'm not that big on No Country for Old Men but the Coens are kinda funny themselves.
-Why does Denzel Washington look like Shaft now? Hmm...No Country for Old Men won best picture...I disagree but hey, its not a bad picture. It just didn't leave a last impression on me like Michael Clayton or There Will Be Blood did. Even Juno amused me.
-All and all, not a memorable Oscars. I'll probably post something about this tomorrow when I actually think about my post for all of 2 seconds unlike here which is just scattered. Oh wait I rarely think....
Good night and good luck.

Are you British or just retarded?

2008-02-24T16:13:00.000-08:00

Recently, Q Music, polled British citizens, to see what the top 50 British CDs of the last 50 years were.
http://promo.q4music.com/q4music/best_british_results/DefinitelyMaybe.shtml#album

Coming in at number one was Oasis' first CD, Definitely Maybe. Number two was Oasis' second CD, (What's The Story) Morning Glory. Number three was OK Computer by Radiohead. Number four was Revolver by the Beatles.

I want you to sit and think about for a second. The Beatles, possibly the best rock band of all time, apparently did not have a single album better than the first two albums produced by Oasis. Not only this, but think about your favorite Oasis songs. Wonderwall? Champagne Supernova? Don't Look Back In Anger? All on the second Oasis CD. So not only was Oasis apparentl better at producing a CD than any band in British history, but their CD with most of their famous songs is better than their CD which contains songs I don't remember.

Surprisingly, I have other issues with this list. One, four of the top 22 are Oasis CDs. Two, Amy Winehouse is on the list.

Let me give a short list of some British bands that I might have listed before Oasis. Beatles, The Who, The Clash, Davis Bowie, The Rolling Stones, The Kinks, possibly even Spinal Tap.

Also, I was shocked that I didn't see any CDs by Driveshaft. If you are going to place Oasis so high, you have to include Driveshaft.
http://www.driveshaftband.com/

I would like to challenge any who reads this blog to submit a list of your top 5 British CDs of all time.

Friday!

2008-02-22T06:52:00.000-08:00

So, I have not watched the debate last night so that's not much to me yet. I do have an opinion on John McCain v New York Times. I'll save that for Monday with the hope that some more info comes out. So with that in mind, I'm going to post a music list. These are my favorite downloads for the past month and a list of movies that you may not have heard of or forgotten you had.

1. Into the Light by Heroes and Zeros
2. Wolcott by Vampire Weekend
3. Direct Hit by Its a Bit Art Brut
4. Guilt by Association by Louis XIV
5. Ruby by the Kaiser Chiefs
6. Harmonicas and Tambourines by Hot Hot Heat
7. Hear and Now by Shwa
8. Summer Bonfire by the Great Lakes Myth Society
9. Lights Out for Darker Skies by British Sea Power
10. A-Punk by Vampire Weekend

Random Movies

1. Willow- This one's for you Steve. Yup, love the movie as well. I had a such a thing for Joanne Whalley. Probably still do if offered. Anyway, it has midgets, magic, and might (I couldn't resist). The James Horner score is really good too. I always have fun with this movie.

2. Hmm..Val Kilmer thing going in this post maybe because he's the voice on Knightrider now...Real Genius- I used to watch this movie so often. I probably helped develop my personality the way it did. Its still very funny.

3. As I wear a Noah's Arcade tee shirt at work, Wayne's World I and II. Why don't people reference these movies anymore? I mean I still do but let's face it, nothing I do is the norm. Anyway, these are movies where Mike Myers was still funny and not a cartoon.

4. The Rocketeer! Holy god, I was 8 when this came out and I really wanted one of those helmets and jet packs. Look for Locke from Lost as Howard Hughes. This movie was so much fun. Timothy Dalton is the villain. I actually didn't mind him as Bond. I'm pretty sure Jennifer Connelly doesn't age too.

5. The Shadow and the Phantom movies. Yes, I clump them together. Its no secret that I can be old. I love old radio shows and these movies were also a ton of fun. Do you remember when Alec Baldwin wasn't a joke but a good looking guy who could do action? Well the Shadow isn't serious but its pulp fun. The Phantom with Billy Zane and Kristy Swanson is also in the same vein. Billy Zane used to be a waiter at a deli in Chicago so he's always got a popularity with my family. I still have a thing for Kristy Swanson somehow. The movie so comic booky that its entertaining.

6. Hook. I enjoyed it as something different with Peter Pan. Dustin Hoffman and Robin Williams come on.

7. Equilibrium. Christian Bale's prototype for Batman. So god damn cool. Great fighting too. Dystopia 1984esque world is just what you need.

8. I'm going to throw in Boondock Saints, The Big Lebowski, and Swingers as movies that my friends and I used to watch on a religious basis. Just wanted to remind myself and others that we should do a movie festival.

9. PCU. Jeremy Piven. College. Missing his hair at that point too. Hilarious movie about college and schools who take themselves too seriously.

10. The American President and the Contender. I'm a cliche liberal but man, I love the cast of these movies and the political scripts.

as promised and demanded too surprisingly

2008-02-20T19:19:00.001-08:00

NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WELL NOT REALLY, IT REALLY IS TASTEFUL!!!!!!....!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lindsay Lohan. You're welcome Anthony and Olker.

Mundane

2008-02-20T06:53:00.000-08:00

In case you ever thought this blog's eccentricity was really well thought out....well you're wrong. a conversation from this morning.

me: you know those jimmy dean commercials with the sun cooking breakfast?

scott: vaguely

me: I'm really disturbed by them

like how does the sun have sex? and why is hte sun's kid a whiny little brat?

scott: the sun could be a nanny

me: and why does he need an oven

oh its his kid

and he has a wife too which I think is way below the sun's league

scott: you have heard of "solar flares" right?

me: and how did the sun hit on his wife when they met? say I'm hot for you?

I kinda want to punch the sun in the commercial

like who the hell do you think you are giving me breakfast advice? You're already giving me cancer. Would this be a hate crime?

scott: you would think that the sun would be a super great stalker

he sees you

always

me: yeah creepy, he's like the police song every breath you take

scott: i'll bet the moon is in on it too

me: oh the moon is in another commercial with crappy mcsun

he eats cereal which is perfectly sensible

I've got no beef with the moon

scott: haha

btw, i heard these two people talking today and one of them reminded me of you

he was going on and on and on about something and then he goes "so i need to get my drivers license before my next job. or i need to make enough money where i can hire a car service. either or."

me: haha

scott: i was like 'thats something chris would say"
me: its true. that's exactly my line of thinking

scott: i knew it!

me: I totally want to have the Shadow's life. notice he never drives, he has an army of followers who drive him around

scott: i'll have to take your word for it

me: the only negative would be having hte name lamont cranston

which may or may not be his name really

scott: oooh yeah, that would suck ass

me: god I love old radio shows

scott: you really do love the strangest things

me: I seriously want to make a youtube video of someone fighting a guy in a sun suit

scott: i'm going to post a new poll

stacy kiebler, ice, or pie

me: nice

I think I'm going to post our conversation we just had if you don't mind

scott: about the sun guy?

me: yeah, I'm still weirded out by it

scott: haha

go for it

This isn't rare to have conversations like this. If you know others like this, buy them a pie.

Beware Valerie Evans. She's a Dalek.

Here's a picture of Stacy Kiebler

We're Getting Closer

2008-02-20T06:51:00.000-08:00

Ah, I knew I'd confuse many of you with our latest poll! In our latest poll, the idea of having a run off received more votes than not having the run off. But! The clear winner of our poll was pie. And who can blame you? Pies are delicious. Therefore, we are going to have one last poll on this topic before I leave it alone. That dead horse behind me? I give you all a bag of sticks. Have fun.

Who should replace Leyla?

Stacy Kielber: She's hot. I'm sure there are other important things to consider and mention, but honestly, I haven't really thought about them.

Former Gladiator, Ice: She was the most attractive Gladiator during the last running. Also, being a former Gladiator she may have some good insights. Like I said, I see a very special American Gladiators where Ice just suddenly goes "Fuck this! I'll show you candy-asses how we did it back then!" and then she just goes and wrecks some poor competitor. I would pay money to see this.

Pie: You all showed me that you like pie, so I am listening to the will of the people. Should we replace Leyla Ali with a pie? Perhaps a different one each week? We can use it as an incentive for crossing the finish line. Whoever finishes the Eliminator first not only wins but also gets a pie! A new flavor each week! Maybe Hulk Hogan will eat it while no one's looking and we could all wonder why his facial hair is suddenly the color of blueberries.

And just so you all know, I am fully aware that the finale happened already. Think of this as being for Season 2. Make your voices known.

Valerie Evans is a Dalek and Your Mom Probably is One Too!

2008-02-19T06:27:00.000-08:00

Holy god, it has been awhile. Anyway, take that dictators! Castro is stepping down as President. He's 81 and has been de facto if not de jure leader of Cuba since 1959. I remember a doctor in Cuba saying that Castro should live to 122 so he's got a ways to go. Does anyone else think that the CIA not being able to take out Castro back during the Cold War was the first evidence that they were incompetent? I mean, I'm not advocating assassination of Castro but that was a big assignment for the CIA and they came up with plans to poison his cigar...FEEBLE.

Another smack was Pervez Musharraf's party getting beat in Pakistan. It finished third. What kind of dictator finishes third? Even our support of dictators has gone feeble. I went to the Wikipedia page to see some probably inaccurate numbers and they were showing and they had flags by the political parties and one of them is an animated gif of a red flag. I just found it really odd.

My Pet Goat=very jealous

Lastly, take that HD. My blu-ray player which is my PS3 that rarely gets played as a DVD player beat Scott's HD player that is actually an XBox 360. Toshiba is abandoning HD! Now HD discs can seek friendship with DIVX and Laser discs. Now onto the list.

1. Does anyone care what spouses of candidates say? I think I only care about Bill Clinton because he's Bill Clinton 42nd President. I honestly don't care what Michelle Obama says. She's great and all but not relevant. I don't care what John McCain's wife says. I kinda think she looks like what Barbie would look like at 50. So when someone says something like this is the first time in their adult life that they're really proud of their country, people do take pause. It wasn't particularly wise but Michelle Obama does not equal Bill Clinton. Her comments are gravy if anything. I heard one conservative commentator calling this another example of how Democrats are unpatriotic. This isn't unpatriotic. Unpatriotic is profiting off your country's troops while they're off at war. Unpatriotic is instilling fear into people so that you can be elected because you are terrible on every issue. You want unpatriotism look at the GOP and if you think they're still patriots after everything because they "support the troop?" Well, that's amazing because I need to ask how are they patriotic?

2. Kosovo is independent. Its extraordinary. Why you ask? Because this leads to war in any other era. Kosovo seeks French, British, and American support. Serbia goes to Russia and you've got Cold War fun all over again.

3. This nearly had me thrown off my chair. Not only is the big Faux News commentator who has supported everything the Bush Administration does, but he's generally fairly annoying and comes up with really odd interpretations of law. Faux generally goes to him to justify Bush Administration beliefs and really conservative arguments in general. The FISA issue is bipartisan people and President Bush is wrong.

4. So pop culture....oh right, Big Brother is airing its 11th billion season. And apparently, someone on the show used the word retard....that's one way to bring publicity to your show. A major Autism group is demanding an apology.

5. Another season of Dancing with the Stars is coming that I probably won't watch. I didn't watch it when Kristy Swanson was on which says a lot because I think I have a decade long crush on her. But here is the lineup. Priscilla Presley, Kristi Yamaguchi and Marlee Matlin (She's deaf and has been on a lot of tv like West Wing), dam Carolla, Shannon Elizabeth, Steve Guttenberg, Monica Seles, Penn Jillette, Mario, Jason Taylor, Cristian De La Fuente and Marissa Jaret Winokur. Wait a minute....rewind STEVE GUTTENBERG!? Wow, I mean wow. I might watch just to see how many F-list jokes I can make as well as Police Academy jokes I can throw out. I've seen almost all of them. If he does a dance move called the high tower I'll give victory to him.

7. Lindsay Lohan did some photos replicating Marilyn Monroe. I will post images when I can. As I recall, Marilyn Monroe was drunk during hers so Lohan and her do have a lot in common. But Monroe is a cultural icon. She was the stuff of legends with friend/lovers JFK, Frank Sinatra, Joe DiMaggio, and Arthur Miller. She was the center of an era. Lohan is not.

8. Congrats to Sean Bean, aka 006 and Sharpe for all you anglophiles out there. He just got married for the 4th time! I feel that once you reach 4, you might as well go on to reach 6.

9. Misha Barton has gone really blonde and extensions. That's not quite the improvement that I would have liked. I'd say a cheeseburger would have been great. I'd have images but the site I was looking at yelled copyright infringement when you try to link the image.

10. So I watched Elizabeth the Golden Age...yeah its boring. I'd pass though the music, costumes, and Cate Blanchett are good. I can never look at Cate Blanchett as being attractive since she played Bob Dylan though she looked damn good in Notes on a Scandal. I also had a very me day and watched Transformers. I totally love that movie because of my inner never going to mature self. I also watched the show that I don't know why I keep watching but I do October Road. For some reason the show has a weird effect on me. I do want to know where in Massachusetts are there so many hot women. I mean seriously? But, the show is written so poorly yet I enjoy it. I have no idea why.

Comedy

2008-02-12T06:02:00.000-08:00

Now that I have your attention. Hey there. That's a headline from the freakishly conservative Drudge Report yesterday...how phallic of him. Matt Drudge loves outing people on their sexuality but god help you if (and there are a lot of rumors) he might be outed. Nevertheless, never doubt that Drudge tries to grab your attention in weird ways.

So I've been away for a bit. Lots of work and school work. Trying to y'know figure out things. Today is the Potomac Primaries so if you're a DC/VA/MD voter, get out there and vote. I really do hate people who don't vote. If you do not vote in primaries, then you do not have a right to complain about the candidates. If you do not vote in general elections, you do not have a right to complain about what politicians in the election. Its that simple.

1. Yup, its a tight race on the Democratic side of things. Obama has been taking more states and apparently has more delegates even with the dreaded superdelegates. I find it amazing that people have mistaken primaries for Democracy. Primaries are to determine things for the party. Its their rules and superdelegates are just people who consistently are active in the party. People like former presidents, all of Congress, the governors, and etc. There are random ones like Jim Roosevelt, the grandkid of FDR. Its because we (Democrats) worship the Houses of Kennedy and Roosevelt. The Clintons only dream of such a worship. But, its their party and they'll cry if they want to. Don't worry, I don't think superdelegates will determine this race. We should know more of the fate of this race next month. Texas and Ohio...I hate Ohio.....

2. These things I normally defer these things to Scott but really, having Tim Russert talk about cooking a squirrel with Mike Huckabee is just odd and hilarious. What do you think squirrel tastes like? I'm so glad Huckabee is staying in the race. Romney dropped out to do his Reagan impression. Ronald Reagan dropped out of the 76 primary for the good of the party and then came back four years with Carter and trounced him. That trickster Romney!

3. Writers' Strike is Over! Oh wait....you mean we don't get our beloved TV shows back right away...and some not at all? Yeah, that's the truth of it. The companies won out I think. I mean, they proved that they can withstand a strike with reality tv. Its okay because we might have a SAG strike this summer. Anyway, good bye Big Shots and Bionic Woman, it looks like they're canceled. There will be more shows canceled. Most shows won't be back till maybe April and many will only return next fall. Lost fans should be happy. We should see the first episode created this spring right when this older batch is done. We may even get a full season!

4. Amy Winehouse won a grammy and just dominated the Grammy's! Looking at her on satalite because she didn't get her Visa in time, I just marveled at what a cartoon she is. I swear she's from AHHHH! Real Monsters. And Herbie Hancock?! Really? Huh....

5. Does anyone remember Shannon Doherty? I do.

6. Mel Gibson is being sued....not by police...no, not by anyone Jewish....by his writer for Passion of the Christ. Apparently, Mel told his writer that he wasn't going to make any money off the movie that the 5-7 million he thought it would make would go to the crew...This was supposed to be his gift to Roman Catholicism...yeah hundreds of millions of dollars later...and different story.

7. Roy Scheider died. I was saddened by this. "You're going to need a bigger boat." That's his most famous line from the classic Jaws. He actually was supposed to be in Deer Hunter, another classic, but had to be in Jaws 2 which is a bad movie. He was in 2010, Marathon Man, All That Jazz, and Seaquest DSV. Ah Seaquest and that dolphin Darwin. Scheider seemed like he was in his 50s forever and then suddenly seemed old when I saw him in the Punisher. RIP Roy Scheider.

8. I still think Pats/Red Sox and New York fans in general are annoying. I can't wait for baseball season.

9. Everyone knows I'm a Beatles fan so I thought this was interesting.

10. Go buy Vampire Weekend's debut record. Its very cool. Kinda a mix of the Police and the Clash. I like it a lot.

Should we have a run off election?

2008-02-07T09:41:00.001-08:00

So, I'm bored at work and that means its time to put up a new poll. As you all know, we had a tie in our recent poll about who to replace Leyla on American Gladiators. Unfortunately, we had a weird result that resulted in a tie. So instead of declaring a winner, I had to follow the will of the doofuses (or doofi possibly...) who have led to this.

Thus, we are going to institute some good old fashioned Louisiana politics. No, not a lynch mob. A run-off election! Maybe. My question to all of you is this: should we run a run-off to declare a true winner?

Make your voices known. Also, I have a sneaking suspicion that this may end up in a tie as well. In which case, I will be very disappointed.

Amazingly Enough

2008-02-01T11:18:00.001-08:00

As you all may have noticed, our poll has ended. I actually forgot when it ended and so I may be a day late here, but whatever. In any event, we actually have a tie. I'm impressed that as many people voted as they did, but still, you all disappoint me greatly. Why a tie?

The winners of our poll to replace the useless Leyla Ali are Stacy Kiebler, and the former American Gladiator now known as Ice. Oddly enough, a few days after we started our poll, Ice came out and declared she was gay. I find the timing interesting. Did our poll have anything to do with it? I choose to believe that it did.

So what do you all think? Should we run another poll? A run-off to see who, among our two winners is the actual winner or do we declare it a draw and find a job for both of them on the show? Is this perhaps a poll in its own right? Use the comments section to let me know.

And now the encore, New Frontier

2008-01-29T07:03:00.000-08:00

"The New Frontier of which I speak is not a set of promises — it is a set of challenges. It sums up not what I intend to offer the American people, but what I intend to ask of them." John F. Kennedy July 15th 1960

Yesterday, I got a chill during a political speech. Goose bumps, literally. Its been awhile. Actually ironically, the last time I felt that chill was during the Democratic National Convention in 2004. Barack Obama gave a speech about America that day in 2004 and it was amazing. It put him on the map and just explained to everyone in the country what I already knew. Barack Obama is a rockstar. About yesterday now, Ted Kennedy, Patrick Kennedy, and Caroline Kennedy endorsed Barack Obama and handed over a legacy that maybe too big for anyone but it shows what Obama means to everyone. Ted Kennedy and Barack Obama's speeches gave me chills and it was done at American University which makes it a little more close to home. Kennedy spoke about hope and hit the Clinton Campaign hard on every point. Its going to be a great ride for the next week as we enter the race to Super Tuesday. One of the reasons that I'm a Democrat is JFK and RFK. They're what I admire in the party even if there are flaws. I want to believe again in heroes. If you haven't seen the speeches, then go find them. I close this segment with a JFK quote.
"If by a "Liberal" they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people — their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights, and their civil liberties — someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is what they mean by a "Liberal," then I'm proud to say I'm a "Liberal." September 14th 1960.

1. Romney and McCain are yelling at each other in Florida calling each other liberals...I think its hilarious. McCain also apparently has a secret plan to get Bin Laden. I would argue that having a plan would be a start. But I'm pretty sure everything has gone insane in Florida...again.

2. State of the Union last night was like watching Back to the Future 2 except nothing awesome about it (hovering skate boards!). Y'know that scene where Marty sees himself while time traveling? Well, the President seemed to repeat himself like it yellow cake uranium except in Iran this time! It was a snooze fest really. There's a reason Ted Kennedy overshadowed him in his endorsement of Obama. Its a bad product at the State of the Union. But I did see something UTTERLY CREEPY! DID CHRIS SHAYS REALLY KISS PRESIDENT BUSH ON THE CHEEK!? How odd is that? Chris Shays had a tough time getting reelected and I don't think kissing the President helps things.

3. The countdown is on! When will Rudy Giuliani drop out? I'm going drinking the night he does. It looks like he isn't going to win Florida. He gave signed baseballs to media people...kinda pathetic kinda like a farewell. He is the candidate I despise the most though Romney is close. The night he drops out I'll probably go to the Red Derby.

4. Mike Wallace had triple bypass surgery recently. I hope he recovers well. He's in ridiculous shape for an 89 year old. I mean, I had to look up his age since its impossible to tell since he looked "old" in 1980 and hasn't really changed at all. I still think his son Chris, all dishonor to him because he's brought shame to a glorious name, is still worthless.

5. Kathy Griffin has been banned...again from the View by Barbara Walters. Apparently, she was too mean about her in a stand up. Its remarkable to be banned twice from the View when I thought they'd let anyone on. God knows, they let anyone host.

6. Holy god, I have something in common with Craig Ferguson. We're both US citizens...Brave new world...He's come a...oh wait he's still the same as he was on Drew Carey.

7. Apparently, the Giants won't talk to their former star player, Tiki Barber now that he's a commentator. Perhaps, its because he's a "pillow muncher" (Thanks again Vicky). Or maybe he's a bad team mate for what he did? How about his retirement and then commentary on the team pissed them off? I wouldn't talk to him either.

8. I'm still laughing that Amy Winehouse is in rehab.

9. Okay, confession, I love British culture. I do love French and Italian too. But British humor and pop culture has suited me for awhile. It has taken me way too long to get into Doctor Who. I'm now obsessed with it. I have to love a show whose fans have a saying "real villains don't use stairs, they level buildings." The Dalek creatures until recently couldn't go up stairs but they could kill whole cities. I love it. Its so out there that it says everything. The series is almost 50 years old and still odd and awesome. Here is what a Dalek looks like.

10. I saw Rambo...yes you heard me. I saw it with people who got it too. See Rambo takes a certain state of mind. Some call it crazy. I call it normal. Rambo isn't supposed to be rational. It isn't supposed to be all that serious in its violence. I learned that a bow and arrow works pretty well in the movie. I also learned that I'm not going to South East Asia anytime soon but I knew that already. Rambo is fun violent. Its so overthetop roided out Sylvester Stallone. He cowrote,produced, and directed the picture so of course the cute innocent blonde is into him.

11. I saw Across the Universe too. I'm a very big Beatles fan. I'm not my brother's level...no one is. But I do love the Beatles. Across the Universe is one long Beatles music video that I'm still trying to figure out. Its the plots of songs put into a movie and shot very nicely.

Twofer

2008-01-29T06:42:00.000-08:00

Today, I'm going to do two blog posts because....I kinda feel like it. This first one might be a normal post per say. Its more of hey this is what my playlist looks like right now. When I say my playlist, it isn't the entire playlist. I have a list of thousands of songs. Its more of a hey this is what my mind set is at. So here it is.

1. Four Winds by Bright Eyes (I know I generally don't like them but I really like this)
2. Sodajerk by Buffalo Tom
3. Do I Have Your Attention by the Blood Arm
4. Grown So Ugly by the Black Keys
5. West Coast by Coconut Records
6. Good Golly Miss Molly by Little Richard
7. Dirty Little Rockstar by the Cult
8. Black and White Town by the Doves
9. Summer Bonfire by the Great Lakes Myth Society
10. Taper Jean Girl by the Kings of Leon
11. Fuzz by Mucc
12. I Need to Wake Up by Melissa Etheridge (I know, right?)
13. Bodysnatchers by Radiohead
14. Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band and its Reprise by the Beatles
15. Wraith Pinned to the Mist and Other Games by (Of Montrea)
16. Gimme Shelter by the Rolling Stones
17. Love, Reign O'er Me by the Who
18. Extreme Ways by Moby
19. Lucky Man by the Verve
20. Mad World (Alternate Version) remixed by Roland Orzbal
21. Ordinary World covered by Fenix TX
22. Champaign Supernova by Oasis.

Crazy huh, and 22...yes too long but hey I break my own rules thanks.

935 Things I Hate About You (Okay, I'll be honest, its probably more)

2008-01-24T06:26:00.002-08:00

So, I first heard about Heath Ledger's death via Lauren (friend o' the blog). I legitimately thought it was a joke. I really did think this was another weird viral Dark Knight promotion that Heath Ledger was dead and he is the Joker now. I can't help it if I'm a marketer most times during the day. Scott's hell of viral marketing going everywhere for everything is a bit of my heaven. But when I finally realized it wasn't a marketing campaign and that he was actually dead, its pretty sad. I also realized that I have seen a lot of his movies somehow. I had to watch 10 Things I Hate About You in a Lit class at one point. Its a re imagining of Taming of the Shrew. The Patriot? Yup. First Knight, yup. I got annoyed into seeing that because "Chris, c'mon it has medieval knights and jousting." Monster's Ball, Four Feathers (the remake), Ned Kelly, Brothers Grimm, Lords of Dogtown, I even saw Brokeback Mountain with ASF. Somehow, I'd seen most of his career and never actually thought about it. Its rather sad that he died leaving a 2 year old daughter. He was a pretty good actor. His Joker looks amazing and now more creepy than ever.

1. So we're still feeling the results of Hillary/Obama fighting. Yeah its dirty. Yeah, it does look bad. I truly don't like President Clinton throwing himself into the primary system like this. He's the villain. Hillary may say well Michelle Obama is involved so why shouldn't Bill. But Michelle Obama has not directly insulted Hillary nor is she the de facto head of the Democratic Party. What's funny is that Edwards came out looking decently. Though to me he looked irrelevant during the debate, he did act like an adult. What people need to realize if they haven't. The Clintons campaign hard and they don't lose. They will fight dirty and it will be brutal. The only reassuring thing for me is that the GOP field sucks. Republicans aren't big on any of them. I can't say I blame them. Some of them really were Fred Thompson supporters...yeah I know.

2. 935. Its a weird number. Its also the number a nonpartisan group developed as to the amount of lies the top administration officials had when propagating the build up to the Iraq War. These were known lies too that they say were not. Unfortunately, that just isn't true. They're rather amazing at being dishonest for someone who wanted to bring honor to the White House again...oh wait.

3. Gaza. Let me say this first. I'm actually an Israel supporter. I believe that it not only has a right to exist but it is necessary and I don't think I can exactly comprehend what its like to live surrounded by people who want to wipe you out. That said, I don't see political objectives being accomplished by making a very large prison out of Gaza and then cutting off fuel and food. Part of the Palestinian argument that is valid is the mistreatment of an entire group of people for over half a century. Having over a hundred guard posts that humiliate people every day over and over again doesn't exactly breed good will. I guess I'd be a Labor person in Israel if I lived there. I'm more about ensuring survival of Israel through peaceful means first then using force than the other way around. Whatever your viewpoint, breaching the wall isolating Gaza to buy supplies in Egypt is a depressing event. I'm still conflicted on what I would do if I were in charge of defending my country and someone was lobbing rockets at one of my towns. One thing is for sure, Abbas doesn't get political help by this.

4. Kid's don't buy drugs. Become a pop star, they give em to you for free. Its one of my favorite lines in recent memory. Kids don't get filmed during crack when everyone knows you're a cracked out crazy woman...not nearly as funny but more relevant to Amy Winehouse. Seriously, who thought it would take this long?

5. I'm hearing that Tony Romo might have broken up with Jessica Simpson. I'm laughing a lot about this. Its almost surreal.

6. Britney Spears...yes I know...was outside a school talking to herself and smoking. Now, I want to know how her handlers thought this through. Okay, you've got someone trying to get her kids back, so let's leave her alone in her craziness in front of a school because that isn't weird. I want someone in the state of California to sue the state for allowing this case to go longer than it should. No normal person would be able to go this long. Its a waste of tax dollars that I'd rather spend on my left wing social programs that everyone hates.

7. Rush Limbaugh has a girlfriend that is only 7 years older than me...gross...man

8. Fred Phelps is easily one of the worst people in the world. I'm not exaggerating. He wants to go protest Heath Ledger's funeral for his role in Brokeback Mountain. I was hoping his funeral would be in Australia so if Phelps went, they could take away his passport, visa, and whatever so he couldn't come back. I'm also hoping some of Ledger's family is crazy like I think most Australians are and play rugby with Phelps.

9. Paul Newman had secret surgery related to his cancer. As one of my favorite actors of all time, I hope it went well.

10. I've recently discovered Torchwood, a BBC show that's a spinoff of Dr. Who. I'm desperate for TV and Lost and Smallville don't come back for another week. Torchwood is a ridiculously good, sophisticated science fiction show. The effects could be better but the character development is really quite good. I'm glad that I didn't have other TV so I wouldn't find something like this. That said, the writers strike is being felt.

Well that doesn't seem likely...

2008-01-24T06:26:00.001-08:00

As you are all no doubt aware, I am someone who thoroughly enjoys TV and the movies. Not to the extent that Chris does, but enough. If you check my credit card bill, you'll find a lot of movie tickets on there. Now, some people don't enjoy certain genres because its just not their thing. They are too unbelievable. And thats a big deal. The thing that lets us enjoy movies is the suspension of disbelief. You have to actually think that whats happening on screen could possibly happen. We all know this. And we all accept this. But sometimes, I feel like producers, writers, and directors take our suspension of disbelief for granted. They put in these improbable moments that none of us really buy.

A great example of this was the show Murder She Wrote. My mother watched this all the time. Through the years, my brothers and I would sometimes have nothing better to do but watch it with her. The show was the most improbable ever. This woman is a mystery writer and somehow every cop on Earth has a personal relationship with her (whore...) and they all think that only she can solve their crimes. Not only that, but whenever she solved the crime, she would confront the ne'er-do-well by herself. And he would always confess and give up! I kept hoping that the bad guy would pick up the nearest blunt object and bludgeon her to death, but alas, I was always disappointed. The most impossible came when she solved a case by noticing that a chair had been moved and so a part of the carpet was no longer sun-faded. My brother still rants about this despite seeing this episode a good 5+ years ago. But really, what should we expect? Its Murder She Wrote.

Sometimes, a director will actually build up our ability to disbelieve. We give them the benefit of the doubt. The director has earned our trust. And then they turn around and kick us in our collective nut sack and then start crotch stomping us. Fucking ewoks. You're trying to tell me, that a bunch of care bears with rocks and spears, are capable of defeating the most fearsome army out there AND its walking tanks of doom and destruction? I want to know who came up with this idea, drag them out into the street, and put a bullet in their brain as a warning to others. I'm looking at you George Lucas. Sure, you've got jedi knights, the force, space travel, and all that jazz. But fucking ewoks. That singlehandedly killed the third movie for me. I hate ewoks and if I could I would burn the fucking planet they were on.

Then of course, there's those moments where because of events happening outside the movie, you can't suspend your disbelief. Its too difficult to seperate the real world from the world of fiction you are seeing. Or the real world keeps intruding on the movie. This can sometimes be caused by the general craziness or douchebaggery of the main character. Like that romantic movie last year that had Russell Crowe in it. Does anybody really believe that a complete asshole like Russell Crowe could ever do something heartwarming? Of course not. Its fucking Russell Crowe. He hates people. Or, and you knew this had to be coming, Tom Cruise. I can't even watch old Tom Cruise movies any more because I don't see his character, I see Tom Cruise. And I see pure, unadulterated Crazy. Especially because, whenever he's out promoting a movie, he's invariably going to come back to Scientology. Chris hates this argument, that people would not see a movie because of their distaste for one fo the stars in it, but I find it perfectly legitimate. Actors who have completely gone off the deep-end and make themselves the center of attention on certain things (like Scientology or throwing telephones at people) diminish the suspension of disbelief. You can't see the actor, you have to see the character.

Of course, some writers take the idea of suspension of disbelief so far that they don't even try to come up with a coherent plotline. More movies of this sort come out that any other. They are filled with plot holes, terrible dialogue, and a completely confusing series of events that no one could ever follow. One of the worst examples I ever paid money to see was that movie where Antonio Banderas is an assassin. No, not the one with Sylvester Stallone. The one with Lucy Liu. I'll give you a chance to IMDB it. Yeah, now you remember. They actually ret-conned the story in the middle of the movie. It was the most bald-faced and shameless thing I've ever seen a movie do. Then of course, there's every movie that Uwe Boll has ever made. The man loves to buy up the rights to video game franchises and then make schlock movies out of them. They are so terrible that they are actually an assault on reason and intelligence.

Finally though, there are those moments that really test our suspension of disbelief where, even though you think it probably wouldn't happen, it doesn't diminish your enjoyment of what you're watching. In talking about Cloverfield, Chris has already mentioned my complete disbelief at the scene where they don't try to keep up with the fleeing rats and instead decide to play with their camera. Its true, I was quite disbelieving of that. My feeling is, if you know that bad shit is going on and you get even an inkling that something around you is wrong, you are booking it the fuck out of there. Rats are fleeing and someone says they might be running away from something? Shit! Run! At the same time though, the scene that it produced was exciting and the following scenes were creepy. The writers may not have thought they were taking a gamble on this, but if they were, I think it worked. Sure, I didn't really believe the scene, but it did serve a purpose that I was perfectly okay with. There are different reasons why we may not believe what we are watching, but it doesn't always have to impair our enjoyment of what we are watching.

Still. Fucking ewoks...

Cheers.

Cloverfield

2008-01-21T10:50:00.000-08:00

So, on my day off and in dedication to the people of Mr.Brooksknockedupnancydrewistan, I'm going to do a short post about Cloverfield. I'll just say this first off. I loved it. I hated the Blair Witch Project. I thought it was a stupid film school project and it gave a bad name to independent horror movies by knocking off Halloween as the largest grossing. That whole shaky camera realism that they went for? Okay, somewhat interesting but I truly felt everyone needed to die in that movie because it made me queasy.
Cloverfield is different. Its what if someone tried to make a movie instead of a film school project. The special effects are rather good and I enjoy not being able to clearly identify the monster but still being aware of what its capable of destroying. Did I think some of the decisions were bad? Well yes, as Scott points out often recently, rats are running away and you put on nightvision instead of running in the same direction. Honestly, I have no idea what I'd do if a giant monster entered my city. Some have criticized the characterization in the film. I don't. I think it worked for me. For me, the movie really is heartbreaking. I can't really explain it readily. During the movie, I had the song Mad World in the background of my thoughts. The theme to the movie Donnie Darko is haunting. I had the Ed Alleyne-Johnson version of the song going. Listen to the preview of it on Itunes and judge for yourself. Maybe its a bit of the crush I have on Odette Yustman that has me thinking about this movie a lot besides the whole monster destroying a city without reason. Odette Yustman plays the really smart girlfriend on October Road (a terrible show written really poorly that I can't help but watch because I hate myself). I've talked about her in previous posts. Yustman is the close friend (Beth) of Rob Hawkins, film protagonist and played by Michael Stahl-David (from Chicago). She slept with Rob Hawkins and he kinda freaked out and didn't call her for weeks. Now, Rob Hawkins is having his going away party since he is going to Japan for a new job. Beth comes to party and they fight. Beth leaves and monster attacks. The movie centers around Rob's quest to rescue her in the face of this monster attack.
I can't help but admire it. I respect boldness and she's worth it. I don't know if I'd done the same. Probably not, who knows. You know a movie has done its job when I'm feeling for New York outside of 9/11. Man, there is a lot of 9/11 imagery in the movie. I couldn't help but stare in awe as the US military charged at this thing destroying a city with its horrible creatures spawning from it. Its vicious. In the face of this, Rob Hawkins is going to rescue Beth.
I'm still haunted by the movie for some reason. Maybe its the horror of a city's destruction that looked real. Maybe, its the tragedy and senseless of it all. This wasn't terrorists doing this. This was a monster. Think Mad World.

Stacy Keibler

2008-01-15T11:46:00.000-08:00

Now you may be wondering who she is? I'd suggest if you want to hear what she sounds like and etc, she was on the show What About Brian. Brian and I were probably the only people who watched it but more importantly this is what she looks like. I could go a little more explicit but I'm classy.

New Poll: Dumping Leyla

2008-01-15T08:06:00.001-08:00

So, we can all agree that Leyla is fairly useless on American Gladiators. We can't? Well, Chris and I think so and thats all that matters. So! In the interest of caring what you think, we have a new poll! Who should replace Leyla on American Gladiators when they eventually dump her ass?

Lets meet your lovely contestants!

Door Number 1:
Carmen Electra. As we've already stated, the producers already don't take the female half of the competition seriously, so why don't we get some crazy cleavage out there to shimmy for us? Plus, didn't she produce a bunch of videos on Strip Aerobics? I know Fury used them to get in shape.

Door Number 2:
Stacy Keibler. She's hot. She's a former wrestler. And her hair is blonder than Hogan's. What more do you need?

Door Number 3:
Torrie Wilson. Another wrestler only more current. Plus, she's probably got the same physique as most of the female gladiators. And thats a good thing. Not a bad thing. (thank you Bill Parcells Coors Light commercial...)

Door Number 4:
The former American Gladiator, Ice. This is actually a good one. You do a throwback to the old American Gladiators, bring back the most attractive one, and, in all likelihood, you give children everywhere a potent reminder on the after effects of performance enhancing drugs. Or, you show what a real American Gladiator looks like, setting the stage for some sort of "Special American Gladiators" where Ice jumps into the Joust to show these newbies what it means to knock some heads together. I smell ratings.

Door Number 5:
Hulk Hogan. Seriously, who needs another Host when you've got Hulkamania to keep you going?

If you have other suggestions, too bad. There's only 5 doors. So cast your votes now America! And let us know what you think.

Brand New Day

2008-01-15T06:29:00.000-08:00

First off, I'd to put forth some notes I was writing down while watching American Gladiators last night and talking to a friend. (Read Scott's American Gladiators post if you haven't)
-My favorite line maybe ever "I think American Gladiators could be a great platform to spread Christianity" appeared last night. I do have to say its better than Crusade.
-Belinda Gavin, who competed last night, should use a different name because I knew she looked familiar. Back at the old house, the guys and I had turned on a soft core porn movie and were astonished at how unattractive one of the actresses were. This was indeed Belinda Gavin.
-While watching the first half of American Gladiators, I was on the phone and being informed that she couldn't imagine me married. Okay, I can't either and just because I do have nightmares of the notion doesn't mean it won't happen. Furthermore, she said she could see me running off with some European anarchist or some indie snob. Well I've got that this going for me.

Here is a recreation of a conversation I had with my mom yesterday.

Mom: Hey, how could they do that to Peter Parker!
Me: Well that's an introduction I didn't expect. Yeah, um, hey, and are you talking about the whole marriage disappearing act in the comics?
Mom: I was listening to Howard Stern and he was outraged about it and I am too. So he got on the phone the Marvel editor or something like that Joe Quesidilla-
Me: Quesada, yeah he sucks
Mom: He made Peter Parker's marriage go away with magic!?
Me: Yeah, it was a deal with the devil or whatever to save his sick Aunt May who's been sick since President Kennedy. I think it was caused by Beatle Mania
Mom: Chris, what are they the Catholic Church, they can't just annul a marriage with magic. It's stupid.
Me: I think a lot of people wish they could. But yeah, now he's an unmarried hipster because all hipsters are unmarried...don't worry they'll be back together in a year or two, it'll be this love conquers all and you'll have this scene where the devil just yells like Kahn or I'll get you Gadget! Only this time it'll be Parker! So don't worry.

I hope this offers incite into why I am the way I am. Onto the 10.

1. Nevada Democratic debate tonight! Oh wait no one will watch it because American Idol is on. I've been wondering if more people would watch the debate if there were strippers around? I've stayed away from too much Primary news as of late due to a lot of work here and that my rage gets the better of me. I'm tired of the thinly veiled racism of the Clinton Campaign. I'm not sure what to do about John Edwards. Part of me wants him to drop out because once he lost in Iowa he lost it all. Part of me is wondering why he receives no attention from the media outside of haircuts and Rudy Giuliani does even though Rudy has barely been able to strike up double digits in early primaries. It seems Fred Thompson and Rudy get a hell of a lot more than Edwards gets and he does grab a portion of the Democratic side that is the size of both of them on the Republican side. While Giuliani theoretically leads nationally, he can't keep losing severely in these early ones and still be the front runner even in a field of weakness as the GOP does have.

2. Today will determine Mitt Romney's ability to stay in the race. Michigan Primary. We, Democrats, are dying to take him on since he's as insincere as they come. This may come as a surprise from me, but his economic plans aren't nearly as idiotic as the rest of his GOP field. It seems the rest of them haven't a clue what they're talking about. At least McCain admits he doesn't know anything about economics.

3. That said, if my disdain for Rudy Giuliani isn't clear enough, he went to church with Katharine Harris recently. I didn't think I could dislike Giuliani more...and then bam! The refuge of scoundrels continues.

4. Bill O'Reilly has been crazier than ever. From attempting to confront Obama in a rather ridiculous way at a campaign rally to accusing NBC of supporting terrorism, O'Reilly seems to be going off the deep end. I would feel pity if he weren't a bastard...wait I don't feel pity at all.

5. Britney Spears has lost custody and any rights to the kids indefinitely. It would have helped her cause to show up to hearings.

7. Amy Winehouse is blonde now and still looks like a vampire.

8. TO fucking cried. Honest to God cried over Romo. I would have rooted for the Giants if I knew that would happen.

9. Bjork attacked a photographer and ripped his shirt off. I mean ripped. BJORK SMASH!!!!!

10. Go see There Will Be Blood. Its the modern silent film (its not really silent but you'll get what I'm aiming for). Daniel Day-Lewis is absolutely brilliant. I'm still thinking about the movie. Scott and I laughed at moments that we probably should not have...oh wait we definitely should have. Brother from another mother said in 1911 is still hilarious. Furthermore, "I'm finished," had me dying. With that , I'm finished.

Beware the coming of Roid Mohr!

2008-01-14T06:33:00.000-08:00

I came into work today in an oddly good mood and I feel like sharing it with you all before it peters out. And it invariably will. I've had an epiphany. I like coming to work and I like my job up until I have to deal with my boss. And as soon as he does something stupid (this generally occurs before 10am) my willingness to do anything for the rest of the day has been completely shot. But this isn't the point of my post today. No, I'd instead like to talk to you about two things that are seperate but related. Almost like brothers but from different mothers.

When I upgraded my cable to HD cable, I also made sure to get a DVR with it. I'd never really lived with a DVR up to that point. I kinda wanted one but I didn't feel like spending the extra monthly charges for it. But I had talked to a lot of people about it and they had told me that they had a lot of problems justifying the move to themselves. I mean, its just for watching TV and who wants to spend more money on that? But then they got DVR and they'll never go back. They can't imagine watching TV without it now. Well, I've got it now, and I'd like to reiterate those nameless faceless people I've just told you about. Its a great thing and I love setting up series recordings so that I don't have to watch the show when it comes out and I can watch it at my own pace. Best part? You get to skip past commercials! Unlike Chris, I despise commercials. I hate watching them. Which, by the way, I just saw a Converse commercial where its talking about how we're living in a fake democracy, created by American Idol, and how we're all dead but we're really not dead and then it shows the Converse logo. What the fuck does that even mean?!?! You're a shoe!!! What the fuck are you even talking about?!?!

But I digress. Thanks to the wonders of DVR I was able to record American Gladiators. It took me a week but I finally sat down to watch it. I was excited but also extremely skeptical going into this because American Gladiators was so great, and there are so many ways to fuck it up. But I'm happy to say that I found it thoroughly enjoyable. I mean, in the first two hours, a girl tore her ACL, and another chick smashed her forehead open to the point that she was bleeding throughout the entire Eliminator course. In another one, this guy who had to be practically 40 was talking all kinds of trash to the Gladiators and it was pretty clear that they all hated him. Now, I don't like the whole thing, so lets just go through everything.

The Hosts:
Hulk Hogan. Yes. God yes. He just makes it better and more entertaining by being there. Muhammed Ali's daughter. No. God no. She doesn't bring anything to the interviews and doesn't really seem to have any flair for entertaining. She's just sort of lifeless and thinks that by standing there and smiling, I'm supposed to give a shit. Well, I don't. And who is that announcer they have calling the action? He does a good job, and I kind of like that, but from some of his comments I really wish they just went balls to the wall and got the guys who do Most Extreme Elimination Challenge (MXC). I mean, the show is already heading that direction anyway. So what would you rather have, some guy who thinks he knows what he's talking about? Or two guys who haven't a clue, and couldn't care less. Lets be honest here, American Gladiators isn't about competition or anything like that. Its about entertainment. Its like, take professional wrestling and give it some legitimacy and thats American Gladiators.

The Arena:
I like the new arena. Its got fire. I also like how instead of pads they just have giant pools of water to fall into. Its like the swim of shame. Something that I appreciate. However, we do need to talk about the Eliminator. I can understand and even enjoy that you don't have gladiators. Thats fine by me. But that cargo net is just too tall. By the time everyone gets to the end of it, they're so tired, they barely have the strength to do anything else. I almost feel bad for the poor bastards as they slog their way through that thing. See, you should have the ramp thing first, followed by the wall, the pool of water, cargo net, toss the barrel roll altogether, zip line, pyramid, hand-bike, and then crash through. Or something like that. But that cargo net is just too tall.

The Gladiators:
First off, its pretty clear to me that the producers pretty much ignored the legitimacy of the female side of the competition. Its like during planning meetings they were like "what do we do about the female gladiators? Wait, I've got it. Muscular strippers." Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, but I was under the impression that when women body build, they sort of lose their boobs. So then why is it that every last one of those gladiators has at least a set of large C tits, and upwards to what have to be DD's. And when they're introduced, instead of raising a triumphant fist and looking like atheletes, they undulate in ways that are definitely not kid friendly. Once again, not complaining. But still, it does seem rather unnecessary.

All of the gladiators seem rather gimmicky, and honestly thats okay. Like I said, WWE but with legitimacy. Wolf and Toa are interesting and kind of make me chuckle. But good lord, the big black dude, Mayhem, scares me. 6'6" with dreads. And dear god, when he says he's ready its like the rumbling of hell itself. He frightens me. But, I don't agree with all the gimmicks that the gladiators have. For instance, what the hell kind of name is "Helga"? All the other gladiators have cool names, and she's got Helga? That blows. She's not even Norwegian. She's just some blond chick. And her description talks all this Viking stuff. The fuck? Now I'm supposed to link "Helga" with the mighty hammer of Thor? If you want to invoke Nordic myth call her "Valkyrie" or something. That works much better. See? I should produce. And while I'm on the topic of bad gimmicks, what's up with Titan? Why is his gimmick being a roided out Jay Mohr? Here, watch this.

Titan (Aka 'Roid Mohr [Thanks Chris])

Regular Jay Mohr:

The resemblance is uncanny...

The Events:
They kept most of the old events that were cool and have added a couple of new ones. I like the news ones for the most part. I do like how they've jazzed up some of the events though. Like flinging the gladiator through the air when they lose in Assault. I haven't seen it yet, but I look forward to it.

The Contestants:
I like the contestants. Once again, most of the women appear to be eyecandy, but I'm okay with that. I do enjoy how the contestants talk a lot more trash now. In the old American Gladiators everything was all chummy and it'd be like "A well landed blow good sir!" "Have at you you cad!" Now I'm waiting for the bleeped out bits to come. I feel like they'll either come from Roid Mohr or Mayhem. I do have one complaint however. The show spends far too much time on interviews. There are interviews after every damned event and the interviews always take longer than the event. I don't care that you're doing this for your kids, I care that you're getting knocked around or that Stealth is apparently trying to scissor with you. Thats much more interesting! Why do game shows insist on "getting to know the contestant." Its always the part that I hate. When I was fast-forwarding on my DVR, I fast-forwarded through all the interviews once they grew tiresome. Without commercials and interviews, the whole damn show takes like 23 minutes.

All in all, I have to say that I mostly enjoyed it. There are a few issues, but it was a solid first effort and I look forward to seeing more heads get knocked around. I really hope that the rest of the series is as violent as the pilot.

I'm finished!

Cheers

Happy New Year's!

2008-01-09T08:37:00.001-08:00

So its that time of year again when people start looking back on the past year and also forward to the new one. I don't know about all of you out there in intertube land but one of the most common questions I keep getting is "So, make any resolutions for the New Year?" I would like to take this moment to answer your questions. No. I did not. Nor do I plan to.

Lets be clear on something, there are things that I wouldn't mind accomplishing in 2008. I want to keep working on my home theater that I'm slowly putting together (50" tv, check. hd-dvd player, check. comfy recliners, check. surround sound, hmm, not checked). Like just about every person on Earth, I also wouldn't mind getting into better shape. I also want to find a place where I can grill on a regular basis. Develop a better wine rack. Things like that.

But these are not "resolutions" in any way. I have resolved to do nothing. I don't like the idea of making promises in general so why would I want to make some grand life-altering promise to be accomplished in 12 months time? And yes, for those of you out there questioning me, completing a home theater system is life altering. If you don't believe me, you must have small pathetic little TV's.

Plus why bother making resolutions? Nobody ever does them anyways. Resolving to do something just because the year changed is practically a death sentence for any effort towards personal growth. Think about it, how many New Year's resolutions have you actually stuck to? Liar. You haven't done any of them and you know it.

But this brings us to yet another point in that why do you have to wait til the New Year to try and change something in your life? Sure, the calender year flipped over and we all saw the ball drop but lets be honest. It was a Tuesday. The next day was going to be a Wednesday. So what? We all look for symbols in our lives but this one seems even more artificial and unnecessary than most. My goals for this upcoming year aren't significantly different than my goals from teh previous year. If anything, they are exactly the same. They've just carried over because they are incomplete.

If there is something that you want to accomplish why wait for the New Year to decide to do it? What is the point of that? When 2009 rolls around are you going to sit there and say "well at least I did my resolutions" and then make some new ones? I doubt it. If there are things out there that you want to accomplish then go do them. Don't wait until you can add some artificial, and largely pointless label to it. And no, this isn't one of those "live every day to the fullest" screeds. Hell, if you want to be lazier, I'm cool with that. Lord knows I'm a lazy guy.

Why do you think I'm building a home theater system?

Cheers.

Nicholas Cage's hair

2008-01-09T06:51:00.000-08:00

Hi all. Long time huh? Anyway, you think I'm going to talk about political primary world right? Well yes, but all in due time. Its been a crazy end of the year/beginning of the new year. First off, you know I love baseball. Its something I truly love and I do so much that I actually looked at the Hall of Fame ballot results this morning and saw that Chuck Knoblauch got a vote. Now Goose Gosidge got in so I'm not complaining about that. Jim Rice was 17 short I think. But Chuck Knoblauch?! I want to know the one reporter who said "This guy is a hall of fame baseball player." This is even after he was on that steroids list. This better be his mom who is the reporter who voted for him. I'm sure his dad knows better because he watched him play. I was talking to my friend Christy last night and she observed that Mike Gravel received 133 votes or something like that in New Hampshire. Who are these people? You might as well be voting for Alf...in fact I'd have more respect for you if you did. Okay that's off my chest. Onto primary news.

Congrats to Barack Obama and Mike Huckabee for winning in the Iowa Caucus with large margins. Congrats to John McCain and Hillary Clinton for great comeback wins in New Hampshire. I still hated that Hillary Clinton cried and that somehow humanizes her. I still hate politicians who cry and hope for political gain. I don't know what New Hampshire really does for the race except put Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton at virtual standstill which is going to be great to watch. Perhaps, New Hampshire just likes being weird and unique and it means not a thing. I kinda like on the Republican side that the guy with the most money (Romney) hasn't come close to winning except in Wyoming (If my house moved to Wyoming, I think we'd double the population). My office and I are dying for Romney to be the candidate because that should be easy to take down. Michigan will be fun for the Republicans and by fun I mean something fierce. South Carolina will be the who's the black candidate debate somehow for the Democrats. Game on people.

A list for the past few weeks which includes Vegas trip

1. Go see Beatles Love at the Mirage in Vegas. It reaffirmed my love for the Beatles and it was just so cool.

2. I watched the entire first season of Pete and Pete when I was in Detroit and I really miss that show. I also want everyone to take a moment and think about Artie the Strongest Man in the World.

3. I hate New Yorkers...the city people. I legitimately heard a couple complain that Las Vegas wasn't enough like New York. I just started laughing at it being a scene from My Boys.

4. I have a crackberry now and am already trying to not be addicted to it.

5. I bought my brother the game Rock Band for Christmas and found it to be addictive like crack. However, if I play Nirvana's In Bloom one more time I'll snap. Seriously, the drum kit, two guitars, and a singer make it so much fun. My brother's friend Sam may make it the funniest game ever.

6. I'm declaring a Fatwa on Southwest Airlines for losing my luggage and being ass hats about it.

7. Britney Spears is still a disaster. She locked herself in a room that apparently had a gun in it because K-Fed had bought her one when they were together...I say worst idea ever a lot but I might actually believe it this time. Oh she spoke with a British accent when they strapped her to a gurney to take her to a hospital...creepy, I saw the Exorcist, I know how this works.

8. Vegas is still really trashy though I had great food and I stayed at the Belagio. I mean that shouldn't surprise you about it being trashy but I want to know who the producer was that said Producers, great, hilarious and a popular stage act....we need Tony Danza. I'm literally demanding to know Who's the Boss. But Tony Danza is the star of the Producers in Vegas...Its fitting I guess. I didn't see it but I do believe Angels were working for him to get the role.

PS. I still think Vegas is filled with trashy tourists from across the globe to create a melting pot of trash...Think New Jersey and apparently the Pennsylvania sports fans wrapped with Japanese and various rude Middle Eastern tourists.

PPS. Sigfried and Roy jokes aren't really funny anymore though walking by the creepy tiger statue with their heads is kinda funny in that they try to hide it. Now the tiger cage is a dolphin tank too.

9. I thought about getting my New York Times subscription back awhile back. I won't now since they've hired Bill Kristol....he's worthless and he even screwed up his first opinion piece.

10. Movies! I saw a ton of them. Star out National Treasure II, entertaining but dumb. I don't understand why Nicholas Cage started to look like Tom Hanks in the Da Vinci Code with that goofy hair. BTW, NTII was a Rock reunion for Ed Harris and Nicholas Cage! Now they need Sean Connery. Charlie Wilson's War. I loved it. Quick witted and a great cast. It made me miss West Wing again with the Aaron Sorkin script. Walk Hard. WARNING: There is Dudity. I was warned (Thanks Steve). There is a lot of it. Funny movie but it can wear you out. I still think ripping out sinks is funny though. Look for Jack White of the White Stripes doing an odd Elvis impersonation. Also check out who are the Beatles in it. I also saw Aliens Vs Predator II and actually enjoyed it. It isn't brilliant or ground breaking. Its stupid fun and it literally does tribute to every Alien movie and Predator movie. I had a good time with it but its every cliche that only a fan could love. I'm dying to see Juno before Cloverfield comes out. Who wants in?

11. I picked up the new Cult album and really enjoy it. Get your 80s on!

12. I recently changed comic book stores which is a big deal. You can catch me at Fantom Comics in Union Station on Wednesdays now before class.

13. If you haven't heard about the Hard Lessons, itunes them. They're great and they're friends of my brothers.

14. AMERICAN GLADIATORS! I love it. Its brutal on the contestants as they get pounded by Roid ridden freaks. One woman tore her ACL I'm almost sure of it. A game I've been playing has been how many sexual comments can the announcer make about Crush? Furthermore, how long during a day can I go talking like the announcer before I get hit? Plus there is Hulk Hogan. The show is endlessly entertaining for all the right and wrong reasons.

15. Watching Oceans 11 at 4 AM which is about robbing the Belagio while staying at the Belagio made me laugh.

And the trashiest fanbase is...

2008-01-02T06:51:00.000-08:00

If you are even semi-literate, then you know that our poll about who has the trashiest fanbase in the NFL is closed. If you are illiterate, then I have to ask how you even found our website or, indeed, how are you reading it right now. Brian, I'm looking at you.

The winner of our poll is the entire state of Pennsylvania. You, the heroes of the internet have spoken and its a tie between the Philadelphia Eagles and the Pittsburgh Steelers. Who knew that those damned Pennsylvania Dutch would be such assholes...

Happy New Year all.

Cheers

Christmas is over (And Brian misses the yule log)

2007-12-30T13:30:00.000-08:00

Happy belated Holidays everyone.

I hope everyone had a good Christmas. Even if you aren't Christian I hope you had a good Christmas. There's no reason why Jewish people can't have a good time eating Chinese food and watching movies.

1. Robin Wright Penn and Sean Penn are getting divorced. Jackpot! Now is the time for me to make my move on Princess Buttercup. To take a line from Tom Hanks, "I might not be a smart man Jenny (Robin Wright Penn), but I know what love (a quick rebound relationship) is." All I need now is for Veronica Vaughn from Billy Madison to get a divorce from Pete Sampras.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/Movies/12/28/penns.divorcing/index.html?iref=newssearch

2. How important does a female actress have to be for us to care about them getting arrested? If your answer is "Not very" then I have good news for you. Over the holidays, Mischa Barton, filled with the Christmas spirit (which apparently in this case is a mix of controlled drugs, marijuana, and alchohol) was arrested. Mischa, how is that decision to leave the O.C. working out for you?
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,318538,00.html

P.S. Mischa, I almost forgot that I was supposed to relay a message to you. Robert Downey Jr. called and said he wanted his decision making ability back.

3. Oliver Stone is in Columbia helping to rescue hostages. How long is it going to be until the right-wing media comes out saying there are no hostages in Columbia and it's all a liberal conspiracy.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/americas/12/30/stone.colombia/index.html

That's all for now. I just wanted to make a quick post to let everyone know that I wasn't dead. I will be back in the near future with reviews of movies I have seen recently.

Confessions of an Elitist Populist with a Dangerous Mind

2007-12-21T06:24:00.000-08:00

Yes, I am a contradiction in the title. You think you can't be legitimately elitist and populist at the same time but I try. I'm a contradiction in a lot of things so people with problems with that? Well take it up with the complaints department. So confession time. Its a different ten list.

1. My parents observe this. There are a few times which I have a soft spot. One is for dogs (I really do adore dogs especially my basset hound and corgi). There's a reason I have pics up for Dailypuppy every so often. Another is for elderly people and also people with disabilities. I tend to be fierce in my defense and try to help causes sometimes to my own financial detriment. I just don't like things being unfair for them. Don't expect me to play fair on anything else though especially if it concerns my family. I will cheat and respond completely disproportionately to whatever concerning my family. It will not be fair. One of the things I love so much and I become overly sentimental is the holidays. I have an almost unnatural love for Christmas. I celebrate two by the way. Catholic and Eastern Orthodox! No, seriously, I love Christmas. At one point, I tried to combine both Christmases into one extended holiday...Apparently its a lot more difficult than I thought. That whole thousand year schism is something. And Jesuits do not find it funny at trying to make Christmas into a new holiday. Super Christmas Week doesn't have a great ring. But Christmas is the greatest. For good or bad, you spend the time with the family. Its cold out. You don't really want to go anywhere and they're there. Also there's the presents, yes I do love presents, who doesn't? I tend to give out pretty cool gifts too. I'm always the one in my family that makes sure people get things. There's the Christmas trees, the decorations, and the whole moment in time when there is nothing on television and you just want to relax. When Christmas is done, you will be broke, you will be fat, but it is worth it.

2. On a side note, I saw Atonement on Thursday with ASF and Nicole. Towards the end of the movie, I heard this slap from a row in front of me. Apparently, some guy had passed out and was unresponsive. I lost out on five minutes of the movie as ambulance teams came in to help him. It was odd to say the least. I did get a free ticket to a future movie. But back onto point, Atonement. Its a good movie but I'm baffled by Keira Knightley's character but also in awe that she fell so hard for James McAvoy's character. Maybe its the hardnosed sardonic approach I take to a lot of things but their love affair of 9 minutes that became a central part of the movie just amazed me. May we all be so lucky to encounter that. I guess not quite being the affectionate love type may be the root of me not getting it or perhaps its actually just impossible.

3. I watch a lot of TV. Okay, that's not a confession. I watch a lot of good TV...and a lot of bad TV. I'll confess to watching not only the ever so terrible October Road but also, I've watched the particularly bad Gossip Girl. First, October Road is terribly written. I can write this show legitimately. The lead guy, who disappeared from his home town, wrote a best selling pseudo fiction about the people he grew up with, and now has come back to the town because of writers' block and he's hated by everyone for the book, is a terrible actor. And yet, I still watch it. I think its me not understanding how this actually came back this season. Its also because its an ultimate fantasy I guess. The girl he's with on the show (NOT THAT 70S SHOW GIRL) is ungodly hot and smart. She's not even realistically smart as in no one talks like that but I accept it because I'm easily distracted. The 12 year old is much smarter than I am as well on the show. He's the kid of THAT 70S SHOW GIRL! And I'm okay with him being much smarter than me though 12 because I keep waiting for Ashton Kutchner to tell me I've been punked into watching this. One of the worst parts about my viewing is that I relate really well with the shutin...obscure pop culture references, snobby reading, and a love for tv...yeah its bad. But it could be worse. So Gossip Girl. Gossip Girl reminds me of a lot of the people I grew up with in Chicago so that may explain me watching it. Trust me, it never resolves itself in a nice way. It also has a grand fantasy of a indie guy (not Seth Cohen) who goes to school with all these rich kids and has a crush on the hot girl (she was the hot girl in Accepted which me and 5 other people have seen). Anyway, he's had a huge thing for her for years. Hot girl falls for him eventually. Way too good to be true but hey its TV. The people aren't nearly as well written as the OC was with its quirkiness but...its bad TV you can't resist. I find it somewhat interesting that a lot of bad TV has the theme of people finding their true love and people who wouldn't really meet somehow finding each other. Its quaint.

4. For the 1.5 people who I don't know who read this blog, I can't drive, I camped once and it wasn't even real camping and I'll never do it again, I hate spiders (I truly do, in video games, I'll waste all my ammo on spiders because they freak me out), won't readily eat mushrooms (we'll see on that one could change), I love pies, Ahi Tuna, filet mignon, and I'm not a hugger most times. Seriously, I don't know why people hug so much and often. There's a host of more things which I have phobias and loves.

5. Places I want to go/live by my 34th midlife crisis. You see I go through crisis every so often for any number of reasons and I generally disappear to some part of the globe. I want to live in Istanbul, visit the Holy Land, Cairo, and Romania. I'll probably live in Great Britain, France, Italy by that time. Who knows? I can't sit still.

6. Brief celebrity news: Samaire Armstrong (girl who I have an immense thing for because I can't differentiate fiction and reality) was in rehab and just got out. Tragic...

7. I've tried to stay away from the Jaimie Lynn Spears debacle. I find it hilarious that her mom actually was writing a parenting guide when she already had Britney aka Unfitney. I love the fixation on the father of Jaimie Lynn's kid. As if it matters, because he's 18 and not exactly material to raise a child. Its a PR disaster for Jaimie Lynn's career though. She was on an apparently popular nickelodeon show...yeah....this should open to the door for Rocko's Modern Life....damnit, I'm dellusional.

8. Colbert Report and Daily Show are back in January minus writers... the primary race has gotten too far without them.

9. Stuart Scott of ESPN (a favorite anchor of mine) has cancer. Everyone pray for him and think good thoughts "cooler than the other side of the pillow" is not a suggestion.

10. Stephen Colbert has won the AP Celebrity of the Year. "In receiving this award, I am pleased that I was chosen over two great spinners of fantasy _ J.K. Rowling and Al Gore. It is truly an honor to be named the Associated Press' Celebrity of the Year. Best of all, this makes me the official front-runner for next year's Drug-Fueled Downward Spiral of the year. P.S. Look for my baby bump this spring!"

11. Thanks. Thank you all 10 people who do read this blog. I appreciate it. I hope everyone has a great Christmas and a Happy New Year. I don't think I'll be posting until I get back. I'm doing Vegas soon. I may have to call some of you to get me out of jail though. Good night and good luck.

Epidemic

2007-12-20T07:47:00.000-08:00

When I look at the country I see an epidemic sweeping the nation and it saddens me. This disease is insidious and its infectious. The worst part is, nobody's doing anything to stop it. In fact, most people are actually trying to encourage it. Such behavior sickens me and I attempt to fight it where ever I can. There is a cure though. At least I have a theory for the cure. I speak of course, of that terrible disease, vegetarianism. Oh sure, everyone will try to convince you that its 'healthier' or that its more 'moral.' I say bullshit on both accounts!

In terms of healthier, that may be true. But at what cost? I would argue to you that even if it is healthier you are giving up too much. And vegetarians know it too. Why else do they make tofu products that are supposed to taste like meat products? I know some of you vegetarians out there are already fomenting counter-arguments. Don't even try. I know whats up. I know the score. I know that within each of you, there lies a subtle yet inescapable yearning for the flesh of the fallen. And I know how to bring that yearning out and to fan its flames and bring you back into the light of canniba... carniverous-ness (good save Scott).

See, in talking with several people who were one-time vegetarians I have discovered a single thread that finally provided the needed epiphany. Bacon. Feel your mouth watering a little bit out there? Thats right. Every time I talk to a vegetarian the one meat they miss the most is bacon. And why not? Its salty, delicious, and can be cooked to personal taste. Not only that but its fatty and just melts in your mouth. You know you want some. How many soy products have you gone through that try to simulate the taste of bacon?

The argument against marijuana for all these years has been that it is a "gateway" drug. That by doing weed, you'll be pushed down a path to try harder drugs. Its a total crap argument, but it does provide me with my cure to vegetarianism. Bacon is a "gateway" meat. People crave it, and once they try bacon then the argument against things like chicken, turkey, or a porterhouse because less salient. After all you've already had pretty much the least healthy meat out there. Whats the harm in trying a steak?

The group that is most to blame for the moral argument against meat is probably PETA. And how I hate them. They claim that the animals are treated cruely and all that malarkey. But lets think about it for a second. If you buy free-range meat (of which there's quite a bit) then they aren't treated cruely at all. Instead they are fed and cared for their whole lives. And just when they're at their prime, when things can't get any better, they are slaughtered so they never have to know a decline in happiness. Sure, they don't see it coming until that impact hammer is placed over their skulls, but really, we've bred all intelligence out of them so its not like they'll even know it. So whats wrong with that? Plus, these are the same idiots who do things like change their name to "KentuckyFriedCruelty.com." Seriously. Do you want to be associated with those loony sons of bitches?

I'm usually not a huge fan of fast food, but I would suggest (with all apologies to Chris) that you buy every vegetarian you know the Baconator from Wendy's. Its got 6 strips of bacon! Sure, thats a heart attack waiting to happen, but I say that you hit them with as much bacon as you can. Really break down that wall. Once that wall is broken, then you can start treating them to things like chicken wings, turkey gumbo, ribs, brisket and all sorts of other fantastic options.

So help me my loyal readers. Together we can end vegetarianism in our lifetime. It won't be easy and it will require perserverance.

But it will be delicious.

Cheers

Update on Chris Dodd

2007-12-17T18:28:00.001-08:00

I'm damn proud of him. He succeeded on the bill being pulled off the floor. I know most of you if not all of you don't have any interest in this stuff but humor me. Some people wonder why Chris Dodd is at the table for the Presidential race. He spoke for 10 hours today. I don't think he's a viable candidate for the Democratic nomination for but he's a good man and if he were a Republican, he'd be the best candidate there. Yes, shocking, I have ideals and I love my country.

Here's Ted Kennedy helping out Chris Dodd.

Chris Dodd's speech when it was clear the FISA bill was being pulled off the table

New Poll: Who's trashier?

2007-12-17T11:19:00.000-08:00

Its that time again my loyal minions of readership! A new poll is coming to Mr. Brooks Knocked Up Nancy Drew!

This time 'round you will have the honor of picking the trashiest fans in the NFL. Now lets take a moment to meet our lovely list of contenders.

Dallas Cowboys: They named themselves "America's Team" and their quarterback is dating a hot blond who's dumb as a... well a blond i suppose. I guess I don't really need a punchline there. Now I'm thrown for a loop.

Pittsburgh Steelers: They do carry around a towel at all times. Is it perhaps because they've been wallowing in trash and feel the need to clean off every now and again? Is that trash or class? You decide!

Philadelphia Eagles: Usually teams that spell out their own team name are pretty trashy. Add to the fact that they actually threw snowballs at Santa in the 1960's and you've got a real contender right here. Of course, they are my personal favorite team, so take that for what its worth.

Atlanta Falcon: They used to be called the Dirty Birds. They still support Michael Vick. Plus, its Atlanta. Does the Deep South also mean Deep in Trash?

New York Giants/Jets: This one's a two-for. The Jets also only have the mental capacity to spell out their team name (though it is easier than spelling E-A-G-L-E-S... just saying) and also they pour into Radio City Music Hall every year for the NFL draft with the express purpose of booing their team's draft. The Giants on the otherhand have some of the whiniest, bitchiest players on the planet but does that extend to their fan base?

As always, please place your votes and if you would like to offer up a write in candidate, post one in the comments section.

Skullduggery

2007-12-17T08:10:00.000-08:00

Generally, when I start one of these little screeds, I begin with a declarative statement about myself. Sometimes I get laughed at for them. Sometimes I don't. Anywho, lets begin, shall we?

I have been accused of many things in my ever-so-short time on this Earth. Many of them have to do with vile ideas, a general lack of ethics, temporary or permanent insanity, and what have you. Despite all of that though, I firmly believe in a very quaint idea that I don't think gets enough credit these days: honor. I just wrote a huge big rant on college sports that was basically an indictment on the lack of honor in that system, just as a for instance. Which, by the way, I feel perfectly vindicated now that news of WVU's coach abandoning his team for Michigan has made it to the airwaves. But college sports is not my target this time around. No, fantasy sports is.

We're coming to the point of the season where its the playoffs and only those that successfully managed their teams get to keep playing for anything meaningful. I play in two leagues this season: one for money, one for nothing. In the nothing league, a player dropped all of his most talented players because he is not in the playoffs. He expected to see a scrum for all of his players as the best teams attempted to pick up his players. Instead, he saw a torrent of angry messages decrying his move and calling on all the other playoff teams to boycott those players. So far, everyone has agreed and the commissioner reacted swiftly to more or less block those players from being picked up. When the player realized that he was suddenly the most hated man in our league, he was shocked. Statements such as "wtf?" and "of all people i never would have expected it from him" and (from the commish) "he's no longer welcome in my league" have been bandied about.

Why? What does it matter? There's nothing to be had by winning the league, after all. I'll tell you why there was such anger. His move lacked honor. He lost. He's no longer playing. So in a fit of spite he decided to try and bring it down for everyone else. I'll be honest with you all and say that in my money league, I considered doing the exact same thing. But I didn't. I don't want to ruin the fun for everyone else just because I have sour grapes.

See, among a group of friends, or even acquaintances, you have little to judge a man on other than his word and how he comports himself. A man's sense of honor and integrity is the only way that you can understand his character. Can you trust him? Can you rely on him? Or will he stab you in the back because he's feeling spiteful?

The player in question may not have committed some egregious act here. All he did was drop six players who, for the most part, have had modest fantasy seasons. But everyone else undersstood that to win with any of those players on your roster would be fraudulent. Any win with those players would have the stink of someone else's classless move and even though you may have won, your victory would always be attached to that. Your victory would never be a true "victory." Everyone in our league understood that except for one player. He attempted to ruin the season for everyone else. And when he was accused of just that, he was shocked. I suppose everyone else in our league was just a more honorable individual.

Sure, its only fantasy sports, but in many cases, you play the same people every year. Players develop reputations. Don't trade with this guy, that guy makes terrible moves, that player over there tends to quit after half the season. You remember these reputations and you remember who burned you in the past. But so far, nobody has ever acted dishonestly in my leagues before. His actions were low. And he will be remembered for that. His reputation is now one that says "I play without honor or integrity. Do not trust me."

And we won't.

Cheers.

Filibuster! or how I learned to love I am Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

2007-12-17T06:36:00.001-08:00

Today, the Senate will be debating the FISA Bill and one of my favorite events in politics, I'm hearing will take place, the filibuster. Republicans have been threatening to do filibusters without having to do them and I hate them for it. I also hate that my party doesn't want them to filibuster. The very threat of a filibuster somehow wins. Remember that Republicans during the last congress wanted to destroy the filibuster because they do love one party rule. The filibuster is a fantastic thing to watch but it takes willpower. I'm convinced that the Republican senators are mostly idiots anyway. I like very few outside of Hagel, maybe McCain if I'm not feeling alright, and a sporadic group. So I can't expect them to be the filibustering kind. But y'know who is? Chris Dodd does. I'm not a supporter of his presidential campaign. I mean, I enjoy him running because he's damn smart but I don't see him as a viable candidate. He's going to filibuster today because we cannot give immunity to telecom companies for their acceptance of illegal behavior. There's a moral idea that accepting an illegal order makes your activity illegal as well and you should be punished. The President began this program before 9/11 so take that 9/11 changed everything crowd. So rock on, Chris Dodd. Rock on and read things like Ulysses, the Constitution because they need a brush up, I want a huge filibuster. I want it to go for as long as necessary and when Chris Dodd gets tired, someone needs to step up. I'm hoping its one of my state's people, Durbin or Obama. Both are great in my eyes. Now onto the list.

1. Came across this interesting article by a David Frum...yup he's a Bushie, welcome to reality.
I happen to enjoy this part.
"And yet it also has to be admitted: Many of us on the conservative side have fed this monster. (Rightly) aghast at the abuse of expertise by liberal judges, liberal bureaucrats and liberal academics, we have sometimes over-reacted by denying the importance of expertise altogether.
'Heart' is crucial," one of George W. Bush's early evangelical supporters argued in a 2005 newspaper column. This same writer accused those conservatives who questioned Bush's "faith-based initiative" of having "holes in their souls."

So now instead of holes in our souls, we conservatives are getting candidates with holes in their heads."

2. Mitt Romney annoys me but amuses me in a sardonic way of course. You see, Mitt Romney is the most insincere person running for office right now. Its true. He'll say anything to get a vote even if they have video evidence indicating his beliefs otherwise. He's like people you know who will agree with anything you say just so they can avoid the possibility that they might have an opposing view point that would cause you not to like them. You could say I'm pro eating babies and posting the skeleton on an upsides down cross and seeing if it'll work as a pogostick. And they'd agree with you and support you in your baby eating, unholy, pogostick worshiping ass. Mitt Romney is a pandering moron who now has to correct himself all the time because when you run for president, you're on video a lot and you say things a lot. When you say, "freedom requires religion," those charming atheists and people with common sense (not excluding atheists from common sense but including people do believe in Got and have common sense) that believe in the freedom of religion or freedom to not have religion depending on your philosophy will take note. Mitt Romney, being a member of a very "interesting" and unorthodox religion known as Mormonism (a church known for its rather crazy members with messianic complexes (I mean who doesn't have one) and its qualities to restrain women in an extreme and somewhat amusing contradictory way), claims that you cannot be free without religion. There are problems. He's trying to claim he was invoking John Adams...that's funny...I'm pretty sure people who aren't free have religion. I'm curious to see how much he's read of the founders of the United States.

3. Hmmm...I'm not quite done hating Mitt Romney. I'm a bit emotionally frozen. Its a quirk. I don't cry and I definitely don't buy into politicians (that includes those televangelists) who cry. Mitt Romney began to cry on Meet the Press when talking about when Mormons allowed black people into their church's hierarchy...How quaint, the same week that he gets railed on the idea that his church is fairly racist he decides to get weepy on TV. I don't buy it. I find it amusing that many Romney supporters love to criticize Hillary Clinton on being a political opportunist. Hello pot, meet kettle. Why don't you cry over that? Are you for pots meeting kettles? I'm pretty sure you can find Romney probably was on both sides at different times. He'll cry about that too...

4. CREW has posted their top 10 ethics scandals of 2007

No new enforcement mechanisms for congressional ethics;

Ted Stevens still sitting on Senate Appropriations;

Senate Ethics Committee looking into Sen. Craig, but not Sen. Vitter;

Millions of missing White House emails still unaccounted for;

Rep. Murtha’s abuse of the earmarking process remains unchecked;

Lurita Doan remains chief of GSA despite illegal conduct;

White House covering up its role in the firings of the U.S. Attorneys;

No Child Left Behind funds directed to Bush fundraisers who provide inadequate reading materials for kids;

Court decision regarding search of Jefferson’s office limits ability of DOJ to investigate other corrupt lawmakers; and

FEMA knowingly let Katrina victims live in hazardous trailers

I agree with all of them regardless is party.

5. I cannot stand Michael Wiener Savage. I find him to be an awful creature that when he couldn't get a job, he turned into a racist, homophobic, vitriolic, douchebag with a microphone. I'm glad he's losing ad revenue.

6. Tony Romo has really hot Jessica Simpson to go home to + Tony Romo has really hot Jessica Simpson come to game and he has worst game of career against eternal rivals, Eagles - I'm still taking that plus but man, if she has cursed you, as you get crappier, I'm not sure her dad will let you date her.

7. How is it that Britney Spears even has a case anymore? I mean we've reached a new weirdness level where its not just that most of us side with K-Fed now, its that its decisive. How is it she never shows up to court and they keep it going?

8. Amy Winehouse is determined to sing at the Grammy's....yeah we'll see. She also was determined to do the next Bond theme....and that's a nope now.

9. Congrats, Miami, your Dolphins are still terrible but you're not the shutout season.

10. Review time! Normally, nicknames should be shorter than the actual name but in this case, this nick name has legendary status and has to keep going. I am Legend aka I am Fresh Prince of Bel-Air is the name of choice for the movie. IAFPBA as the kids call it is an enjoyable movie even if Will Smith is alone with his dog for most of it with interwoven flashbacks. Boy, do you get attached to that dog too. Sam, the dog, is the best actress in it. The funniest in theatre moment of the movie is the announcement that the Cubs are a World Series team just as the world ends...So I was kinda happy we made it as Scott just mocked me. I didn't like the CGI in the movie actually. The infected people just didn't look right to me. They looked like the Mummy creatures in the Mummy movies that had Brendan Frasier and that movie was made quite awhile ago for the tech to look that way. Otherwise, I enjoyed the movie. Good disaster movies make fun times. The survival aspect is really interesting. It reinforced that I'm a dead man at the end of the world...which I'm okay with realizing. Go see it.

11. I also watched the Kingdom last night. It had Jamie Foxx and tells us that the Saudi Arabia nation has lots of problems and they don't like Americans. I've read reviews that said the movie was xenophobic and racist. Well, there are people in Saudi Arabia that do want to kill Americans and Westerners in general. Let's recall the 9/11 hijackers were mostly Saudi, Bin Laden is a Saudi prince, and that Wahhabism (a fanatical element of Islam) is awfully strong in Saudi Arabia so I won't fault the movie on that. I thought highly of the movie actually. Its not every day that you see a car chase in Riyadh. I also disagree with the xenophobia accusation. I actually think it presented characters well. My favorite character in the movie was the Saudi captain working with the team team. They show his family life really well and its an aspect that we don't see often in movies. Jeremy Piven has a small spot...who knew, he's a dick there too. Ari in Saudi Arabia is just Ari with big words. The last half hour is pretty good action. I'll buy the DVD when it comes out because I enjoyed it and I'm fascinated with the Middle East.

Endgame

2007-12-14T11:16:00.000-08:00

I'll tell you what. You can tell me how popular football is or basketball and I still don't think either is America's sport. You can rattle off numbers about ratings and I'll just respond, American Idol dominates in ratings. Is that how we should define our good TV? If so, then stop talking because I'm done with you and there's a good chance I won't respect your opinions. Ratings...The funny thing about ratings is that they don't tell the story entirely. But something big happened yesterday and MSNBC decided to delay their airing of the last Democratic Debate before Iowa in favor of presenting the Mitchell Report, a severe damnation of America's greatest sport. There's something profoundly gentlemanly about baseball in our collective memory. It isn't a group of men smashing into each other hoping to breach in order to get to other side of a field. It isn't men or women rapidly putting a ball through a hoop. No, baseball is paced. Its cold and calculating and the plays occur in a blink of an eye and then slow down to a wonderfully manipulated and countered spot. Baseball has never been home to gentlemen, let me preface this. Uneducated, gambling, drunks, and womanizing lot have dominated the sport since its creation. Yet its the sport of gentlemen somehow. The man most responsible for the game as a sport of gentlemen is most likely Walter Johnson. You may ask who? He was a fantastic pitcher who had a 20 year career as the finest pitcher maybe ever. He threw so hard that it terrified hitters. Except he never wanted to hurt anyone because he played fair in his eyes. The man was a hero to many and always played with honor.
You may be wondering what this has to do with the Mitchell Report. Well, its about honor and heroworship. You see, outside of baseball, soccer is the other global sport that reaches the world on an unimaginable scale. Baseball has a firm entrenchment in American history too. The 7th innning stretch is a tradition based on William Taft not being able to fit in his seat. Take me out to the ball game song was a broadway hit. Singing the national anthem started in baseball before all other sports. Baseball is something wonderfully American yet it is everyone's. Its a sport that is democratic in its nature. Ask Arod about what its like to be on a team where you're the only good player. No you need everyone to work or you all fall apart. I could go on forever because baseball is a sport I love. I love being at the game with anyone and eating that hotdog that I don't know what its made of. I love sitting at home yelling at the TV...honestly, I do that for other sports too but baseball is something that I will watch any team though my Cubs are supreme. Its the sport I look forward to every year when my team is eliminated from a chance at the World Series chance. "There's always next year." My entire life I haven't seen the Cubs in the World Series. In my grandfather's lifetime, he hasn't seen them win one. In all this, with Bartman, with bad luck, with just pathetic teams, it was this week that baseball broke my heart too.
George J. Mitchell was a well liked senator. He could have been a Supreme Court Justice. George Mitchell loves baseball and in his post retirement from the Senate, he's done a lot of things. He will now have infamy as the guy who let loose the floodgates on steroids. Its not like we all don't know that so many athletes. Its not like we all don't think Barry Bonds or others didn't cheat. The Mitchell Report revealed a lot about the status of baseball. It revealed that Roger Clemens is the dick we all think he is. When we were in awe of how he was able to play this well as old as he is, he told everyone its because he worked hard. That was a lie. I sat and read most of the Mitchell Report which is 409 pages and felt sad. Not only is it tragic that players who were already talented felt they needed to take these drugs, but there were many players on the list who were just desperate to make teams. There were just as many average players on the list as there were superstars. I'm also angry at many of the superstars on the list because like Miguel Tejada, Roger Clemens, Jason Giambi did this. I can't live it down. I can't live it down that these players needed to do it. Babe Ruth, maybe the greatest hitter ever to play, was not sober for many games and he did what he did.
Many of baseball's stars are cheating and Mitchell details how they went about it. Needles in the club house, meetings to exchange for these drugs, and these players distributing to other players all were efforts to bring this abomination into a sport I love. Its amazing on the list how many Yankees and Orioles are on the list too. I can understand something about the Yankees doing it. There is an absurd amount of pressure put on them. My thing is that the O's aren't regularly going to the playoffs even with a team of steroids. So have we reached a point in baseball where the norm is steroids. If that is the case, I don't know what to do with baseball.
In 1919, America's heart was broken by baseball. The Chicago White Sox threw a World Series. All the White Sox players involved in the scandal were banned from baseball and the hall of fame. It was devastating. It ruined lives and it took something extraordinary to recover from. Babe Ruth saved baseball and made it great again. Baseball used to be just cricket with a harder edge. Babe Ruth made the game a sport. He made the homerun huge and more than just a phenomena. Baseball wasn't broken by Pete Rose. In 1994, we had the strike. I used to collect baseball cards until then. The season was canceled and could have ended baseball. The recovery was extraordinary though. Cal Ripken breaking Lou Gehrig's record really did save baseball. There followed a homerun craze that is not marred by the steroids now but it was great then. With Palmero and McGuire steroid bit a few years ago, the Mitchell Report players, and the increasing costs of going to games, I don't know what saves it this time. Maybe its the influx of talent coming from Japan. I legitimately think the Cubs have to go to a World Series.
Do I still love baseball knowing its full of people who are cheating? Yeah. I can't help it. I want a Cubs World Series really bad. Do I hate the Yankees more because not only are bad people but also because they're bad people who cheat. George Mitchell doesn't think the players should be punished but the tests being more random and more money spent on the tech to keep up. I disagree. I say ban all of them. I say they're banned from the MLB and they can't get in the Hall of Fame. Even if Derrek Lee, my favorite player, was on a list or a future one, I say ban him. I'd make it standard policy after a board makes an overview of what the player did and the evidence and then I'd toss them. This is unacceptable. Will this happen? No. The Players Association would never allow it. But one can dream. Yeah I could write this better. I'm tired, mad, and I'm not going to take it anymore.

Lying Liars

2007-12-13T06:40:00.000-08:00

If you pay attention to the NFL, no doubt you've heard of the resignation of Bobby Petrino. If you haven't, allow me to explain: the head coach of the Atlanta Falcons resigned after 13 games to take a job at Arkansas University. Or University of Arkansas. Whoever has the "razorbacks." I can't keep these names straight and I don't much care to. Anywho, Mr. Petrino declined to tell his players or much of his staff that he was quitting until about the day of. I'm fairly certain that many of his former players learned about the development the same way the rest of us did, from ESPN.

Thus, Bobby Petrino continues a long running glorious tradition of college coaches, who jump to the NFL, being huge assholes. Like we're talking some of the biggest assholes and lying-est liars out there. From what I've read, on Monday Petrino shook Falcons owner Arthur Blank's hand, said "You've got a head coach" and then quit on Tuesday. Now that is despicable. But, lets remember, that while Nick Saban did the exact same thing last year he at least had the good graces to wait out the season. If you read any of the news about "Petrino-Gate" then you will see what a total douche bag this man is.

But (and you should have seen this coming) this brings us to a larger point: the college system for football is totally messed up. You've got the annual coaching carousel where coaches out and out lie about everything, there's an insane amount of skullduggery (bet you didn't think you'd ever see that word), and a Bowl system that is the most ridiculous thing on earth. In the past couple of years I've gotten really into the NFL. But college football remains completely impenetrable to me.

First off, you've got the coaching problems. That teams are routinely trying to steal the head coach of other teams. This seems to lack dignity and honor to me. If I'm a fan, how am I supposed to trust the head coach my team just hired if he just abandoned his previous team. He's a traitor and he's full of betrayal. Just because a traitor stabbed someone in the back for you doesn't mean he won't then turn around and stab you in the back. Look at Benedict Arnold. He died in disgrace over in Britain (Chris, fact check that for me). Why? Because he was a traitor.

Second, the players. Everyone who likes college football more than professional football says that they don't like the NFL because all the players are just playing for money. Some of them are, thats true. But look at it this way. If you're an amazing NFL player, you've got enough money where you'll never have to work again. What's your incentive for still playing hard? Why do people like Peyton Manning and Tom Brady and LaDanian Tomlinson and Mario Williams all play so hard when they've got more money than they'll ever need? And also, whats wrong with that? At least in professional football, the football players are just that: football players. We've all deluded ourselves into thinking that college football players are students first and football players second. And for many of them thats true. But lets face it, college football players are playing for one of two things (or two of two things): to keep their scholarship, and to make it to the NFL. Plus, once a player reaches elligibility, he can abandon your team to jump to the NFL. Sure, free agency means that players can sign elsewhere if they want, so I'm willing to say that argument might be a wash.

Also in terms of players, and it may be too early to tell, but there's little accountability these days in college football. The NFL has been embarrassingly short on accountability in years past, but so far Roger Goodell, the commisioner, appears to be a hangin' judge. And I like that. You're a professional football player. Key word is "professional." Time to act like it.

Third, the bowl system. Any time I feel like I need a degree in theoretical mathematics in order to follow the progress of my team, I feel like something's wrong. Now, keep in mind, this only applies to Division IA football. Division IAA actually seems like it would be much more appealing to me because it's system appears to be more about crowning the best team, rather than making a crap ton of money. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind capitalism. I think its a great thing. After all, it works. Communism is a bunch of crap. Socialism I've got nothing against. But lets remember that in sports you need to know where you stand, otherwise, whats the point? Oh sure, the NCAA tries to say that the best teams go to the National Championship and that the bowl system determines who is better than who. But thats a crock and we all know it. The bowl system only exists to make the NCAA an obscene amount of money. Again, I have no problem with that, but be honest about it.

And thus we come full circle to why I can't abide college sports, or apparently the coaches who come out of it: its a charade. An illusion. A self-imposed lie that we all choose to either buy into or not. From the motivation of the coaches, to the player/students (note the order there), to the institutions themselves. I don't mind the underlying motivations that drive everything at the NCAA level (money) but I wish they could be honest about it. Sure, part of any sport is subterfuge and lying so that the other team doesn't get some esoteric advantage over you. But at least the NFL is honest about why it exists: to make money. Everybody is more or less honest about their motivations. So seriously, stop lying. Nobody believes you anyway.

But it is fun to watch the Falcons fail.

Cheers.

Today is a day of mourning

2007-12-12T06:55:00.000-08:00

There will be no 10 today. Jessica Alba is pregnant. Cash Warren, a director's assistant on the Fantastic Four movie, is the father. Welcome new K-Fed. Everyone knows having a kid saves a relationship. If you wanted a production assistant, I would have gladly volunteered and I'm higher ranked than that....sadness...your hotness will be missed because in the months that you are pregnant, you'll be replaced by some starlet.

Fracking Nematodes!

2007-12-11T08:05:00.000-08:00

Say that outloud. I just thought I'd blend some pop culture into the title. Anyway, on Thanksgiving, one of the Nickelodeon spinoff channels aired the first episodes of some of my favorite shows of all time. Doug, Rugrats, AHHH Real Monsters, Rocko's Modern Life, Ren and Stimpy, and Angry Beavers all on the same day. My brother and I DVRed the whole set. I was thinking about how much I enjoyed them and realized that cartoons are one of the aspects of our lives that haven't progressed well. There have been some very good cartoons in the past few years like the Justice League Unlimited (now ended due to soul less people). Even The Batman show has gotten better though its start was god awful. But I hear things like the Rugrats are in high school now....yes I feel old, and I'm disappointed. I blame developments like Pokemon and all that weird Japanese cross promotional video game/card game/ something cartoons. But there aren't any shows that are as fun as Doug and Rugrats were. There aren't any ones as quirky as Rocko's Modern Life and Angry Beavers were. I feel I have to be somewhat high to enjoy spongebob square pants. Finally, there isn't any show on the level that Batman: The Animated Series was. I mean that show was amazing and it didn't treat everyone like they were idiotic 4 year olds. Did it have guns? yes. Was it perhaps too violent? Anytime someone says that a cartoon is too violent when its on Saturday mornings, I tend to look at them funny because I can't stand dumb down might be pill poppingification of our pop culture. I see that Transformers is coming back as a cartoon...already I have my doubts that it'll be any good but I am judging that the cartoons l0oks like really bad anime. This March or maybe February, DC Comics is going to release New Frontier. Its an amazing graphic novel and the cartoon is being done by the creator. Go buy it when it comes out.

1. Tony Perkins, of crazy right wing Family Research Council (Rightwing people love to stress Family and research but I have my doubts on both), would like everyone to believe that secularists and their media are to blame for yesterday's shooting in a church....not that they rejected him and kicked him out of the missionary school that he shot up...nope....

2. It seems the CIA and the Bush Administration have acknowledged one big thing if you want to hold them accountable...they can't hold you accountable if you destroy the evidence. Oh obstruction....huh, well don't question your commander in chief!

3. I was reading the Washington Post and I noticed that there is an article on judging Hillary Clinton on her pants suits. Asking how many she has and etc. Well, should we go question the suits of every candidate? I'm glad we're talking about real issues.

4. Why is it that every time I hear Bill Kristol say something I keep hoping its Billy Crystal that'll show up? Bill Kristol needs to get a pie in the face.

5. Nuff Said.

6. Holy god that is creepy and awesome. I can't wait.

7. Led Zeppelin is back.

8. THE HILLS ISN'T REAL?????!!!!!....???? NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, this is news? Thanks Lauren Conrad. I hate the world.

9. American Gladiators is almost here! I used to watch it when it was on regularly...I absolutely loved when they added classic athletes like Walter Payton...I'd kill for a dvd of that.

10. Today, I'm going to review an episode of a show I haven't finished yet. I have 6 minutes left on my DVR of the show. So, CSI Miami is a show I adore for all the wrong reasons but to me they're right ones. Horatio Cane, played by David Caruso, may be a bigger bad ass than Jack Bauer and he has funny glasses that he takes off way too often when he wants to say something dramatic. I totally would love a fight between Jack Bauer and Horatio Cane. Anyway, the episode in question is about a missing super weapon called an evaporator or something like that. Its a big gun that fires something like 100,000 rounds a minute and completely destroys a target. I don't even know if that thing even exists. I leave that to Scott to figure out. But not only does Horatio Cane go hunting this thing but he takes on a Blackwateresque company that has been working on US soil for "national security" reasons doing things that Blackwater does...y'know kill people. Anyway, that's the gist of it really. Horatio Cane= therapy for the Jack Bauer withdrawal since well, you won't see 24 for some time with the strike and he's a bit preoccupied with jail since he's serving 48 days for his millionith DUI. That's all for now.

PS. I was thinking about the metro buses today and the ones that have the light that moves back and forth I really think should say "By your command." okay, you don't get the reference...if you do, well awesome.

The Dream

2007-12-10T06:56:00.000-08:00

Hey I'm back. Anyway, I have this dream..seriously, I do...about making a play list based on the days of the week. My rules are that the title doesn't have to have a day of the week but it helps. The general rule is that you should like the songs you choose. Here's by candidate list. It isn't finalized and these are done without research since I'm fairly exhausted and my mind is a bit numb.

1. Monday: I Don't Like Mondays by the Boomtown Rats
2. Tuesday: (This is a bit harder and hasn't been finalized since I couldn't think of that many) Ruby Tuesday by the Rolling Stones or maybe Tuesday's Gone by Lynard Skynard
3. Wednesday: (Ridiculously Hard as I could only think of one) Wednesday Morning: 3 AM by Simon and Garfunkle
4. Thursday: A lot of people would think I'd go Thursday's Child by David Bowie or Thursday Morning by the Hollies...nope. I'm going with a favorite song of mine Ordinary World by Duran Duran. First lyric is about a rainy Thursday...I could go back to Thursday's Child for consistency though...
5. Friday: Easy one, Friday, I'm in Love by the Cure.
6. Saturday is a big fight...man, that's a pun...I hate myself...Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting by Elton John or Saturday Night by the Bay City Rollers...you heard me. Saturday Morning by the Eels could get in there too.
7. Lastly, Sunday: Sunday, Bloody Sunday by U2. Sunday Morning Coming Down by Johnny Cash could get in there at some point when I'm 50.

So that's my list of week day blues...Got one yourself? I'd love to hear suggestions since well this is a product of my head. Now onto the list.

1. Mormon, flipflopper, panderer, presidential candidate, you're no Jack Kennedy! Mitt Romney gave a speech last week where he was going to explain Mormonism and that whole religious aspect of his ambitious self. John Kennedy, the United States' first Catholic President, gave a speech over 40 years ago clarifying Catholicism in his life and what it would be like in his presidency. Its a remarkable speech. Mitt Romney tried to do the same....except he pandered to the religious right instead detailing how religious he is and etc...unfortunately, Catholicism is not the same as Mormonism. At the time of Kennedy, Catholicism could be examined with over a thousand years of documentation. Mormonism is a little more confusing to many Americans. In fact, I'm hearing Mormonism more and more put with Scientology. I've also heard heresy is a popular word when talking about Mormonism. So his speech just went to the right wing and made himself a pseudotheocrat. Apparently, his spokesperson isn't sure if Atheists and non believers have a role in the United States. So checklist, he doesn't think Muslims have a role in his government, check. He doesn't think Atheists should in American society, check. Christians! A okay! Mitt Romney seems to take issue with everyone elses' faith, why can't they do so on him.

2. I'm amazed Rudy Giuliani went on Meet the Press. I'm more amazed that Tim Russert actually decided to hit him with hard questions. What doesn't surprise me? Laughing is not a way to answer a question, Mr. Giuliani. He kinda just kept laughing like he was on Joker gas when asked why his firm worked for Hugo Chavez or about his tax payer funded booty calls.

3. Let me preface this by saying that I've got some weird crush on Dana Perino, the President's spokesperson. I think she's kinda hot for some reason. I never said she was very smart. She apparently had to ask her BRITISH husband the difference between the Cuban Missile Crisis and the Bay of Pigs because she thought they were the same thing! Sometimes America scares me...okay most times.

4. Mike Huckabee pulled out his Margaret Thatcher....man that sounds dirty...like it could be something so masochistic ....anyway, Huckabee apparently wanted to quarantine AIDS victims in the 90s...proving once more, that Mike Huckabee, though likeable, is backwards. Between this and his own Willie Horton problem, they're going hit him harder as they dig deeper.

5. Howie Long is a douche bag. This is him yesterday morning, "Mike Martz suffers from a rare form of the Al Gore syndrome, where Al still thinks he’s the president and Mike Martz still thinks he’s the head coach…” Really? I mean Really? Howie is this like that time you thought you were an action star? I remember Firestorm you dimwit. Al Gore syndrome? Don't you have an irrelevance syndrome? Shouldn't you be doing Radio Shack commercials? Oh that's right, those were awful. You suffered from thinking you were actor. Before Howie Long makes stupid statements like this, he probably should realize that Al Gore just got a Nobel Prize and an Academy Award. What's Howie Long's movie career been up to?

6. Oprah is really surprising me. I didn't think she could adapt to message as well as she should. Obama is getting record crowds...its a hell of a move to hit this close to Iowa.

7. Scott Baio got married...weird huh? I guess that's the finale to his reality show Scott Baio: Single...I'm not even joking.

8. Tiki Barber is a pillow muncher on Project Runway...Thanks Vicky

9. Amy Winehouse...honestly, just google image her coked out wonder.

10. So I was watching late night TV last night and a few things occurred. One was that I realized for the 47th time that Misha Barton was in the Sixth Sense and I tried to think about when was it that we all realized that Bruce Willis didn't have hair? I mean it was on a permanent thin during Die Hard. The Sixth Sense had that layer that lasted so long...Another question that kicked in was how long was he faking it? Another, thing that happened was a weird transformation occurred when I was watching the Amazing Race. I've slowly began watching it in utter fascination. Its stressful TV with some great editing. Anyway, the Amazing Race does a few things. It makes seemingly normal people look crazy and weird people look normal. I found myself rooting for the hippies for some reason I still can't figure out. The Goth people are fairly entertaining too. But man is there a lot of crying in that show. The relationships that seem like they were normal at some point but then crying comes and shouting and its amazing to watch. My ideal amazing race is utterly savage. You give a set amount of money, a video camera that the team must have at all times and tell them to get across the globe or something like that. The camera must be on all the time and to be replaced at certain points on the globe. None of these mini games. I'd have them have to get across real threats like the desert..okay maybe not that part...but you get it...hopefully.

11. Goodbye Michael Vick... no one likes you. You'll be in jail 23 months...yeah he'll get out early but I'll miss Olker being pissed about Michael Vick. Madden video games won't be the same.

Forlorn For Lauren

2007-12-07T06:06:00.000-08:00

Many of you (all 3 of you out there) may have noticed that we have not been blogging much likely. Chris has already pointed out that he is monstrously busy at work. I too am rather busy. Who would have thought that rewriting a 25 year old financial investment policy would be so difficult? But aside from how busy I am, I have little left to say. Until I learned of a great injustice. For you silent majoritarians out there I feel that it is my duty, my imperative, my DIVINE MISSION to inform you that our very own super-opinionated Lauren has been blocked from posting comments to our blog by her office. She has been silenced, censored, verbally castrated and it is an outrage.

I am sure that her employers felt that by silencing her they would somehow improve productivity. But what her employers, and many others either don't remember or fail to understand is that most jobs these days (and perhaps through all of history but who cares about them?) are incredibly repetitive and boring. Oh sure, some have jobs that don't make them want to stick a shotgun in their mouth and have someone put a "By Jackson Pollack" sign on the wall behind them. But most of us don't.

Back before the days of the internet, people would find diversions by talking around the water-cooler. Hell, they actually had water coolers. These days though we have the internet and with the internet comes things like instant messenger (I prefer gchat), websites that cater to seekers of useless trivia, and yes, blogs. Like this one. Who now has one less commenter.

It is almost unreasonable for employers to think that by paying their employees for 8 hours of work, they should be working all 8 of those hours. It is fair however that they expect the equivalent of 8 hours. And in order to achieve this equivalent, we need our diversions. Or else we'll fall asleep, sit there and stare blankly forward, go back to that shotgun, or (like me) torment co-workers who happen to be from other countries.

With the aid of the internet though, we can do our jobs, and when we get a little burned out find a little diversion so that our brains can readjust. Perhaps company's fear that the internet is a dangerous Siren's song that will lure us to the deadly shores of internet porn and malware while we are at work. But most of our current generation is able to resist this Siren's call because we've grown up with the internet. Some of us can't though (you know who you are out there... sickie) and they ruin the party for the rest of us.

So in response to those bastards that Lauren works for, I propose a firebombing of their offices (when Lauren isn't there). This may seem extreme but I have a personal maxim that really helps out here.

All problems can be solved with fire.

Cheers.

Where's my damn rainbow?

2007-12-04T13:21:00.000-08:00

I don't know about you folks out there in the interwebs, but my office has a vending machine. Real old school one. Its got chips, pretzels, cookies, Snickers, M&M's and the like. But its missing a candy I happen to enjoy quite a bit. Skittles.

I love Skittles. They're tasty. They're sugary. And they provide a great alternative to chocolate. Plus they are bite size, and they aren't messy. We have all the other megaliths of vending snack food, but we don't have Skittles. This angers me more than a little bit. If I want to taste the rainbow, I have to go down to the fucking conveniance store, 12 stories down, to get them. We're talking like a 20 minute escapade for Skittles here, folks. I've done it too. Many times. I consider it a perfectly valid reason to abandon my cubicle.

Now, if the rest of the stock in my vending machine were awesome, I might not mind so much the absense of Skittles. But the stock is not awesome. You've got Snickers. That's a staple of any good vending machine. But you also have 3 Muskateers Mint. Why the Mint one? Plus, you've already got a quality candy bar. Instead of my Skittles, you've got a novelty candy bar that nobody eats.

There's also a spot devoted to Snackwell cookies. What the fuck? Everybody knows those things are just fake diet food and thus serve little purpose. Especially since you have several other cookie options (Milano cookies for one) and you also have several other healthy options (Granola bars). I suspect they are there so people who are dieting or "dieting" can feel good about themselves for eating the "healthy" cookies. This may become a future post, but I hate people who try to make new foods so they can still feel good about their vices while pretending to be good or noble. Anywho, instead of fake diet food, why not just admit the purpose of the vending machine and give me my Skittles?

Here's a good one: TGI Friday's Cheddar Potato Skins. What the fuck is that? Seriously? Why the fuck is something that nobody else in America has probably even heard of in my vending machine? How is this even still marketed or made? I want answers to those questions because I'm fairly certain thats bullshit. Additionally, we've already got Cheddar and Sour Cream potato chips. Why do we need both? We've also got Cheez-its (perhaps the most addicting snack food in teh history of mankind). We have 3 cheese-like options but no Skittles. I love cheese, don't get me wrong, but thats fucking stupid. You're telling me that a brand off-shoot of a shitty restaurant is a better option than Skittles? I will stab you, then shoot you, then nurse you back to health so I can hit you with a Mack truck. Thats how much I hate you Mr. Vending-Machine-Item-Picker-Guy.

How about another example? They have Dark Raisenettes. Once again, my vending machine offers a brand off-shoot but not the original. We have room for raisens covered in dark chocolate but not for sugar covered in more sugar? Half my vending machine is filled with things that are the color of poo but nothing that is colored like a rainbow and has had a commercial that strongly implied the death of a naysayer. That a bunch of bullshit. I'm sure some of you out there have similar angry stories about your vending machines and I'd love to hear them. Post them up in the comments section.

Until then... Believe the Rainbow.

Cheers.

Television Timeout

2007-11-30T16:12:00.000-08:00

The time has come for someone to ake a stand. The Detroit Lions do not deserve to be on T.V every Thanksgiving. It's getting to the point that one of the things I'm tankful for is I already know the outcome of one of the games before it starts. It was fun when Barry Sanders was on the team, because everybody loved Barry Sanders. But if I wanted to watch a bad football team I would rearrange my work schedule so I could watch the Panthers on Sundays.
The Cowboys (as much as it pains me to say), have shown they can consistently put up performences on Slapsgiving that deserved to be televised. They are America's team (if you are trying to convince the rest of the world that America is full of drug users and white-trash fans). I think the Cowboys should get a game, another game between good teams should be shown, and the Lions should think about what they've done.

Robert

P.S. Maybe I would agree to a compromise where the Lions Thanksgiving game was on the NFL Network.

Dignity

2007-11-29T06:13:00.000-08:00

Today gets a different post because I'm annoyed.

"I also want to speak tonight directly to Muslims throughout the world. We respect your faith. It's practiced freely by many millions of Americans, and by millions more in countries that America counts as friends. Its teachings are good and peaceful, and those who commit evil in the name of Allah blaspheme the name of Allah. The terrorists are traitors to their own faith, trying, in effect, to hijack Islam itself. The enemy of America is not our many Muslim friends; it is not our many Arab friends. Our enemy is a radical network of terrorists, and every government that supports them."

These are the words of President George W. Bush. They're good and they're what they should be. Its rare I can say that. So when a Presidential candidate, Mitt Romney, says that “…based on the numbers of American Muslims [as a percentage] in our population, I cannot see that a cabinet position would be justified. But of course, I would imagine that Muslims could serve at lower levels of my administration," I take issue. I take issue at the underlying notion that Muslims shouldn't have even the option of serving higher positions in an administration. Its okay for them to be in lower positions. I find it amusing that a Mormon would use percentage statistics to indicate how high up in the government you should be. Islam is roughly 400 percent larger in the United States than Mormonism. With his mathematics, I don't think Mitt Romney could run as dog catcher....do they still have those? This is fear mongering, idiocy, and pandering. This is typical Mitt Romney and this exhibits a severe hostility that his supporters have for Islam.

It isn't just his supporters. The Washington Post had the audacity to throw up a story about a strange and peculiar internet spread rumor that Barack Obama is a secret Muslim who is a plant to destroy the United States from within. Really? I mean really? The Washington Post should know better than to treat internet rumors as a story. This is the Madrassa rumor again. No substance, just fear mongering. There are rumors about anything online from President Bush being an alien to one of my room mates being an heroin addict. It isn't worth it. There are two underlying notions though with this rumor. IF and I do mean IF Barack Obama is a Muslim, then somehow that shoots down his campaign? Not the most tolerant idea is it? Second, IF Obama is a Muslim, then that means he's going to destroy the nation? I don't think so. That implication is that all Muslims are trying to destroy the United States. I'm afraid only people who think they're defending the nation with other interests are the ones most likely to destroy the United States. We are the greatest threat to our own ideals and future. For the Washington Post to spend time on that story and ignore things that maybe matter more is remarkable.

Things like being oblivious that your company is dealing with someone who helped the 9/11 architect evade the FBI and continues to do so. Things like you used city government resources to hide the affair you were having to your now current wife. That's called corruption and hypocrisy. In case you're wondering, Rudy Giuliani is guilty of both. For the 9/11 architect evasion, read this. Remarkable isn't it?

So as I caught parts of the Republican debate last night, I felt sorry for Mike Huckabee in the coming months because Romney, McCain, and Giuliani are going to be dirty. They're willing to link all Muslims with horrible things. McCain thinks people like Ron Paul allowed Hitler...Yup, he went there. I haven't seen Huckabee do the offensive things the other big three have engaged into though he's come close. After all, he is a running for the Republican nomination. Fear does wonders.

On a completely separate note because I can't stay serious so long. Celebrity update.
1. Helio Castroneves, you may be asking who?! Well, he won Dancing with the Stars. I'll admit I saw one episode and called this one almost immediately. You see he told people that he was engaged to a Aliette Vazquez whom I'm guessing is a random hot foreign girl. However, when I saw him dancing with Julianne Hough on the show. I yelled out he's absolutely sleeping with her (yes I used other terms which got me slapped). Apparently, I'm right. His engagement is over and he's doing things that many guys could dream because Julianne Hough is as the kids say bangin.

2. Chevy Chase has been hired on SNL again! This could be an awesome disaster since outside of Caddy Shack, Gerald Ford jokes ( possibly a bad idea now or awesome idea?), and Vacation references, Chevy Chase kinda isn't funny. I saw him on Brothers and Sisters and barely recognized him. He has an old man voice now too. I heard he's a complete dick too.

3. Holy Amy Winehouse, Britney Spears had another melt down in a store. This time in a Hustler store where she stole a wig and just went crazy not wanting to pay for things.

4. Holy I Know What You Did Last Weekend, Jennifer Love Hewitt got engaged to some Scottish bloke.

5. Tony Romo is seeing Jessica Simpson. Not sure if I can still hate Romo because you can't help but root for him in that...oh wait, I still will hate him.

6. For all you Grey's Anatomy viewers out there, the remarkably attractive Chyler Leigh's first movie is more awkward than a Meredith Grey monologue. Chyler Leigh, who was in the fantastically bad show Reunion, got her start in the epic Kickboxing Academy. The awkward part? Her love interest is her own real life brother! Yes, there are kissing scenes...those crazy 15 year olds.

Good day and Good luck.

Its even worse than it appears but its alright

2007-11-28T11:20:00.000-08:00

Sorry about yesterday, I got distracted by EW's top lists of things during my lunch break...Anyway, today I saw something that horrified me and I actually felt pity which is strange. There are things in the world that sicken me as well as other people. Seeing a hairy friend of mine sumo wrestle smaller guys without a shirt has ensured years of therapy. Today, I saw a guy projectile vomit onto another person on the Metro. It was amazingly gross and I had flashes of the movie Outbreak kick in. I almost ran to a doctor. Anyway, the guy vomited onto her work clothes. See that's where the pity kicks in. What a crappy way to start your day. I'd just quit right there and call in sick. Anyway, here's the list.

1. HOOKED ON PHONICS! Seriously, I understand that the President's speech writers write things out phonetically. I agree with doing that. I've done that myself with people. However, to screw up someone's name at a peace conference of large importance brutally like that....I'm tired of stupidity among other things with the President.

2. Karl Rove wants people to believe that it was Congress that rushed to war! He wants to blame a Democratic Senate for rushing to go to a war that destroyed their numbers until recently. Right, Karl Rove is a douche bag. Go to that far left Liberal website called whitehouse.gov if you want to see that you cannot rewrite history that easy.

3. John Ashcroft has offered himself up for waterboarding. Interesting. He already tortured people with "Where the eagles soar." Time to return the favor.

4. In case you didn't know, Carson Daly is a dick....and then I found out he's crossing the picket line and starting production again. Would anyone really notice if they just showed reruns of his show?

5. Oprah is going to openly campaign for Obama in key states. Barbara Streisand for Hillary Clinton. Ric Flare for Huckabee...wait does he count as a celebrity? Anyway, the celebrity behind Giuliani? PAULEY WALNUTS from Sopranos....I'm not even kidding.

6. For your further indoctrination, Amy Winehouse has cancelled the rest of her tour. It could have been the coke she did publicly or the fact she couldn't stay sober or sane on stage.

7. I'm hearing Britney Spears is pregnant again and this time its with her producer. God help us.

8. Mike Huckabee is winning in Iowa for the GOP!? Check the archives of this blog for the sole pseudo support given to him early on.

9. HUGE REVIEW TIME. I saw a lot of movies recently so we'll go fast. Beowulf! Holy god that was fun. Go see it in 3D and be gitty like an 9 year old. Lions for Lambs...believe it or not, Tom Cruise makes a good neocon Republican. Probably because he's crazy. The story about the two guys in Afghanistan is heart wrenching but the movie lacks something. Robert Redford needed a better script no matter how much I agree with him. Before the Devil Knows You're dead! Utterly brilliant. Most vicious movie I've seen and it wasn't because of violence that did it. You also see more of Marisa Tomei than you thought you would (still have a crush on her). Hitman! I still don't get many plot points but somewhat enjoyable even if it rarely made sense. What am I saying? It isn't very good but watch it with a group and its kinda fun. Gone Baby Gone! Excellent movie...seriously, Ben Affleck did a great job and you should go see it. I loved it.

10. My brother's band the Ivorys had a show while I was home and they were outstanding. They've got a show on the 21st of December I think and if you're in the area you should come. More information to come.

Check it out, I'm still alive and posting

2007-11-26T10:41:00.001-08:00

I've had a rough month and it'll probably continue till about December 5th. I'm still in Chicago till tomorrow. Today's post is a different one. I promise I'll have a post tomorrow with a ten that includes Amy Winehouse doing exhibitionist coke. Today's post is about soundtracks. I once thought that everyone should have a theme song. A song that maybe explains you at that moment in time. These days I think everyone shouldn't just have one song to define themselves at this moment in time but should have a whole soundtrack. After I post this soundtrack, I'll probably put it into my ipod. The average soundtrack is between 13 and 16 tracks depending on length of course. I urge people making their own soundtracks that they don't stick to one genre. I'm going to do one of 16 that somehow fits into how my world looks to me. Keep in mind, I have some that aren't expected.

1. Ludlow by James Horner
2. Rachmaniov or Rachmanioff depending whom you ask how to spell it 3rd Piano Concerto Finale Alla Breve
3. Lucky Man by the Verve
4. Ordinary World by Duran Duran
5. Bad Sun by the Bravery
6. Chicago, My Kind of Town by Frank Sinatra
7. Wisemen by James Blunt
8. Baba O'Riley by the Who
9. Money (That's what I want) by Barrett Strong
10. Clocks by Coldplay
11. Summon the Worms by Brian Tyler
12. Hollywood by Collective Soul
13. Train in Vain by the Clash
14. Pride (In the Name of Love) by U2
15. The Adventure by Angels and Airwaves
16. Ship of Fools by World Party

So there it is at this moment. Me being indecisive, I'll probably change it in ten minutes. What's your sound track?

The Wii-volution

2007-11-15T13:17:00.000-08:00

I don't know if you know this, but I'm an avid video game player. Less avid now than I used to be, much to my great shame and regret. That being said, I have played the Wii. The Wii is fun. It is simple. And in a party environment, it leads to some pretty good entertainment. Do I own one? Nope. Do I intend to buy one? Nope (sorry Danielle). If its so fun, why won't I buy it? Well, to be honest, it doesn't appeal to me. Earlier today, Chris directed me to a blog posting over at Newsweek.

http://blog.newsweek.com/blogs/levelup/archive/2007/11/15/how-the-videogame-industry-shot-itself-in-the-joystick.aspx

Go ahead and take a few minutes to read it. I'll wait. Dum de dum de dum... hmm, what the hell is that under my nails? Ewww. How long has that been there? I wonder how it tast- oh you're back. Find that to be an interesting read? I did too. Perhaps because I disagree with almost every bit of reasoning the man had.

His central claim is that as games have evolved, they have gotten more complex because companies discovered that they could make more money with complex games in the arcades than they could with simple games. This falls in line with his idea that more complex = more satisfying. His other central idea appears to be that because anybody can play the Wii everyone should play. There also appears to be the test of "can a 6 year old play it?"

As to his first claim, he states that Street Fighter 2 was doomed to failure because it was so complex. This is a completely implausible statement evidenced by his own anecdote of the machine being used nonstop for years at a time. Video game companies didn't discover that complexity made for more money. They discovered that more complex and precise controls allowed players to have more control over what happened in the game. This level of control made games more fun because gamers could play the way they wanted to. Shocking concept, I know.

Most developers do not make games complex for the sake of being complex. There is always a reason for that complexity. When looking at a modern video game controller, it is important to consider that modern video game controllers grew more complex because they had to compete with the other console that has been a constant throughout all of videogames: the personal computer. Video game consoles have never been able to provide the same level of control as a simple keyboard and mouse. Instead, they've tried to put all the functions you would need into a small, increasingly ergonomic pad that you can use. You can look, you can move, and you can interact with objects. A more complex controller is just a way of giving someone more control over the game.

Later on, the author makes the claim that small children sometimes can't play children's games because the controls are too difficult. I find that hard to believe. Children are actually really good at picking up a 360 or Playstation 3 controller and learning how to play it. In fact, Chris has informed me of the fact that he got his ass kicked by an 11-year old in Halo. Thats pretty embarrassing but it does happen. The little bastards also generally like to tell you that you're getting your ass kicked by a little punk. The controllers are intuitive. You look, you move, you hit the green or blue button. And it usually is the green or the blue button. In fact, the only people I've ever met who have trouble with a video game controller are old people or people who are too lazy to experiment with the controller for 20 minutes. I've taught sororiety girls how to play Soul Caliber and Halo 3 in less than half an hour. Sororiety girls. Also, I've played a Wii with quite a few people who fit more into the "everybody" bracket than the "gamer" bracket, and the same people who typically have trouble with a regular controller have the same trouble with a Wii-mote. Especially in any department that requires precision.

Now, the author mentions that there are people who are outraged at the success of the Wii. And there are. People like me who are more interested in having fun and killing something and less interested in the console wars refer to these people as 'fan boys.' They are people who trumpet the successes of their system while deriding all others and can't believe that people would actually disagree. Whatever, they're idiots with too much time on their hands. Ignore them.

Moving on though, the author mentions that developers have tried to make their existing games fit on the Wii and thus far they are failed for the most part. I have heard from friends who own a Wii that this is true. The controls don't work, the graphics are ugly, and the game itself just doesn't feel right. If its not made specifically for the Wii, then it generally is going to be a poor import. Sometimes this is baffling. I have a co-worker who owns a Wii fishing game. Fishing could work on the Wii but for some reason the developer made the weird choice that instead of using the Wii-mote like a fishing rod, you would press complex sequence of buttons. Weird and stupid. The author says "good" to this. I'm sorry, I'm confused. Good? We should be pleased that games designed for gamers don't work on the Wii? I would like this explained to me. You're telling me that if I have an X Box 360, I can get all the mini-games and arcade games I want for like $5 a pop off of X Box Live Arcade and play some of the best games to come out this year but if I only have a Wii I need to pay $50 for a set of mini games, and I can't play Call of Duty 4? What the fuck is that? When the author says that the Wii's market is "everybody" I must respectfully disagree. The Wii's market is Nintendo apologists and everybody who doesn't know how to play video games already. Thats a big market, I'll admit. But its disingenous to say that the market is "everybody." This is going to be a question to all the Wii owners out there (and there are a lot of you): How many games are there for the Wii that are both good and made with mature gamers in mind. I can think of four off the top of my head; Zelda, Metroid, and two Mario games. Pretty much the same three games that Nintendo has been making for almost 30 years. Is Super Smash Brothers out? I'll count that as five if it is.

Next, the author derides game reviewers who give poor reviews to Wii games that are just "pure play." IE. the mini-game collections. He notes that one reviewer states that the game was more fun than he expected but still gave it a low score. He then wonders why it got such a low score if it was "more fun than expected" and what the hell did the guy expect anyways? You know what he expected? Value. The cost of video games continues to go up. Gamers are consistently being asked to pony up more and more cash to be able to indulge in their chosen hobby. And for the most part, we're fine with that. Will I spend $60 on Halo 3? You bet your Spartan ass I will. Why am I willing to spend that much money? Because it has a strong singleplayer experiance and then gives me loads of options in multiplayer. The game is worth that $60. The game is also innovative. Value! The problem with a lot of Wii games, at least to my mind, is that the game experiance is shallow and unless you're playing with a bunch of people who it may be new to, the luster of the game wears off pretty quickly. How many times can you play the same mini-game before you get a little tired of it?

The author claims that these games score poorly because they are outside the norm and thus, they are hard to rate. That may be true. But video game reviewers all look for the same things. Is the game easy to handle? Can I play it how I want to or am I railroaded by the developers? Does the game experiance scale to my play ability? Does the game make sense? And most importantly, is it worth my money? One of the specific games singled out is Mario Party 8 which scored poorly. Why did it score poorly? Because the game was a rehash of the previous 7 Mario Parties and random crap would happen that didn't make any sense. Its not that reviewers felt that the game couldn't be "completed" it was that reviewers felt that their actions had little impact on the game.

For a lot of people Wii games meet those criteria. And thats fine. There's nothing wrong with that. But for the people who already know how to play video games, the Wii just lacks value. The Wii isn't the best system, but it also isn't the worst system. It just took a different business model than Sony or Microsoft. If it appeals to that author because he can play it with his 6 year old son, great. People should get the system that they feel they are most compatible with, not the system that people say is the "best." But don't try and make the argument to me that because you can play it with your son its the next revolution in gaming. Because, I have news for you. Your son will eventually get bored with it. That first time he gets to play Halo 5 with his friends in a few years is going to show him what modern games are capable of acheiving in terms of story-telling and control.

Plus he's going to realize that guns and violence (which are in short supply on the Wii) are awesome.

Cheers and happy gaming.

Remember, remember the Fifth of November

2007-11-05T07:49:00.000-08:00

Remember, remember the Fifth of November,

The Gunpowder Treason and Plot,

I know of no reason

Why Gunpowder Treason

Should ever be forgot.

Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, t'was his intent

To blow up King and Parliament.

Three-score barrels of powder below

To prove old England's overthrow;

By God's providence he was catch'd

With a dark lantern and burning match.

Holloa boys, holloa boys, let the bells ring.

Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!

Remember, Remember the Fifth of November when Hollywood could not write. A year or so in the future we'll be wondering why the movie scripts at that time aren't very good...Remember, Remember the Fifth of November as the writers went on strike. Right before hand they let loose a stream of partially finished scripts. Yes I am that Anglophile.

Today is Guy Fawkes Day. Tonight is Bonfire Night. I'm pretty sure I'm the only person I know who gets excited on this day. In the United Kingdom, its a bit like the Fourth of July. There are fireworks, bonfires, and etc. Its a weird day I know. I'm not entirely sure what they're celebrating. Are they celebrating that Guy Fawkes was stopped from blowing up Parliament and the King James I or are they celebrating that he wanted to blow up Parliament and the Monarchy? Also, they do burn an effigy of the Pope which is charming in an old Anti Catholicism binge and by charming I mean odd...Are they hating Catholics too? I once saw some Disney characters in effigy too so has this translated into Anti US as well? Its a great time nonetheless.

Oh I'm posting a list of shows now to have a list for today because its something different than the politics and celebrity news.

1. Battlestar Galactica...yes you should be watching no matter how corny the name sounds. Not only does the show have great characterization but it has a diverse cast. It has a female president that is way more interesting and authentic than that show Commander in Chief ever had. If you like Lost, Heroes, or etc, please do go buy the DVDs, watch its movie on November 24th, and hop on board next spring for its last season.

2. How I Met Your Mother...it is an absolutely funny show. It has NPH as well...aka Doogie Howser. The DVDs are cheap and utterly enjoyable. It airs on Mondays before Heroes does in case you're wondering. 40 Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up, Superbad, or Freaks and Geeks fans will enjoy this. Its also something you can watch with anyone and everyone relates.

3. Pushing Daisies...This show is so god damned cute you can't help but watch it. Its quirky, fun, and has some great lines. Chi McBride is great, in fact, he has almost a hilarious line every scene. I'll admit it I have a crush on Anna Friel and thus biased but Kristin Chenowith is also really good. Big Fish fans can relish in the art direction of the show. its exceedingly pretty to look at with the style of an inner imagination.

4. Life. Now here is a struggling show now that should be watched. Its enjoyable much in the same vein as House is. Damien Lewis (also a British Actor like House's Hugh Laurie is (he was Winters on Band of Brothers)) is a cop that was sent to jail for over a decade and had his conviction overturned. He sued the city for it and won with a lot of money and got his job back. He didn't quite come back all that normal. He's existential now and slightly crazy. Really good and has a good supporting cast with smoking Sarah Shahi and Adam Arkin.

5. Boston Legal..yes its been on awhile. Yes, its preachy. Yes, the show is still fantastic. Boston Legal has a wonderful cast. Just IMDB it now because I'm not going to type out its cast. It also is a show that frames issues in a profound way. Think of this as the liberal's 24. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy 24. But it frames conservative issues in a dumb but effective way with torture and terrorism being everywhere. Boston Legal aggressively approaches issues that are really important in creative and fun ways. I'd like to note that it beat out Sopranos in its last season for best actor.

6. Freaks and Geeks...yup I missed this one when it was on so I caught all the dvds and it was well worth it. Its like Superbad as a TV show taking place in early 80s Michigan High School. Its clever and a generally nice show. Plus it has a guest spot of Samaire Armstrong...yeah I know....Go watch it, you'll enjoy it and hate Fox a little more for canceling it.

7. Wow, canceled before its time as well is Firefly. I love the amount of people who have been coerced into watching Firefly either before or after seeing the movie based on the series Serenity. Fox being bastards aired the show out of order and on terrible nights. The dialog is fantastic. Its not the science fiction you think you're getting into. Think more western.

8. If you aren't watching House, why? Still Hugh Laurie is a fantastic actor. Still Gregory House is an amazing character. Its still one of the best shows on tv.

9. Nip/Tuck...I've been called a lot of names for loving this show...most of them true...but besides the point, this show is unique and provocative. Its also well written. Recently, they moved from Miami to LA and its been better for it. Their mockery of Grey's Anatomy makes the show worth it. They've just become consultants on a Grey's Anatomyesque show and it really is spot on. Go watch and enjoy..yes there's sex, plastic surgery, and weird things but hey, you're better off knowing the world is fucked up.

10. Lastly, at least in my ten for tv right now, go buy the West Wing DVDs. Its fictional I know but really, in this political atmosphere, you need to keep a bit of idealism alive. In the West Wing, President Bartlett isn't petty and an idiot. He is engaging and remarkably smart but not flawless. The staff would never leak a secret agent's identity for political gain. Even the Republican at the end of the series, Alan Alda, showed what politicians should be. I miss the show for all its quirks, its high horsed idealism, and its attempt to make politics human. Go buy them so you can see what we want/need from politics. Can you imagine how the SCHIP debate would have gone?

TV on strike or how I learned to love my DVD collection more

2007-11-01T10:55:00.000-07:00

Its been awhile. Since I've been gone from the blog, a kid is responsible for starting one of the fire. Britney Spears lost her kids again. Amy Winehouse cried a lot...wait, nothing really does change....Anyway, the guys who write our TV and movies look like they're going on strike! Holy god, what will happen to TV! Well, its not good if you don't particularly like reality tv. Unscripted shows are going to thrive once the networks run out of produced shows. Who's going to benefit? Fox will definitely. The strike most likely will last between two and four months. In that time, American Idol will be back and its a beast in ratings even against expensive well scripted shows. They also will most likely expand Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader and shows like that. Fox always has a massive supply of reality shows. ABC has a lot to lose but it does have shows like Extreme Makeover and and Dancing with the Stars. CBS had to summon Amazing Race early because Hugh Jackman's Viva Laughlin fell after two episodes. They'll be okay as long as Survivor holds out and they can rush into production Big Brother. And now NBC....THIS CAN BRING BACK AMERICAN GLADIATORS!!!!....!!!!! They have shows like Deal or No Deal which doesn't do as well as it used to but man are people going to be desperate. American Gladiators can easily slip in. On a sadder note, Daily Show and Colbert Report will suffer immediately.

Movies are less predictable. I've heard of writers just rushing their scripts in this week. My biggest concern is studios taking crappy half done scripts and accepting them as whole. I have this fear we'll get even worse movies that will come out next fall or even a year from spring and be total crap. Studios shouldn't buy shit scripts out of desperation or laziness.

So me being me, I keep a reservoir of DVDs in case of World War III or I can't get good TV. Now onto the list.

1. The strangest thing in politics has occurred. Moveon.org and Right wing bloggers have teamed up to attack Faux News because Faux doesn't want Republican candidates using footage in political ads...hmm...wait isn't Faux just a gigantic political ad for the Republican Party? Well, it is but this alliance is a bit like when Jerry Seinfeld allied himself with Newman...

2. Bye Karen Hughes. I won't miss you. Have you ever noticed that she only enters mainstream news when she's quitting somewhere? She's a perennial quitter. Its sad that many of my friends' reaction to her quitting was "wow, I didn't think she was still around." This woman was supposed to be the the Undersecretary of Public Diplomacy...the only message she really sent to the world was that she's crazy to think that the world is going to think President Bush is the great hero of the world... She says that her job will continue well after she's gone...well its a tough job after you've helped destroy the goodwill that the United States has earned for the past century. I find it fitting that my propaganda class ended the day before she quit.

3. I watched the Democratic Debates a couple nights ago on my DVR. Yup, it was pummel Hillaryfest...in a decent way not like the Republicans do. Joe Biden got a great shot at Rudy Giuliani in saying that all he ever says is a noun+verb+9/11 for anything. Giuliani struck back the next day making plagiarism jokes on Biden...that was 20 years ago and it was a misspeak in a speech. Giuliani was accused of plagiarism last month. What an ass.

4. Rudy Giuliani thinks voters are stupid. He's partially right. Many are. But his healthcare ad is a bold faced lie. In his recent radio ad, he says, “I had prostate cancer, five, six years ago. My chance of surviving prostate cancer, and thank God I was cured of it, in the United States, 82%. My chances of surviving prostate cancer in England, only 44% under socialized medicine.” Mortality rates in England and USA are virtually the same. Its bad math or a lie. Also, Giuliani contracted prostate cancer while he was mayor of New York and the government paid for his care. That would be government healthcare wouldn't it? So fuck you, Rudy.

5. Donnie Rumsfeld is the gift that keeps on giving. We now have access to his memos when he was SecDef. He thinks Iraqis are generally against physical labor...okay racist, check. He also thinks we need to continuously link Iraq to Iran...saber rattler, check. Base war on bumper sticker statements...salesman, check...together they're Donnie Rumsfeld...He's the evil bastard we thought he was.

6. Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen are seeing each other....sorry Rob. Kinda hilarious combo.

7. Anyone else curious on what Amy Winehouse gives out on Halloween? She does give out something I'm hearing to kids...oh did you know she can't tour in the US since her most recent drug bust? They won't give her a Visa.

8. Is anyone really surprised that Dog the Bounty Hunter is racist? He apparently had a huge racist rant to his son who has a black girlfriend...Michael Richards/Dog the Bounty Hunter show?

9. Scott of the Blog and I now play Halo 3 regularly and have declared war on the person known as breadsticks...I've decided to declare whoever I want as breadsticks...kinda like terrorist except tastier. So join the cause with Taco Crusader and Alkuth.

10. Read this. You'll be better for it. Its from a couple of days ago.

Bonfire of the Vanities (when Vanities=California)

2007-10-26T12:14:00.000-07:00

1. As Chris mentioned earlier this week Dancing With the Stars preformer/former host of the Donny and Marie Show Marie Osmond fainted on T.V. Her first reason given was that she "forgot to breathe." I feel that I learned in science class that breathing is one of the things your body does without thinking (i.e. your heart beating without you reminding it to). This leads more credence to my theory that the Osmonds are aliens (which actually makes Donny and Marie's relationship less creepy).
Now, the story has gotten even better. Apparently Marie is now saying that she fainted because of the California wildfires affected her allergies. As if the wildfires weren't bad enough when they were just beurning down David Jusitce's house, now it's more personal because these tragedies have a human (alien) face. Tragic.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21459114/

2. Point: Capitalism
http://www.ksat.com/news/14430726/detail.html

3. Good move by the Georgia Supreme Court to overturn a sentence of an outdated crime.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/law/10/26/wilson.freed/index.html
P.S. I feel there's a joke somewhere in me linking this article that I'm not even going to touch.

4. The Associated Press reports that 1/3 of all people believe in ghosts. What they don't report is that 4/5 of all ghosts believe in people.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/wayoflife/10/26/ghost.poll.ap/index.html
P.S. Kudos to the man who said he shot a ghost. It takes a lot of balls to say something so blatently crazy in an article that is going nationwide.

5. I would like to announce that Chris's Michigan team beat my Clemson team in the national championship of our NCAA Football game lats night. After, going down early in the game Michigan was able to shut down Heisman winner C.J. Spiller to win it's third consecutive title.

SCHIP II: Judgment Clay

2007-10-26T06:30:00.000-07:00

Yup, my title doesn't really make sense in the traditional sense...not much I do does. PS, the reference to Judgment Clay is to a Super Nintendo game way back when called Clayfighters and its sequel C2: Judgment Clay. Random huh? Anyway, the House was 265 to 142 with many not being able to vote due to the fires in California which is understandable but that shouldn't stop the vote. No one should criticize holding a vote after the Republicans had an emergency session for Terri Schaivo. 2/3rds has not been reached again. The President will veto it again. I want the SCHIP bill thrown at him again, and again, and again if necessary. I also want a reminder to all those voting against it to have to keep voting against it. Voting to keep kids from getting proper care. Almost 80% of America supports SCHIP so bring it on! There are principles and then there is stupid following of a pathetic leader.

1. Bill O'Reilly doesn't even like the tolerance of gays.

O’REILLY: Here’s — you can talk about this on your radio show tomorrow. There are millions of Americans who feel that the media and the educational system is trying to indoctrinate their children to a certain way of life, and that includes parity for homosexuals with heterosexuals.

And that’s what this Rowling thing is all about, because she sells so many books. So many kids read it, that she comes out and says, “Oh, Dumbledore is gay, and that’s great.” And this — it’s another in the indoctrination thing. That’s what the belief system is among some Americans.

MILLER: I’ll be honest with you. I don’t think you can indoctrinate a kid into being gay. You might indoctrinate him into trying it once and him going, “I guess I’m not gay.”

[crosstalk]

O’REILLY: No, but tolerance. It’s — you know, he’s not going to be gay, but it’s tolerance of it.

Yup, he's a moron.

2. The Family Securities Matters organization has released its top ten most dangerous organizations. I've almost or have done work for several of them which I find funny.

10 ) Think Progress

9 ) Muslim Student Association

8 ) CodePINK

7 ) American Civil Liberties Union, National

6 ) Family Research Council

5 ) Center for American Progress

4 ) League of the South

3 ) MoveOn.org

2 ) Universities and Colleges

1 ) Media Matters for America

Okay, I'll agree that Family Research Council and League of the South are definitely dangerous in some respect. The League of the South is remarkably absurd. However, notice number 2, universities and colleges? Seriously, this is the disdain that the far right has for anyone educated enough to question their crap. Not just one university or college but all of them. Everyone should just have high school education and only read the Bible I'm sure. I'm always amused at the hatred the far right has for Media Matters. Really? You're going to hate a group that records what people say in the media and call them out on it when they're ridiculous. Hating watchdog groups just reminds me that oversight is a good thing and those who do hate the watch dog efforts just don't want people to realize that somethings in the media are ridiculous. Furthermore, they don't want people outside of their intended audience to call them out. Another point, the organization obviously didn't research its list very well since Think Progress is a part of the Center for American Progress.

No, the groups that are some of the most dangerous, white supremest groups like that responsible for the Oklahoma City bombing, Fred Phelps' followers who are just looking to cause a massive fight at military funerals, or the KKK don't even get a second thought on that list.

3. I'm hearing about a poll that has Colbert maybe at 13% in a month. That is insane...legitimately. I love Stephen Colbert. His brand of comedy is something I love. I find it funny that that Robin Williams movie where he's faux Jon Stewart running for president has some sort of validity. But, I mean BUT, Stephen Colbert's campaign is financed by a corporation...wait President Bush's wasn't?...Okay, let me clarify, Colbert's is a stunt done by Dorito's and Comedy Central. Not quite legal to run for office. Also, he'd have to give equal time to other candidates...that's a lot of time.

4. Is it really a good idea for President Bush to take a shot at Former Governor Blano of Louisiana when you're talking about the fires in California? Quick answer, no. It reminds us about Katrina. It reminds what a fuck up President Bush was at Katrina along with everyone else. It reminds us that for a guy who keeps telling people how great a leader he is and campaigning on that, he sucked. I'd like him go back to New Orleans and work on.

5. Amy Winehouse has a disastrous concert in Zurich last night. She was drinking on stage and crying a lot. Some songs she just couldn't sing. I'm hearing that crowds thinned out within 20 minutes. Could this be because she was listed as number 2 in the most unsexy list in Maxim?

6. I hear Ellen and Portia Di Rossi have broken up. I actually like both of them though Portia Di Rossi is ridiculously attractive. Its been a weird week for Ellen if its true. I wonder if that whole dog thing had anything to do with it?

7. Holy god, Dina Lohan, mother of LiLo, is getting a tv show on E! Should be a fantastic train wreck.

8. Movies that I want to see now. I actually have finally decided I want to see Darjeeling Limited, Dan in Real Life, Nightmare before Christmas in 3D (I hopelessly love that movie and I'm an eight year old) and Gone Baby Gone. Anyone interested please inform me because it looks awful out and I think this might be a movie night or play video games night.

9. Daniel Dae Kim of Lost fame (Also Crusade which I think I only watched) has DUI. This is almost a sure thing his character is killed on the show. Sorry Jin....oh I won't drink Gin in honor, that does bad things straight up.

10. Britney Spears' hit and run charges have been dropped. She paid off the guy...seriously, she did with 1000 dollars.

11. In extra news, Tia Carrare of Wayne's World 1 and 2 and of True Lies still has a home as it has survived the fires in California for the moment. Its weird that Arnold is working on saving her house where he was trying to kill her in True Lies. She's still Shwing!

12. Finally, Paris Hilton's trip to Rwanda has been postponed. I'm hoping forever but she was going to have a reality show there with a fund raiser. While I do understand she is as thin as someone starving and thus relates, she pretty much cheapens everything she does.

WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WARNING!!!!!!!!!!DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!!!!!!!!!

DICK CHENEY IS GOING HUNTING THIS WEEKEND. I'm hearing somewhere in New York. Hillary better watch out because DICK CHENEY IS RELENTLESS.

Please Stand Clear of the Doors. Thank you.

2007-10-25T10:59:00.000-07:00

Chris has mentioned the computer parts that he has bought. I'm excited because I get to build the thing and I designed it. Seeing as how Chris uses a lot of hard drive space that was the first place I started. My solution to his problems of having to delete things? 1.5 Terrabyte harddrive. 1500 gigabytes. Good lord. If anyone wants the full list of parts, just ask and I'll be happy to provide. But thats not what I'm writing about today. Today, I've decided to rant about Metro. I don't know about you, but I ride the bus and the metro every day on my way to work. Its not really all that bad and I generally don't mind, but there are a few things that really bother me about Washington Metro Area Transit Authority (WMATA) and you and I are going to spend the next couple hundred words discussing these things. So please stand clear of the doors.

1. The 30 bus route:

Okay, if you've ever been fucked over because the 30 bus has refused to come, please raise your hand. So thats everyone. Good to know. Currently WMATA is actually holding community meetings to see what people think can be done to improve the 30 route because it partially isn't their fault that the buses are always late. I've almost stopped looking at the bus schedule because its pretty much useless. It will say the next bus arrives at 850, when in fact the 850 bus will never come and you'll have to wait for the 910 bus. Or later. Catching a 30 bus is essentially a crap shoot and they need to fix that shit. The problem with the route? Georgetown. Lets be honest here, Georgetown is completely overrated as an area of DC to visit. Its crowded, its hard to get into and nearly impossible to get out of. Oh, that and they charge you an arm and a leg to buy anything. So now you're getting jostled, you can't leave, and you're missing a couple of limbs. Fan-fucking-tastic. And for some reason, the geniuses over at WMATA decided to have all 30 buses go right through the middle of this swollen pustule of elitism. So your bus will actually make pretty good time right until you hit that clusterfuck. My solution? Have a bus that stops at the beginning of Georgetown, a seperate bus for Georgetown, and then a third bus for after Georgetown. It might not work and it might not be feasible but do you have any better ideas? I didn't think so.

2. Bus configurations:

Everyone in this city rides Metro. Not everyone rides the buses. So for those of you who don't, let me first explain to you that WMATA has at least 5 different bus configurations. At least about 5 that I've ridden on. And for the life of me, I can't understand who actually said to themselves that 3 of them are workable. The goal of any bus should be to cram as many people as humanly possible onto them. 3 of those bus configurations just do not work. The configuration that I am most familiar with is the 30' long bus. It comes around my neighborhood all the time. There are only about 4 forward looking seats, the rest of the room being taken up by seats that look into the aisle. This completely confuses me because this actually restricts the number of available seats. Why the fuck are you doing this? Its stupid. Another bus configuration that I hate was one I rode this morning. Its a 40 footer and has a raised step about halfway back and once again has about 5 forward looking seats. Why the raised step? In what world does that make sense? And why are the forward looking seats so close together that they hurt my knees? Its obviously brand new, because the damn thing still smelled like new plastic, so I would like to meet the moron who bought this thing and then give him a swift kick to the nuts. There's a similar config that has a raised platform towards the back but its obviously not new. The similar config I actually don't mind because it somehow manages to cram a lot more seating onto the bus. I will say this for the raised platform buses. They are lower to the ground so people who are unable to walk or have trouble walking have an easier time getting on the bus. Maybe thats the point. Finally, there's my favorite bus configuration, and thats the 40' long bus that has like 20 forward looking seats. Look at that! Maximum seating arrangement! Why don't we have more of these? Every time I see one of those buses coming I'm always a little happy because goddammit I can probably get a seat. Yay! There's also the short bus, but well, its a short bus so it doesn't deserve my attention. Moving on!

3. People who are obsessed with getting a seat:

Now I know I like to get a seat on the bus. But sometimes, there isn't any seating so you have to stand. Thats fine. I don't mind that. But some people will get on the bus, and they'll spy a seat aaaaaaaaall the way in the back and they decide they want to sit in it. Nevermind the fact that there are 40 people standing in the aisle who just got off work and have bags and whatnot. They keep moving back jostling everyone on the damn bus. You may feel like you've been violated as someone has to shift in an uncomfortable way to let that one asshole by but really, you're all victims of one motherfucker who won't stand up for 10 damn minutes. I hate that guy.

4. People who still pay with cash:

Alright readers, Metro has this great thing called a "SmarTrip" card. Its plastic, about the size of a credit card, and can be used on all buses and at all stations and you don't even need cash! Use it. Here it is for those of you who don't know.

The people who get on and then pay in cash are neanderthals and slow everything up. And you just know that in a group of 10 people trying to get on the bus, at least 4 are going to pay in cash and then there's that one douchebag who uses all nickles. I recently saw a plan in the Washington Post about upping rates for Metro and I'm actually okay with this because they were really going to gouge the people who still use cash. I'm in favor of gouging them because then maybe they'll learn to join the rest of us in the 21st century. If you don't have one, go here, or else or I will find you and I will stab you.

5. People who take pictures of the escalators:

Seriously, why? Its a fucking escalator. Have you been into a retail store in the past 20 years? They have them there too. They also look nicer. Usually, this is tourists who are taking pictures of the escalators but its also sometimes someone who fancies themselves an artist or a photographer who thinks he's getting a 'great shot.' Its an escalator goddammit! We all know what one looks like. Its steps that move! Its not sorcery! They stand there, and get in people's way and when its 9 in the morning and I'm going to work the last thing I want is a flash bulb going off somewhere. Plus, I have to admit, with the climate of fear that we are forced to live in I sometimes wonder why people are taking pictures of the entrance to a mass transit station. I even once saw a woman report people to Metro security for taking pictures because she thought they might be terrorists. I'm not even making that up. Thats the truly scary part.

6. People who can't figure out how to work the turnstile:

Alright, now this one isn't hard. It shows you how to put it in, the paper card (which you shouldn't be using in the first place) has an arrow on it, and there's a little read out that tells you whats going on. Where's the mystery? Do I really have to stand behind you as you try this 5 different times before you figure out its actually a Burger King fry container you're trying to use? There are signs everywhere telling you how to use Metro and you still can't manage it? I know some really really REALLY stupid people and they manage Metro just fine. If a chimp can do it, why can't you? Hm? Answer me that. What? You mean its not working? What about the little display that tells you to see the station manager? Here's a thought... see the fucking station manager! If you would get your head out of your ass long enough to read the shit about you, you might actually figure out why you can't get in! I hate you! Get out of my way so I can fucking go to work!

And thank you for riding Metro.

Cheers.

We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;

2007-10-25T08:13:00.000-07:00

Today, the Battle of Agincourt occurred in 1415. Considered one of the greatest battles in English history, it also plays a prominent role in one of my favorite Shakespearean plays, Henry V. So remember that today is St. Crispian's Day.

What's he that wishes so?; My cousin Westmorland. No, my fair cousin:; If we are marked to die, we are enow; To do our country loss; and if to live,; The fewer men, the greater share of honour.; God's will, I pray thee, wish not one man more.; By Jove, I am not covetous for gold,; Nor care I who doth feed upon my cost;; It ernes me not if men my garments wear;; Such outward things dwell not in my desires:; But if it be a sin to covet honour,; I am the most offending soul alive.; No, faith, my coz, wish not a man from England:; God's peace, I would not lose so great an honour; As one man more, methinks, would share from me; For the best hope I have. O, do not wish one more.; Rather proclaim it presently through my host,; That he which hath no stomach to this fight,; Let him depart. His passport shall be made; And crowns for convoy put into his purse:; We would not die in that man's company; That fears his fellowship to die with us.; This day is called the Feast of Crispian:; He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,; Will stand a-tiptoe when the day is named,; And rouse him at the name of Crispian.; He that shall see this day and live t'old age,; Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,; And say "To-morrow is Saint Crispian":; Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars; And say "These wounds I had on Crispin's day."; Old men forget: yet all shall be forgot,; But he'll remember with advantages; What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,; Familiar in his mouth as household words; Harry the King, Bedford and Exeter,; Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester,; Be in their flowing cups freshly remembered.; This story shall the good man teach his son;; And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,; From this day to the ending of the world,; But we in it shall be remember'd;; We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;; For he today that sheds his blood with me; Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,; This day shall gentle his condition:; And gentlemen in England now abed; Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,; And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks; That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day. (IV, iii)

1. Roy Blunt, House Republican Whip, would like everyone to believe that upcoming attempt to vote again on SCHIP is a political stunt timed with the fires in California. Because fires only affect Republicans right? Oh wait, is that because many of them are closeted flaming? Democrats are affected to but SCHIP cannot wait. It cannot sit there while the President and his water carriers do nothing. Afraid to deal? bring it on. Every nay cast means a political ad in reelection will show what a nay does.

2. With all these complaints about how much SCHIP costs, its funny that only one Republican showed up to a hearing about the costs of the Iraq War. The White House says it isn't worried about the number either. Ironically, the Republican Presidential candidates debated who was better with money too recently. Thanks for not being responsible.

3. Dr. Julie Gerberding, director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, had her testimony altered in a panel about the impact on public health by global warming. The White House seriously changed the concerns to benefits. Yay, you know whats a benefit is? Massive fires in California...oh I actually don't know what the word benefit means. The White House says people who die from cold will benefit...oy

4. Faux News threw out the idea that Al Qaeda caused the fires in California. Really...I mean really...They cited a recent document in an article that thought Al Qaeda would start forest fires in a series of states (California wasn't one of them). What they don't tell you is that by recent, they mean four years ago by a writer who doesn't work at the paper anymore. But you know Faux, if there's fear there must be Al Qaeda. I'm scared of committal relationships, should I blame Al Qaeda?

5. Britney Spears alert! She never paid her back up dancers for the greatest worst performance in years at the VMAs.

6. Amy Winehouse says as her confidence goes down her hair gets bigger. Weird. I wonder if that's true for Marge Simpson.

7. Rudy Giuliani is rooting for the Red Sox...I know how insane is that? While I actually understand the whole rooting for your league and all. Yankees fans don't root for Red Sox under any terms and vice versa is true. Red Sox fans would boo Lou Gehrig during his speech. There's legitimate venom. Rudy, do you want to remind New York why they don't like you?

8. I was watching How I Met Your Mother (a show I love), and Barney introduced a chart that is important for the survival of mankind. The crazy to hot ratio for women. Its brilliant and true. The craziness must stay proportionate to the hotness. Simple right? How come we never really figure it out?

9. I bought the parts to my new computer...yup geekasm. Beware internet...shit just got real...okay I don't listen to myself...ever.

10. I think I am the only person I know who watches Dirty Sexy Money. I'll admit I actually enjoy it though I started watching it and still watch it because of that odd crush I have for Samaire Armstrong. Do you have a show that you continue to watch for all the wrong reasons? I have a dozen...but tv and me have an absurd love.

Week 7 NFL Roundup

2007-10-23T06:31:00.000-07:00

So as Chris has already mentioned, JK Rowling has butted into our news cycle yet again. Honestly, I get the feeling the only reason she did this is because nobody mentioned wizards for a couple of months now that her last book is out. Oh look at me! I'm a best-selling children's author! I suddenly have an opinion on everything but nobody's paying attention! I'm wondering what happens in another 4 months when, once again, nobody is talking about her books or her. Do Hermione and Ron get divorced? Maybe Harry can get cancer! Go away Rowling. You had your moment, now shut up and go away.

On to football.

Tampa Bay at Detroit/New England at Miami/Random games
Seriously, watching ASF watch football is hilarious. For those of you who haven't seen it, please do. You will not be disappointed. He actually stormed up next to another couple's table yelling at the TV very loudly and passionately and flailing his arms. I thought he was going to accidentally punch the guy in front of him. I felt bad for them and I think ASF realized that he was intruding on some personal space because he quickly apologized and sat back down. They looked terrified.

I have started drinking...

Meanwhile, I'm dividing my attention between the Giants game and the Patriots game. As much as I hate the Patriots, I have to admit they are probably the greatest football team I have ever witnessed. Its incredible. Its not even fair what they are doing to other people. Hell, on one fantasy team I have Laurence Maroney, Wes Welker, Ben Watson, and Kyle Brady. If its possible, just load up on Patriots and go to town. I don't even remember who the Giants are playing but I do know that they are dealing with it handily. Good lord though, Tom Brady is ripping the Dolphins a new blowhole. As some of you may remember, I once mentioned that Tom Brady could perform vile and illegal acts on a nun while drunk and still get away with it because he is so beloved in New England. I'm now upgrading that to a bus full of nuns. With perhaps an orphan or two thrown in. No wait, a bus full of orphans being chaperoned by Nuns. There is no stopping Tom Brady. He runs on the souls of orphans now. Look out Peyton, Tom's going to devour your spleen if you aren't careful.

I'm filling up another drink while ASF continues to yell at his team and the Buccs. The rocking has started. As he's rocking, and I'm filling up my drink, Anthony and I start rocking back and forth as well. The entire table sees us and starts to laugh but ASF doesn't realize whats going on until someone warns him. He turns around and declares he has no friends and "fuck my friends." Good times had by all.

I'm super nervous about the Bears-Eagles game. I will admit, that I had way way WAY too much to drink and I'm going to blame the Bears-Eagles game. Three beer towers will do that to you.

Finally, the Lions are victorious, the snuff film that is Patriots-Dolphins ends, and a bunch of other teams win.

BEARS - EAGLES
As you all may have noticed, Chris is still alive. Thats because Devin Hester had 0 Return yards. Good job Andy Reid. I don't have to drive up to Philly to kill you. Of course, thats about the only thing the Eagles did right on this day. If I thought the Eagles - Jets game was boring, well hoo-wee was this a barn burner. Field goals galore! Good lord this game is boring, can you really blame me for getting smashed? Its not like I had much else to do. The Eagles offense sucked ass and then the Bears offense sucked ass. Yawn. Finally in the last 5 minutes, the game got interesting with an Eagles touchdown. Bears have to go 97 yards in under 2 minutes. Game's in the bag. So then why the feeling of dread? Well it was well deserved because the Bears rolled right down the field, touchdown, Bears win, Eagles season died. Just like that. I'm still going to keep watching, because in the NFC, you never know who's going to make the playoffs but at this point I've lost hope. Also, at this point, I'm hoping the Redskins do well in the NFC East. I would much rather see them be successful than the Giants or the Goddamned Cowboys. I mean, if I have to choose, I'm choosing the Redskins. I won't be getting that drunk again though, I can tell you that. I have nothing to be nervous about.

I'm just here for the wings.

Cheers.

FANTASY NOTE:
This week's Fantasy Team name is TwoDogs in a Bathtub. The technique is performed by forcing both your testicles into the lady's asshole, the idea being that it is just as difficult to get both balls in there as it is to keep two live dogs in a bathtub. Honestly, I have no idea who comes up with this crap, but just remember. People react to things they've done or seen. They just don't make stuff up. Now try to sleep at night.

Anatomy

2007-10-23T06:25:00.000-07:00

So two things to start. I was watching CSI Miami last night. Its a show that I love for peculiar reasons of course. One of the things I love about the show is that David Caruso always has an utterly cliche quip right before the opening credits while he's either putting on his glasses or taking them off. Sometimes I really just want him to say "This....looks like it could be....the final countdown" or "that toaster...has proven...too costly." Y'know something meaningless. Another aspect I love about the show is Caruso's character name, Horatio Cane. One, its badass sounding and I didn't think Horatio could ever sound anything of the sort. Two, it reminds me that people used to name their kid Horatio because they hated them and wanted them to be British. Cane, himself, is a ridiculously awesome bad ass. The show combines Bad Boys and CSI which of course is great. H.C., as the kids say, shoots people, rides in a cool black SUV, has car chases, and generally gets the job done. However, it occurs to me in the show that H.C. accuses pretty much every guest of the crime. One game I like to play is guess how many people he'll accuse of murdering someone or some random crime. The last aspect of CSI Miami I'll talk about is that there are a remarkable amount of hot women who work in the CSI in Miami. Seriously...its insane. Furthermore they like to play with gadgets...always a plus. Oh and Ainsley Hayes is one of them. This is why I love CSI Miami.

Second thing and this will be short, on the metro today, there was a elderly grandmother who had her grandchild carry around a notebook so she could tell her sage advice. It was hilarious, the girl had a on a snow cap for some reason and the grandmother would keep saying "now y'got your note book?" little girl raises it up again. "Okay, never look people in the eye on the train. Y'know why?" girl shakes her head no. "because there are crazy people on the train." But I caught part of this for 20 minutes and I did my best to not laugh. Onto the list.

1. Anyone else notice that Osama Bin Laden has a great understanding of foreign policy aims of the President. That he says exactly what is in our aims right when the President requests more money for Iraq? The scheduling must be brutal for him to release a message just as the President asks for more money. I wonder if Bin Laden says by not helping out children's health care you aiding him?

2. The fires out in California are truly brutal. As far as I can tell, Arnold is doing his best to fight them and retain order. This isn't a partisan issue unless you're Glen Beck. On October 22nd, Glen Beck stated on his radio show, "I think there is a handful of people who hate America. Unfortunately for them, a lot of them are losing their homes in a forest fire today.” This is why I keep hoping a toilet seat from the International Space Station hits him or destroys his home. When I hear Conservatives say that they don't question patriotism ever, I can't help but laugh.

3. The Dumbledore is gay thread has blown open the internet. Crazy Christians are all over the place flipping out. I still don't care about his sexuality. I did laugh at a blog post at Blogs for Brownback when someone said Dumbledore doesn't deserve to live on this Earth....hey yeah, its a book genius. Scott brought up an interesting point. What's the point of all of this for JK Rowling? Saddened by the lack of attention? I miss the days when ambiguity in literary texts was something for readers to reach an understanding. I'm still waiting for the people in denial to flip out. Probably like a nerdier version of the Rock Hudson fall out.

4. Meet the new Terror Buster logo that the CIA came up with. Over at Rising Hegemon, they found the striking parallel with Ghostbusters. I love it. I've been humming the theme all morning.
5. Anyone watch Dancing with the Stars, I don't which saddens me because I actually considered it because Mark Cuban was going to be on. Anyway, Marie Osmond apparently went crazy then fainted on stage. If anyone saw this, I'm curious on details.

6. If you buy the Amy Winehouse live special dvd, you get a pint glass and an ash tray with her name on it. Anyone else find that ironic and odd. I think they should go further, I think there should be Amy Winehouse syringes, Amy Winehouse bongs, and maybe Amy Winehouse whigs.

7. Apparently, Halle Berry made an anti semetic remark on Leno that she saw someone who looked like it could be her Jewish cousin. I suspect overreaction. Its not like she made a Holocaust joke.

8. Its not everyday that you can say James Lipton is a pimp and mean it. The Inside Actors Studio host once was a pimp in Paris. How can there not be a future Will Farrell skit? I just keep laughing about this.

9. Here's a review of Britney Spears' new album. I especially love the line of "If a blow up sex doll could sing, this is what she would sound like."

10. Holy, god Salt-N-Pepa are back and they're remixing Whatta Man for Obama.

11. Here's a did you know? This is because someone actually was wondering out loud that they didn't like the name of the show Grey's Anatomy. The name is a play off of the legendary book Gray's Anatomy currently in its 39th edition and is the bible of anatomy.

Parallax

2007-10-22T07:54:00.000-07:00

I've been told that I'm overly political, preachy, arrogant, self centered, I don't know what the ground looks like because I'm on my high horse and maybe evil or at least amoral. Okay, probably but those last two can't be too congruent with high horse morality. Anyway, I'll talk about politics because it matters, I'll still obsess over weird celebrity news, and I'll still be esoteric. Say what you will about my politics, at least I have fun with it.

PS. I'm still alive after watching Bears somehow win against the Eagles with Scott.

1. John Bolton has a new book coming out. In case you didn't think he was dick, hear him in his own words what a dick he is. He literally went out of his way to foil Colin Powell and later on Condi Rice in proper diplomatic measures with Iran. He declares US foreign policy in free fall...was that before or after your work, John?

2. I'm hearing reports of minors are donating massive amounts of money to Mitt Romney. For some reason, I kinda hope it really is their parents living vicariously. If they're really doing it on their own, well that's an odd road they're taking.

3. Turkey is going to Iraq....this can't be good. Someone go read a history book about Iraq. The section where Turkey invades Mosul during the 20s might be useful.

4. Holy god, the Ellen drama continues. Y'know stories like Ellen's doggy drama are more reserved for people without credentials...like me....But when Brian Williams talks about it....sheesh. Anyway, her exproducer is claiming that she regifted a dog the exproducer gave to her. Howard Stern says he's hearing she's done this nine times before....that is the oddest hobby ever...not true, I'm sure there are worse...ask Scott about any of the things in the urban dictionary.

5. Pavorotti left his family in debt of 25 million dollars. Mortgages on four homes will do that.

6. There are crimes that are unforgivable. Wearing the tee shirt of the band you're seeing at the concert is unforgivable. Wearing a tee shirt of yourself is mildly funny but unforgivable. But getting arrested with a tee shirt of yourself is hilarious. Kid Rock was arrested for a brawl at get this, a Waffle House and he had a tee shirt of himself on. Twelve hours of jail=days of hilarity.
7. CHUCK NORRIS HAS DECIDED ON A PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE! Mike Huckabee...how awesome is that?

8. I was watching Bill Maher last night on my DVR and there were people in the audience disrupting it with 9/11 conspiracy yelling. I'm not even kidding. Maher being awesome goes and kicks them out. But I just want to know, how are you not crazy by yelling almost incoherently on a live show? Do you get any point outside of you being crazy? The worst part is that my side is always clumped with them.

9. Albus Dumbledore is gay...JK Rowling has revealed. Wow, why don't you give the Christian conservatives another reason to overreact? On a lighter note, who cares? Its like revealing that Harry Osborne was gay in the Spiderman movies.

10. I have to read Clash of Civilizations again for the millionth time...seriously, every conversation about the article on whatever level comes out the same. The conservatives rail on how China and Islam are trying to defeat/kill everyone. Liberals disagree and cite specific instances where it isn't true. Conservatives have the look of someone who is hating unpatriotic pricks who are soft and appeasers, liberals are baffled at how much disdain conservatives have for everything non Red, white or blue...stressing white. Its going to be hilarious and awful tomorrow.

11. I promise I'll post Stephen Colbert on Meet the Press tonight.

12. Football. God I love it. I saw my favorite college quarterback Brian Griese have a brilliant drive without any coach assistance and no time outs...oh right, it was a shitty game but I got to watch it with friends which always helps. I also watched a stressed out Lions game and Patriots game that resembled a snuff film at this point. Anyway, on the Bears game, I saw a horrific snap where Olin Kruetz snapped the ball into his own ass. I was remarkably impressed that Andy Reid knew the rule that made that a false start. Lovie clearly didn't know about it. The only good moments about that game were the last maybe 5 minutes where both teams actually looked like functioning offenses. Griese having a 97 yard minute and a half drive really just distorts that nothing much happened in the game other than a lot of field goals and McNabb had a excellent drive.

PS. I don't think the Eagles were cheating when Griese's headset shut off and he had to call his own plays. So this makes me question Patriots cheating because I've often thought they were when the accusations of it occurs when playing at home, Patriots opponents will lose connection on the headsets. However, if the Eagles were cheating at home like the Patriots have been accused of more often than anyone else....who knows

Word on the street

2007-10-19T13:09:00.000-07:00

1. Rapper T.I was arrested last weekend on gun charges. I think there are two bigger issues everyone is overlooking. 1. Why doesn't T.I. have members in his posse to take the blame. This is imperative for all people in the entertainment. 2. Why does Philly.com have a file photo with a rapper from Atlanta in a Brewers hat. I suppose T.I stands for Traiterous Individual.
http://www.philly.com/dailynews/local/20071015_T_I__gun_arrest_draws_fire_here.html

2. Stephen Colbert is running for President, but not wasting his time with the worthless states. I always considered the other 49 states "flyover states" anyway.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/18/arts/television/18colb.html?_r=2&ref=arts&oref=slogin&oref=slogin

3. If you're a hippie like me, (and I assume most of you aren't because you're reading this while taking a Starbucks break from your corporate sell-out job) you'll love this website. It has all the upside of going to a jam band's concert, but without having to hang out with people that smell funny and have awkwardly unrealistic optimism.
www.archive.org

4. I don't know much about hell, but I have a feeling someone is about to spend eternity being violated by a man in a yellow hat.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/law/10/19/writer.dead.ap/index.html

5. Nerds rejoice. Your tragic period of not having a Star Trek to watch is almost over.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/Movies/10/19/film.startrek.ap/index.html
(Spoiler Alert: Spock is going to slice open the heads of everyone else and take their powers.)
(P.S. If you got that reference you are officially nerdy enough to watch the movie)

Week 7 NFL PREVIEW

2007-10-19T11:21:00.000-07:00

Well I'll be. An NFL preview! Amazing right? Shut up. Anyways, the reason I'm doing this is not because of any of the so-called "good games." Sure, Indy v. Jacksonville looks like it could be a really good game, but who cares? The thing that matters is that the Bears are playing the Eagles. Thats right, its my team vs. Chris' team. Both teams are underperforming. You've got one team thats led by a guy who's got 2 sons in jail and can't seem to figure out that he has a great running game so decides to throw the ball 40 fucking times a game with a quarterback coming back from injury. You've got the other team that is ravaged on defense by injuries, is slowly figuring out that it traded the wrong running back, and is starting a different quarterback than it started at the beginning of the season. Oh, and that other team also happens to have Devin Hester, perhaps one of the most exciting players in the NFL right now.

I think my Eagles have a pretty good shot at winning this. The Bears defense seems like it can be pretty good in the early game but it just doesn't have the depth to make it over the long haul. Thats not their fault. Thats the fault of the Super Bowl curse coming to bite them in the ass. They still get to the quarterback a lot but they can't seem to stop the run. Did you know that the Bears are the 26th or 27th ranked defense in the NFL in total yards? Is that true? Can that be right? The Bears offense is still coughing up the ball a lot, despite the absense of Wrecks, and with Cedric Benson averaging only about 3 yards a carry, I can honestly say that the offense doesn't frighten me.

The Eagles offense has shown that when it gets into a groove it can move the football. And move it really fast. Plus, Brian Westbrook is averaging about 7 yards a touch. Thats a pretty damn good figure. The Eagles defense has actually been the most pleasant surprise this season, to me. They are playing well and they are keeping us in games where we honestly should be getting blown out. Plus, Lito Sheppard may return to the game! That would be great. Even Brian Dawkins is practicing right now which is also very exciting. The Eagles special teams however are crap and can't return or tackle to save their damned lives.

So, what does frighten me? Devin Fucking Hester. As I have already mentioned, if Andy Reid decides to test him and kick the ball right at him, I'm going to drive to Philly and kill him. At the same time, I know that if Devin Hester ends up raping the Eagles, Chris is going to be cackling like a goddamned hyena.

Folks there could be blood. There will definitly be swearing and drinking. But blood is possible. I may have to stand up and stab him in the eye with a fork. Then I'll steal Jim's keys and so on and so forth with the killing. Perhaps when I do so, I'll strap Chris' bleeding corpse to the top of Jim's truck and head up I-95. I figure seeing something like that will be about par for the course in New Jersey at the very least.

I know that Chris and I are going to probably get very emotional during the game and we will be yelling at each other but more likely yelling at the tv. So here's the point. Do you like booze? Do you like football? Do you like two grown men yelling at a tv? Does the idea of killing pique your interest? Are you getting tired of me asking all these questions? If the answer to any of these questions is "yes" I invite you down to Old Dominion Brewery on Sunday at 4:15 pm to watch the Bears take on the Eagles in Philadelphia.

At the very least, you can get drunk.

Cheers.

I'll do Graffiti if You Sing to Me in French

2007-10-19T07:26:00.001-07:00

I'm glad that 154 Republicans and 2 Democrats would like to not support S-CHIP. I truly look forward to campaigning against them. I'm truly looking forward to framing the issue around the notion that 40 days in Iraq money could play for 10 million kids in a year. But y'know what, let's pay for Iraq and not children because our kids can't be in too good shape if we're going to send them to Iraq when they're older. John Boehner thinks its an outrage to exhibit kids for this...really? Boehner, who uses them for his campaign as often as possible, is an asshole. I'm looking forward to the day when Faux News is filled with former GOP Congressmen who can't understand why they didn't win reelection in 2008. So FUCK YOU 154 Republicans, 2 Democrats, and the entire Bush Administration. Onto the list which is almost 2/3 larger today!

1. Dennis Hastert is retiring before his term is up. No, its not because he misses being majority leader too much. No, its not because no one has any respect for him even in his own party (PS, they never did). Its because they're linking him to Duke Cunningham (Most corrupt congressman ever). Okay, (Most corrupt to be caught...still want Delay to go down in flames).

2. Fred Thompson may have gotten the worst tacit endorsement ever. Fred Phelps, y'know the guy who has a group of people show up to funerals of dead soldiers with large banners saying support of gays caused this, apparently saw and maybe still does see eye to eye with Phelps on the gay issue. I think its safe to say in a bipartisan way that Fred Phelps is an awful person...okay he's not human....

3. Sam Brownback has dropped out of the presidential race...probably a wise thing to do. His fund raising was really bad due to him not being conservative enough in hating immigrants. He was the most social conservative of the group though. What this has caused though is a migration of supporters to Mike Huckabee, the only Republican in field I don't mind. I won't vote for him but he makes the debate good.

4. Did CNN really cut away from the Dalai Lama's speech yesterday? That can't be good for karma...they'd rather talk about the Oral Roberts scandal.

5. Jessica Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld's wife, may have committed plagiarism. Her book “Deceptively Delicious” has way too much in common with “The Sneaky Chef” by Missy Chase Lapine. So what's the deal with plagiarism?

6. Unfitney is truly remarkable. I wonder how shocked she really is that she has lost total custody of her children...guess what showing up late to court meetings doesn't help you with a judge. Furthermore, she's in a hit and run investigation and now she has run over a Paparazzi photographer. Now, no one really defends the Paparazzi but she does summon them a lot so she can get attention.

7. Amy Winehouse! Oh the excitement...Amy Winehouse and her cracked out husband have been arrested and detained in Norway for drug possession. I don't know why Norway has to get in the way of Amy Winehouse's dream of screwing up in every nation...next stop Congo.

8. There's a rumor going around that LiLo has gotten engaged to snow boarder Ryan Giles...pretty sure it isn't true but as we all know all good relationships start in rehab. Ryan Giles could be new K-Fed of our generation...

9. Do I really need to say anything about this?
10. “I was craving bone marrow one day, and I scoured the whole of Paris searching for the leg of a cow. When I finally found what I was looking for, I cut it in half, digging out the yellowish substance, slathering it all over bread.” Yup, Milla Jovovich now grosses me out but it is kinda hilarious...perhaps she's been taking her Resident Evil movies too seriously.

11. 3,000 dollars for a Hannah Montana ticket....fathers donning womens' clothes to win tickets...what the hell is going on? Is her concert a shamanic experience because if so acid is a lot cheaper.

12. Yes I'm still going because these next two matter. Joey Bishop has died. Funnyman extraordinare, he legitimately still made people laugh till the end but y'know what made him awesome? He hung out with the coolest people who ever lived. Joey Bishop was the last of the Ratpack. Anyone funny enough, likable enough, and cool enough to hang out with Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Sammy David Jr. and Peter Lawford (he was the lame one), deserves a toast.

13. Deborah Kerr has also died. She never won an Oscar despite nominated 6 times and only got one via an honorary one. However, she was in arguably the greatest scenes in movie history in "From Here to Eternity."

Cheers Ms. Kerr,

PS. Everyone who has ever decided the beach was a good idea for this owes you a gratitude as well as a condemnation, getting sand out is always annoying.

14. John Stewart on Daily Show into 2010.

15. Ellen canceled the taping of her show today because of that dog scandal.

16. I'll admit it. I have a crush on Uma Thurman...yes, I know I have lots of crushes and women I call dibs on and etc. But what exactly did you think when you looked in the mirror before going out, Uma?

Old Is New Again

2007-10-17T09:50:00.001-07:00

It should come as no great surprise to anyone that Hollywood is running out of ideas. Sequels and remakes abound in today's theaters. This is happening because Hollywood is risk averse and also because they are hoping to tap into a deep corner or our minds that remembers the good old days. Essentially, Hollywood is trying to sell my childhood back to me at today's prices.

I say good for them.

Of course, not all retreads work. Take for instance, the Heartbreak Kid. Chris has recently blogged that the executive producer or the director or some dumbass is blaming the failure of the movie on Halo 3. Thats a bunch of bullshit. Lets start with the fact that the ads for the movie made it look terrible. Additionally, Ben Stiller isn't funny. He never has been. He was only genuinely funny in one movie, and that was There's Something About Mary. Speaking of which, watch that movie again. Its really not that funny any more. Third, the movie was made by the Farrelley brothers. Again, they aren't funny. Again, the last movie they made that was funny was There's Something About Mary. Me, Myself, and Irene had its moments but I wouldn't put it on that same level. And seriously, who ever watches their movies more than once? They make bad movies whose humor is based more on shock than anything else. It gets old and tiresome. So, to the shit-wizards of Heartbreak Kid I would like to inform you that I did not skip your movie because I was plowing through Halo 3. I actually beat Halo 3 before your movie came out. I skipped your movie because it looked terrible, the Farrelley brothers aren't funny, and I despise Ben Stiller's existance. But I digress...

Yesterday, I picked up the Transformers DVD and watched it that night. When Optimus Prime says "My name... is Optimus Prime" I had a reaction that combined the ideas of "Hell yeah it is!" and "Glee!!!" My Saturday movie cartoons are back but with $200 million budgets. When I bought the DVD I stood in Best Buy for about 10 minutes holding up the movie and the movie that came with a toy in either hand trying to decide what to do. I chose just the movie and now I view this as a poor decision. It is my full intention to return to Best Buy and buy the bigger more expensive toy and then put it in cubicle. I want to somehow use the toy to signify my availability. Also, when I get bored I get to just sit there and play with a Transformer. Tell me this isn't an awesome idea. Just try it.

See, I feel that we are forced to give up those things that gave us joy when we were younger. Things that were invasive marketing campaigns only designed to sell more toys and retreads of those same toys were somehow pure in that I wanted them and they were fun. I didn't need anything more. I didn't worry about lead content due to poor Chinese regulations. I didn't worry about slave labor being used to produce my toy. I didn't worry about Wal-Mart carrying the toy and thus driving down prices and forcing small business owners out. These weren't my concern. The only thing that mattered was that Optimus Prime came with a trailer hitch and that he kicked ass.

Now? All I want is to go out and buy a big shiney toy and put it in robot mode to say "I'm busy" or vehicle mode to say "You can talk to me." Will my office mates understand? Of course not. But who cares? The joy derived from Transformers is pure. So fuck them.

Hollywood also previously made a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles animated movie that had a fairly incomprehensible plot but I didn't care because the Turtles were kicking ass. Two of my favorite Saturday morning cartoons made it to the big screen and in a good way. So to my corporate masters out in Hollywood, I just have one request. Complete the Triumvarate. If you make me a GI Joe movie, I will see it. I will pay good money to see it. So now you know.

And knowing is half the battle.
*Cue themesong and American Flag*

Cheers.

Selah

2007-10-17T06:32:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about this recently.

"Liberals got women the right to vote. Liberals got African-Americans the right to vote. Liberals created Social Security and lifted millions of elderly people out of poverty. Liberals ended segregation. Liberals passed the Civil Rights Act, the Voting Rights Act. Liberals created Medicare. Liberals passed the Clean Air Act, the Clean Water Act. What did Conservatives do? They opposed them on every one of those things...every one! So when you try to hurl that label at my feet, 'Liberal,' as if it were something to be ashamed of, something dirty, something to run away from, it won't work, Senator, because I will pick up that label and I will wear it as a badge of honor." -- Matt Santos, The West Wing

Its a quote from one of my favorite shows and its a quote that I actually believe. Onto the list.

1. In case you can't tell the top word, its Fiscal. So there's irony, he's neither fiscally responsible nor does he take responsibility for anything. President Bush is back to doing soft ball town halls. Currently, he only polls better than Paris Hilton.

2. Rudy Giuliani has hit Obama with the cliched "You're no Ronald Reagan" bit. Really, I mean really? Rudy, you're no Lloyd Bentson. Now you may be wondering who he is? I know it happens, I make obscure references. But Lloyd Bentson's gift to politics was the phrase "Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy." He said this in response to Dan Quayle comparing himself to John Kennedy in the 1988 Vice Presidential Debate. The whole quote is "Senator, I served with Jack Kennedy: I knew Jack Kennedy; Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy." Rudy, are you ready to be Michael Dukakis?

3. Speaking of Barack Obama, he's apparently related to Dick Cheney. They're 8th cousins. How weird is that? Its really complex but apparently true. If I'd found that out, I'd probably shower a lot maybe even as much as one of my room mates does. Somehow that'll help.

4. This SCHIP war going on in Congress and the media really does keep going for amazing reasons. Its bipartisan on an unusual way. The President is the usual stubborn bastard he is. His water carriers in the right wing media are crazy as ever. The Democrats put forth human examples on why the SCHIP is good program. Providing healthcare to children is a great program that Republicans and Democrats agree on but the far right has sought to destroy any human face. Some argue that its fair game when you put children out there or whoever. That isn't true if you spread lies about them. Spreading lies on this 12 year old's family and now a two year old's family is remarkably cruel. One of Malkin's people wanted a public hanging of the 12 year old and his whole family...I'm glad these right wingers were all about this for Terri Schaivo...oh wait they weren't. But the reason that the President hates this program and his water carriers hate this, it shows that some government programs work. He'd rather send 200 Billion over to Iraq than help children here.

PS. Mitch McConnell's office started the spread of lies about these families. Your tax dollars paid for him to put a political hit job with his Communications Director Don Stewart.

PPS. Mitch McConnell has now lied about his office's involvement. Its hard when lots of people have your Com Director's email.

5. Has anyone seen this video of Trent Wisecup, Chief of Staff of Michigan Republican Congressman Joe Knollenberg? He goes crazy on this annoying blogger (not me) calling him unAmerican and things like that. I'll post the video tonight. Its kinda amusing his list of things that he declares unAmerican. HUAC! Anyway, Rachel Maddow had a great commentary on Countdown last night on it which will be posted with the video. Great job Trent, you just put an obscure Michigan Congressman on the map for reasons you probably shouldn't.

PS. Rachel Maddow is really awesome.

6. Ellen Degeneres broke down on her show yesterday. It was particularly odd. I mean, here's the story from what I can tell. She adopted a dog from an animal shelter. The dog didn't get along with her cats...that American Express or Visa commercial totally not true. Anyway, she gave the dog to the daughter of her hair dresser. Animal shelter goes crazy crusade on her because they don't allow that apparently. They seize the dog back and make little girl cry and then Ellen cry on TV. They also threaten to go to the media for whatever reasons. Fun huh? Gosh I remember the day that animal shelters just wanted pets to have a happy home.

7. Okay, I'm confused to when I should have thought the Olsen Twins were hot? I missed that somehow. But I feel I need to give this one a cheese burger and maybe a few dollars. Turn that frown upside down!
8. Apparently, LiLo is loose again and drinking because of her sobering experience. That's quaint. I also hear she's dangerously low on funds due to legal fees, three time really expensive rehab fees, and that she hasn't made a money making movie in awhile. Life's a bitch. Oh she's apparently dating someone who is already engaged...that's commitment.

9. Francis Ford Coppola has lashed out at DeNiro, Pacino, and Nicholson for essentially being lazy and decadent. Yeah, you're the guy who was lazy enough to cast his own daughter in Godfather 3. Oh wait, what's the last thing you did? I can't remember, oh that's right you manage hotels you own in Latin America and bankroll your daughter's films (most are actually pretty good). Coppola make a good movie with unknown actors again then make that claim.

10. Unfitney has been booked, finger printed, and photographed for a hit and run she did back in August. It helps the ever so responsible Paparazzi were filming the incident. Thank you for watching out for us.

11. An extra to the list today, George Lucas is in the process of making another Star Wars thing for TV. I'd really like for him to finish the first one before starting this one. Better yet, finish the new Indiana Jones movie. This new Star Wars venture is about minor characters....well that narrows the audience.

Week 6 NFL Roundup

2007-10-15T10:35:00.000-07:00

So after a bit of a hiatus last week, I have returned to my football roundup! Naturally we headed back to ODB. I feel like it was even better this time because once again it wasn't very crowded and we had a better waiter. Which only makes things better in my mind. This week, it was only Chris and myself but things started off well when he asked whether he should get a salad or a sandwich and I looked at him and simply asked "salad?" Point made, sandwich order up!

Philadelphia AT New York Jets/Minnesota at Chicago
Luckily, both our games were on so Chris and I were able to watch quite easily. Though it was funny because the TV for our games was behind each other. Which was interesting. We'd be carrying on a normal conversation when all of the sudden one of us would start yelling and jumping out of our seat. High comedy. The Eagles game was fairly bland and if not for the victory, I'd much rather have watched the Bears game which featured a guy who could easily end up being the next great running back in the NFL. Though in what comes as a surprise to no one, Devin Hester returned a punt for a touchdown. Now, I have a question. Why do people kick the ball to Hester? To me, that is the height of insanity. I don't care how good you think your special teams are, don't kick it to him. Don't even kick it near him. Kick it out of bounds. Whats that? You'll give them good field position if you do that? Who the fuck cares! Hester will either score a touchdown or give the Bears good field position. I say you eliminate the chance of the touchdown. The Eagles play the Bears next week, and I swear to God, that if Andy Reid kicks the ball to Hester, I'm going to steal D'Jimbo's truck, drive up there, and kill him. He's pissed me off quite a bit this year and kicking to Hester would only enrage me further.

It was also at this point that Chris and I had a discussion about whether or not the Metroid Prime franchise is one of the greatest games of all time. I say no. My reasons are actually pretty simple. It didn't change anything when it comes to gaming, its always been the same game, over and over again, and quite frankly, the series was on the Gamecube and the Wii. If we are talking about recent games as some of the best games ever, the Halo franchise is definitely on the list. Halo launched the X-Box. Without Halo the X-Box would have been a failure, no doubt about it. You bought the X-Box just to play Halo. Additionally, the multiplayer in Halo redefined console multiplayer in general. Halo helped launch X-Box live. Hell, I bought an X-Box 360 just so I could play Halo 3 eventually. Then it came out and Halo 3 set the record for the one day sale of any intellectual property. Halo also redefined the way that console shooters do storytelling. To that point, no first person shooter had had such a grand plot. Most were just bad ports of PC shooters. Now you can say that the commercial success should have no bearing on the place a game holds in any list, but I would disagree. If nobody plays it, then its hard to benchmark it. Above anything else though, Halo changed a genre and became a game that all others were judged against. Metroid Prime is only judged against the other games in the series and the formula hasn't changed since the 1980's. In essence, it only updated a classic.

Also, its about this point that the Bears tied up their game with the Vikings. Chris let out a roar that I'm pretty sure scared everyone in the entire bar. To be honest, I didn't know he had the lungs for it. It was deep and gutteral and I was a little taken aback. However, the celebration was short lived and he just stood up and goes "lets leave." Fair enough.

New England at Dallas:
Now this looked like it could be an interesting game. Two unbeatens with two high octane offenses. Well one of those offenses managed to stay active the whole game. Though it was amusing to keep being reminded that TO left some idiotic self serving letter telling reporters to get their popcorn ready. Wow. That was stupid. You're playing a team that already says "everyone's against us because we're a bunch of cheaters and that asshole thinks he's going to have a good day. Well lets fuck his shit up." If anything though, the Patriots are definitely playing without class. That last touchdown to make it 48-27 was completely unnecessary. A quick kneal down was all you needed. Hell, even Junior Seau thought the game was over until they called another offensive play. Completely unnecessary and yet, I'm happy it happened to the Cowboys. Dicks.

New Orleans at Seattle:
Imagine a game that nobody cares about. No, not Carolina at Arizona. At least that game had Vinny Testaverde to make things funny. Think harder. Yup, this game. Who gives a fuck? The NFC West is a shambles and if I have to hear one more story about Katrina and the New Orleans Saints, I'm going to stab whoever is closest to me. Odds are its going to be either Chris or D'Jimbo. Unfortunate but true. If I could, I would stab someone else, but these are the rules. Anywho, Reggie Bush started to have a good game and the Saints jumped out ahead and blah blah blah and oh fuck it. I went to bed before halftime, thats how much I didn't care.

Monday night also features a pretty lackluster game. I haven't even been watching Monday night games because I've been watching Heroes. I know I have a DVR but really, I don't care. The game selection hasn't been good and as I have elaborated on numerous times in the past I hate Kornheiser on MNF. I'll start watching it once he's gone and they actually get a game I care about. New York Giants vs. Atlanta? So what.

Getcha popcorn ready.

Cheers.

FANTASY NOTE:
My office team name for the week was the Alabama Hot Pocket. Doesn't that sound delicious? Well its not as delicious as it sounds. In order to achieve the Hot Pocket, one must spread your lady's vagina open, take a dump inside, and then proceed to fuck this horrible concoction of sin-against-God. Yummy!

Celebration

2007-10-15T06:51:00.000-07:00

I am celebrating today. Somehow, Geraldo Rivera is responsible. Seriously, I know. Michelle Malkin will no longer be on the O'Reilly Factor! Here is her email she sent out informing people.

From: “Michelle Malkin”
To: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Date: Fri, 12 Oct 2007 23:04:58 -0400
Subject: Re: Michelle no longer on the Factor?
I made the decision to quit appearing on the O’Reilly show in response to the poor handling of the Geraldo Rivera matter (the staged “apology” on The Factor was a complete farce). I won’t go into details, but please know that your support means a lot to me. You can catch me on other Fox News shows and read my daily blog posts and weekly columns at MichelleMalkin.com.

Best,
Michelle

This woman, if she can be considered human, is venomous and filled with rage. She has such infamous hits as "skeptical of the Bill of Rights," "prisoner suicides in Guantanamo Bay" are funny, and releasing addresses of people she doesn't agree with on the internet so her wack job followers like the recent SCHIP kid. She went and stalked that kid personally.

so before the list.

Oh you bet its over the top but for once, I'd like to be able to do this. I mean, I've had myself and pretty much every politician or celebrity I support compared to Osama Bin Laden and other terrorists.

1. Rudy says preparedness is key for all crises...including alien attacks..Yeah he gets asked about alien attacks within that preparedness section...while true, though I don't know anything about alien attacks outside of Independence Day and War of the Worlds. PS. Imagine him doing the Bill Pullman speech and its kinda funny...Speaking of preparedness, wouldn't that mean you don't keep your strategy center in the most visible and tallest structure? Just checking because Rudy shouldn't talk about preparedness.

2. Paul Krugman is quickly becoming one of my favorite commentators. Read this op-ed.

3. I have an apology to make for something. For years, I've said I liked Tucker Carlson and defended him in that I don't agree with him on much or anything but he seems like an alright guy and decent to carry on the dialogue. I was wrong. He joined Paul Krugman on Bill Maher, a favorite show of mine, and just came off as an ass. I swear punching him in the face would have been worth it.

4. Yes, I am a cliche liberal and I read the New York Times. STEPHEN COLBERT HAS AN OP-ED THIS WEEK! He hijacked Maureen Dowd's.

5. Heartbreak Kid looks like a shitty movie. Ben Stiller hasn't been able to carry a movie on his own in years. But why does the executive producer think the movie failed? Master Chief. Seriously, they think Halo 3 killed it...That's moronic and/or an acknowledgment that Halo is that awesome.

6. I hate Minnesota. Fucking Canada Jr.

7. I love that in college football its bad to be number 1...because you're bound to fall soon.

8. Prince Abdulla Al-Khalifa of Bahrain (Wealthiest guy in world with Playboy bunnies being held hostage) is suing Michael Jackson saying that he violated his contract to do two albums and a weird broadwayesque play. I love it when people like Prince Abdulla Al-Khalifa of Bahrain use the legal system like that when they've got a host of human rights violations.

9. Jerry Hall, once married to Mick Jagger, is writing a tell all....this should be interesting. With Harrison's ex writing a tell all and now Jagger's, I'll be about 40 when I hear about the one on Amy Winehouse.

10. At a tribute to Julia Roberts Brad Pitt and George Clooney did a Larry Craig spoof. Here's how it went.

"George Clooney wasn't able to make it, but he sent a video tribute. Gushing over his Ocean's costar while sitting in a bathroom stall, Clooney suddenly found himself in a Sen. Larry Craig situation. Someone was in the next stall trying to tap shoes with the Hollywood hunk.

When Clooney jumped up and quickly opened the stall door next to him, he found the culprit to be Brad Pitt!

A wide-eyed Pitt joked, "I have a wide stance."