I Eyjafjallajokulled Your Mom Last Night

I love the name of the Icelandic volcano. I really do. I still can't say it properly but I did Eyjafjallajokull your mom last night...with Captain America's shield. Here's a fun video on how to pronounce it. I'm American I don't need to learn things but in case you're foreign, here it is. Anyway, onto our irregularly scheduled blog post.

I do like to talk about politics and there will be a little bit today but I'm in a pop cultural mood. So here are 10 things going on that you should know.

1. If you've read previous posts here, you know I'm a huge Doctor Who fan. If you haven't and don't know anything about Doctor Who, well, it is a show that you should be watching. Doctor Who concerns a character named "The Doctor." The Doctor is a time traveling hero who just likes to have a good time and go anywhere in the universe. He's the last of a race called the Time Lords. He had to wipe out his own race during a war that engulfed and killed trillions of people. The Time Lords became more and more cruel during the war and the Doctor destroyed his own people as well as the enemy they were fighting. Keep in mind this is a recent development on how he had to kill a lot of people.

For 47 years, Doctor Who has been a staple of British culture. If you're famous in Britain, there's a good chance you've been on Doctor Who. Simon Pegg (Scotty in the new Star Trek and brilliant comedic actor) went as far as to be part of Doctor Who audio plays. Kylie Minogue (she's Australian but y'know, still really big in Britain) was in one of my favorite stories, Voyage of the Damned. Doctor Who is a really big deal in Britain. Its one of the highest rated shows they have and its on a Saturday. Last weekend, Doctor Who premiered in the United States.

Now, I've seen the first 3 episodes of this season. Its fantastic. I was hesitant on the new Doctor. The Doctor doesn't really die. He regenerates into a new person with the same memories. Its a really clever way to keep a show going when the actors grow bored or get fired or just can't handle it anymore. David Tennant, the previous Doctor, is still my favorite Doctor. But the new one? He's really good and the writing is really good. You need to watch because its fun, over the top, and its the best sci fi out there right now. I'll digress as if I can't convince you, look it up on wikipedia, your Doctor Who wikiodyssey will work out, you'll start watching.

2. RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!!!!!!!......!!!!!!!!!! Scott and I saw Clash of the Titans. Let me say this, Gemma Arterton is smoking. Like, I do want to do fairly unconstitutional things to her. So I have to say that before I explain my Clash of the Titans experience. I didn't hate the movie. In fact, I strangely enjoyed it. Scott and I both cheered at RELEASE THE KRAKEN! There are points in the plot that I got a little confused. There really isn't much of a plot. But, the special effects and the movie's own awareness of not being serious made it enjoyable. I think there were 30 lines of dialogue and it was fun. Do I recommend seeing it? Probably as a netflix rental. That's best for you but I still had fun seeing it.

3. Last night, the show Damages had its season finale. It is easily the best show on tv that apparently no one watches. Go buy the DVDs. The show is utterly brutal and wonderfully acted. Glenn Close terrifies me in the show. Damages is a show about white collar crime. The first season had an Enron type scandal, the second was an environmental one, and this season was Bernie Madoff. I highly recommend the show and hope it gets a 4th season.

4. Here's a Corgi as Star Fox

5. Its baseball season and the NFL draft is this week. So I'm completely obsessed with the Cubs as usual and the draft picks the Bears don't have in football.

6. Did you know we're getting a Wizard of Oz sequel? Yes, we are completely out of ideas.

7. What's going on in the picture? I get the whole sex kitten look but did you have to torture that cat?

8. I'm thinking of having a new girl of the blog. Here are some quick ideas Alyson Hannigan, Karen Gillan, and Mila Kunis. They're the ones I thought of right off the bat but I'm willing to take suggestions and I'll keep thinking.

9. I still am pushing for a show Scott & Hate plus Hate. I say this because I heard Kate Gosselin, a person who is talented at pushing out babies and being a bitch, ruined Simple Minds' Don't You Forget About Me. I take pride in having never watched an episode of Dancing with the Stars outside of when Tom Delay was on...yup, I had to watch it...ugh. I generally lack shame but even I felt dirty.

10. SUBLIST!!!!!! Music on the brain.

1. Collective Soul's Welcome Home Again
2. The Heavy's How Do You Like Me Now
3. Greg Laswell's cover of Your Ghost
4. Drive Shaft....I mean Oasis' Rock n Roll Star
5. Michael Franti and Spearhead's Say Hey (I Love You)
6. London Bus Stop's remix/cover of Get It On (Bang a Gong)
7. Scissors for Lefty's Got Your Moments
8. Shiny Toy Guns' cover of Major Tom
9. Ben Kweller's Penny on the Train Track
10. Jacob Miller's Charlie Brown's Lament
11. Decembrists' The Infanta
12. Otis Taylor's Ten Million Slaves
13. The Who's My Generation (in Mono) trust me it sounds more cool
14. U2's Unknown Caller
15. The La's There She Goes
16. The Perms' Running Away

That's it for now. See, I avoided politics for the most part...okay fine. I still think Sarah Palin is the biggest scam artist in American media...god damnit, is she bigger than Glenn Beck and Rushbo? Oh man, that's for another day.

Allons-y

The Validity of Thought

The United States is a fun place in that if you think something up, there are likely to be those that agree with you. Because others have agreed with you, your idea, no matter how random or outside the mainstream, will become a valid idea that others must treat with respect. You could make the claim this validity of ideas is enshrined in the US Constitution's 1st Amendment. I'm here to tell you that its utter bullshit.

People in this country have a right to believe whatever they want. The government can't and shouldn't do anything about what you believe. But that doesn't mean that because you believe it, your beliefs are valid. Over the past few years there are issues that come up that develop a point-counterpoint narrative that are so ridiculously stupid that it defies comprehension. With many of them, I've reached a point where if you have taken a certain position, all your other thoughts are immediately invalid to me. I don't care any more what you have to say because you have demonstrated an extreme level of stupidity.

I'll give you a for-instance. Climate Change and Evolution. People say they don't "believe" in them. Guess what? Its science. It doesn't give a shit what you believe. Thats the great thing about science; it either is, or it isn't. The other nice thing, is it builds on itself. People who take the opposing viewpoint like to retort "well its just a theory." These are people who don't know what they are talking about. Yes, in our colloquial understanding of the term, "Theory" doesn't mean much. In a scientific context though "Theory" is a whole lot more meaningful. In a scientific context, "Theory" means "a coherent group of general propositions used as principles of explanation for a class of phenomena."

These are general propositions that are tested thousands of times over. Then, when they are tested, they are retested. Intelligent Design has tried to be some sort of counter-theory to Evolution, but frankly its a bunch of shit. With regards to climate change, opponents like to point out the e-mail scandal and also some of the problems with the UN's research council. But the thing they like to ignore is there are still thousands upon thousands of data sets, research papers, and models that all say the same thing. The Earth is warming and its most likely due to human intervention.

If you don't "believe" these two things as scientific theory, then frankly I don't care what you have to say on anything. You are wrong and no amount of evidence will ever dissuade you. I'm done.

But this brings us to our issue du jour. Of course, at this point we're all aware of Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell's SNAFU regarding "Confederate Pride Month" or whatever the fuck he wants to call it. Most of you are probably also aware of Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour's defense of Governor McDonnell's omission of slavery. These men like to talk about honoring the soldiers of the Confederacy.

Pardon me for a moment but what exactly are they honoring?

The Confederacy was comprised of a group of states that attacked American soldiers at Fort Sumter. They were fighting for the right to own other human beings as property. Thats what we're talking about when we talk about the Civil War. It was a rebellion fought for slavery. And because "the North" or as I prefer it now be known "The United States of America" was ready to end slavery they fought for the right to break up the United States of America.
They did this by launching an attack on an American military base. They did this by assassinating the President of the United States. They did this by forming an army and killing more American soldiers.

The Confederacy's leadership was composed of traitors to the United States. They were held up by a cadre of wealthy land owners who, today, would be charitably described as war criminals. One of the sadder things about the Civil War is it didn't really need to happen. The US was already showing that one didn't need to own slaves in order to be successful at much of anything. Mechanizing tasks had made simple human labor outmoded. But this was irrelavent to the South. They wanted slaves because they also knew they didn't have the population (without slaves) to be a potent political force. Their options were either to end slavery and let former slaves vote or resort to treason.

If you want to honor the Traitors of the South, by all means, go ahead. But I'm done with anything else you have to say.

April 13, 1204

Hey kids, I usually do a post that's random pop culture with politics as explained in the previous post. We interrupt my trend to discuss a little controversial topic. I don't avoid hard issues. I do run away from things. I'll admit that. I run and never stop at times but this is something that I've been wanting to talk about. Don't mind if its incoherent. I can't read.

A note before I begin, today is an important day for the Orthodox. So history means a lot to me. I adore history actually. I like to think I'm part of several decades that I wasn't close to being born into. There are points in history which IOn April 13th, 1204, Catholic crusaders sacked Constantinople, an Eastern Orthodox Christian city. It was the center of so much of the Orthodox ideology. Think New York combined with Washington, DC, London, Paris, and Rome. 806 years later, the Orthodox still do not trust Catholics all that much. I say this before I begin to explain that I probably have a bias

Anyway, I was thinking about the Catholic Church scandals. There have been a lot of attempts to explain what caused things to go so wrong. Some have argued that the Catholic Church is just plain evil. I don't think that's true. Yes, I'm Eastern Orthodox but I've been educated by Jesuits for a good portion of my life. I think there's great possibility in the Catholic Church but there are a lot of problems.

Members of the Church hierarchy have blamed the victims. Yeah, that's it...oh wait, that's awful. Nothing kills me more than the idea of children suffering. So those who think its the victims doing this, go fuck yourself and don't ever comment on what God intends because you're wrong.

Some have blamed the media. Sorry kids, blaming the New York Times only works if you're a pathetic half term governor of a state you most likely couldn't locate easily. It's annoying that it works for the half term governor anyway. Nope, its not the media on this one.

Here's my favorite, blame the Jews. For more information, go here . Yes, its the Jews who are responsible for members of your church leadership covering up sexual depravity. Because you know what? Its tradition. Man, that's crafty...no wait crafty isn't the word, cliched and pathetic...that's a few words. When in doubt, blame the Jews...thanks...because that hasn't led to terrible things before. Oh wait....nope kids, try again.

I heard the Catholic Church's number two man, Tarcisio Bertone, (Really intimidating name) blames homosexuality... see here . Okay, so far they've blamed the victims, media, Jews, and now the gays. I'm kinda disappointed that gypsies aren't in this list. But the whole blame the gays deal is of course a fall back position. Its what right wing people love to blame for pedophilia. Chile would like to have a word with people of this thought process. They've got a priest who has abused young girls. Also, there is not a study that I know of that links pedophilia to homosexuality. Its one of those things that the really really conservative people like to argue on very simplistic terms. For instance, some deny global warming because it was cold that day or they got lots of snow. Here they blame pedophilia with boys on homosexuality. Nope, its not homosexuality. Its about an archaic sense of sexuality combined with an ancient idea of power management.

I really enjoy that the Catholic Church lectures on sexuality because its almost comical. I love the Old and New Testament. I legitimately do. They're beautiful in many parts of it and I accept many parts of it too. However, its not a good document for talking sex. Nor are the writers drawing from the bible like Thomas Aquinas. Trust me, I have a habit of reading a lot of very boring old documents for fun because I'm crazy. But back on point, part of the problem with the Catholic Church's scandal is partly sexuality but it isn't homosexuality that's the problem but understanding of sexuality and also gender in general. I mean for Aquinas, sheep are above women in the Church Hierarchy. Nuns are treated terrible in the Church. There's not a real sense of where people are in the modern world in current Church teachings.

The Catholic Church has an archaic sense of sexuality, gender, and power. You have an organization that's ancient and powerful willing to do defend the Church at any cost because of a higher calling. It never really developed that humans are sexual. It also understands secular society's attempt to punish members who commit horrible things as an attack on the Church itself. I don't advocate arresting the Pope. These guys do . I don't think the Pope should resign. I mean really, that would compromise the entire Church and there are good things in the Catholic Church. I do find that the current Pope did pretty terrible things before he was Pope. Its unreasonable to demand the collapse of Catholicism. These abuse scandals are about an abuse of power at the highest level as well as abusing power on a local level. They ruined a lot of trust and reestablishing trust needs something on an organizational level. I advocate a Third Vatican Council. In time of crisis, the Catholic Church has gathered for council to reexamine how the Church should function. Pope John XXIII brought people together decades ago to discuss Papal direction. He invited Jews, atheists, Orthodox, and many other religions. It should happen again and here are my own ideas that no one will consider but I can't keep my mouth shut.

Here we go,

1. The Church can't protect priests who commit evil. Sounds easy right? It's hard when you feel your church is under siege. But this is how it has to be. The moment you hear about things like this, you investigate and you do it thoroughly and then you turn them over to authorities with all the information.

2. I think women should be priests. Its surprisingly controversial and its not even allowed in my church which is Eastern Orthodox. Women were essential in early Church history. I don't understand why women aren't higher up on Church hierarchy. The Apostolic argument that the Church should consist of men based on the Apostles denies the idea that women were integral to the formation of the early church. I'm not talking Mary Magdalene Da Vinci Code things. I'm talking about early Roman converts in the aristocracy were women initially because the Roman religion wasn't too kind to women. Man, how things change...

3. Marrying priests? Its something worth thinking about. Its not like we're going to have a married Pope. People who rise high in churches which have marrying priests generally aren't married when they become heads of church. I don't think sexed up priests are going to pop up.

4. Stress social justice, progress, and the Catholic Church's role in modern society. I learned a lot from Jesuit Catholics about the modern world.

There are probably more but that's on my mind right now. I'm still outraged about the scandals. Its something that really bothers me a lot. People hurting children and arrogant people in power protecting those who hurt children just kills me. Anyway, new post tomorrow that should be very different. Yes, I ramble. I write here like I talk. Keep in mind I talk much faster and bounce all over the place on topics. Just keep up.

Allons-Y

Hello, let me reintroduce myself.

It's been awhile. For awhile, I couldn't have a blog. Time and other things. It's one of the few times I've followed rules. But that's life. It's brilliant but has the habit to be a tad unforgiving. So I'm going to reintroduce myself. I think I can do a blog now. I go by Edmund Dantes when I write. It's sometimes Edmond Dantes too. I'm like that. Confusing, contradictory, and manic and etc. Oh I do love the etc. Those who know me personally, and I'm pretty sure those who read this blog do know me personally, know that I'm all over the place. I adore culture, high and pop. I love to talk about culture. Actually, I like to talk about anything but culture, oh culture, you're just brilliant. So this blog at least when I'm posting will talk about TV (I love and watch a lot of TV), movies (old and new), books (I read history, science fiction, biography, political, regular fiction, and comic books), music (Lots of Indie Rock, classic rock, and random ones), and video games (I refuse to grow up), and probably whatever pops in my brain.

I'm also a political animal. I'm an unabashed liberal Democrat. I believe in an active government, an evolving constitution, I'm pro choice, and there are a host of issues that define me as a liberal. Its a safe assumption that there's a good chance I'm more liberal than a lot of people you know. I'm a huge fan of Franklin Roosevelt, John F. Kennedy, and yes, I'm a fan of Barack Obama. I'm a November Does Matt Democrat though. I get governing and not getting exactly what I want.

There aren't many living Republicans that I'm a fan of right now. Sure, there are actually many in the past I like. There are some living right now whom I'm a big fan of on a personal basis. You know who you are. But I hate the Tea Party (yes its a Republican offshoot mixed in with Faux News). I hate Faux News with a passion. Rush Limbaugh disgusts me. Glenn Beck too. Sarah Palin terrifies me because not that she might become President but that she appeals to the worst aspects of politics. I just watched Tina Fey do another Sarah Palin sketch....she's absolutely dead on about her. But that's for a later time.

You want to get an idea about me real quick? I'm a big Doctor Who fan (David Tennant's 10th Doctor is someone I relate well with), I love the West Wing, Psych, Mad Men, Rome, Chuck, How I Met Your Mother, Smallville, and there are many many others. I watch a lot of TV because my DVR is my god.

I have a huge DVD collection just in case I'm ever bored. There'll be more to talk about. I'm tired. So today begins a new.

Allons-Y

Ever Looming

As 2009 waxes (its already dawned) we must revisit an earlier blogpost. While the Mainstream Media (MSM), that ever neglectful and yet convenient target of the left, right, and everyone in between, continues to refuse to report on various reports of zombie ism throughout the world, your intrepid blogger continues his observations.

I don't think we need to cover all the points made in 2007, but I do think it is important to revisit the idea of location. And I think I have solved the problem. The ideal location is one that is sparsely populated, has access to fresh water and arable land. Food and water are critical and if my courageous group of survivors can cobble together some semblance of agriculture, even better. Basic agriculture will be important in the post-zombie-apocalyptic world, because it will allow survivors to avoid going into previously densely populated urban and suburban areas, where zombies are likely to abound. The best defense against zombies is avoidance. If they can't attack you, then they can't zombify you.

Additionally, defense against incoming zombies is important because eventually they will discover pockets of survivors and having the ability to hole up somewhere, or have an escape route will increase our odds of survival. Underground bunkers would be good for this because there are generally very few exit points and they should be easy enough for the living to discover and cover up or disguise. This is why I suggest we head for one of the many Titan missile bases that dot the Midwest.

As you can see by the map, this is a fairly extensive underground facility and presents several advantages. With a proper power source (basic steam power using local coal) the actual missile silos could be converted to hydroponic gardens capable of growing quite a variety of edible plants. Additionally, it would only be necessary to use electricity in the event there is a zombie scare. During safe periods, the actual doors to the silos could be opened to let natural sunlight and rain water in. Of course, it would be necessary to closely monitor the status of the closing mechanisms on the silo doors to ensure they could be shut in the event of an attack.

Another advantage to the missile base is that it is a hardened nuclear facility. This means that it is capable of withstanding a nuclear blast. As such, even if zombies attack, claws and fists will not be able to break in the doors. Thus, a group could hold out in the facility as long as food and water supplies lasted. Additionally, there is bound to be an escape hatch, though this will require a little bit of exploration. A missile base would also be an ideal location for a radio transmitter capable of calling out to any other survivors. Just as there is strength in numbers for zombies, there is strength in numbers for survivors. Another point to consider is we know these facilities are abandoned, thus there will be no zombies that have been locked underground just waiting to chew us up when we go down there.

Finally, an advantage to the Midwest is we know the land there is capable of supporting agriculture. We also know that it is relatively flat. Flat land makes it easy to spot zombies at a distance. We also know that coal is in abundance, especially on derailed trains traveling cross-country, which means we would have a near limitless supply of fuel for electricity, though I must stress that electricity will not be used at all times.

Now comes the depressing part for I am not a man who cannot see the worst case scenario. Say we are driven underground by roving bands of zombies too numerous for us to shoot and kill. There may be no way out. We would have the choice of a slow death or a brutal one at the hands of zombies. This is not an ideal situation, but the Titan missile base's other attributes far outweigh this grim possibility. Consider that the size of the facility allows us many options for storage and sleeping arrangements during periods of heightened alert. It would also provide us with a safe place to wait out long winter months.

While zombies are devious and cunning creatures, they are no match for human ingenuity and technology. Keep in mind that the zombie apocalypse will render much of what we have accomplished useless. But, certain technology may remain viable. An example of this is the GPS satellite system. This is something to ponder in the future, but I think it may be worth exploring the idea of sub-dermal GPS trackers on all survivors. This way we could keep track of everyone and if they are late reporting, we would be able to know where they are. If a person has fallen to zombieism, we would then be able to track roving bands of zombies, and the sacrifice of our fellow survivors may help to keep the rest of us alive.

Even in the zombie apocalypse, knowledge is power. Setbacks must be turned to our advantage. Stay alert, stay alive, and good luck to us all.

Cheers.

Teh Hardcorez

Now, as many of you may know, I am an avid video game player. I look forward to new games, I read about how to be better in my video games, and I also appreciate the new technologies that go into new games. I suggest games to other people and for the parents at my office, I am their source for knowing what to get their kids. So, while avoiding doing anything resembling work while at work, I came across an interesting article over at IGN. Now, IGN is not exactly a purveyor of stunning literature, but it can be interesting, if for no other reason than sparking debate. But, go ahead and read it yourselves.

http://retro.ign.com/articles/950/950939p1.html

Now, I'm thinking we should just take them in order, hm?

10. Japanese voice acting: This one may actually be a little bit true, but not for the reasons IGN asserts. The thing is, a lot of Japanese games feature children or young teenagers who can charitably be described as having ADHD. So, when games get localized to a western market they tend to get people who have higher voices and can talk super fast. This is annoying. Also, Japanese games are notorious for poor localization. So, combine the two, and you've got bad English voice acting. The Japanese voice acting may be better, but the bar is rather low and, to be honest, they all sound alike.

9. World of Warcraft Pity: I can't speak too much to this one because I don't play games like WoW. I'm afraid I'd never see my credit card again. A fairly legitimate concern. What I will say though is a more experienced player helping a less experienced one is a common occurrence in video games. Most of the time, we are not playing against each other. Many of us also realize that for us to have more fun in our games, we should help others to be better to better challenge ourselves and our own experiences. But, it can turn obnoxious and patronizing, which is where the pity comes in. People who do that only serve to hurt video gaming as a hobby because they serve as a barrier to new players. New players get talked to like they are 5 years old, they get frustrated, they give up, and they then proceed to denigrate the hobby to others. This is bad and if you are going to show pity just so you can prove your hardcore credentials, you are actually hurting your own hobby. Nice job, ass.

8. The Secret Genius of Super Mario Bros. 2: If you seriously find yourself arguing this, then you're a bigger jackass than I thought possible. Everybody knows Sega was better anyway.

7. Final Fantasy VII is Overrated: Absolutely true. Final Fantasy VII is about as overrated as a game can be, but the reason why everybody loved it is because for many people it became their first experience with more mature games that featured complex storylines and more complex gameplay. Squaresoft did make the game more accessible to a broader audience, and by doing so created a legion of people who will rabidly defend the game for all time. This happens quite a bit in games and causes people who think of themselves as hardcore gamers to feel abandoned or betrayed because the game they loved changed so much that it removed the challenge or the feel of the games we originally liked. This fosters backlash from the gaming community and actually causes developers to lose their own legitimacy. For the record, FF7 was the first Final Fantasy game I played.

6. Saturn vs. Playstation: Honestly, I couldn't care less about this one. I didn't own a Saturn. I will say though that all platforms are inferior to the PC.

5. The Grand Theft Auto III Aftermath: They say that imitation is the highest form of flattery. If you liked GTA3 (and a lot of you did) then its aftermath isn't that bad. If you thought it was an interesting game but not the be all - end all of gaming, then yes, GTA3 destroyed gaming. Certain games come to define their genres and break them in such a way that everybody tries to be like them. This is actually more common than one might think. We recently looked at FF7, and for many gamers, the aftermath of FF7 was just as destructive as the aftermath of GTA3. For many other people, Halo became the game that broke first person shooters and even today Halo clones are everywhere on every console. World of Warcraft broke the massively multiplayer online RPG and almost singlehandedly murdered the entire genre. GTA3 was a genre-defining game. Some would even argue it invented a new genre entirely and nowadays every game has to have an "open world" format as developers of entirely different genres try to shoehorn the one innovative piece of GTA3 into every game out there.

4. Shmups are Real Shooters: Who cares? But this actually leads into a bigger point that I'll deal with soon.

3. Japanese RPG's vs. Western RPG's: Ah yes, this one is my favorite. I love RPG's. Love them. And I used to love JRPG's. But then something happened. I played a western RPG and knew WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON! If you play video games, you've probably played games like Onimusha, Devil May Cry, Metal Gear Solid, and other big name brands that carry a lot of weight. But you know what they all have in common? Their stories are completely fucking incomprehensible. Another problem with JRPG's is they all feature teenagers trying to save the world for some reason. Now, I've read that the Japanese developers feel that teenagers are a symbolic choice because the life of a teen and their maturation also represents the maturation of the hero in the story. Some of them are even frustrated with that mechanic but feel they are trapped in it because that's what Japanese gamers expect. My response? Fuck. That. Shit. Now, the IGN post claims that by removing choice, JRPGs are a more pure experience. But, my problem with this contention is that the stories are so bad or so poorly told that why would you want to make it more pure? Plus, this concept leaves out the notion that the ultimate ending point of a western RPG is just as scripted, but by choosing our own way there, the game resonates more and leaves a more lasting experience. I mentioned in #4 that I was going to come to a larger point. Here it is: many JRPG's feature some game mechanic that requires either rote memorization or a giant spreadsheet in order to effectively use it. Memorizing firing patterns in a shooter is an example. Another example is Rikku from FF10 who could turn items in other things in the middle of combat. Some magazine published the key to this and it was literally a poster sized spread sheet that cross referenced every item in the game with every other item. I'm sorry, but if I have to consult a spread sheet in order to get the most out of a character, that is not fun. That is work. While I used to be an ardent JRPG player, and, indeed a big proponent of Japanese games in general, Western developers have caught up to and surpassed their Japanese counterparts in gameplay, story, and characterization. This may be the reason why Japanese developers are seeing their market share fall as well as their national prestige.

2. Halo's Pistol: Absolute bullshit. Halo's pistol was like a semi-automatic sniper rifle with a zoom on it that you could run around with and not lose accuracy. Everybody was good with it. If everybody is good at something then the true test of who is better is not skill, its luck. Also, since everybody started with the pistol, there was no reason to use much of anything else in the game and much of the strategy that generally goes into choosing one's weapon was lost. Balancing a game so there are no super weapons means skill becomes a very important aspect of the game. The pistol was overpowered and anybody who says otherwise is probably the guy who keeps getting shotgunned in Halo 3.

1. ...and the Wii Defense: This one could actually be true. I'm willing to give this one time. However, my issue with the argument is it assumes there are games worth playing on the Wii. Are there? Yes. Are there enough to justify my picking up the system? No. Many of the games released on the Wii are simple party games. Thats not necessarily Nintendo's fault. Nobody really knows how to make a game for the Wii that utilizes the controls in a compelling fashion. Also, a severe limitation for the Wii is its lack of processing power. Why would I want to play a game on the Wii when the same game has come out on another system and looks about a hojillion times better, has better gameplay, and also has more online capability? The Wii defense could be accurate if there were anything to defend. Maybe with the Wii 2. Or is that the Wii II?

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

Its been awhile hasn't it. Well, I have excuses but those hardly matter. I mean, things change, things fall apart, and things come together.  Its a quarter to 3 AM and I can't sleep so I decided to  put something back together. Welcome back to the blog that rarely makes sense but has a lot of fun in the process. Barack Obama is the President of the United States. How cool is that? I got a bit part in that whole campaigning. I can say I took part in some ads for him.  I froze my ass off at Inauguration too.  Look back at the blog and you'll see we were big fans of Obama way back. I can't help it. I'm from Chicago. So onto the future.  More politics because I can't help it. More absurd pop culture because I love it. People are hilarious, beautiful, tragic, and absurd.

I spent a lot of time on this blog hating Republicans and Joementum Lieberman. I really didn't like President Bush. I really still don't like President Bush. Does that mean, I wouldn't be critical of the Obama Administration? Are you kidding? I'm not Rush Limbaugh (more on that later). I'll probably still be angry at the Bush Administration for quite awhile.  I'm still open to mocking Democrats and being annoyed with my own party. No one hates on Democrats like other Democrats. So with that in mind, onto the list!

1.  Rush Limbaugh is the leader of the GOP? Ha, that's pathetic. This a guy who once said he didn't like liberals rooting against America's success and now, says he wants President Obama to fail. That's leadership! Limbaugh looks out only for Limbaugh.  Game on GOP. You got played on the bipartisan game. By not even trying to support President Obama's stimulus package with a single vote after he went out of his way to talk, the Republicans just look petty. I was wrong when I got angry about the lack of Republican support. I still don't think working with them is productive because if their new leader is Limbaugh, then good luck on substantive debate. However, President Obama is far better at this political game than anyone in the GOP.

2.  Yup, my former governor is a joke. Literally. His hair, the way he talks, and his circus is absolutely hilarious. Rod Blagojevich is a character that no one would believe if he were in a novel or movie. Oh wait, been there done that. All the King's Men.  Read the book, watch the original movie, and please for God's sake don't go near the Sean Penn movie.  Its like Milk except really, ungodly, bad. Blago was impeached and can never work in politics again. I smell Jerry Springer like show for him if he survives his criminal aspect. See his begging for his job on the IL Senate Floor for a good time....okay, I wouldn't wish that on anyone except political nerds.

3. I still hate Bill O'Reilly. Waterboard him and then let's talk what is torture and what isn't.

4.  Wait, can we really reach 60 votes in the Senate? Judd Gregg, Republican Senator from New Hampshire, is apparently a front runner for commerce secretary. New Hampshire has a Democratic governor that appoints replacements as of right now.  So if Al Franken (ha yeah, I know, kinda hilarious, kinda awesome) gets his seat as he should and the NH governor, we can get to 60. Crazy huh. Somehow I'm sure we'll screw this up.

5.  Okay to the fun stuff. Does this woman look 27?

No, this isn't me just being weird because that's always a possibility. But this woman actually fooled John Cleese into believing she as 27. Don't get me wrong, she looks good. But she's really 45. Cleese broke up with her upon finding out the truth. I'm pretty sure everyone should play a game with John Cleese to see what else they can convince him of believing.  Make him believe a toaster is actually his pet cat! Or that Amy Winehouse lives a healthy lifestyle! Maybe convince him that the show Lost is actually the director's cut of Life of Brian!

6.  I'm watching Smallville at 3:30 AM and its a real strange realization that I don't like Lana Lang and would like her character to die off. Its a sad realization because I find Kristen Kruek to be extremely hot. She's in my top ten and I generally like the eye candy bit. But man, I'm done with her especially with the new plotline. PS, yes I love the show Smallville. Judge at will.

7.  Speaking of women, can someone please explain why people like Renee Zellweger? She squints too much and really shouldn't be a lead love interest in movies.

8.  Lindsay Lohan has breached the "if you open up a window, she'll go flying out and be sucked into an airplane engine" thin. Its too bad. Sorry Olk, she's losing the attractive bit fast. On a lighter note, she's apparently into very unattractive people like Samantha Ronsen or how ever you spell it because I don't care enough to look it up. My brother saw them both in Chicago a few months ago and was convinced Samantha was a guy. She also is losing work fast too. Remember Mean Girls...that was so long ago.

9.  I'm still mourning that David Tennant is going to stop being the Doctor from Doctor Who. Doctor Who sky rocketed into one of my favorite series all time. Still have a series of long specials this year before he exits. Martha Jones is coming back soon. She's hot, smart, and really good at being the Doctor's companion so I can be happy with that.  

10. I love movies among the crazy amount of things I adore for barely a decent reason. I always go to movies. I've been running through the Oscar movie nominations and will talk about each of the best pictures in upcoming posts. Stay tuned. I'm back. PS, Slumdog Millionaire is my pick for best picture but we'll get back to that later. Well its almost 4 AM so I'm off to sleep. I'll post maybe tomorrow or the next day. Good night!

Happy Birthday and Mourn the Disaster

Sixty years ago on this day, the British Mandate of Palestine ended and Israel gained its independence. So Happy Birthday Israel. I'll admit I'm a bit of an interesting case with Israel. I'm not Jewish, nor am I from Israel, nor am I an evangelical Christian who seems to think that Israel is needed for the return of Jesus due to an apocryphal text that people take too seriously and was actually written much after the Book of Revelation. I support Israel for a lot of reasons and its remarkable that the state has survived this long. Israel is a democracy that is the last refuge place for Jews in the world in case the worst happens again. It also needs to be the beacon of hope for those people who have no where else to go. Their free press is as remarkable as ours can be. They develop high tech advancements for the world. I admire their courts for challenging their executive branch when they need to but that doesn't mean I support their decisions all the time. For Palestinians, this day begins the Al-Naqba (Disaster). Its people's ability to view history, deny others' history, and create their own, that drives conflict. The settlements, dehumanization of people, and militarization in order to secure peace are all things I can't see helping. Two-state solution is the hope. Its funny that Ehud Olmert, once a right of the right wing of Israel, has become the hope for a two state solution. Its also ironic that he'll be brought down by a scandal that is the norm for the Bush Administration hacks. So wow 60 years and we'll probably be back to square one in a few months when crazy settlement hungry fools take over.

1. Mississippi 1! Holy crap, another goes Dem where honestly we shouldn't be winning. Congrats Travis Childers. He won big too. I would not want to be in RNC meetings today.

2. The new slogan for the Republican Party is "the change you deserve." Really? I mean Really? I don't get it. I mean, the change from the disaster you created? Over at other liberal leaning blogs, because we're all pill poppers and who need to solve their problems through medical wonders (okay not really...I mean I'm probably the only one at MBKUND that thinks pills are great and those liberal bloggers aren't pill poppers) anyway back on topic, at the other blogs, they've found that "the change you deserve" is the slogan of an anti depression med called Effexor XR aka Venaflaxine. Its supposed to help with anxiety, depression, and panic attacks. The FDA has taken issue with Effexor not being able to substantiate its claims. I find this hilarious because this Effexor can't substantiate its claims nor can the Republican Party. I love it.
3. Next presidential cycle, I want to put up a lawn chair in West Virginia and just interview people on their voting choice. Yeah Hillary won West Virginia. But these people's responses were just amazing. Hearing about not voting for the "colored" candidate or not voting for the woman is just priceless.

4. Bill O'Reilly flipping out in some old Inside Edition clip made my week. Its been removed from youtube because god forbid, you find out that Bill O'Reilly is an ego maniac wackjob with weird sexual fantasies about producers whom he pays off and assumes he's innocent because he paid her off.

5. Racist? You bet it is.

6. So, yeah, I saw a preview for Woody Allen's new movie where Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz get it on...yup...you finish this on the list.

7. How does Britney Spears have a license? She hit another car again. Honestly, I don't understand this. She had her license taken away (GOOD) and they gave it back later (BAD).

No, I haven't watched How I Met Your Mother this week yet where she came back.

8. Drew Barrymore is a bad ass...okay not really but this is a bit crazy. Apparently, someone hit and run her car and she took off after him. I keep envisioning French Connection/Bourne Identity car chase. Now, is this a good idea to chase someone down after an accident? Probably not since that person might be crazy. Crazy meets crazy and boom Amy Winehouse!

9. Someone should monitor my blood pressure when HBO airs the movie Recount about Florida in 2000. Anyone sitting near me might suffer collateral damage when I throw stuff at TV and yell things that'll ensure my place in hell.

10. PLAYLIST!

1. Our House (Cover) by Jacaranda. Look for the Top Gun reference in the song.
2. Living Well is the Best Revenge by REM. Its off the new album Accelerate that's pretty good.
3. Ready to Go by Republica. I just watched the music video recently and though I get a headache watching it but I forgot I liked this song.
4. Seed 2.0 by the Roots. Yeah, I know but Olker keeps bring up the Roots.
5. Kill the Director by the Wombats. The line of "this is no Bridget Jones" is a hilarious line.
6. Switches by Drama Queen. Its good, trust me.
7. Ca Plane Por Moi by Plastic Bertrand. French rock at its best. Its actually from Belgium but its all the same...
8. New Transmission by the Lostprophets.
9. Such Great Heights (Cover) by Iron and Wine. They turned a poppy fast song into something sweet and melancholy.
10. You Can't Break a Heart and Have It by Frank Black. See it in Forgetting Sarah Marshall for a second.
11. Too Much, Too Young, Too Fast by Airbourne. Yeah it annoys me how much they rip off AC/DC. I mean seriously, no originality. That said, the song is really catchy.

Finally, go watch Doctor Who. Netflix the first season and you'll enjoy it. Its not the same doctor as it is now but its great. The Doctor is pretty much the character I'd love to be most.

Frank Sinatra died 10 years ago on this day. Swing on a star for him.

The New Transmission

Well I'm back. It took awhile. I suffered through final papers, crazy primaries (that are still going), my quarterlife crisis began last week when I turned 25 on the greatest day of the year, and I'm still livin the dream....Anyway, you may be wondering what exactly got me to this point? Actually, it was an email that Domino's Pizza sent me...Recession buster deal is the title of the email...I mean seriously, Domino's is giving economic analysis with their pizza deals and the scary part is their probably more right than most of the Republicans in power. I was just baffled and kinda just stared at the email with sardonic amusement. I felt the need to spew out my random thoughts on the world and what I've been up to for the past month.
My family invaded DC and we ate the new restaurant attached to the Newseum. It was fantastic though a bit expensive. My table was right next to Rob Lowe's which I thought was hilarious considering my 80s binge going on right now. My brother and I debated on if we were to interrupt his dinner with something. I pushed for either a St. Elmo's Fire joke or a Wayne's World joke like to recommend the creme of some young guy. My brother wanted to go all out Wayne's World and ask about Tia Carrere.
If you don't know, I'm exceedingly proud of Barack Obama. Rock on and let's go. I've got two national ads up hitting John McCain on the economy and his 100 year comment. You can view them at here and here. And with that, onto the list.

1. I'll start with this. I don't hate Hillary Clinton. I actually like her. I think she's smart, tough, and would be worthy of being President if not for Barack Obama. I actually feel sorry for her. Watching her speak after Indiana and North Carolina was a tough thing to do. I don't think she should drop out now. I'd rather it happened after Kentucky since she has a commanding but futile lead there. That said, if she forces through the Florida and Michigan delegates as they stand via changing the rules, I will not vote for her if she somehow became the candidate. I also will be very pissed if she doesn't campaign hard for Obama and allows for McCain to win so she can run in four years again. I will campaign to the ends of the Earth to halt that. Read this, its a great understanding of where we (DemocratIC Party) stand.

2. I'm going to be something of a bipartisan on this thing. Myanmar "government" FUCK YOU. How could you? They began seizing the goods the UN brought in. There's this part of me that wants to give their junta an ass kicking. I know its not a good idea but my god, an official has said that it could be 100,000 people may be dead from the cyclone. So as I said HOW COULD YOU!?

3. On that note, I was watching the First Lady on TV as she was supposed to talk about that whole public diplomacy aspect of deploying aid and what she was going to do and such. Y'know First Lady stuff. Y'know what she talked about instead? Her daughter's wedding....I can't wait till they're out of the White House. It really represents a lot of what the Bush Administration has been. Everything is about them and nothing else.

4. In case you thought the world was getting better, Hezbollah has seized western parts of Beirut in Lebanon. The civil war that really has existed in Lebanon for most of the 20th century in some way and into the 21st century is something that either Barack Obama and John McCain will have to handle. Israel will need to confront this sadly again. Every decade it seems Israel has had to attempt to stabilize Lebanon through armed force and end up making it worse.

5. Speaking of Israel, most of you know that I have a lot of interest in the region, Prime Minister Ehud Olmert is/was a positive force for peace. I mean, he really did want to work for it with Abu Mazin (Mahmoud Abbas) of the Palestinians. It looks like we're entering into the post Olmert era. He's being investigated for bribery and corruption charges and it looks like that's the last straw for left, center, and right in their political spectrum. The funny thing is that the next election will have all failed former PMs running...can you imagine if former Presidents decided to run again in the US? Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, George HW Bush, and even George W. Bush all running on different parties?

6. PS. Barack Obama does not = Hamas douchebags. John McCain's statement is horrific and pathetic.

7. I wonder if the right wing will pick on Cindy McCain for not releasing her tax records like they did Teresa Kerry. For the record, I was against the hesitance to release Teresa Kerry's tax records. But isn't John McCain the maverick who is about open government? I'm also wondering which of his 8 houses I like the most but aren't on his tax records. That private jet is pretty sweet too.

8. Onto more important news, a moment of silence, Scarlett Johansson is engaged to Ryan Reynolds. Good for him. Sadness for everyone else. I'm still a Natalie Portman guy if I had to choose.

9. I saw Iron Man for my birthday. What the hell are you doing if you're reading this and haven't seen it? I loved it. A great comic book movie.

10. Band that I think you should be listening to and you're probably not. The Wombats. Kill the Director is really enjoyable as is Moving to New York.

11. Amy Winehouse got arrested again...yeah I'm almost bored with her now.

12. How did Britney Spears get more visitation rights for her kids? I mean so she's got a guest spot on How I Met Your Mother and looks less crazy. Don't care, she still hasn't quite gotten past the "hey I lost my kids to an out of work back up dancer who is king of the douches."

13. Erin Andrews shares my birthday I learned recently. Once again, my day is the greatest day of the year. ESPN even talked about it. If you don't know who Erin Andrews is....google image. She may be perfect. Hot and can talk about sports. Now if she can make nonsensical pop culture references...well god damn.

14. So someone asked me recently, "would you like a girl more if she were a Cub fan?" I said it helps.

15. I hate Cedric Benson.

16. One of my room mates looks like he could be in the movie American History X.

17. I have a video camera now...beware.

By bullets or by drugs?

Okay, so its been a while since I've been on here. I haven't really had much to say and I generally like to write with a point. That being said, I come to you with a new contest! This one however will not be in the form of a poll, but rather in the comments section. We here at Mr. Brooks Knocked Up Nancy Drew are starting a Celebrity Death Pool!

The rules are simple. We have three categories of people. Music celebs, TV and movie celebs, and professional sports celebs. Through the dedicated work of our crack team of Fun-gineers (ie. Chris) we have come up with 5 names in each category. You pick a name from each category, and that is your first person to die in that category. Then, you pick one person from among your category winners. That person is your choice to be the first of the fifteen to die. Now, some of you may have others on your mind that you think are going to kick it first, and thats okay. You may pick someone not on the list, but they have to die from self-destructive behavior. For instance, you could not have picked Charleton Heston because he was old. You also can't pick someone with cancer or anything like that. They have to die because they are a total fuck-up. Additionally, your person must fit into one of the three categories. I'm banning Paris Hilton because she doesn't have a career, she just pretends she does. I haven't decided what you'll win yet, but I am totally willing to put money on this. Make your selections in the comment section. Now, on to your lovely contestants!

Music:
Pete Doherty: I think one of my department's interns put it best. Every picture you see of Pete Doherty is at some weird time and he's on coke or crack or smack or some other concoction that really doesn't belong in your body. Its only a matter of time before he OD's or gets involved in a drug dispute.

Blake Fielder-Civil: Ah yes, the husband of Amy Winehouse, who is currently in jail. You would think that being in jail would make him less likely to be on this list, but you would be wrong! If I remember correctly, he was put on suicide watch because he tried to hang himself, and he's still getting tons of drugs. Does he make it through his prison term?

Amy Winehouse: Because the couple that fucks up its life together, is the couple that dies together. Seriously, how many pictures of this chick have you seen where she looks like she's on crazy pills? About a billion? Lets go with about a billion. Hell, they wouldn't even let her in the United States to attend the Grammy's because she's so drugged out of her mind. And we love drugs here in the US! How is that possible? I'm personally saying within 6 months.

Britney Spears: Now, I know it seems like she's gotten her life together, but how long can she keep that going? How long before she has a relapse? How long before she accidentally eats one of her own children? This little tale will either end in a police stand-off or a murder-suicide pact. Either way, its going to be all over the news.

Keith Richards: The man has defied the odds for who knows how many decades but how long can he keep doing it? I mean, for God's sake, he looks like Skelator! Even he knows he's living on borrowed time. So when do the decades of drug use finally catch up with our wily veteran?

I'll admit, I was half tempted to put Tupac on this list. We all know he's not really dead. He's just hiding and biding his time.

TV/Film:
Lindsay Lohan: Firecrotch is burning through men at about the same speed she's burning through bottles of Everclear and DUI's. I'm guessing that the way she goes is she drunkenly takes a header off of someone's beach house into a as-yet-unfillled pool. That way we get one last bikini spread of the former Mean Girl.

Robert Downey Jr.: Once again, we got someone who has, by all appearances, turned his life around. But once he's between projects, or just a little bored, how long before he starts hitting the sauce or other, more illicit, substances and slams his car into a building. Personally, I'm rooting against this one because I want there to be an Ironman 2. Nobody ever said that my reasons had to be altruistic or value human life or blah blah blah.

Mischa Barton: She had one good role ever and then got herself kicked off the show because she was a bitch and a problem to deal with. I'm guessing that she gets strangled by someone who's defense will be "the bitch deserved it." At which point the judge will shrug his shoulders, agree, and everyone goes home. And another forgettable TV starlet fades away.

Owen Wilson: He's severely depressed and tried to kill himself. Plus, have you seen his nose? That right there is something to be depressed about. Also, he keeps having roles in Wes Anderson films and that has just got to fuck with your mind.

Heather Locklear: Yeah, I'll bet you didn't see this one coming, did you? Apparently, last year, she attempted to commit suicide and her therapist had to call the police last year to stop her. It never really got any play in the media because they covered it up. Its hard to age gracefully for some people. But if I were a betting man (and I am), I would say that a stalker from her Melrose Place days finally gets close enough.

Pro Sports:
This is actually my favorite category. In the previous two categories its been a question of who is going to kill themselves with drugs and alcohol. In this category its a question of who forces the police to kill them with bullets. Hey, every good contest needs a splash of violence, right?

Adam "Pacman" Jones: This guy is one of your world-class fuck-ups. He was banned from the NFL for a year because he committed so many crimes. And lets not forget that he decided to "make it rain" in a strip club, which then resulted in a gun battle taking place. He's a ticking timebomb that is likely to get killed outside a strip club at 3am.

Chris Henry: This particular gem has been arrested 5 times since he entered the NFL in 2005. Almost all of those arrests have been for violent crimes such as assault and drawing a gun on a college student. He was just recently arrested again for assault and during his bail hearing the judge called him a "one man crime wave." As a result, the Cincinatti Bengals cut him from the team. Violent tendencies plus nothing to do? I smell chalk outlines.

Jose Conceco: How about Jose? He's the single most hated man in all of baseball right now. Not only that, but there are rumors that he's made some rather bad business deals with gentleman who may or may not hail from Sicily. I'm just saying. The rules for Conseco might have to be a bit different. If he randomly disappears and stays disappeared for about 3-5 months, I'm willing to say he's been fitted for a pair of cement shoes and dropped off a pier.

Allen Iverson: Not only is he a gangsta' rapper, but he's also got a somewhat violent past from his time in Philadelphia. He's another poster boy for his past catching up to him. While he has kept his nose clean recently, it is hard to give up a lifetime of bad associations and bad decisions. Plus he's being sued for a 2005 brawl. Brawls never go away.

Ron Artest: Malice in the Palace! Ron Artest is probably the craziest motherfucker in the NBA. He's probably going to get shanked sooner rather than later. He's unpredictable, he's tempermental, and he probably doesn't back down. I predict death by stabbing, actually.

So there you have it folks. Those are our 15 contestants. Make your choices known in the comments section and watch your newspaper.

Make Gentle the Life of this World

Ladies and Gentlemen - I'm only going to talk to you just for a minute or so this evening. Because...

I have some very sad news for all of you, and I think sad news for all of our fellow citizens, and people who love peace all over the world, and that is that Martin Luther King was shot and was killed tonight in Memphis, Tennessee.

Martin Luther King dedicated his life to love and to justice between fellow human beings. He died in the cause of that effort. In this difficult day, in this difficult time for the United States, it's perhaps well to ask what kind of a nation we are and what direction we want to move in.

For those of you who are black - considering the evidence evidently is that there were white people who were responsible - you can be filled with bitterness, and with hatred, and a desire for revenge.

We can move in that direction as a country, in greater polarization - black people amongst blacks, and white amongst whites, filled with hatred toward one another. Or we can make an effort, as Martin Luther King did, to understand and to comprehend, and replace that violence, that stain of bloodshed that has spread across our land, with an effort to understand, compassion and love.

For those of you who are black and are tempted to be filled with hatred and mistrust of the injustice of such an act, against all white people, I would only say that I can also feel in my own heart the same kind of feeling. I had a member of my family killed, but he was killed by a white man.

But we have to make an effort in the United States, we have to make an effort to understand, to get beyond these rather difficult times.

My favorite poet was Aeschylus. He once wrote: "Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God."

What we need in the United States is not division; what we need in the United States is not hatred; what we need in the United States is not violence and lawlessness, but is love and wisdom, and compassion toward one another, and a feeling of justice toward those who still suffer within our country, whether they be white or whether they be black.

(Interrupted by applause)

So I ask you tonight to return home, to say a prayer for the family of Martin Luther King, yeah that's true, but more importantly to say a prayer for our own country, which all of us love - a prayer for understanding and that compassion of which I spoke. We can do well in this country. We will have difficult times. We've had difficult times in the past. And we will have difficult times in the future. It is not the end of violence; it is not the end of lawlessness; and it's not the end of disorder.

But the vast majority of white people and the vast majority of black people in this country want to live together, want to improve the quality of our life, and want justice for all human beings that abide in our land.

(Interrupted by applause)

Let us dedicate ourselves to what the Greeks wrote so many years ago: to tame the savageness of man and make gentle the life of this world.

Let us dedicate ourselves to that, and say a prayer for our country and for our people. Thank you very much. (Applause)

Robert F. Kennedy - April 4, 1968

John McCain voted against MLK Day in 1983 so you know

and

Happy Birthday Olker.

The gods are too fond of a joke

Last night was amazing TV. This is not April Fool's. Let's start with Greek. I love this show mainly because its great for a large audience. The major storyline of this episode of Greek is the Great Gatsby Party where the Dean is there. I love the retro story of the Prohibition era attempting to dodge authority due to having alcohol. The lead characters are holding two parties one which is dry and just a front and the downstairs which is a speak easy. All of them are in costume and I thought it was just hilarious that this storyline can be used on college campuses now. Now for the best moment...its legendary! Cameron from Ferris Bueller's Day Off is the dean! I leaped out of my seat as Ashleigh has a conversation with Cameron (I don't care about the actor's name nor his name on the show) about how Ferris Bueller is the the Great Gatsby of our generation! I got so excited about this it was sickening. I sickened myself! I know, it should happen more often but doesn't.
Now for the second great moment of TV last night, How I Met Your Mother is the funniest show on TV when the Office isn't around and at times it does give it a run for its money. Last night was a great episode but what made it amazing was at the end of the episode NPH (Neil Patrick Harris to the uninformed) did a Doogie Howser computer segment ending with "what I learned about myself is....I'm awesome." I seriously was cheering as I watched the dvred episode.

1. Now I'm kinda pissed, I caught part of the Daily Show last night. Jon Stewart is money but he had a great segment how success in the Iraq is when violence is rising and when its falling according to the White House apparently. Its kinda funny when you see the clip. But it made me angry because the White House is still full of shit. I honestly am horrified that there are people who think things will be different if they voted for McCain. He's exactly the same. Around 30 % approve of the President and around 42 % are supporting McCain. So 30% are complete morons and 12% are in denial morons.

2. I saw a puppet show where a Hamas puppet video where a Palestinian boy blames Israel and the US for the death of his family and then proceeds to stab the President Bush puppet with the sword of Islam. It is noted that the President repents and agrees to convert to Islam. The boy after stabbing the President then claims the goal is to make the White House a mosque. This is why we aren't winning in the world. We have no communication with the Muslim world of any meaningful value outside of blowing up Iraq, torturing Muslims, continued support of ineffectual Palestinian/Israeli policies, and a remarkable amount of bad policies.

3. Baseball is back! I love the sport. So when President Bush threw out the first pitch at the Nats opener for their new stadium, I'm actually okay with it. However, I did love that President Bush aka Bubble President had to feel what a nonvetted worshiping crowd was like. I don't think I've seen someone booed that heavily by that many people in some time. What does that say about the status of President Bush? To think there are people who will support Senator McCain who is Bush III.

4. So Tammy Baldwin is the only gay woman in Congress. Congress allows for members to take along spouses to fact finding missions....so...you see the problem when Tammy Baldwin is going to take her partner on a mission and then the military blocks it... absolutely ridiculous. Nancy Pelosi intervened with Secretary Gates to fix it. Even Republicans were okay with Baldwin bringing in her spouse. Not sure if this is a "Don't ask don't tell" Pentagon problem or from another segment of the Executive Branch. I've heard both.

5. Mike Myers has a new movie coming out this summer called the "Love Guru." Apparently, he didn't get the memo that people are very tired of the Borat impressions. This movie is about an Indian love guru. Second best in India...yeah Mike Myers needs to do Wayne's World again...okay maybe he's a bit old...So I Married an Axe Murder 2?

6. What the hell happened to Lara Flynn Boyle's face? She was on Law and Order a few weeks ago and I remember just not being able to look at the screen when she was on and she was supposed to be a sexy, scheming reporter.


This is a comparison photo. Now and 2001
She was cute when she was on the Practice though if you opened a window, she'll float away.

7. REM has a new album out and apparently its amazing. I've got it back home so I'll listen to it then but good for them. As part of my I'm stuck in another era bit, REM and U2 are bands I love and REM has fallen off for a bit. Also the Raconteurs have a new album out that I really like. I'm going to see them with my brother aka Feebleman at the end of May.

8. Barack Obama is a terrible bowler. I feel I need a few drinks in me and I'm decent. I think I have an in for the campaign. I wonder if Hillary Clinton can bowl? I'm pretty sure McCain can't physically.

9. Battlestar Galactica is back this week! Best show on TV. Seriously, not even close to joking. Go buy the DVDs and reward yourself for having some taste.

10. I want to see Leatherheads still this week. Anyone want in?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WINSTON! Winston, the Basset Hound turned 10 today!

Love your madness, please go on.

So its been a bit. I've had a ton of work. So its Friday and no I'm not in love...Anyway, this week saw the return of one of my favorite shows of the new shows of last year came back. Greek. Yes, I do really enjoy the show as do many of my friends. I was in the Greek system at AU. Apparently, I'm always supposed to be a Greek. Well, that I'm not too sure of that but many of my friends are from my time in Greek life. I don't think of them as Greeks and I don't really see as many brothers anymore. Anyway, Greek is back and enjoyable. Yes, Spencer Grammer and Dilshad Vadsaria are eye candy on an extraordinary level. Dibs for those wondering. The show really is a lot of fun for those who really liked Superbad. I feel many of my friends would make good Kappa Taus which I find funny. Go watch. The DVD season 1 is really cheap.

1. So how about that unending primary season? Should we start calling it a secondary after Super Tuesday happened? How about tertiary for this point? I really want it to end soon. There really isn't a chance that Hillary can statistically enter the convention leading. She's hoping that Obama has a dead hooker in his brief case I guess. I've been making Bosnia sniper jokes all week about Hillary's wacky memory. I really do think there should be a skit of Hillary talking about how she saved LA from a nuclear weapon and someone says, Senator Clinton that was season 1 of 24 not you. Then she starts talking that she made a mistake and then proceeds to describe season 3 of 24. Maybe she retells Die Hard.

2. Have you noticed we label our candidates by ethnicity, skin color, gender, and sanity (Mike Gravel, Dennis Kucinich, 85% of the Republican field) but not age? Seriously, McCain is 72 years old. He gave a speech talking about that he was five when he heard about Pearl Harbor happening. I mean, really? I mean, even Reagan wasn't as old as McCain is when he became president. Americans are voting for a VP if they vote for McCain.

3. John McCain and Hillary Clinton aren't that great on the economy. McCain is border line stupid actually using vague notions and laughing to himself that he doesn't know anything about the economy so there's that. Hillary Clinton wants to put together a group headed by Alan Greenspan to fix the economy. Umm...Yeah...Alan Greenspan is part of the problem. Some call him the architect of the current situation. Not a good idea. This isn't the 90s. I love the 90s but don't think you can push the reset button. Until we have a flux capacitor, we're not going back to the 90s...though that'd be awesome.

4. FAUX Suffering! Some think I enjoy Faux feeling antiquated. That should be everyone. Maybe they need to become a real news station instead of an ad in the Starship Troopers movie. Faux is tabloid journalism at its worst because I know the tabloids at least know what they are. Faux is just a monster. Yeah I said it. Monster! AHHHH! Real Monsters! Okay I'll stop.

5. I finally watched How I Met Your Mother that had Britney Spears. I actually thought it was really good. Reviewers are liking it too but I actually attribute it to people finally watching the show because it is the most funny show on TV next to the Office but it rivals that at times. Britney Spears played this clingy crazy...holy god that wasn't acting. Watch for the Ted gets a mustache part. I nearly died mainly because I've had ideas on that.

6. Here is yet another example on why Jon Stewart is better than all of us. He's been quietly visiting wounded veterans of the Iraq and Afghanistan War. Bill O'Reilly tells the whole world about his support. Most of these loud mouthed pundits like to do that with all the chutzpah they can muster. Jon Stewart does it on his own and doesn't need to.

7. The Bear Stearns CEO dumped his stock and got 61.3 million from it. John Edwards liked talking about two Americas. Tell me that isn't two Americas. Bear Stearn survives the Great Depression, World War 2, the Cold War, and is brought down during the Bush Economy of Piss on you Economics. The Bear Stearn stock became worthless ruining so many people's lives and yet the CEO walks away with 61.3 million. Fuck you, James Cayne, CEO Chairman. Go join the Enron execs that are with Cassius in hell.

8. Oh, I want to know how the "Surge" aka escalation is working? There is no such term as a surge in warfare assholes. Anyway, there's a "surge" of violence now in Iraq. So no political development, no infrastructure forming, and now the military situation looks bad. Thanks.

9. Best Buy opened in my neighborhood! Seriously, I'm ecstatic. Now there's a Target, Best Buy, and there will be a Potbelly's soon. I'm going to be broke but happy with it.

10. The Tudors is back this weekend. The show had remarkably hot women of course but that isn't why I liked the show. I really enjoy the show because it does capture some of the characters really well. I thought Sam Neil's Wolsey was utterly intriguing and I sympathized with someone who has been considered a villain in the narrative. In fact, I actually agreed with him. I also related with the other villain Charles V who we don't see very often but is most fearsome figure of the age. He's one of my favorite people in history though he did sack Rome and was just an amazing figure. The show has violence, sex, interesting concepts, and it portrays an era that is alien yet not to us.

11. I'm going to confess that I watched about three episodes of the L Word recently. It is a terrible show. I mean, I thought hey lesbians, I'll watch. Its edgy and sorts. God its awful. People whine throughout the show about fake problems. Its like they've been playing off the edgy oohhh...the L word, you think its lesbian but its actually love but we'll keep it about lesbians in love. I hated it. It takes a lot for me to hate attractive girls in a series especially if they're hooking up and all. What is up with Jennifer Beals too? She obviously uses a body double for much of it and she really is a bad actress. The Shane character was probably the most entertaining. Katharine Moennig is the actress. All she does is hook up and mock people which seems alright by me.

12. Upcoming movies I want to see. Part of me wants to see 21 for some reason. I need someone to suggest it before I do it though. I do want to see Leatherheads mainly because it reminds me of old movies.

13. Downloads? Go download Shiny Toy Guns' Rainy Monday. I liked it.

14. Riddle me this. Coincidence that the Australian PM is here? Probably

4,000

a collage of the 4,000 dead Americans in Iraq someone made. You're going to need a bigger collage for the civilians.

Celebrity News

I have a bit of a pet peeve. I can't stand people who are obsessed with celebrity gossip. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind people who know what celebrities are up to, in fact I encourage people to have an idea what is going on in pop culture. What I can't stand is people with an obsession.

There is a girl I work with who we will call K.T. for the purpose of the story so that nobody knows here real name (it's Katie). Recently, while I was trying to eat my biscuit bowl from KFC, I had to spend the entire thirty minutes I had for lunch listening to her talk about the celebrity news in her magazine (people, star, tiger beat, something along those lines). I don't understand how you can not only spend your entire lunch break wanting to know why Britney can't get her kids back, but also assuming everyone (or anyone) else in the employee lounge cares. It did lead to this conversation between K.T. and me:

K.T.: Look at this picture of Good Charlotte.
Me: Good Charlotte sucks
K.T.: Hey, I went to high school with those guys.
Me: Then you should know they suck.

I also have an issue with the "celebrities, they're just like us" section. Recently, there was a photo of some B-list celebrity front row at a Lakers game with the subtitle, "they cheer on their favorite team." I want you to raise your hand if you have ever sat on the front row for a professional basketball game. Noone? That's what I thought. I don't care if they are walking their dog to the grocery store in their sweats like I do. Their dog probably cost them a thousand dollars because it's some purebred posh dog. Mine was free. they are probably walking to some highend grocery store that makes Wholefoods look like it's for poor people. I'm going to Giant. Their sweats are probably Juicy Couture. I stole mine from my roomate. Celebrities are not like us. If they were like us why would anyone care?

On to other things.

1. As many of you may know, Heather Mills did not get nearly as much money as she wanted from Sir Paul McCartney (50 million instead of the 250 million she asked for). I guess the judge felt that in court she didn't have a leg to stand on.

2. For those of you who follow cycling (editors note: Do we have European readers of this blog?) there are two American teams that qualified for the Tour De France. While this news is exciting by itself, the best news is that it brought us this. http://velonews.com/photo/73486 (picture courtesy of our friend Greg)

3. For those of you with the sense of humor of a child (probably a higher chance of that than of us having cycling fans reading this) you'll appreciate the fact that we have a friend named Guy Seemann. While he is in Israel, he had a blog. I assume it will talk about real life issues such as how difficult it is to find a good pulled pork barbeque sandwich in Tel Aviv. http://guyseemann.blogspot.com/

Hard Sun

President Bush is the luckiest guy. I swear the economy looks terrible with Bear Stearns going down, but y'know what's great? Its March Madness. No one pays attention to news. We just mourned another anniversary of the Iraq War...and how many American deaths are there? 3,988. But what really matters is that Arizona State not making the Big Tournament will be watched more than the news. On a lighter note, AU is a Big Tournament team! Irony huh? I love my hypocrisy. First time ever!

On a separate note, I think I'm in the mood for 80s movies when I get back from Chicago next week after Easter. Sixteen Candles, Breakfast Club, St. Elmo's Fire, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and maybe more.

I also on a semi similar note really want to watch Parker Lewis Can't Lose for some reason. But that's from the 90s.

Downloads of the week.
-Hard Sun by Eddie Vedder on the Into the Wild soundtrack
-I downloaded the entire discography of Flogging Molly
-Bittersweet Symphony cover/remix by Supraliminal

1. Vice President Cheney, Senators John McCain, Lindsay Graham, and Joementum Lieberman are on a campaign I mean investigative trip to Iraq. I'm glad I helped pay for John McCain to campaign...oh wait. I wonder if Dick Cheney is more popular in Iraq than here?

2. NEWSFLASH! Bill Kristol is a douchebag! Oh wait we already knew that. Here's a blatant image of why Bill Kristol isn't a journalist. This him talking about Obama and his less than politically correct pastor.

"But Ronald Kessler, a journalist who has written about Wright’s ministry, claims that Obama was in fact in the pews at Trinity last July 22. That’s when Wright blamed the “arrogance” of the “United States of White America” for much of the world’s suffering, especially the oppression of blacks. In any case, given the apparent frequency of such statements in Wright’s preaching and their centrality to his worldview, the pretense that over all these years Obama had no idea that Wright was saying such things is hard to sustain."

Ah a hit piece...unfortunately, Obama was not there. He was heading to Florida. I heard of this place called google that you can learn this information in seconds. If you're going to do a hit piece, look up your crucial aspects....oh wait Republicans don't do that anymore (ever?) Furthermore, if we're going to judge Obama on people associated with him even tangentially, let's do it to Clinton and McCain. I think the results really do make Wright insignificant compared to the guys hanging around McCain a lot. Clinton too has this problem.

3. Anyone remember Governor McGreevey? Yeah, news on the former governor has popped up again. Damn you Spitzer for thinking you can one up the Greevey! Apparently, McGreevey's lead guy put a new spin on middle man. The former assistant to the governor says that he was involved in several threesomes with the governor and his wife and that there was no way that his wife wouldn't have thought he was gay. Well then...that's...something. Maybe someone hasn't explained what gay means to Dina McGreevey? I mean she probably read the Great Gatsby and is now confused.

4. Heather Mills is getting 48.6 million. Well that's a lot more than the 1.37 drachmas I thought she should get. Paul made out pretty good honestly, I mean she wanted something like 200 million.

5. So I thought this morning that ABBA had street cred and had gone gangster when I heard their drummer had been stabbed in the throat and killed in the Spanish Island of Mallorca. It turns out it was an accidental death.

6. Halle Berry gave birth to a baby girl. Olker has started the countdown to when she's legal...no he hasn't but you could believe this right? Anyway, it would be a tragedy if her daughter wasn't hot when she was ready to be the next 18-25 Hollywood obsession. Though you don't have to be attractive at all to get Hollywood attraction and be the kid of a famous actor. I mean look at Bruce Willis' daughter. I'm not going to post pics because it hurts my eyes.

7. I have never really been into Courtney Cox. But her character on the show Dirt is awesome. I haven't really liked this season but I still think she cracks me up and it is a bit hot how much of a bitch she is. I totally admire her.

8. Well I need 15 seconds back of my life..stat. Like I saw Madonna's new cover of her album and now I'm trying to gouge out my eyes. Not fair, people should warn ahead of time before they go hey chris, take a look. I mean I can handle violence, gore, sexual things, but Madonna? Nope. Now I'm hating the world more than usual. She's still not rock and I'm not posting pics because I look out for the people of Mrbrooksknockedupnancydrewistan.

9. I'd like to point out that though I fall under the Natalie Portman favoritism over Scarlett Johanssen, for 40,100 dollars I'd say it might be worth it to get a date with her. Scott says she'll put out. I mean Eliot Spitzer spent more than that for all his trysts but I feel everyone would forgive him if he just had spent 40,100 on Scarlett only and gotten something out of it. Even his wife would go "wow, really? I guess its alright."

10. So I watched a favorite movie of mine last week. Independence Day. Yeah I know. I enjoyed the hell out of it like I did TWELVE YEARS AGO. Holy god, I'm feeling my 15th midlife crisis when I say that. Anyway, I love that movie. the effects are a bit dated but its so enjoyable. Also Jane from Firefly is in it. I listened to that very bad speech at the end and enjoyed that too. I mean, I've heard worse...okay maybe not. But its fun. I read on Wikipedia that a reviewer thought that the July 4th independence day for the world was the most arrogant thing declared in an American movie ever or something to that accord. I think we've easily topped that easily since then. I actually really enjoy that someone is pissed off about ID4. Another thing I noticed is that though I haven't been to New York since I was like 8 I'm pretty sure the Empire State Building isn't the location where it is in the movie. I'm also not sure how the main alien weapon really works. Like is it supposed to choose a tall building and blow it up and the wave carries like that? Or does it not need a tall building? If it does need a tall building, shouldn't it been at the World Trade Center then? Would this become a more watched movie again if it had been?

11. Just a side note, I probably have mentioned this before or if I haven't cool. I have this concept of a Wikiodyssey. Its when you start on a topic at Wikipedia and see how far you can go choosing topics only on the pages you come across. Like my wikiodyssey started with the Golda Meir and ended up at Giovanni Boccaccio's Decameron? Golda Meir-Munich-Guy who played Caesar on the show Rome-Rome-Julius Caesar-Shakespeare-Cymbeline-Decameron. Try it when you're bored at work. I could have continued for hours after the Decameron but I stopped to post.

I'll have the Stegosaurus, medium-rare

Do you guys remember that scene from the Flintstones intro when Fred ordered a rack of Brontosaurus ribs from a fast food place and it tipped the car over because it was so big? I’m assuming it was Brontosaurus. It could have been a Diplodocus for all I know. Anyways, aren’t you curious what that might taste like? Or, perhaps maybe you want something a little more contemporary, a little more modern. How about a Rhinoceros? I can hear the cries now. But Scott, those are either extinct or almost extinct! Eating those animals would be some combination of impossible and highly unethical and illegal!

Au con trair mon frair. (Note: I don’t know French and may have butchered the spelling of their surrender language. I don’t care.)

Apparently scientists are getting close to cloning individual muscle groups in animals. You know, lungs, kidneys, hearts, tenderloins. The idea is that instead of raising a cow for slaughter you could instead clone that NY Strip steak and just sell that. A lot of people are uncomfortable with this idea because of the fears of genetically engineered meat, the ethics/slippery slope of cloning, and so on and so forth. Me? I’m enthusiastic about this and want to throw these pioneers of gastric awesomeness as much money as they need to make this a reality. Why?

Haven’t you ever wondered what some of these endangered animals taste like? What might a Giraffe-kabob taste like? How about Rhino Stew with root vegetables. This is to say nothing of the cured versions of these meats. Endangered hot dogs anyone? We could even perhaps modify the Turducken into a completely new homunculus for consumption. And that’s only the animals that still exist.

If Jurassic Park has taught me anything, and it has, it’s that dinosaurs can be cloned. And why not? Right, the horrible amounts of destruction that they wreak across jungle and city environments. There's always that. But thats why we only clone specific muscle groups! Though, we may have to clone a whole dinosaur, raise it, then slaughter it so that we can determine what the most delicious bits are. This may take a couple of generations of trial and error, but thats a temporal sacrifice I'm willing to make. This brings us full circle back to the Flintstones. Who knew that Hanna Barbara would be so prescient?

But, there are questions here that I think are important and have yet to be considered. As has been mentioned in this space before, I loves me some chicken wings. This past Friday, I was part of a group that had a brief discussion on what it means to be a chicken wing. After all, we’ve been seeing boneless chicken “wings” come onto the market recently. But are these really “wings”? We decided that they were not. Eating a chicken wing is not just about the actual wing. Its also about the experience and the moment. One cannot just lift a hunk of chicken up and plop it whole into their mouth (though it is a fun thing to do when you want to horrify your table mates). Rather, you actually have to eat around the bone, making sure that you get the meat and not break your damn teeth. It requires a certain agility and dexterity that we all possess but rarely utilize. I remember when I was a kid boneless chicken “wings” were referred to as chicken tenders. And all of this is nothing to say of the effect that bones have on ribs.

So, now that we have established that in order for a wing to be a wing, it must include a bone, we are left with the question that if we were to clone other birds and make wings out of them, would we also be able to clone the bone structure? If not, we will not have an entire appetizer sub-group available for cloning. And that would be a real shame, because wouldn’t you be interested to know what a Dodo wing tastes like? I know I would.

So long as they only bring me Ranch dressing.

Cheers.

Daylight Saving Time and its War on the American People

I'm sure foreign people have daylight saving time (We're actually the last nation to pick it up of all the nations in World War I...Ben Franklin didn't create it so I don't hate him). But I don't care about them right now. I'm cranky because I miss my hour of sleep. Sure I'll actually get home with some sunlight on some days, but man, more sleep is far more interesting. So I wanted to declare a fatwa on daylight saving time but apparently I can't...yet.

So last night was the season finale of October Road. It was a ridiculous too. Not only was there a Marissa Tomei reference which caught my attention, but U2 love in it AND.....DRUM ROLL! Stacy Keibler had a guest spot! Honest to god, I don't plan these things. Worst part is I'm actually liking the show. I didn't just watch to mock. Odette Yustman, Stacy Keibler, and a host of other eye candy plus improbable parings and decisions and I'm hooked. This would be awful if I had shame.

So question before the 10, what super hero are you? Batman? Spiderman? Superman? Wonder Woman? Any of those X-men? I've been considering who I would be. I mean I need to be someone who is a smart ass, makes too many pop culture references, and may be amoral or gray area level.

1. Eliot Spitzer! I want to be part of something called the Emperor's Club. Scott and I were debating on who do we know would go to a prostitute. Anyway, I'm actually disappointed in Spitzer. I liked him before he was governor. I think if he used state's money to fund his extracurricular activities then he should fall. I have no problem burning someone for using state's money that way. Its yet another powerful person who really just was reckless. I'm really curious on why David Vitter got it better than Spitzer?

2. So Barack Obama's bad week? Really? I mean he gained 7 Delegates on Hillary and technically won Texas. That's odd, I thought the media hated Hillary and would have pounced on that. Oh wait, they like a narrative. It isn't against Hillary. Its against boredom.

3. Yeah Bill Foster! Beating Jim Oberweis is a Democratic rite of passage in IL. However, this was Denny Hastert's seat. None of you Republicans are safe.

4. Pride, Envy, Gluttony, Lust, Anger, Greed and Sloth felt lonely so we have new sins!
1. 'Bioethical' violations such as birth control
2. 'Morally dubious' experiments such as stem cell research
3. Drug abuse
4. Polluting the environment
5. Contributing to widening divide between rich and poor
6. Excessive wealth
7. Creating poverty
Well, I didn't have much a problem violating the first set of sins. The second set made me laugh at how specific these are. Morally dubious experiments? Was Galileo morally dubious too?

5. I don't like the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I find its defining features as a bit...vague for my tastes. Madonna is not rock and roll...it helps I can't stand her but she is not rock and roll. I heard most of the speeches. Billy Joel and John Mellencamp were really good.

6. I was listening to Howard Stern and he had Pete Burns on the phone. You're asking who?! He did the "You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)" song during the 80s. He apparently is into women's clothes and I had heard this but it shocked everyone in the show that he isn't a woman now like everyone thought. He also has a wife and husband which I'm not sure is legal.

7. Apparently the Earth is gone in 7.59 billion years. Eaten by a red sun, that kinda sucks. I plan on being somewhere else.

8. Kurt Cobain bought a 3.2 million dollar house last year! Oh wait...something fishy

9. Britney Spears is going to be on one of my favorite shows...yeah I know....How I Met Your Mother.

10. 10,000 BC made 37.5 million dollars...I have no idea what its about but it has saber tooth tigers!