Thursday, February 12, 2009

Ever Looming

As 2009 waxes (its already dawned) we must revisit an earlier blogpost. While the Mainstream Media (MSM), that ever neglectful and yet convenient target of the left, right, and everyone in between, continues to refuse to report on various reports of zombie ism throughout the world, your intrepid blogger continues his observations.

I don't think we need to cover all the points made in 2007, but I do think it is important to revisit the idea of location. And I think I have solved the problem. The ideal location is one that is sparsely populated, has access to fresh water and arable land. Food and water are critical and if my courageous group of survivors can cobble together some semblance of agriculture, even better. Basic agriculture will be important in the post-zombie-apocalyptic world, because it will allow survivors to avoid going into previously densely populated urban and suburban areas, where zombies are likely to abound. The best defense against zombies is avoidance. If they can't attack you, then they can't zombify you.

Additionally, defense against incoming zombies is important because eventually they will discover pockets of survivors and having the ability to hole up somewhere, or have an escape route will increase our odds of survival. Underground bunkers would be good for this because there are generally very few exit points and they should be easy enough for the living to discover and cover up or disguise. This is why I suggest we head for one of the many Titan missile bases that dot the Midwest.

As you can see by the map, this is a fairly extensive underground facility and presents several advantages. With a proper power source (basic steam power using local coal) the actual missile silos could be converted to hydroponic gardens capable of growing quite a variety of edible plants. Additionally, it would only be necessary to use electricity in the event there is a zombie scare. During safe periods, the actual doors to the silos could be opened to let natural sunlight and rain water in. Of course, it would be necessary to closely monitor the status of the closing mechanisms on the silo doors to ensure they could be shut in the event of an attack.

Another advantage to the missile base is that it is a hardened nuclear facility. This means that it is capable of withstanding a nuclear blast. As such, even if zombies attack, claws and fists will not be able to break in the doors. Thus, a group could hold out in the facility as long as food and water supplies lasted. Additionally, there is bound to be an escape hatch, though this will require a little bit of exploration. A missile base would also be an ideal location for a radio transmitter capable of calling out to any other survivors. Just as there is strength in numbers for zombies, there is strength in numbers for survivors. Another point to consider is we know these facilities are abandoned, thus there will be no zombies that have been locked underground just waiting to chew us up when we go down there.

Finally, an advantage to the Midwest is we know the land there is capable of supporting agriculture. We also know that it is relatively flat. Flat land makes it easy to spot zombies at a distance. We also know that coal is in abundance, especially on derailed trains traveling cross-country, which means we would have a near limitless supply of fuel for electricity, though I must stress that electricity will not be used at all times.

Now comes the depressing part for I am not a man who cannot see the worst case scenario. Say we are driven underground by roving bands of zombies too numerous for us to shoot and kill. There may be no way out. We would have the choice of a slow death or a brutal one at the hands of zombies. This is not an ideal situation, but the Titan missile base's other attributes far outweigh this grim possibility. Consider that the size of the facility allows us many options for storage and sleeping arrangements during periods of heightened alert. It would also provide us with a safe place to wait out long winter months.

While zombies are devious and cunning creatures, they are no match for human ingenuity and technology. Keep in mind that the zombie apocalypse will render much of what we have accomplished useless. But, certain technology may remain viable. An example of this is the GPS satellite system. This is something to ponder in the future, but I think it may be worth exploring the idea of sub-dermal GPS trackers on all survivors. This way we could keep track of everyone and if they are late reporting, we would be able to know where they are. If a person has fallen to zombieism, we would then be able to track roving bands of zombies, and the sacrifice of our fellow survivors may help to keep the rest of us alive.

Even in the zombie apocalypse, knowledge is power. Setbacks must be turned to our advantage. Stay alert, stay alive, and good luck to us all.


Thursday, February 5, 2009

Teh Hardcorez

Now, as many of you may know, I am an avid video game player. I look forward to new games, I read about how to be better in my video games, and I also appreciate the new technologies that go into new games. I suggest games to other people and for the parents at my office, I am their source for knowing what to get their kids. So, while avoiding doing anything resembling work while at work, I came across an interesting article over at IGN. Now, IGN is not exactly a purveyor of stunning literature, but it can be interesting, if for no other reason than sparking debate. But, go ahead and read it yourselves.

Now, I'm thinking we should just take them in order, hm?

10. Japanese voice acting: This one may actually be a little bit true, but not for the reasons IGN asserts. The thing is, a lot of Japanese games feature children or young teenagers who can charitably be described as having ADHD. So, when games get localized to a western market they tend to get people who have higher voices and can talk super fast. This is annoying. Also, Japanese games are notorious for poor localization. So, combine the two, and you've got bad English voice acting. The Japanese voice acting may be better, but the bar is rather low and, to be honest, they all sound alike.

9. World of Warcraft Pity: I can't speak too much to this one because I don't play games like WoW. I'm afraid I'd never see my credit card again. A fairly legitimate concern. What I will say though is a more experienced player helping a less experienced one is a common occurrence in video games. Most of the time, we are not playing against each other. Many of us also realize that for us to have more fun in our games, we should help others to be better to better challenge ourselves and our own experiences. But, it can turn obnoxious and patronizing, which is where the pity comes in. People who do that only serve to hurt video gaming as a hobby because they serve as a barrier to new players. New players get talked to like they are 5 years old, they get frustrated, they give up, and they then proceed to denigrate the hobby to others. This is bad and if you are going to show pity just so you can prove your hardcore credentials, you are actually hurting your own hobby. Nice job, ass.

8. The Secret Genius of Super Mario Bros. 2: If you seriously find yourself arguing this, then you're a bigger jackass than I thought possible. Everybody knows Sega was better anyway.

7. Final Fantasy VII is Overrated: Absolutely true. Final Fantasy VII is about as overrated as a game can be, but the reason why everybody loved it is because for many people it became their first experience with more mature games that featured complex storylines and more complex gameplay. Squaresoft did make the game more accessible to a broader audience, and by doing so created a legion of people who will rabidly defend the game for all time. This happens quite a bit in games and causes people who think of themselves as hardcore gamers to feel abandoned or betrayed because the game they loved changed so much that it removed the challenge or the feel of the games we originally liked. This fosters backlash from the gaming community and actually causes developers to lose their own legitimacy. For the record, FF7 was the first Final Fantasy game I played.

6. Saturn vs. Playstation: Honestly, I couldn't care less about this one. I didn't own a Saturn. I will say though that all platforms are inferior to the PC.

5. The Grand Theft Auto III Aftermath: They say that imitation is the highest form of flattery. If you liked GTA3 (and a lot of you did) then its aftermath isn't that bad. If you thought it was an interesting game but not the be all - end all of gaming, then yes, GTA3 destroyed gaming. Certain games come to define their genres and break them in such a way that everybody tries to be like them. This is actually more common than one might think. We recently looked at FF7, and for many gamers, the aftermath of FF7 was just as destructive as the aftermath of GTA3. For many other people, Halo became the game that broke first person shooters and even today Halo clones are everywhere on every console. World of Warcraft broke the massively multiplayer online RPG and almost singlehandedly murdered the entire genre. GTA3 was a genre-defining game. Some would even argue it invented a new genre entirely and nowadays every game has to have an "open world" format as developers of entirely different genres try to shoehorn the one innovative piece of GTA3 into every game out there.

4. Shmups are Real Shooters: Who cares? But this actually leads into a bigger point that I'll deal with soon.

3. Japanese RPG's vs. Western RPG's: Ah yes, this one is my favorite. I love RPG's. Love them. And I used to love JRPG's. But then something happened. I played a western RPG and knew WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON! If you play video games, you've probably played games like Onimusha, Devil May Cry, Metal Gear Solid, and other big name brands that carry a lot of weight. But you know what they all have in common? Their stories are completely fucking incomprehensible. Another problem with JRPG's is they all feature teenagers trying to save the world for some reason. Now, I've read that the Japanese developers feel that teenagers are a symbolic choice because the life of a teen and their maturation also represents the maturation of the hero in the story. Some of them are even frustrated with that mechanic but feel they are trapped in it because that's what Japanese gamers expect. My response? Fuck. That. Shit. Now, the IGN post claims that by removing choice, JRPGs are a more pure experience. But, my problem with this contention is that the stories are so bad or so poorly told that why would you want to make it more pure? Plus, this concept leaves out the notion that the ultimate ending point of a western RPG is just as scripted, but by choosing our own way there, the game resonates more and leaves a more lasting experience. I mentioned in #4 that I was going to come to a larger point. Here it is: many JRPG's feature some game mechanic that requires either rote memorization or a giant spreadsheet in order to effectively use it. Memorizing firing patterns in a shooter is an example. Another example is Rikku from FF10 who could turn items in other things in the middle of combat. Some magazine published the key to this and it was literally a poster sized spread sheet that cross referenced every item in the game with every other item. I'm sorry, but if I have to consult a spread sheet in order to get the most out of a character, that is not fun. That is work. While I used to be an ardent JRPG player, and, indeed a big proponent of Japanese games in general, Western developers have caught up to and surpassed their Japanese counterparts in gameplay, story, and characterization. This may be the reason why Japanese developers are seeing their market share fall as well as their national prestige.

2. Halo's Pistol: Absolute bullshit. Halo's pistol was like a semi-automatic sniper rifle with a zoom on it that you could run around with and not lose accuracy. Everybody was good with it. If everybody is good at something then the true test of who is better is not skill, its luck. Also, since everybody started with the pistol, there was no reason to use much of anything else in the game and much of the strategy that generally goes into choosing one's weapon was lost. Balancing a game so there are no super weapons means skill becomes a very important aspect of the game. The pistol was overpowered and anybody who says otherwise is probably the guy who keeps getting shotgunned in Halo 3.

1. ...and the Wii Defense: This one could actually be true. I'm willing to give this one time. However, my issue with the argument is it assumes there are games worth playing on the Wii. Are there? Yes. Are there enough to justify my picking up the system? No. Many of the games released on the Wii are simple party games. Thats not necessarily Nintendo's fault. Nobody really knows how to make a game for the Wii that utilizes the controls in a compelling fashion. Also, a severe limitation for the Wii is its lack of processing power. Why would I want to play a game on the Wii when the same game has come out on another system and looks about a hojillion times better, has better gameplay, and also has more online capability? The Wii defense could be accurate if there were anything to defend. Maybe with the Wii 2. Or is that the Wii II?

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

Its been awhile hasn't it. Well, I have excuses but those hardly matter. I mean, things change, things fall apart, and things come together.  Its a quarter to 3 AM and I can't sleep so I decided to  put something back together. Welcome back to the blog that rarely makes sense but has a lot of fun in the process. Barack Obama is the President of the United States. How cool is that? I got a bit part in that whole campaigning. I can say I took part in some ads for him.  I froze my ass off at Inauguration too.  Look back at the blog and you'll see we were big fans of Obama way back. I can't help it. I'm from Chicago. So onto the future.  More politics because I can't help it. More absurd pop culture because I love it. People are hilarious, beautiful, tragic, and absurd.

I spent a lot of time on this blog hating Republicans and Joementum Lieberman. I really didn't like President Bush. I really still don't like President Bush. Does that mean, I wouldn't be critical of the Obama Administration? Are you kidding? I'm not Rush Limbaugh (more on that later). I'll probably still be angry at the Bush Administration for quite awhile.  I'm still open to mocking Democrats and being annoyed with my own party. No one hates on Democrats like other Democrats. So with that in mind, onto the list!

1.  Rush Limbaugh is the leader of the GOP? Ha, that's pathetic. This a guy who once said he didn't like liberals rooting against America's success and now, says he wants President Obama to fail. That's leadership! Limbaugh looks out only for Limbaugh.  Game on GOP. You got played on the bipartisan game. By not even trying to support President Obama's stimulus package with a single vote after he went out of his way to talk, the Republicans just look petty. I was wrong when I got angry about the lack of Republican support. I still don't think working with them is productive because if their new leader is Limbaugh, then good luck on substantive debate. However, President Obama is far better at this political game than anyone in the GOP.

2.  Yup, my former governor is a joke. Literally. His hair, the way he talks, and his circus is absolutely hilarious. Rod Blagojevich is a character that no one would believe if he were in a novel or movie. Oh wait, been there done that. All the King's Men.  Read the book, watch the original movie, and please for God's sake don't go near the Sean Penn movie.  Its like Milk except really, ungodly, bad. Blago was impeached and can never work in politics again. I smell Jerry Springer like show for him if he survives his criminal aspect. See his begging for his job on the IL Senate Floor for a good time....okay, I wouldn't wish that on anyone except political nerds.

3. I still hate Bill O'Reilly. Waterboard him and then let's talk what is torture and what isn't.

4.  Wait, can we really reach 60 votes in the Senate? Judd Gregg, Republican Senator from New Hampshire, is apparently a front runner for commerce secretary. New Hampshire has a Democratic governor that appoints replacements as of right now.  So if Al Franken (ha yeah, I know, kinda hilarious, kinda awesome) gets his seat as he should and the NH governor, we can get to 60. Crazy huh. Somehow I'm sure we'll screw this up.

5.  Okay to the fun stuff. Does this woman look 27?

No, this isn't me just being weird because that's always a possibility. But this woman actually fooled John Cleese into believing she as 27. Don't get me wrong, she looks good. But she's really 45. Cleese broke up with her upon finding out the truth. I'm pretty sure everyone should play a game with John Cleese to see what else they can convince him of believing.  Make him believe a toaster is actually his pet cat! Or that Amy Winehouse lives a healthy lifestyle! Maybe convince him that the show Lost is actually the director's cut of Life of Brian!

6.  I'm watching Smallville at 3:30 AM and its a real strange realization that I don't like Lana Lang and would like her character to die off. Its a sad realization because I find Kristen Kruek to be extremely hot. She's in my top ten and I generally like the eye candy bit. But man, I'm done with her especially with the new plotline. PS, yes I love the show Smallville. Judge at will.

7.  Speaking of women, can someone please explain why people like Renee Zellweger? She squints too much and really shouldn't be a lead love interest in movies.

8.  Lindsay Lohan has breached the "if you open up a window, she'll go flying out and be sucked into an airplane engine" thin. Its too bad. Sorry Olk, she's losing the attractive bit fast. On a lighter note, she's apparently into very unattractive people like Samantha Ronsen or how ever you spell it because I don't care enough to look it up. My brother saw them both in Chicago a few months ago and was convinced Samantha was a guy. She also is losing work fast too. Remember Mean Girls...that was so long ago.

9.  I'm still mourning that David Tennant is going to stop being the Doctor from Doctor Who. Doctor Who sky rocketed into one of my favorite series all time. Still have a series of long specials this year before he exits. Martha Jones is coming back soon. She's hot, smart, and really good at being the Doctor's companion so I can be happy with that.  

10. I love movies among the crazy amount of things I adore for barely a decent reason. I always go to movies. I've been running through the Oscar movie nominations and will talk about each of the best pictures in upcoming posts. Stay tuned. I'm back. PS, Slumdog Millionaire is my pick for best picture but we'll get back to that later. Well its almost 4 AM so I'm off to sleep. I'll post maybe tomorrow or the next day. Good night!