Friday, August 31, 2007

Crooked Little Vein

For all those with siblings out there, they understand when the youngest goes to college finally, the parents go through shell shock. Some celebrate because now they can be a couple. Some decide, we still miss being parents let's go visit the oldest one. My brother just started college so my parents decided to come visit me for Labor Day weekend. They actually get to see what the house looks like. Of course, it'll be chaos since a new room mate is moving in this week. Now onto the list. Oh PS, still in meltdown mode

1. I'm hearing Larry Craig might resign today...emo tear to the end of the Singing Senators. The tape recording of him with a police officer is hilarious and pathetic. He jumps around from entrapment (which indicates he was there for the sex) to he's not gay he just sits funny on the toilet (which indicates he's got some weird bathroom issues other than the gay anonymous sex).

2. Tom Delay is on Fox and MSNBC discussing Congressional ethics....right, while he's an expert in violating ethics, he really shouldn't claim that Republicans kick out members who violate ethics when Democrats reelect them....I hate him.

3. Speaking of ethics problems, CELEBRATE! Its Karl Rove's last day! Yeah it is pretty great unfortunately, he goes to war against Hillary Clinton legally now as a private citizen.

4. Sean Hannity thinks poor people are doing pretty well in America. How many poor people do you think he knows living in his mansion in Long Island?

5. U2 has a new album already written....I'm excited...seriously I am.

6. Kevin Federline makes no money. But what about that rap career? That's when I get punched in the face. Anyway, he wants Britney Spears to pay for his legal bills. Wow, I love that couple they deserve each other. She gets 800,000 dollars a month....that is amazing. Thank you teen america of the late 90s. You've given her enough support to permanently make her "no pants girl."

7. Here is a passage of a book I'm reading called Crooked Little Vein by Warren Ellis. "It is a small, handwritten volume reputedly bound in the skin of the extraterrestrial entity that plagued Benjamin Franklin's ass over six nights in Paris during this European travels. Benjamin Franklin wasn't some nancy-boy novelist who wrote sensitive books about aliens sticking things up his rectum, you know. On the seventh night he got right up and killed the little bastard with one punch." Yup this book is twisted. I'm learning what a macroherpetophile is and what Godzilla Bukkake is. If you want to know ask me? Its a noir book and its as twisted as it gets. Joss Whedon thinks the book at his soul.

8. You remember when Britney Spears bailed on a OK! photo shoot and ruined 20,000 dollars of Versace clothing with fried chicken grease? Well now that dress can be yours! The money goes to Mothers Against Drunk Driving. I find the whole MADD getting the money fairly ironic with the Hollywood girls out of control.

9. Someone has bought Damien Hirsts diamond encrusted skull for 100 million dollars....and sometimes I wonder what is wrong with the world.

10. This is a short review. I previewed the show Lipstick Jungle (Its Candace Bushnell's followup to Sex and the City). Definitely not targeted toward me. Furthermore, it lacks the dialogue from what I have seen of the Sex and the City. I find Lindsay Price to be really attractive for reasons I can't figure out but I'm weird so I somehow redeem her character as the clothing designer without confidence. Brooke Shields is in this show as well and she's somewhat okay as a mom and a movie executive. I found the characters to be mostly irritating and unredeemable. I'm not going to follow the show mainly because it just isn't written well not that it isn't targeted to me. HBO works with this sort of thing not mainstream tv. Its not HBO, its plain old tv.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Tom Terrific

I feel like every decade or every 'era' has a sports star who can do no wrong. He gets away with everything and anything because he's so wildly popular that people are willing to overlook his various indiscretions. This has even become a joke for pop culture. Remember when Seinfeld had an episode with Keith Hernandez? He even has a line in the episode when he's going after Elaine that was something to the effect of "I can do this. I'm Keith Hernandez!" I mean, the guy admitted to doing cocaine and yet everybody was fine with this. Bill Simmons, a sports writer for ESPN even refers to the "Keith Hernandez Moment." Its a moment where a celebrity is so popular that they can do anything. Certain people in and out of sports have reached Keith Hernandez status.

For instance, Michael Jordan reached Keith Hernandez status. Michael Jordan even got his own fashion line called Jump Man 23 or some damn thing (note: I do not fact check for the most part. I believe in truthiness over truth). He even got a line attached to him "I wanna be like Mike." And who wouldn't? The man was the best player of his generation and perhaps of all of basketball. He could get away with anything. He was notorious for being a gambler but the press never wrote about it and the league never did anything about it. Why? Because he was more or less awesome incarnate.

And that brings us to a modern player whose shadow over the sport is so long that many think when he retires he will be considered the best player to ever play the game. I speak of none other than Tom Brady. Brady has won 3 Superbowls and was named MVP of 2 of them. This is after he was drafted in the 6th round by a franchise that prior to his arrival sucked balls. He only got to play because the guy in front of him got hurt. You know what usually happens when your starter gets hurt and you're forced to use the scrub on your bench? Your team nosedives. Not the Patriots. No, they became a dynasty. I mean, Tom Brady could (and maybe has for all I know) drive drunk down a street, hit a nun, fuck her corpse, and then wear her head as a funny hat on a 3 state road trip and the cop who eventually pulls him over would just ask for his autograph, let him go and then think to himself "what a nice guy that Tom Brady is."

But Tom Terrific's awesomeness doesn't stop on the field, oh no siree. He was recently named sexiest man alive and best dressed man. Two awards for being handsome! What else you ask? He banged the shit out a hot actress, knocked her up, then dumped her. What did he do after he dumped her? He went out and bagged THEE Victoria's Secret model, Gisselle Bundchen. What was the reaction of the world at large? "Good for you Tom. Way to go." What does he do in his off-time? He gets to play golf with ex-presidents. And then his response coming out of it is "gee willikers but that was fun." What the fuck? The media just responds with basically a big "Awwww..." Tom Brady is even known for being a genuinely selfless individual a true team first player. In a world where Michael Vick and Terrell Owens still have fans (which boggles my mind), Tom Brady is the perfect role model for this country and for all of humanity.

Which brings me to the point of this post. I want to be Tom Brady. The luck and the life that this man leads is a life that all but the most privileged would be blessed to have. I'm not going to go so far as to say that he fell ass-backwards into an amazing life, but thats getting pretty close. I know women who have said "yeah, he got a chick pregnant and he sleeps around, but I would totally have Tom Brady's love child."

The thought has seriously entered my mind that I want to hunt down Tom Brady, and kill him. Then I want to cut his heart from his still-warm chest and eat it because by doing so I will get all his awesomeness. And when the cop comes to investigate? Why he'll ask me for my autograph and think to himself:

What a great guy.


I always made one prayer to God, which is extremely short. Here it is: "O my God, make our enemies quite ridiculous!" God granted it. Voltaire

Hello people. For people who know me, they do know that about every four months or so I go through some sort of meltdown/crisis. Its the natural order of things. Maybe its some sort of self infatuated ego thing that I have to have thirty times the amount of midlife crisis. I do write in a blog thinking my opinion matters and/or if no one actually reads, it amuses me. Anyway, way too many people are getting married, have gotten married, or are thinking about getting married in the past month. Its not that I don't believe in marriage but I am weirded out by so many people that I've seen do keg stands are considering marriage. Plus, there's that whole terrifying idea of being alone but I can put idea away for at least sometime. In my crisis mode, I've run off to foreign countries, decided that I needed to spend time away from DC doing crazy work, and at one point thought priesthood might not be a bad idea. Morals have always proven difficult for me so that ended somewhat quickly. Right now, I'm at meltdown phase 1, which is charming. So if I seem awfully stressed or considering crazy ideas just nod and smile. That priesthood idea would be great if I didn't love money, objects, and that whole idea of celibacy is terrifying. Who knows how the coming weeks will act. Onto the list.

1. With the fall of Larry Craig imminent or really, let's be honest, it has happened, DC will lose one of its hilarious memories. The Singing Senators! Who can forget John Ashcroft (who isn't a senator and thus perpetrating yet another GOP lie by calling themselves senators) Larry Craig, and Trent Lott singing where the eagle soars. Really, they did Judy Garland songs too which pretty much negates any attempt Craig tries in saying he isn't gay.

2. You know what anniversary I forgot about yesterday? Strom Thurmond, bastion of conservatism..I mean racism, filibustered for 24 hours and 18 minutes in 1957 against the Civil Rights Act of 1957. Thank you Strom. Happy belated 50th oh wait you're dead...

3. Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards are apparently continuing their feud about their kids. I guess both have issued spies to spy and counter spy on each other when in custody of kids...How great is that? I completely imagine those old Spy Vs Spy images with this.

4. A friend of the blog thinks Amy Winehouse looks like one of my housemates with a wig. At least the body type does. This effectively ends Scott's ability to sleep well ever again.

5. I can't believe I missed this. Beethoven and Anna Nicole Smith have something in common besides a music caree....or wait I'm wrong on that...oh right they both overdosed on drugs given by a doctor. Beethoven was way ahead of his time as a music star overdosing on drugs. Roll over Beethoven!

6. Have you seen the cast for Dancing with the Stars? Dr. Quinn and Mark Cuban! Plus I've had a thing for Jennie Garth for awhile. I've watched one episode of the show before and it looked like Tucker Carlson got a lap dance which pretty much ended me watching. The question is will I watch for Mark Cuban to blow up on the judges like they're NBA referees?

7. So Britney Spears apparently forgot pants.... go to the link because really...its crazy and too many images to post

8. Tucker Carlson sucks by the way. If you haven't heard he claimed he and a friend beat up a guy who hit on him. One, no one believes you're heterosexual even if you have a kid and a wive. Two, who readily admits they beat up a person for that? Three, you admit you couldn't do it yourself too. Laughing about really does show what's wrong with the Right.

9. Haha Beckham got hurt again. I also want proof his wife can smile. But Beckham getting hurt may make him one of the biggest busts ever.

10. Yesterday was new comic day. A great day as any. I also finally got Bioshock in the mail. If you don't know what Bioshock is, it is an amazing video game that is a beautiful and detailed and just a lot of fun. The new comic that I have read so far is Batman Annual 26. Comics back in the day had annuals that were yearly issues that were twice the length of a normal issue. Normally they were self contained stories. Batman Annual 26 tells the origin of Ra's Al Ghul, y'know the villain from Batman Begins, really interesting actually. You should pick it up but before that you need to pick the graphic novel of Grant Morrison and Andy Kubert as artist. That graphic novel introduces Batman's son which is integral to Batman Annual 26.

PS. I'm abducting this puppy because I miss my basset hound a lot. My basset hound is named Winston. He goes by Winston, Stoney, and Grooveman. This one is named Buford.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007


With the dawn of football season barely a week away, we are entering a time when I will be watching a lot of sports events. Sports events tend to have different commercials than other shows because they are geared at men and the NFL has to get in all its "official" sponsors. This means that every given Sunday I will probably see the same set of commercials over and over again until I pretty much want to throw up, tear my ears off, gouge out my eyes, douse myself in gasoline and light myself on fire. In that order. Sound a little extreme? I don't think so. And its made even worse when the people I'm with like to point out all the commercials that I hate. They sit there and they "oh Scott look! Its your favorite commercial!" Assholes. I'd like to amend my previous statement. First, I want to stab them all in the eye with a fork (I generally have one because I'm generally eating while watching football) then throw up, tear my ears off, gouge out my eyes, douse myself and those bastards in gasoline and then set them and myself on fire. At least I get to take someone out with me!

One of the commercials that really enrages me is pretty much every commercial from Bridgestone tires. You're advertising tires! Why do you have hip hop and ball room dancing! That doesn't make any fucking sense. How does some asshole going "the wheel goes round and round" for 30 seconds help you sell tires? Answer me that! I understand that they want to reach out to a broader audience and thus they are using hip hop to do so but seriously. Is this really a product that needs to reach out to a broader audience? You idiots sell fucking tires! And how about the one with ballroom dancing or the one with salsa dancing? Does anybody see people dancing and go "wow, great form. You know what I bet they could really sell? Tires. Yeah. Tires." They spin in a damn circle while someone goes "the wheel goes round." And another thing. What the hell kind of a slogan is "the wheel goes round." What else is it going to do? Square? The wheel goes parallelagram? I fucking hate Bridgestone.

Another marketing campaign that isn't necessarily tied to football season but that I have to hate on is John Basedow. Now, I generally don't have a problem with fitness commercials. They are usually okay with me. But for some reason everything about John Basedow pisses me off. Maybe its because they call him "fitness celebrity John Basedow." I know we love celebrities in this country, but do we really need to add "fitness celebrity" to the mix? I feel like if you have to qualify what kind of celebrity you are, you don't deserve to be a celebrity and actually probably are not a celebrity. I also hate the little song they made up for the commercials. "Fitness made simple!" It just annoys me. And then when he stands there not even really looking human and going "in just 10 minutes a day, you can eventually look like me!" I have to sit there and wonder how many days I would need. 1000? 10,000? Do I need to be as old as Methusala in order to look like John Basedow? Why can't he just go away?

But then we come to the grand daddy of them all. The one series of commercials that every football fan knows all too well. We all know the words to it. We know how its starts. When we go to sleep we can sometimes still hear it. You all know who I'm talking about. John Assclown Mellencamp. Thats right. Chevy and "This is Our Country." Sweet Sassy Malassy do I hate those commercials. The imagery they try and use is sometimes so weird and stupid that you sit there in awe of the genetic reject that came up with the marketing campaign. Now I'm sure that other sports fans, other than football fans, have to endure this craptastic bit of advertising, but really, I don't care. I have to listen to that same fucking song, the same stanza, the same series of guitar notes, at least 10 times a game. I'm willing to say upwards of 15 times a game. And I like to watch football. Now I know what some of you are saying. Why not put it on mute? Because when you put most TVs on mute, then it goes to closed captioning. And then the words are scrolling across my screen. Its like John Mellencamp is reaching out and fucking my TV with his textbar cock. I don't want to put my TV through that 12pt font rape. How about you change the channel, I hear you asking? Because, I'm probably going to change the channel to another football game where I will probably find... you guessed it!... John Mellencamp and Chevy! How about you just turn the TV off and go out and enjoy the day? If I could, I would shoot whoever suggested that. Seriously, fuck you. Now, I've heard that the reason why I have to endure the Herculean trial of listening to John Mellencamp that much is because its from his then-new album and he couldn't get it on the radio. So he sold it to Chevy and as part of his contract required that it played just so many times during any given time block. If this is true, I am even more enraged. If this song wasn't good enough to be on country fucking radio, then why is it on national TV? Was Chevy so desperate for someone to hawk their wares that they decided to reach down and find someone with an annoying song? Seriously, I remember those Ford commercials that some American Idol dude did. You know the one. The guy who looked like he was 40. Anyways in the commercial he's just alone on a stage looking like he's having a seizure and singing about Ford. Honestly, those commercials were less painful than John Mellencamp's catterwalling. I am telling you all now, that I will never purchase a Chevy product, ever. And if I ever get the chance to be a part of a focus group and they ask me "why do you hate Chevy" I'll just look at him and say "John Mellencamp." And that will be enough for me.

Because this is my fucking country.


Happy Anniversary

Today is the second anniversary of Katrina. Its not happy. Really it isn't. The work done by the government in New Orleans has been crap. Cronies of the GOP and various other groups have done a terrible job rebuilding the city. And to those who think people like Michael Chertoff deserve a promotion to a higher job in government like the AG, fuck you. He deserved to be fired the week after Katrina if not the day and you know it. Let's also recall the last time Rudy Giuliani recommended someone for a roll in the government, oh right, the guy was corrupt as hell.

1. Gay people. Larry Craig claims he's not gay and has never been gay. Okay, you just like anonymous homosexual acts in places across the country....hmm...something doesn't fit with your statement. Oh right, its that the repeated accusations of propositioning men in random bathrooms from DC to Minneapolis with secret footwork makes you not only gay but creepy as Rob said. My favorite part of this scandal is not the squirming or the GOP throw under the bus syndrome but the news reporters reenacting the foot code on tv. Its absolutely hilarious as news crews try to be in depth and playing with their feet in a bathroom stall with the camera on. Seriously, keep an eye out for it. PS, I'm really glad that Republican Senator Larry Craig has brought back the I DA HOE joke unintentionally. PPS. Please Fox, you do need to cover the story as much as you did Democratic Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney's punch out. You also have to call him a Republican because you never seem to stop reminding people of Democratic scandals that Democrats were involved.
Here's one example of people in the media recreating Craig's list

2. Glen Beck says no one cares about Alberto Gonzales' resignation. He's wrong. He's actually wrong about everything. I'd really like to see who is wrong most between Hannity, O'Reilly, Gibson, and Beck...its tough. My money is on a photo finish between Beck and O'Reilly and O'Reilly wins because he just can't handle reality.

3. Katie Couric is being sent to Iraq and Syria. The question is will detractors tune in just to see if she's shot? Bob Woodruff was the first major anchor to go abroad and was nearly killed in an explosion. Perhaps, the insurgents will think she's on their side in causing harm to Americans. Her newscast really is terrible.

4. There's a catfight over at CNBC over Erin Burnett and Maria Bartiromo getting too much attention. Recall that Erin Burnett was the attractive, young economy reporter who on air was awkwardly sexually harassed by Chris Matthews a few weeks ago. Something really hot about women who talk about money all day in a fight...ok no...maybe. Anyway, I couldn't help but have Barrett Strong's Money (That's What I Want) in my head when hearing about the story.

5. Quentin Tarantino made a stewardess cry on an air plane. At first I thought it was his increasingly self indulgent yet witty dialogue that did her in but it turns out he was just being an ass. He's apparently in a wheel chair since he hurt his back and now is officially a grumpy old man 30 years early.

6. I'm so glad that Amy Winehouse won't go to rehab because that would be the responsible thing to do. I just want to post a then and now aspect to her. In 2003, dare I say, she was cute.

And now.

Heroin addiction, alcoholic, and pretty much every drug you can think of later plus the occasional stabbing yourself. Yup she's an allstar.

7. I will give 12 dollars to get Keira Knightley to eat a cheese burger. I used to think she was so hot circa Pirates of the Caribbean 1. She was in my happy place fantasy...not anymore.

8. Keith Richards ate a cigarette on stage recently. He has figured out that he can stay alive longer via a cigarette diet. Why hasn't anyone else figured this out? oh right because its crazy.

9. Why aren't you watching Weeds and Entourage? If you are, good job! Gold star for you.

10. Comic you should have read but if you haven't do it now...right now! Kingdom Come by DC Comics is yet another great comic that is utterly beautiful. Seriously, gawk at it. It takes place in the future years after Superman has retired and Batman, Wonder Woman and the rest of the old guard have settled down with their lives. A nuclear incident occurs in Kansas caused by an extreme group of heroes attacking an old feeble villain and one of the heroes who is nuclear based explodes. The event causes Superman's return as well as the old guard. The series is epic and told from the viewpoint of a pastor who has been chosen by God to stop the apocalypse. Sound crazy? Probably, but go read it. Its reprinted heavily. Even if you don't like comic books, the art is just amazing.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

That is gay

Why do we have so many Republicans having problems with family values?

I have no rpoblem with gay people, but even I think making advances towards someone in a public restroom is creepy. Public restrooms are gross. At least go somewhere with more ambiance, like a truck stop. I suppose we should all just be thankful it was someone of legal age, and not a page. I think Larry Craig should go raise a gay penguin.


New Poll

As you may have noticed, a new poll has been added to the blog to help determine the official girl of Mr. Brooks Knocked Up Nancy Drew. The names were derived from Robert's original post on the topic as well as comments added by both Chris and myself. An other category was added for those who are not posters and may disagree with the choices. You may register your "other vote" in the comments section for this post. Make sure to get your vote in before Labor Day because once the votes are tallied, the will of the people will be enforced. At least until we grow bored.


Where there is smoke

Yesterday, I left work at a fairly normal time and didn't get home till four hours later. Did I stop anywhere? Nope. Was I stuck in between Braddock and National on the Yellow Line for a couple of hours? Yup. Oh that was fun with screaming children in a cramped space just sitting there helpless with everyone else. Trains were losing power at National's stop so they ended up having to reverse course and go back to Braddock where shuttles took us to other metro stops. I went to L'Enfant Plaza where it took awhile for a train to get there as well. So I'm a wee bit cranky today. I also missed dinner which generally annoys me. Anyway, I actually don't know who reads this blog and who doesn't outside of a few people....actually if you do read it props to you and if you don't, well it doesn't matter does it so onto the list. PS for those who do read this blog, vote for Robert's Girl O' the Blog. My candidate is Hayden Panettiere from Heroes. The Al Gore of this race who actually is in this race. Save the Cheerleader, Save the Blog.

1. I've started a little experiment on the metro to amuse myself. Instead of saying "excuse me" or "pardon me," I've been saying "Karate Chop." I've found that "excuse me" or "pardon me" works mostly but sometimes doesn't. Saying "Karate Chop" works just as well I've found at least this morning plus they move a little faster because they think you're crazy. I'm okay with that. Just get out of my way. Tomorrow, I'm thinking of saying "ahoy matte."

2. Now that Gonzo is gone, you'd think hey I'm the President of the United States I probably should pick someone competent for the end of my run. Nope. President Bush is rumored to be considering moving Michael Chertoff from Homeland Security to AG....yeah that guy who was just as awful as Michael Heck of a Job Browne during Katrina. His gut feeling told us we were going to be attacked this summer. My gut feeling says he's an ass hole. So there goes a dream of a competent person at AG in this administration. Patrick Fitzgerald would be a great choice. Okay maybe, he'll do it for Homeland Security...say someone in the security field....oh wait you are thinking about your college room mate who once ran Frito Lay....Saddam did like Doritos. Yeah Clay Johnson who you've had one conversation ever on foreign policy and that was about trying to avoid the draft in Vietnam. Brilliant. Oh and Clay Johnson has a President Bush doll on his desk. Superman was too liberal a super hero.

3. Tom Petty made 1.7 million dollars last weekend on four hours work. I love Tom Petty but man, that's a lot of money. It was for financier Leon Black's birthday. Apparently, New York Mayor Bloomberg was rocking out. Can you imagine him going all chill for Mary Jane's Last Dance? I can but I'm crazy.

4. Rudy Giuliani sucks. C'mon GOP man up and find a better candidate. Just because you get punched in the face, doesn't mean you're an expert fighter. He seems to think he's the expert on terrorism...right. He could have a little more credit if he'd shown up to the 9/11 commission but he was off doing a fund raiser. Everything this guy says is remarkably simplistic or just plain stupid. Saying shit like you were there more than workers at the 9/11 site was plain dumb. How naive are you that you would think that someone wouldn't find out you spent something like three times as much time watching the Yankees play instead of at the work site during the days and months after 9/11.. Tell you what GOP, choose Mike Huckabee and I'll respect you a little more. Will I vote for him? No. But at least Mike Huckabee has somewhat of an idea what he's talking about even if I disagree with him on somethings.

5. Bill O'Reilly really tried to politicize High School Musical...really.

6. Entertainment Weekly online has the top 50 celebrity scandals on their website. Please go to it and enjoy. I'm not entirely sure that Rosie
O'Donnell quiting the View deserves the 19th spot. Michael Richards at 14 really doesn't fit either. His career was pretty over anyway. Number #1 is debatable though I can agree.

7. Jeff Fahey is joining Lost! Seriously, the Lawnmower Man is going to be on Lost. I'm hoping for a reference. He also was in Grindhouse for those not getting my Lawnmower Man hysterics.

8. Today, on the did you know Wikipedia se
gment, did you know that Khotyn Fortress and Kiev-Pechersk Lavra are among the Seven Wonders of Ukraine? Is anyone else astonished that Ukraine has seven wonders? Wikipedia is a amazing in its infinite knowledge.

9. Yes go see Superbad. Rob is entirely right. Does anyone think I of all people have to have a McLovin tee shirt.

10. Now where I normally review a tv show. I'm going to start reviewing things that I truly love sometimes instead of a tv show. I love comic books. Not afraid to say it and I lack shame. Anyone who watches as many movies and tv shows as I do shouldn't have shame...its weak. Anyway, my favorite comic as of this moment is a series called New Frontier by DC Comics. Darwyn Cooke is the writer and artist. This comic literally reminds readers of the feeling that our parents and grandparents got when they read comics. Its a sense of wonder and astonishment. It is also quite like the great Batman cartoon of the 90s. The story takes place in the 50s when so much was possible but so much darkness existed in the Cold War. All the great characters are there, Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, the Flash and etc. The central character is my favorite of all time, Hal Jordan aka Green Lantern. The art is unique, the writing is crisp, witty, and fun, and originally, it ran with no ads because it was just that good. Its six issues but is in two trade paper back books available at or most book stores. If you don't love it, you're not getting it. For those willing to take a bigger jump, there is an absolute edition (I own one) that has notes and commentary. It also explains some of the references you may miss. Go read it, its DC at its finest. PS, There is a cartoon movie coming out soon based on this book.

Monday, August 27, 2007

I am McLovin

If you haven't seen Superbad yet, then you should go see it right now (regardless of what time you are reading this) Some are claiming that Superbad is the funniest movie of the year. These people are correct. I can see how some people would not like this movie, but if you ever went to a high school kegger in the 90s then you should appreciate this movie.

Another thing you should be watching is Greek. I know it seems like it would suck because it's on ABC Family, but it doesn't. Even if they do slip a "very special episode" ( in every now and then, it's still a hilarious look at Greek life.

Also, voting ends for Miss Nancy Drew on Labor Day. As it stands now the girl from Heroes is winning the vote. It would be the first time in the history of our blog that a write in candidate has won a vote. This girl is the Dennis Kucinich of our voting. (By that I mean supported by all of the nerds.) By that faulty logic I would also make Alyson Michalka the Barack Obama because she's "a rock star", Emma Stone the Hillary Clinton because she can look like a bitch, and Princess Beatrice the Wesley Clark because nobody knows why she was in the voting. Also, Lauren voted for Hillary Duff who I make the John Kerry of this vote because she has too much baggage now that she didn't have four years ago.


Its a good morning in America

Ever wake up early in the morning in a good mood? No? Well it happened today and I really didn't have a particular reason until now. Oh and Hayden Panettiere is unquestionably the girl of the blog and fellow blogger Scott agrees. If you don't know who she is, go geek out and watch Heroes. Save the Cheerleader, Save the Blog! Anyway, onto the list.

1. It is a glorious morning in America because Alberto Gonzo Gonzales has issued his resignation. Easily the most worthless attorney general the United States has ever had, he is/was one of the more significant pathetic examples of the current administrations inability to get much done legally or anything at all. Alberto "Selling Civil Liberties like a Saigon Whore Sells Herself" Gonzales lacked tact, ability, and will power. Furthermore, he made himself a fool as a yes man to an ever so corrupt administration. I wonder does he recall handing in his resignation? He didn't recall much during this reign.

2. Anyone watch football last night? Okay, did you watch Countdown with Keith Olbermann before the game? If you did, you're a better person for it. Its on MSNBC normally at 8 pm EDT. Its funny, quirky, and really smart when it comes to making commentary about political America. He has a Worst Person in the World segment that exaggerates that idea but I agree most of the time that the "Worst Person" is true. Comedian Rush Limbaugh was the worst person last night. He beat out Bill O'Reilly, who really should just have a permanent spot.

3. If you did catch Countdown last night, did anyone notice Cris Collinsworth cringe at the idea that his daughter likes Reggie Bush a little too much? It was agonizing and hilarious to watch him grind his teeth saying that his daughter thought Reggie Bush was the most attractive football player in the NFL. Now, that could mean a lot of things. There's the racist aspect. There's the running back aspect. Collinsworth was a wide receiver for the Bengals. I suspect that Collinsworth thought his daughter would be attracted to a quarterback. Collinsworth definitely had a thing for Ken Anderson, who was his quarterback in the Super Bowl.

4. During the football game last night, when they were introducing the lineups to the team. NBC used the music to Collective Soul's Better Now to introduce the Eagle lineup. Its a good song choice. But what song they chose for the Steelers was curiously odd and hilarious. They used Cracker's Low for it. Are they saying playing for the Steelers is "like being stoned?" Because that's a lie. Unless they're saying you have to be stoned to play for the Steelers then they might be right. They might be doing a commentary that Ben Roethlisberger (PS, I didn't have to look up to spell his name, how sad or awesome) might be stoned on account of the recovery from every problem he had last season.

5. Anyone see we almost had yet another starlet (okay former starlet, she really isn't much anymore) get into a car problem. Britney Spears was pulled over speeding. Here's the twist, she had two male dancers in the back. Weird and unexpected...okay that's a lie, we all expect this from her. What got me thinking was when was the last time you thought Britney Spears was hot? I also see her hair is growing back. I'm very opposed to hot girls thinking shaving their head is a good idea by the way. Natalie Portman doing it for V for Vendetta made sense for the plot but dropped her off my top 10 list of celebrity women. Anyway, when was the last time she was hot?

6. Cubs are still in first place...barely. We're taking on the Brewers this week which is huGe.

7. So my brother and I were watching Wedding Crashers a couple weeks ago. It really is a great and hilarious half movie. I say half movie because once they leave the house, it plummets in comedy level with a slight upturn with Will Ferrel. Anyway, we're at the football scene and my brother, his friend and me are having an argument about something meaningless and then I notice on the screen that when Rachel McAdams is saying white on rice her top shows more than than it should. My brother and I have been in a debate for weeks now. He has carried the fight to his friends, college, and the internet. Proving once again, that IMDB you can really argue about anything. In the IMDB world, every movie is the greatest or worst movie ever. Every actor or actress is gay. Every movie is right wing or left wing propaganda. And now nipple slips are a war to be fought. I love that you can have IMDB people stop and magnify a screen and continue debating anything.

8. Speaking of Wedding Crashers, Owen Wilson apparently tried to kill himself over the weekend. How sad. He wrote and/or was in some of my favorite movies like Royal Tenenbaums and Rushmore. He was in Armageddon though...yup I actually remember that he was...anyway, its always weird to realize that funny people are really sad.

9. This has been an exciting month on DVD. There are five shows that I'm crazy for. Legitimately crazy for and two of them by tomorrow will have had seasons come out on DVD for. The five are Entourage, Heroes, Battlestar Galactica, the Office, and Rome. Rome came out on DVD a couple weeks ago and if you never watched the show, it had two seasons and its worth every penny to buy the DVDs. Where Sopranos had an ending that was interesting but somewhat dull, Rome had an outstanding conclusion. It has all the violence, intrigue, and sex of the Sopranos with a satisfactory conclusion and characters who don't bore you sometimes. Tomorrow Heroes comes out on DVD. Its a unique venture for regular TV to actually pull off the superhero bit and it become popular. Heroes has the intrigue that we've been missing from Lost and really tries to place super powered beings in a world entirely like ours. Go buy it, you'll like it. Its on sale on for 33 bucks I think.

10. TV time! I've been really hesitant to watch Bionic Woman. Its the same crew that does Battlestar Galactica and I really do love that show. However, I'm slightly confused on who was demanding Bionic Woman but y'know the same can be said for Battlestar Galactica. The guest spots from Galatica are Aaron Douglas aka Tyroll and Katee Sackhoff aka Starbuck. Katee Sackhoff is actually more than a guest spot. She's a bit of a crazy villain and in a nod to the Battlestar Galactica asks her boyfriend in a Number 6 way "Do you love me?" Anyway, the series is actually decent for a pilot. Some of the technobabble is a bit lost on me but I'll probably DVR the show. The lead in the show is in a massive car accident with her boyfriend who happens to work on a defense company's really expensive project for bionic parts. In a fit of desperation, the boyfriend decides to do the surgery on his girlfriend. Katee Sackhoff was the previous experiment and she's crazy...I mean really crazy. I definitely get a Dark Angel vibe from this show and that's not a good things since Dark Angel had the insanely hot Jessica Alba and couldn't keep the show on long. Anyway, I'll watch it tentatively.

Ta Ta

Oh PS This is who you should be voting for.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Now serving: Rage

One of my loves in life is food. These people who don't eat? They confuse me. How can you not want to eat? Food is good. Food is great. But if you watch TV here in DC you sometimes see commercials for restaurants or food that is actually no where near DC. Moreover, these commercials tend to be for food that looks freakin' delicious. Why do they do this to me? Does CiCi's really expect to me to get into a car and then go off on a sojourn to find the bastards? Do I want to eat at a restaurant that does unlimited pizza buffets? You bet your ass I do! Can I though? Of course not.

There are a couple of things that bother me about this habit of advertising food that I can't have. As I've already said, I can't have the food. It looks delicious but I can't have it because it might as well be in Pakistan. Right now, Osama Bin Laden could be having CiCi's and I'm not.

Second, why in the hell are you advertising here if you aren't anywhere near here? Look at Sonic. Do you know where the nearest Sonic is? Do you? Fredericksburg. Over 50 miles away. Now I'm no marketing mogul but even I think that it could very well be a huge waste of money to advertise in a place that is 50 miles distant from your nearest service area. What the fuck are you thinking? Does Sonic have so much money that they decide to taunt the residents of another city with their commercials?

Because, thats what it is dear readers. They are taunting us. They are showing us their bounty and then snatching it away. But why would they do that? I mean, Sonic looks like they have some delicious stuff going on. Especially those slurpees or whatever the hell they are. Don't they look tasty? Don't you want one? Sorry, asshole, you can't have one.

How about another example? Checkers. Checkers looks like they have tasty food but I have never seen one except in Florida. I have been told by others that there is a Checkers nearby but I highly doubt it. So not only can I not find their food, but I also have to endure that fucking ad that has 'rap cat.' What the fuck is that even supposed to be?

And now, I've started seeing commercials for Jack-in-the-Box. Goddammit, that food looks good! I would gladly pay for it. But look at their locations map. The nearest one is North Carolina. North fucking Carolina! Why the fuck are they advertising two fucking states away! Why do they torment me!

I've had enough. I say we rise up. I say we convoy to Fredericksburg, burn the damn place to the ground, and make an example of the sons of bitches! They've brought it on themselves!

But lets also make sure to get some fries to go.


Official Girl Of The Blog

I've decided that in order to become a legitimate blog, what we need is a contest to pick an official girl of our blog. A Nancy Drew to our Mr. Brooks.

There are two rules for being the official girl o' the blog (as the say in Ireland.)

1) They cannot be under 18. This is obvious because if not explicitly illegal, it is at least immoral to pick a minor to represent us.

2) They cannot be over 19. As we all know, celebrity girls do nothing in their twenties except for drugs, rehab, and jailtime. (See Lohan, Richie, Hilton, Spears, etc.)

While anyone is welcome to submit a nomination, I thought I would get the ball rolling with three submissions of my own.

1) Alyson Michalka (

2) Emma Stone (

3) Princess Beatrice of York (

Vote early and vote often. The person who gets the most votes will be the official Miss Drew until retirement age (their 20th birthday)


Friday, August 24, 2007

The Trust Relationship Between this Workstation and the Primary Domain Field has Failed

So, yesterday I'm going to try and print something out. Spools over to the printer, Bob's your uncle and I head over to pick up my printing. Thats interesting. No printing. Half an hour later I am growing increasingly irate. Keep in mind, the temporary employees keep asking me how my printing is going and suggesting that I am somehow doing it wrong. This is only helping to fan the flames of my hatred. Finally, I call tech support and they send someone up. For the next 90 minutes, my computer is taken over two IT people who are trying to fix a larger network problem from my terminal. It is as this point that I see the most interesting error message I have ever recieved. It literally reads as "The trust relationship between this workstation and the primary domain field has failed." What the fuck does that even mean? Did my primary domain field see my workstation at a coffee shop with some cheap floozy tertiary domain field? They were friends from college! I swear! Maybe it was book club friends. Who is my primary domain field to question the integrity and dignity of my workstation? You know what? My primary domain field is a slut. Yeah, thats right, I said it, a slut. Letting its transistors hang out and everything. That shit just isn't civil. This brings me to a larger point though, in that I hate technology.

Lets be clear here. I have 3 video game consoles and built my own computer. I watch tv and have a DVD collection. My job basically requires me to surf the internet for 6 hours a day (writing in Word the other 2 hours). Clearly I am a heavy user and enjoyer of technology. But at the same time, when something goes wrong, most of us are completely incapable of fixing it. If my car (if I had one) needed an oil change, I could do it myself. It isn't that hard. I even know how to change the oil filter. I can fix that. But if the trust relationship between my workstation and the primary domain field fails, well I don't even know where to begin. I don't even know what that means. So I have to call some nice people to come up and run a whole bunch of weird programs to help me out. Its not even the fact that I need help that bugs me.

Its the fact that I'm totally useless to the process. "Did you do anything that would mess up the network." Says I, "no, I wouldn't even know how to mess up the network without trying." Concerned looks. "Well, we're going to delete your network account for a little bit" All of the sudden I'm Milton and the "glitch" has been resolved. I'm now wandering around the office, harassing people because, hey, I've got nothing to do. This is the other problem with tech support. While its happening, you have literally nothing to do but sit on your hand, thumb pointing to the sky.

Finally, they tell me I can have my computer back. I sit down, start getting comfortable, get my groove on with the primary domain field, when they come back 20 minutes later and need my computer again. Boo hiss. Once again, I am left to wander the office desert. Like the Israelites when they were cast out of Egypt. Or left. Whichever. Minutes pass while they futz with my system again. Which leads me to another thing that bugs me about tech support. Its never done on the first try, oh ho no, because that would make sense. Instead I am kicked off at least 3 more times and even phonecalled once or twice to do last minute things.

But hey, at least my tech support guy wasn't in India


"if you keep on being their cunt they'll keep fucking you" English Proverb about the Hundred Years War

Yes the title of my post may offend people but that really is a proverb from the Hundred Years War. In case you're curious, the word cunt comes from the Gropecunt Lane where prostitution was popular in Medieval England. But my title may be a lesson for life. And with that onto the 10.

1. In Alabama, sex toys are illegal to sell. You have to go to the great liberal bastions of Georgia and Tennessee if you want that sort of thing. However, guns, oh those charming little dangerous things, can be sold on every corner. So let's review:

Anyway, the United States Supreme Court has been petitioned about this and may actually hear about it. Scalia talking about sex toys and guns is funny and remarkably disturbing....oh they call them marital aids too which makes it even more awkward.

2. Did anyone watch Anchorwoman? I didn't. I had it on DVR but deleted it in favor of some Outer Limits reruns on Showtime. That probably tells a lot about the series since it was canceled after one episode. I totally regret my decision and find it a funny one too. Apparently, no one watched it. Tragedy really. I mean why watch a fictional news joke when you Faux News out there? Lauren Jones was the star of the show. She was/is a WWE star which all I know about wrestling is from my friend Jim and fellow poster, Rob. That means I know nothing about it really. Anyway, Heather Graham and her can hang out now and mourn about their one episode canceled shows. Maybe Faux should stay away from those kinds of shows because their other pseudo news show Half Hour Hour Show or whatever it was called was canceled because it just wasn't funny.

3. Nicole Richie served 82 minutes of her four day sentence. I believe it was the fear that she could at one point slip between the bars because she was so thin at one point. I still don't believe she's pregnant. I just think she had a cheese burger...maybe from a two headed cow.

4. Have you seen Amy Winehouse and her husband recently? She apparently was either fighting vampires which is entirely possible or she "...was cutting myself after he found me in our room about to do drugs with a call girl and rightly said I wasn't good enough for him. I lost it and he saved my life." Either way disturbing and possible.
5. Jamie Foxx on Michael Vick. “It’s a cultural thing, I think,” Jamie said. “Most brothers didn’t know that, you know. I used to see dogs fighting in the neighborhood all the time. I didn’t know that was Fed time. So, mike probably just didn’t read his handbook on what not to do as a black star.” I totally think there should be handbooks for celebrities. Young, attractive, celebrity girls should not chase their assistants while drunk and coked up. Lessons for life. An entire book could be dedicated to Britney Spears.

6. Still can't row a boat in Call of Duty 3 but I didn't try last night. I instead watched DVRed episodes of Outer Limits and playing the new Madden. Julius Jones can't walk for the rest of the season because Lance Briggs, upon being resigned by me, destroyed his foot. 3-0 Bears.

7. I'm seeing Superbad this weekend. I feel this movie could be life changing....okay I can't even take that statement seriously but I should have fun with it.

8. Russian President Vladimir Putin says United States wants to dominate the world...1) As a Romanian, anyone named Vlad is scary to me. 2) The guy who was an angry KGB ghost at one point really shouldn't be commenting on who wants to dominate the world though he would know if anyone. 3) By now, anyone President Bush has made a character judgment on is probably wrong such as seeing into Vladimir Putin's soul...which if you didn't know is covered by executive privilege. Dick Cheney can see into the soul less...its like a supernatural Inspector Gadget team except evil. PS, the United States did win the Cold War with the Soviet can see why they might think we're out to take it all...

9. There's a woman a couple floors below me at work who is almost twice my age maybe and constantly hitting on me...not quite sure what to do with that.

10. I watched the preview show Pushing Daisies last night and found it really enjoyable. Its a bit like Big Fish in the way the story is told and its filmed rather well. Furthermore, Anna Friel is remarkably cute...yup I have a crush on her now. Anyway, the premise is that there is this awkward guy who can touch the dead and resurrect them but if he touches them again they die permanently. There is a catch of course. He can only keep someone alive for a minute unless he chooses someone else to die and then the original person will be alive indefinitely unless he touches them. He's partnered with the principal on Boston Public and they attempt to solve murders. Sounds odd but its enjoyable in a weird way. Watch it when it comes on. You'll understand it more.

Later all,

Cheers to Corgiman, Winston, and Feebleman

Thursday, August 23, 2007

What's Your Fantasy?

When I started doing fantasy sports it was about winning the league. Then, it transformed into winning the league so we could win the money we bet on the league. Eventually, fantasy sports evolved (devolved?) into who could come up with the most offensive team name (a way to win that had nothing to do with drafting skills)

With that, I came up with offensive names for fantasy teams in each sport. All of the names are 20 characters or less, per Yahoo rules.

1) Donaghy's Dudes
2) Wilt's100-20,000Club
3) The Kobe Ski Trips
4) JayWilliamsOnAVespa
5) Rudy T Face Punchers

1) Selig's Taint
2) B*nds B*ys
3) Human Growth Homies
4) TheMarichalBatAttack
5) Mendoza Coke Lines

1) Bad Newz Kennels
2) Eli's Draft Face
3) TheTheismanBentLegs
4) BrownsInTheSuperBowl
5) MikeVick'sRapeStands

I don't have any names for these. If you play fantasy hockey you are either an idiot, or even worse Canadian.

If you can think of other inappropriate names for fantasy sports teams feel free to post them.


On that cheerful note

I'm thinking I'm going to stick to the 9.467 things format. You ask what happened to the .543? I full well acknowledge that sometimes I almost make half a point sometimes in my ten. Ok, onto the ten.

1. In today's Express paper, I saw a two headed cow. Not even kidding, a two headed cow. Now, some might be wondering what kind of environmental hazard would create such an animal? Not me, I'm wondering the important questions in life. Does a two headed cow make a better cheese burger or steak? How about veal?

2. I want to thank Lindsay Lohan for the reaffirmation that celebrities are indeed a superior race of people and are allowed winning 8th grade arguments. It wasn't mine I was holding it for someone else or whatever combination she said of it about cocaine. With Michael Vick being taken down and Paris Hilton spending some time in jail, I almost had my whole reality shaken up that celebrities could be held accountable. Luckily, Lindsay Lohan will be able to make many more movies about the clumsy, well intentioned hot girl who has bad luck. Mean Girls II anyone?

3. Yesterday was a great day because I pick up my comics. You may ask how is it someone could be proud that they spend 50+ dollars on picture books with Superman and such. Yeah, well, tell that to the millions of people who enjoyed Batman Begins that there a lot more stories like that. Plus, a planet that fights as in this week's Green Lantern Corps is just cool to me.

4. 30-3...Really, that's not a football score. Its not a cricket score....(Actually I have no idea how cricket scores look and I lived in London for a time) 30-3 is a baseball score. One of my housemate's favorite team was beaten 30-3. The Os have had a rough year but to be beat by one of the worst teams in major league baseball is hilarious. The Rangers are just terrible. The best part, the Baltimore Orioles resigned their manager for another 5 years or something like that right before the game. That's called inspiration.

5. President Bush referenced a favorite writer of mine yesterday, Graham Greene. Yes I'm somewhat literate...okay I'm mostly illiterate, read comic books, and watch too much tv. But anyway, he referenced the Quiet American. Seriously, he did this to bolster support for the Iraq War. Wow, did he miss the point of that book or at least his speech writer did. Go to a library or Amazon or whatever and buy the book.

6. I find Cate Blanchett be strangely attractive. She looked damn good in Notes on a Scandal and she's a pretty good actress. She's going to dressing up like Bob Dylan in a recent project....the question is after that do I find her still hot?

7. Greatest news ever! American Gladiators is coming back to tv on NBC soon! For all those saving Nitro and Turbo jokes for the past decade, release the dogs of war! I am way too excited about this but man, is NBC not doing great with their shows. PLEASE DON'T DO ANYTHING TO THE OFFICE!

8. Tom Brady is a dad now....Bridget Moynahan is the mom...she's a milf now. That kid better to go Michigan for college.

9. A former partner of the company I work at who now is the campaign manager of John Edwards is claiming that John Edwards is Karl Rove's worst nightmare....Really? I mean, Really? Isn't Hillary Clinton in the White House the GOP's worst nightmare? Can you imagine Sean Hannity just waking up screaming at the idea?

10. Now for my last point, I've previewed a lot of this fall's tv lineup and I'll do one a day or so. The first up is the Sarah Connor Chronicles. I'm not entirely sure what tv executive was demanding a show based on the Terminator series years after Terminator 3 came out but rock on. It takes place after Terminator 2 when John Connor and his mom are on the run. Sarah Connor is played by the chick in 300 who is the Queen in Sparta. She was part of that sex scene where every guy in the crowd started laughing/cheering. She does the tough thing pretty well and I totally think she's more attractive and more tough than Linda Hamilton who only got the role because she was married to James Cameron at the time. Anyway, the show also has Summer Glau who was in the ever so often Firefly/Serenity series. You'll have to mind that I loved that series. Though the Sarah Connor Chronicles lacks Arnold and Arnold impressions so far, its not bad. In fact with my low expectations it was pretty good. Action filled paranoia and it actually has surprises. I think I might DVR it regularly. That's all for now.

Cheers to Corgiman, Winston, and Feebleman

UPDATE! Ms. Lohan aka Firecrotch aka Mrs. Olker is being charged with 7 misdemeanors. One midemeanor gets a max of a 6 months in jail in California. A second DUI gets a year.

UPDATE II! Ms. Lohan will only be getting a day in jail. My faith is once again reaffirmed...bring on Mean Girls II: Bitches Strike Back...

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Crazy Fuckers

In this world it seems to me that there is a big difference in how people treat what others "know" and what others "believe." In particular we are raised to respect the beliefs of others because they are just as valid as our own beliefs. Bullshit. There are several belief systems in this world that are total crap and you should ridicule those who ascribe to them. I, of course, am speaking of Scientology, which is the biggest scam of the past 50 years.

You may ask what has gotten me thinking about this? Gather round my friends and I shall tell you a tale. The other day I came into work and found a small package with a post-it note from my boss telling me that she thought I might find it interesting. It was a shareholder letter from an orginazation called the Citizens Commission on Human Rights. Sounds real official-like don't it? The letter began to talk about the evils of psychiatry and how many people it kills and continued to proclaim that the attached DVD and information pamphlet revealed the true past of the psychiatric profession. Shocking! But something about the rhetoric seemed familiar, like something I may have seen a crazy actor talking about on tv or something. So I look up the organization and BAM! I discover that this is a front for the Church of Scientology.

Once I realize this I look at the shrink wrapped doo-hickey and its called, in big bold letters (dripping in blood no less) "PSYCHIATRY: AN INDUSTRY OF DEATH." Shocking! I read the Wikipedia entry and discover that contained within is that psychologists, those most dastardly of dastardly villains, caused the Holocaust and 9/11. Read that one more time. Process that. A "church" within this country is actually trying to tell good people like you and me that one of the most horriffic acts in history, and the most terrible attack levied against this country, were the cause of people like Freud and Dr. Melfi. Not quite Bond villains, are they?

This particular episode only helped me further along my disdain for the pseudo religion known as Scientology. People like to argue that the views espoused by Scientology are just as crazy as Islam, Judiasm, or Christianity. Now, don't get me wrong, I think all religions are a little on the crazy side, but come on. Just read the shit that Scientologists have to say. What the fuck? I've also had arguments that this is one of those times of 'to each their own' and 'its what they believe.'

People can believe whatever they want but that doesn't mean you can't ridicule them for their beliefs. Scientology is a fucking cult and if you know anyone out there who is a Scientologist, I urge you to mock them and to berate them for their wrong beliefs. This isn't about people believing what they want, its about people being scammed constantly and being led to believe something that an author cooked up as a tax shelter. Keep in mind, L. Ron Hubbard wasn't even a good author. A bad author made up a crazy ass religion that has about as much legitimacy as the Flying Fucking Spaghetti Monster (bless His noodlely appendages). And consider this; the guy who believes himself to be the reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard (Tom Cruise) was born before he died. But don't point this out! Beliefs hate logic. It burns!

So join me my friends in hating Scientology and in mocking those who believe that Xenu is coming to get us. They are a blight in the world of belief and their idiotic "faith" should be treated with disdain and revulsion. After all, if the psychologists really do have a grand plan to take over the world, I want to be on their good side.


This is what happens when your office is empty and fairly quiet

Okay, so my office is quiet today and I'm waiting for responses to things I've been working on so I thought I'd do another post before I go later today to celebrate the great tradition of picking up my comic books.

1. Did you know that Burt Reynolds and Lee Corso were college room mates? Yeah, the things you learn on morning tv. Anyway, that sky rockets them to number 3 on my favorite celebrity college room mate list behind Christopher Reeves/Robin Williams and Al Gore/Tommy Lee Jones.

2. I think there should be drug competitions between Pete Doherty and Amy Winehouse. They can even do couples matches Kate Moss joining Pete Doherty vs Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil. Lindsay Lohan should be allowed to compete as well. Robert Downey Jr. should be the judge.

3. Speaking of drugs, I hear Emeril Lagasse is really into cocaine. I'm not sure entirely why I find that funny but I do. Something oddly curious about screaming BAM! around coke.

4. Still can't row a boat in Call of Duty 3

5. The Cubs shouldn't play games at 10:15 at night. I don't care its in San Francisco, I get to watch maybe 3 innings and that's only 3 innings of me hating Barry Bonds....I'm going to a Nat/Giants game next week and I'm going to heckle Bonds even if my parents are in the stands with me.

6. So I work in political consulting and marketing and things like this amuse me, Ari Fleischer and his group "Freedom Watch" are launching a large ad campaign for support of the Iraq War. 20 states and heavily patriotic in that weird way that Republicans can only do it. Anyway, a big line from the campaign is “For people who believe in peace through strength, the cavalry is coming." Really that's the line. Something very disturbing about thinking that Ari Fleischer is the cavalry for Iraq War supporters....

7. If Bill O'Reilly's head explodes on Sunday, you can blame NBC finally legitimately for something. Keith Olbermann goes goes live before the Sunday Night Football game this week. I love it.

8. I finally got around to watching last week's Entourage....if you aren't watching the show, why? Its fantastic. Ari Gold is easily my favorite character.

9. Is it me or does George Tenet look like the cab driver in How I Met Your Mother? Except I think I'd probably trust the actor who plays the cabbie more. Yeah Yeah, he was a Clinton appointee. Gonzo, Rummy, Cheney, Condi, and a humbled Colin Powell counter any of that crap.

10. Oddest movie to come out this summer comes out this Friday. September Dawn is the 9/11 story done old school. I'm not kidding. Its like someone went to Wikipedia and searched what else happened on 9/11 throughout history and found a story about insane Mormons attacking people migrating to California. Apparently, religious rituals are shown in the movie and it portrays the Mormons and their leader Brigham Young as crazy. The massacre of the Californians is covered up and now Mitt Romney and his crazy eyes are running for president. Well not exactly the path that allowed for Romney to run but man, as if Big Love didn't make Mormons look creepy enough.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Row Row Row Your Boat Rage

Hello, everyone, I'm one of those people who thrives off the randomness of the world. PS, if you didn't know, Edmund Dantes isn't my real name but when you do wikipedia the name, you'll be better off for it.

1. I love the difference in people's rage on Michael Vick and Ray Lewis during both their incidents. Vick's career is done and Lewis is still playing. The moral of the story is that dogs are way more likable than people apparently.

2. Brian Williams of NBC really is wearing a Stephen Colbert red wrist band.

3. Heidi Fleiss, America's favorite mistress, is a huge Hillary Clinton fan which I found amusing. I'm a liberal Democrat by the way but I thought it was funny.

4. The worst screen couple of all time apparently is Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman from the new Star Wars trilogy....really, I mean really? I mean it was bad but I can't even sit through Gigli without thinking I might have been water boarded. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez c'mon people are the worst.

5. Amy Winehouse scares me. Luckily, I have food near me so she'll run away.

6. Okay, a little rant. I play video games and love them because I'm an 8 year old. Anyway, in Call of Duty 3, I can kill hundreds of Nazis, aim artillery, drive a tank, and look awesome doing it. So there is a level where I have to cross a river with a row boat and BAH! Its like kryptonite. I can't row a boat at all. In fact, I've been blown up by mysterious artillery every time as I try to row with a paddle. Seriously, all the Nazis had to do to stop my force was guard rivers and leave rowing boats for me to try to cross.

7. Yes, I have the new Madden as well. Yes the Bears will win several Super Bowls . I have also benched Grossman to start the season in favor of the great Michigan quarterback Brian Griese.
Because the Bears are bad contract negotiators, I have no money in the league because Charles Tillman needs to be one of the most expensive players in the game.

8. I still hate Karl Rove and Dick Cheney and will probably say that often in this blog. However, I'm still trying to figure out what "the math" is and where Karl MC Rove learned to dance.

9. Go see Death at Funeral. Its funny, British, and enjoyable.

10. Tomorrow is the best day of week that you have to work on and won't wake up the next day with a hangover aka new comic book day. more to come.

Farewell Ron Mexico

With Michael Vick's guilty plea for dog fighting we now bid farewell to one of the most undeserving shit heads to ever make it big. Personally, I was kind of hoping that Vick would actually go to trial and try to fight this. I wanted to see him squirm in his chair as witness after witness was paraded before a jury. It would have been delicious and I would have taken so much joy out of it. As you may be able to tell, I hate Michael Vick. But, I hated Michael Vick before it was cool. I hated him before the Eagles crushed the Falcons in the NFC divisional game on their way to the Superbowl. What were my reasons?

Reason the first: He's not a good quarterback. I'll admit that he wins games, but as a quarterback he sucks giant hairy donkey balls.

Reason the second: Vick supporters. Certain sports fans annoy the hell out of me. The worst thing about Vick fans is that there really was never any grand accomplishment to shove in peoples' faces. At least the Colts and the Patriots have had a championship (note to Colts and Patriots fans... you may be targeted as football season continues).

Reason the third: Totally overhyped. As I mentioned before, Vick always lacked any real accomplishment. And yet, we were constantly embroiled in this idiotic debate over how good he could become. And there was always evidence, one way or the other, that he had arrived or that he would never improve. The problem, to me at least, was that the 'moments' where he arrived were fleeting while the trends that he would never improve only continued to build. But when you pointed this out you were missing the big picture or you were rascist. Bull-fucking-shit.

Reason the fourth: He's a shit head. I don't even have to argue this one.

Reason the fifth: I'm actually going to miss him to a certain extent. And that is the most galling part about the bastard. At least when he played I had someone to hate. Now who am I going to hate? Eli Manning? He's not even worth the effort and he's in my goddamned division!

In summary,

Farewell Ron Mexico. Get cancer.



Apparently the NAACP feels that Mr. Mexico should be allowed to return to the NFL and to Atlanta Falcons in specific. Now, I won't be saying this often but the NAACP sucks ass. Michael Vick should not be allowed to play in the NFL ever again. Ever. Organizations need to learn how to pick their fights and this is a fight that no one should be picking. We should literally just shovel the last bit of dirt on Vick's playing career and move on. Fuck the Atlanta chapter of the NAACP.


Welcome to our new blog. Here at Mr. Brooks Knocked Up Nancy Drew, we believe in non-sequitors and this just felt right. Our blog is being mostly used as a outlet for us so that we may rant (and argue) about whatever mundane, or innane bit of trivia, news, or experiance strikes us at the moment. In that sense, you may want to expect more than a little bit of anger or manic fucking rage followed by others making fun of the poster. Because thats what friends do. They make fun of things that annoy each other. Some may actually find this little blog a little disturbing as it may provide a window into each of our posters' minds. You have been warned.