Friday, March 28, 2008

Love your madness, please go on.

So its been a bit. I've had a ton of work. So its Friday and no I'm not in love...Anyway, this week saw the return of one of my favorite shows of the new shows of last year came back. Greek. Yes, I do really enjoy the show as do many of my friends. I was in the Greek system at AU. Apparently, I'm always supposed to be a Greek. Well, that I'm not too sure of that but many of my friends are from my time in Greek life. I don't think of them as Greeks and I don't really see as many brothers anymore. Anyway, Greek is back and enjoyable. Yes, Spencer Grammer and Dilshad Vadsaria are eye candy on an extraordinary level. Dibs for those wondering. The show really is a lot of fun for those who really liked Superbad. I feel many of my friends would make good Kappa Taus which I find funny. Go watch. The DVD season 1 is really cheap.

1. So how about that unending primary season? Should we start calling it a secondary after Super Tuesday happened? How about tertiary for this point? I really want it to end soon. There really isn't a chance that Hillary can statistically enter the convention leading. She's hoping that Obama has a dead hooker in his brief case I guess. I've been making Bosnia sniper jokes all week about Hillary's wacky memory. I really do think there should be a skit of Hillary talking about how she saved LA from a nuclear weapon and someone says, Senator Clinton that was season 1 of 24 not you. Then she starts talking that she made a mistake and then proceeds to describe season 3 of 24. Maybe she retells Die Hard.

2. Have you noticed we label our candidates by ethnicity, skin color, gender, and sanity (Mike Gravel, Dennis Kucinich, 85% of the Republican field) but not age? Seriously, McCain is 72 years old. He gave a speech talking about that he was five when he heard about Pearl Harbor happening. I mean, really? I mean, even Reagan wasn't as old as McCain is when he became president. Americans are voting for a VP if they vote for McCain.

3. John McCain and Hillary Clinton aren't that great on the economy. McCain is border line stupid actually using vague notions and laughing to himself that he doesn't know anything about the economy so there's that. Hillary Clinton wants to put together a group headed by Alan Greenspan to fix the economy. Umm...Yeah...Alan Greenspan is part of the problem. Some call him the architect of the current situation. Not a good idea. This isn't the 90s. I love the 90s but don't think you can push the reset button. Until we have a flux capacitor, we're not going back to the 90s...though that'd be awesome.

4. FAUX Suffering! Some think I enjoy Faux feeling antiquated. That should be everyone. Maybe they need to become a real news station instead of an ad in the Starship Troopers movie. Faux is tabloid journalism at its worst because I know the tabloids at least know what they are. Faux is just a monster. Yeah I said it. Monster! AHHHH! Real Monsters! Okay I'll stop.

5. I finally watched How I Met Your Mother that had Britney Spears. I actually thought it was really good. Reviewers are liking it too but I actually attribute it to people finally watching the show because it is the most funny show on TV next to the Office but it rivals that at times. Britney Spears played this clingy crazy...holy god that wasn't acting. Watch for the Ted gets a mustache part. I nearly died mainly because I've had ideas on that.

6. Here is yet another example on why Jon Stewart is better than all of us. He's been quietly visiting wounded veterans of the Iraq and Afghanistan War. Bill O'Reilly tells the whole world about his support. Most of these loud mouthed pundits like to do that with all the chutzpah they can muster. Jon Stewart does it on his own and doesn't need to.

7. The Bear Stearns CEO dumped his stock and got 61.3 million from it. John Edwards liked talking about two Americas. Tell me that isn't two Americas. Bear Stearn survives the Great Depression, World War 2, the Cold War, and is brought down during the Bush Economy of Piss on you Economics. The Bear Stearn stock became worthless ruining so many people's lives and yet the CEO walks away with 61.3 million. Fuck you, James Cayne, CEO Chairman. Go join the Enron execs that are with Cassius in hell.

8. Oh, I want to know how the "Surge" aka escalation is working? There is no such term as a surge in warfare assholes. Anyway, there's a "surge" of violence now in Iraq. So no political development, no infrastructure forming, and now the military situation looks bad. Thanks.

9. Best Buy opened in my neighborhood! Seriously, I'm ecstatic. Now there's a Target, Best Buy, and there will be a Potbelly's soon. I'm going to be broke but happy with it.

10. The Tudors is back this weekend. The show had remarkably hot women of course but that isn't why I liked the show. I really enjoy the show because it does capture some of the characters really well. I thought Sam Neil's Wolsey was utterly intriguing and I sympathized with someone who has been considered a villain in the narrative. In fact, I actually agreed with him. I also related with the other villain Charles V who we don't see very often but is most fearsome figure of the age. He's one of my favorite people in history though he did sack Rome and was just an amazing figure. The show has violence, sex, interesting concepts, and it portrays an era that is alien yet not to us.

11. I'm going to confess that I watched about three episodes of the L Word recently. It is a terrible show. I mean, I thought hey lesbians, I'll watch. Its edgy and sorts. God its awful. People whine throughout the show about fake problems. Its like they've been playing off the edgy oohhh...the L word, you think its lesbian but its actually love but we'll keep it about lesbians in love. I hated it. It takes a lot for me to hate attractive girls in a series especially if they're hooking up and all. What is up with Jennifer Beals too? She obviously uses a body double for much of it and she really is a bad actress. The Shane character was probably the most entertaining. Katharine Moennig is the actress. All she does is hook up and mock people which seems alright by me.

12. Upcoming movies I want to see. Part of me wants to see 21 for some reason. I need someone to suggest it before I do it though. I do want to see Leatherheads mainly because it reminds me of old movies.

13. Downloads? Go download Shiny Toy Guns' Rainy Monday. I liked it.

14. Riddle me this. Coincidence that the Australian PM is here? Probably

Monday, March 24, 2008


a collage of the 4,000 dead Americans in Iraq someone made. You're going to need a bigger collage for the civilians.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Celebrity News

I have a bit of a pet peeve. I can't stand people who are obsessed with celebrity gossip. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind people who know what celebrities are up to, in fact I encourage people to have an idea what is going on in pop culture. What I can't stand is people with an obsession.

There is a girl I work with who we will call K.T. for the purpose of the story so that nobody knows here real name (it's Katie). Recently, while I was trying to eat my biscuit bowl from KFC, I had to spend the entire thirty minutes I had for lunch listening to her talk about the celebrity news in her magazine (people, star, tiger beat, something along those lines). I don't understand how you can not only spend your entire lunch break wanting to know why Britney can't get her kids back, but also assuming everyone (or anyone) else in the employee lounge cares. It did lead to this conversation between K.T. and me:

K.T.: Look at this picture of Good Charlotte.
Me: Good Charlotte sucks
K.T.: Hey, I went to high school with those guys.
Me: Then you should know they suck.

I also have an issue with the "celebrities, they're just like us" section. Recently, there was a photo of some B-list celebrity front row at a Lakers game with the subtitle, "they cheer on their favorite team." I want you to raise your hand if you have ever sat on the front row for a professional basketball game. Noone? That's what I thought. I don't care if they are walking their dog to the grocery store in their sweats like I do. Their dog probably cost them a thousand dollars because it's some purebred posh dog. Mine was free. they are probably walking to some highend grocery store that makes Wholefoods look like it's for poor people. I'm going to Giant. Their sweats are probably Juicy Couture. I stole mine from my roomate. Celebrities are not like us. If they were like us why would anyone care?

On to other things.

1. As many of you may know, Heather Mills did not get nearly as much money as she wanted from Sir Paul McCartney (50 million instead of the 250 million she asked for). I guess the judge felt that in court she didn't have a leg to stand on.

2. For those of you who follow cycling (editors note: Do we have European readers of this blog?) there are two American teams that qualified for the Tour De France. While this news is exciting by itself, the best news is that it brought us this. (picture courtesy of our friend Greg)

3. For those of you with the sense of humor of a child (probably a higher chance of that than of us having cycling fans reading this) you'll appreciate the fact that we have a friend named Guy Seemann. While he is in Israel, he had a blog. I assume it will talk about real life issues such as how difficult it is to find a good pulled pork barbeque sandwich in Tel Aviv.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Hard Sun

President Bush is the luckiest guy. I swear the economy looks terrible with Bear Stearns going down, but y'know what's great? Its March Madness. No one pays attention to news. We just mourned another anniversary of the Iraq War...and how many American deaths are there? 3,988. But what really matters is that Arizona State not making the Big Tournament will be watched more than the news. On a lighter note, AU is a Big Tournament team! Irony huh? I love my hypocrisy. First time ever!

On a separate note, I think I'm in the mood for 80s movies when I get back from Chicago next week after Easter. Sixteen Candles, Breakfast Club, St. Elmo's Fire, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and maybe more.

I also on a semi similar note really want to watch Parker Lewis Can't Lose for some reason. But that's from the 90s.

Downloads of the week.
-Hard Sun by Eddie Vedder on the Into the Wild soundtrack
-I downloaded the entire discography of Flogging Molly
-Bittersweet Symphony cover/remix by Supraliminal

1. Vice President Cheney, Senators John McCain, Lindsay Graham, and Joementum Lieberman are on a campaign I mean investigative trip to Iraq. I'm glad I helped pay for John McCain to campaign...oh wait. I wonder if Dick Cheney is more popular in Iraq than here?

2. NEWSFLASH! Bill Kristol is a douchebag! Oh wait we already knew that. Here's a blatant image of why Bill Kristol isn't a journalist. This him talking about Obama and his less than politically correct pastor.

"But Ronald Kessler, a journalist who has written about Wright’s ministry, claims that Obama was in fact in the pews at Trinity last July 22. That’s when Wright blamed the “arrogance” of the “United States of White America” for much of the world’s suffering, especially the oppression of blacks. In any case, given the apparent frequency of such statements in Wright’s preaching and their centrality to his worldview, the pretense that over all these years Obama had no idea that Wright was saying such things is hard to sustain."

Ah a hit piece...unfortunately, Obama was not there. He was heading to Florida. I heard of this place called google that you can learn this information in seconds. If you're going to do a hit piece, look up your crucial aspects....oh wait Republicans don't do that anymore (ever?) Furthermore, if we're going to judge Obama on people associated with him even tangentially, let's do it to Clinton and McCain. I think the results really do make Wright insignificant compared to the guys hanging around McCain a lot. Clinton too has this problem.

3. Anyone remember Governor McGreevey? Yeah, news on the former governor has popped up again. Damn you Spitzer for thinking you can one up the Greevey! Apparently, McGreevey's lead guy put a new spin on middle man. The former assistant to the governor says that he was involved in several threesomes with the governor and his wife and that there was no way that his wife wouldn't have thought he was gay. Well then...that's...something. Maybe someone hasn't explained what gay means to Dina McGreevey? I mean she probably read the Great Gatsby and is now confused.

4. Heather Mills is getting 48.6 million. Well that's a lot more than the 1.37 drachmas I thought she should get. Paul made out pretty good honestly, I mean she wanted something like 200 million.

5. So I thought this morning that ABBA had street cred and had gone gangster when I heard their drummer had been stabbed in the throat and killed in the Spanish Island of Mallorca. It turns out it was an accidental death.

6. Halle Berry gave birth to a baby girl. Olker has started the countdown to when she's he hasn't but you could believe this right? Anyway, it would be a tragedy if her daughter wasn't hot when she was ready to be the next 18-25 Hollywood obsession. Though you don't have to be attractive at all to get Hollywood attraction and be the kid of a famous actor. I mean look at Bruce Willis' daughter. I'm not going to post pics because it hurts my eyes.

7. I have never really been into Courtney Cox. But her character on the show Dirt is awesome. I haven't really liked this season but I still think she cracks me up and it is a bit hot how much of a bitch she is. I totally admire her.

8. Well I need 15 seconds back of my life..stat. Like I saw Madonna's new cover of her album and now I'm trying to gouge out my eyes. Not fair, people should warn ahead of time before they go hey chris, take a look. I mean I can handle violence, gore, sexual things, but Madonna? Nope. Now I'm hating the world more than usual. She's still not rock and I'm not posting pics because I look out for the people of Mrbrooksknockedupnancydrewistan.

9. I'd like to point out that though I fall under the Natalie Portman favoritism over Scarlett Johanssen, for 40,100 dollars I'd say it might be worth it to get a date with her. Scott says she'll put out. I mean Eliot Spitzer spent more than that for all his trysts but I feel everyone would forgive him if he just had spent 40,100 on Scarlett only and gotten something out of it. Even his wife would go "wow, really? I guess its alright."

10. So I watched a favorite movie of mine last week. Independence Day. Yeah I know. I enjoyed the hell out of it like I did TWELVE YEARS AGO. Holy god, I'm feeling my 15th midlife crisis when I say that. Anyway, I love that movie. the effects are a bit dated but its so enjoyable. Also Jane from Firefly is in it. I listened to that very bad speech at the end and enjoyed that too. I mean, I've heard worse...okay maybe not. But its fun. I read on Wikipedia that a reviewer thought that the July 4th independence day for the world was the most arrogant thing declared in an American movie ever or something to that accord. I think we've easily topped that easily since then. I actually really enjoy that someone is pissed off about ID4. Another thing I noticed is that though I haven't been to New York since I was like 8 I'm pretty sure the Empire State Building isn't the location where it is in the movie. I'm also not sure how the main alien weapon really works. Like is it supposed to choose a tall building and blow it up and the wave carries like that? Or does it not need a tall building? If it does need a tall building, shouldn't it been at the World Trade Center then? Would this become a more watched movie again if it had been?

11. Just a side note, I probably have mentioned this before or if I haven't cool. I have this concept of a Wikiodyssey. Its when you start on a topic at Wikipedia and see how far you can go choosing topics only on the pages you come across. Like my wikiodyssey started with the Golda Meir and ended up at Giovanni Boccaccio's Decameron? Golda Meir-Munich-Guy who played Caesar on the show Rome-Rome-Julius Caesar-Shakespeare-Cymbeline-Decameron. Try it when you're bored at work. I could have continued for hours after the Decameron but I stopped to post.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

I'll have the Stegosaurus, medium-rare

Do you guys remember that scene from the Flintstones intro when Fred ordered a rack of Brontosaurus ribs from a fast food place and it tipped the car over because it was so big? I’m assuming it was Brontosaurus. It could have been a Diplodocus for all I know. Anyways, aren’t you curious what that might taste like? Or, perhaps maybe you want something a little more contemporary, a little more modern. How about a Rhinoceros? I can hear the cries now. But Scott, those are either extinct or almost extinct! Eating those animals would be some combination of impossible and highly unethical and illegal!

Au con trair mon frair. (Note: I don’t know French and may have butchered the spelling of their surrender language. I don’t care.)

Apparently scientists are getting close to cloning individual muscle groups in animals. You know, lungs, kidneys, hearts, tenderloins. The idea is that instead of raising a cow for slaughter you could instead clone that NY Strip steak and just sell that. A lot of people are uncomfortable with this idea because of the fears of genetically engineered meat, the ethics/slippery slope of cloning, and so on and so forth. Me? I’m enthusiastic about this and want to throw these pioneers of gastric awesomeness as much money as they need to make this a reality. Why?

Haven’t you ever wondered what some of these endangered animals taste like? What might a Giraffe-kabob taste like? How about Rhino Stew with root vegetables. This is to say nothing of the cured versions of these meats. Endangered hot dogs anyone? We could even perhaps modify the Turducken into a completely new homunculus for consumption. And that’s only the animals that still exist.

If Jurassic Park has taught me anything, and it has, it’s that dinosaurs can be cloned. And why not? Right, the horrible amounts of destruction that they wreak across jungle and city environments. There's always that. But thats why we only clone specific muscle groups! Though, we may have to clone a whole dinosaur, raise it, then slaughter it so that we can determine what the most delicious bits are. This may take a couple of generations of trial and error, but thats a temporal sacrifice I'm willing to make. This brings us full circle back to the Flintstones. Who knew that Hanna Barbara would be so prescient?

But, there are questions here that I think are important and have yet to be considered. As has been mentioned in this space before, I loves me some chicken wings. This past Friday, I was part of a group that had a brief discussion on what it means to be a chicken wing. After all, we’ve been seeing boneless chicken “wings” come onto the market recently. But are these really “wings”? We decided that they were not. Eating a chicken wing is not just about the actual wing. Its also about the experience and the moment. One cannot just lift a hunk of chicken up and plop it whole into their mouth (though it is a fun thing to do when you want to horrify your table mates). Rather, you actually have to eat around the bone, making sure that you get the meat and not break your damn teeth. It requires a certain agility and dexterity that we all possess but rarely utilize. I remember when I was a kid boneless chicken “wings” were referred to as chicken tenders. And all of this is nothing to say of the effect that bones have on ribs.

So, now that we have established that in order for a wing to be a wing, it must include a bone, we are left with the question that if we were to clone other birds and make wings out of them, would we also be able to clone the bone structure? If not, we will not have an entire appetizer sub-group available for cloning. And that would be a real shame, because wouldn’t you be interested to know what a Dodo wing tastes like? I know I would.

So long as they only bring me Ranch dressing.


Daylight Saving Time and its War on the American People

I'm sure foreign people have daylight saving time (We're actually the last nation to pick it up of all the nations in World War I...Ben Franklin didn't create it so I don't hate him). But I don't care about them right now. I'm cranky because I miss my hour of sleep. Sure I'll actually get home with some sunlight on some days, but man, more sleep is far more interesting. So I wanted to declare a fatwa on daylight saving time but apparently I can't...yet.

So last night was the season finale of October Road. It was a ridiculous too. Not only was there a Marissa Tomei reference which caught my attention, but U2 love in it AND.....DRUM ROLL! Stacy Keibler had a guest spot! Honest to god, I don't plan these things. Worst part is I'm actually liking the show. I didn't just watch to mock. Odette Yustman, Stacy Keibler, and a host of other eye candy plus improbable parings and decisions and I'm hooked. This would be awful if I had shame.

So question before the 10, what super hero are you? Batman? Spiderman? Superman? Wonder Woman? Any of those X-men? I've been considering who I would be. I mean I need to be someone who is a smart ass, makes too many pop culture references, and may be amoral or gray area level.

1. Eliot Spitzer! I want to be part of something called the Emperor's Club. Scott and I were debating on who do we know would go to a prostitute. Anyway, I'm actually disappointed in Spitzer. I liked him before he was governor. I think if he used state's money to fund his extracurricular activities then he should fall. I have no problem burning someone for using state's money that way. Its yet another powerful person who really just was reckless. I'm really curious on why David Vitter got it better than Spitzer?

2. So Barack Obama's bad week? Really? I mean he gained 7 Delegates on Hillary and technically won Texas. That's odd, I thought the media hated Hillary and would have pounced on that. Oh wait, they like a narrative. It isn't against Hillary. Its against boredom.

3. Yeah Bill Foster! Beating Jim Oberweis is a Democratic rite of passage in IL. However, this was Denny Hastert's seat. None of you Republicans are safe.

4. Pride, Envy, Gluttony, Lust, Anger, Greed and Sloth felt lonely so we have new sins!
1. 'Bioethical' violations such as birth control
2. 'Morally dubious' experiments such as stem cell research
3. Drug abuse
4. Polluting the environment
5. Contributing to widening divide between rich and poor
6. Excessive wealth
7. Creating poverty
Well, I didn't have much a problem violating the first set of sins. The second set made me laugh at how specific these are. Morally dubious experiments? Was Galileo morally dubious too?

5. I don't like the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I find its defining features as a bit...vague for my tastes. Madonna is not rock and helps I can't stand her but she is not rock and roll. I heard most of the speeches. Billy Joel and John Mellencamp were really good.

6. I was listening to Howard Stern and he had Pete Burns on the phone. You're asking who?! He did the "You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)" song during the 80s. He apparently is into women's clothes and I had heard this but it shocked everyone in the show that he isn't a woman now like everyone thought. He also has a wife and husband which I'm not sure is legal.

7. Apparently the Earth is gone in 7.59 billion years. Eaten by a red sun, that kinda sucks. I plan on being somewhere else.

8. Kurt Cobain bought a 3.2 million dollar house last year! Oh wait...something fishy

9. Britney Spears is going to be on one of my favorite shows...yeah I know....How I Met Your Mother.

10. 10,000 BC made 37.5 million dollars...I have no idea what its about but it has saber tooth tigers!

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

A Tribute to Paul Raymond, Porn Baron

I must say Porn Baron is a great title. Do you suppose there is a ranking system? Porn Lord? Porn King? Porn Emperor? I heard Brian, one of my house mates, is a Porn Squire, recently upgraded from Porn Serf. Anyway,Paul Raymond was worth 1.3 Billion dollars. The Brit knew his audience with such titles as "Yes, We Have No Pyjamas." He died at age 82 and one of the most wealthy British citizens.

Anyway, here is my soundtrack for the average day.
1. Any Other Beauty from American Beauty Soundtrack- Chris wakes up and gets ready.
2. Clocks (String Quartet Instrumental cover of the Coldplay song)- Chris' tedious and repetitive trip to work.
3. Everybody Wants to Rule the World by Tears for Fears- Chris starting the day of work
4. Company in My Back by Wilco- Chris going through meetings in the morning
5. I Need More Allowance by the Beets (Yeah from the Doug cartoon)-Chris realizing that he doesn't get paid enough
6. Believe (Moon version) by the Bravery- Chris losing faith in Democracy
7. Easy Way Out by the Pink Spiders- Chris' co workers thinking that he might be insane
8. Apply Some Pressure by Maximo Park- Chris takes risks and probably fails but hey its worth it
9. Driving in Geneva by Alexandre Desplat from the movie Syriana- Going through the motions
10. Hook Theme Song- Chris in afternoon meeting but in his happy imaginary place actually.
11. You're so Cool from the movie True Romance- Chris is goofing around Gchat and other jokes at work when he's not supposed to.
12. End Credits from Cider House Rules- The day dies down
13. Take the Long Way Home by Supertramp- Chris trying to leave work and taking forever to do so.
14. Touch of Grey by the Grateful Dead- Everything is going to be alright
15. Sound of Settling by Death Cab for Cutie- Relaxing at home
16. Mad World by Gary Jules- Turning on the news and getting ready for bed.

That's my framework for a boring day and a soundtrack

1. Well Hillary pulling out some victories was surprising. She campaigned at those soccer moms scaring them into submission. I don't hate Hillary Clinton, I hate her tactics. I do hate Ohio. They really did just vote for NAFTA woman. She says she's against it but it was listed as one of Bill Clinton's achievements and apparently Hillary was actually president during those years. Impressive victories but the math is against her. She didn't get overwhelming victories. She needs to pull out 70% wins in the next few weeks. Its going to be a rough ride.

2. Remember when Edwards had his own anti Christian friends/employees? The uproar and all that fun? Well John McCain has a pastor who follows him around and introduces him to people and such and he thinks Catholicism is a whore of a cult....Where's the outrage? Oh wait, do you mean that right wing rage is fake? John McCain supporters don't seem phased by it. I guess they think Catholicism is a whore of a cult too because there has been zero resistance. I mean if we use the logic that was used with the Edwards incident that's how it works.

3. Holy nobody puts baby in the corner (yes that is a quote for dirty dancing, those who doubt it are morons and should look it up) Its rumored that Patrick Swayze has pancreatic cancer and only weeks to live. Doctors have told him to be ready...That's crazy sad and I think he'd be the second cast member of Dirty Dancing to suffer cancer (Jerry Orbach being the first I think).

4. Glen Beck honestly asked if Obama could be the anti-Christ. Can someone please tell me how is this man qualified to be commenting on politics on CNN?

5. I hate independents who feel the need to comment on politics and act a certain way i.e. conservatives who don't want to be Republicans because it might look bad so they became "independents." They take all the forms of a Republican or Democratic person but divert maybe on one issue. This whole notion that Joe Lieberman has made independents a good thing is an awful notion. Independents want all the positives of being part of a party but none of the negatives. Have your cake and eat it too. I'm aiming this mostly at the independents who are conservative and agree with Republicans on most things but won't join up because they would have to account for President Bush. So people like Bill O'Reilly, Glen Beck, and all these "independent" voters that keep getting interviewed piss me off.

6. Okay now that I've let that out. Joan Cusack is going to play Isla Fischer's mom in Confessions of a Shopaholic. I mean wow, that's kinda weird that I remember when Joan Cusack was playing people's daughter. But hey I don't think John Cusack is in this movie so take what part you can.

7. So I'll admit I don't get certain brands some times. Like take Louis Vuitton, Scarlet Johannson was the previous spokesperson. Makes sense right. She's sex icon and all. Not as good as Natalie Portman but what are you going to do. Anyway, you know who is replacing her? Keith Richards! Want to look like a burnt burnt burnt rock star?

8. Apparently In Touch magazine is asking of Britney Spears was raped at some point...I'm not sure if this is an honest question or not. I mean is this hey this woman is completely insane this probably happened?

9. I bought video baseball for my PS3. Can you tell I'm excited for baseball? Cubs domination incoming!

10. 10,000 BC comes out this week. I have very little faith in a Roland Emmerich movie where New York isn't destroyed. So they should just put New York there in 10,000 BC so that saber tooth tigers can destroy it

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Toasters and other funny things

Random download of the week: I downloaded Trust from the Batman Soundtrack by Prince...I have no idea why.

So I lost an argument to maybe a 5 year old. I was on the bus going up to Silver Spring and this little girl claimed that this pole on the bus was hers. I said okay, do you have other poles. She said she didn't know but I'm not allowed to have this pole. I asked what happens if I need to use the pole to stop myself from falling. I kept getting images of being kicked in the leg or punched in a rather unhappy place at this point. She told me she didn't know and I figured that she was a tiny version of the Hulk and found another pole.

That same night, some random little kid told me I had sad eyes on the metro. I mean really? How does this keep happening? I was just staring blankly out the window in my little happy place imagination and this little kid had to make an observation. I was in the middle of listening to Peter Bjorn and John's hideously catchy Young Folks on my Ipod. After random kid made observation, I kept waiting for Haley Joel Osment to walk by and punch me in the face. PS, HaJO is 20 now or almost 20 now. That's more scary than the Sixth Sense but not as scary as Pay it Forward.

A while back, I thought of having a personal soundtrack. Now, I'd like to make a soundtrack for a day in my life. Figure out yours. My first three tracks so far are
1. Any Other Beauty from American Beauty Soundtrack- Chris wakes up and gets ready.
2. Clocks (String Quartet Instrumental cover of the Coldplay song)- Chris' tedious and repetitive trip to work.
3. Everybody Wants to Rule the World by Tears for Fears- Chris starting the day of work
I'll have a full soundtrack for tomorrow.
Onto the list
1. Hillary has an ad up that asks who you do you want answering the phone at 3 am in the White House as an emergency is breaking? I thought the ad was hilarious. Tasteless and awful but hilarious. I mean I have variations for it. It's 3 am, do you know where your husband is? It's 3 am, do you know when Fraggle Rock is on? I truly don't like the fear card played. Its ridiculous.

2. Its Primary fun again....Hillary might be that guest who doesn't know when to leave. I feel sorry for her because she's a much better candidate than McCain but not as good as Obama is. Rush Limbaugh would like Republicans to go vote for Hillary today. I thought how quaint, GOPers' head exploding because they'd have to vote for a Clinton. Once again, Rush is a douche bag not because he wants to vote for Hillary but because he just wants to have the process drawn out. By doing this he hopes he can buy McCain some time....ha, both Hillary and Obama have raised four times the amount McCain has each month...I guess I can feel the excitement in the tepid McCain Campaign.

3. "Here at Fox, we like to be feminine. So we don't wear the pants." That's a Faux anchor. I'd like to thank Faux for being douche bags. They hate all things liberal, feminism, and the least bit intellectual. After a week where O'Reily went on a rant how Ariana Huffington is a Nazi, KKK member, Faux doing a segment against feminism really is something.

4. Amy Winehouse has a bacterial infection on her face? Weird. How does that explain the crazy hair, weird body, and remarkable drug crazed insanity?

5. This ranks as one of my favorite stories....ever. Seriously, let my people go, man.

6. Steve-O is apparently in jail for torturing his neighbor. He drilled holes into his neighbor's apartment and flooded in crazy hard rock and a very loud noise. Isn't that what was done at Abu Grahib too? He's charged with vandalism.

7. This is a remarkable story that you should read before I comment on it tomorrow. Its an area of interest for me but I find it just amazing.

8. Brett Favre is apparently retiring! I'll believe next year when the season is over and he hasn't played. That said, I'm making myself a drink tonight.

9. Baseball season is so close. If you want to play fantasy baseball, join up in our league. All three of us are in it.

10. TV you should be watching. I'm still obsessed with Doctor Who/Torchwood. I totally am enamoured with them. Go Netflix the dvds and you'll learn. Also, catch up on Sarah Connor Chronicles. I ended up liking the show a lot but that may be due to the strike wiping out most of my TV. I watched another episode of October Road that I shouldn't watch but I do. It was about how at 10 years old you develop some sort of notion on what your perfect girl is. The guys in the show all had theirs and she died in a car accident years later and its how they begin to realize that. However, the writing is still bad but I enjoy it.

11. I love my Sirius Radio though it has killed Radiohead for me by playing all their songs too often.

Perhaps A la Mode?

Its been a few days since our poll ended, but you, the great mole people of the inter-webs have gone and declared that the new co-host of American Gladiators for season two should be! A pie. This (finally) concludes our search.

I have to say, I am very proud of you all. I have always known that we lived in a great pie loving nation, and it is gratifying to know that our readers are a pie loving group. It brings new heights of patriotism to my heart.

So, if you are a producer for American Gladiators, and you have been following this, may I humbly suggest that strawberry rhubarb in the first episode? This is from the good people of Mr. Brooks Knocked Up Nancy Drew.

Ice cream is optional...