Friday, December 21, 2007

Confessions of an Elitist Populist with a Dangerous Mind

Yes, I am a contradiction in the title. You think you can't be legitimately elitist and populist at the same time but I try. I'm a contradiction in a lot of things so people with problems with that? Well take it up with the complaints department. So confession time. Its a different ten list.

1. My parents observe this. There are a few times which I have a soft spot. One is for dogs (I really do adore dogs especially my basset hound and corgi). There's a reason I have pics up for Dailypuppy every so often. Another is for elderly people and also people with disabilities. I tend to be fierce in my defense and try to help causes sometimes to my own financial detriment. I just don't like things being unfair for them. Don't expect me to play fair on anything else though especially if it concerns my family. I will cheat and respond completely disproportionately to whatever concerning my family. It will not be fair. One of the things I love so much and I become overly sentimental is the holidays. I have an almost unnatural love for Christmas. I celebrate two by the way. Catholic and Eastern Orthodox! No, seriously, I love Christmas. At one point, I tried to combine both Christmases into one extended holiday...Apparently its a lot more difficult than I thought. That whole thousand year schism is something. And Jesuits do not find it funny at trying to make Christmas into a new holiday. Super Christmas Week doesn't have a great ring. But Christmas is the greatest. For good or bad, you spend the time with the family. Its cold out. You don't really want to go anywhere and they're there. Also there's the presents, yes I do love presents, who doesn't? I tend to give out pretty cool gifts too. I'm always the one in my family that makes sure people get things. There's the Christmas trees, the decorations, and the whole moment in time when there is nothing on television and you just want to relax. When Christmas is done, you will be broke, you will be fat, but it is worth it.

2. On a side note, I saw Atonement on Thursday with ASF and Nicole. Towards the end of the movie, I heard this slap from a row in front of me. Apparently, some guy had passed out and was unresponsive. I lost out on five minutes of the movie as ambulance teams came in to help him. It was odd to say the least. I did get a free ticket to a future movie. But back onto point, Atonement. Its a good movie but I'm baffled by Keira Knightley's character but also in awe that she fell so hard for James McAvoy's character. Maybe its the hardnosed sardonic approach I take to a lot of things but their love affair of 9 minutes that became a central part of the movie just amazed me. May we all be so lucky to encounter that. I guess not quite being the affectionate love type may be the root of me not getting it or perhaps its actually just impossible.

3. I watch a lot of TV. Okay, that's not a confession. I watch a lot of good TV...and a lot of bad TV. I'll confess to watching not only the ever so terrible October Road but also, I've watched the particularly bad Gossip Girl. First, October Road is terribly written. I can write this show legitimately. The lead guy, who disappeared from his home town, wrote a best selling pseudo fiction about the people he grew up with, and now has come back to the town because of writers' block and he's hated by everyone for the book, is a terrible actor. And yet, I still watch it. I think its me not understanding how this actually came back this season. Its also because its an ultimate fantasy I guess. The girl he's with on the show (NOT THAT 70S SHOW GIRL) is ungodly hot and smart. She's not even realistically smart as in no one talks like that but I accept it because I'm easily distracted. The 12 year old is much smarter than I am as well on the show. He's the kid of THAT 70S SHOW GIRL! And I'm okay with him being much smarter than me though 12 because I keep waiting for Ashton Kutchner to tell me I've been punked into watching this. One of the worst parts about my viewing is that I relate really well with the shutin...obscure pop culture references, snobby reading, and a love for tv...yeah its bad. But it could be worse. So Gossip Girl. Gossip Girl reminds me of a lot of the people I grew up with in Chicago so that may explain me watching it. Trust me, it never resolves itself in a nice way. It also has a grand fantasy of a indie guy (not Seth Cohen) who goes to school with all these rich kids and has a crush on the hot girl (she was the hot girl in Accepted which me and 5 other people have seen). Anyway, he's had a huge thing for her for years. Hot girl falls for him eventually. Way too good to be true but hey its TV. The people aren't nearly as well written as the OC was with its quirkiness but...its bad TV you can't resist. I find it somewhat interesting that a lot of bad TV has the theme of people finding their true love and people who wouldn't really meet somehow finding each other. Its quaint.

4. For the 1.5 people who I don't know who read this blog, I can't drive, I camped once and it wasn't even real camping and I'll never do it again, I hate spiders (I truly do, in video games, I'll waste all my ammo on spiders because they freak me out), won't readily eat mushrooms (we'll see on that one could change), I love pies, Ahi Tuna, filet mignon, and I'm not a hugger most times. Seriously, I don't know why people hug so much and often. There's a host of more things which I have phobias and loves.

5. Places I want to go/live by my 34th midlife crisis. You see I go through crisis every so often for any number of reasons and I generally disappear to some part of the globe. I want to live in Istanbul, visit the Holy Land, Cairo, and Romania. I'll probably live in Great Britain, France, Italy by that time. Who knows? I can't sit still.

6. Brief celebrity news: Samaire Armstrong (girl who I have an immense thing for because I can't differentiate fiction and reality) was in rehab and just got out. Tragic...

7. I've tried to stay away from the Jaimie Lynn Spears debacle. I find it hilarious that her mom actually was writing a parenting guide when she already had Britney aka Unfitney. I love the fixation on the father of Jaimie Lynn's kid. As if it matters, because he's 18 and not exactly material to raise a child. Its a PR disaster for Jaimie Lynn's career though. She was on an apparently popular nickelodeon show...yeah....this should open to the door for Rocko's Modern Life....damnit, I'm dellusional.

8. Colbert Report and Daily Show are back in January minus writers... the primary race has gotten too far without them.

9. Stuart Scott of ESPN (a favorite anchor of mine) has cancer. Everyone pray for him and think good thoughts "cooler than the other side of the pillow" is not a suggestion.

10. Stephen Colbert has won the AP Celebrity of the Year. "In receiving this award, I am pleased that I was chosen over two great spinners of fantasy _ J.K. Rowling and Al Gore. It is truly an honor to be named the Associated Press' Celebrity of the Year. Best of all, this makes me the official front-runner for next year's Drug-Fueled Downward Spiral of the year. P.S. Look for my baby bump this spring!"

11. Thanks. Thank you all 10 people who do read this blog. I appreciate it. I hope everyone has a great Christmas and a Happy New Year. I don't think I'll be posting until I get back. I'm doing Vegas soon. I may have to call some of you to get me out of jail though. Good night and good luck.


Scott said...

Spiders freak my shit out to the point where I don't even like looking at pictures of them. I see them move and it just makes my skin crawl. And I too will waste every bit of ammo I have on spiders and then I will have trouble looking around corners for fear of more spiders and that damned hissing, chittering noise they all apparently make.

-Brian said...

Nice try Chris... too bad the link didn't work(for me at least). Happy Holidays to you and yours.

-The Complaint's Dept.