Well its a lot of things but this is one of the repeated lines in the movie Shoot Em Up (Review to come at the end). One of the things that I actually can't stand and well...hate is the "lol," "lmao," and whatever other thing I can't translate. I love the internet. I love that it has unlimited possibility and an infinite amount of information to access. I can learn about Byzantine iconography or how MASH connects to almost every show afterwards. However, the internet has just reinforced that people do not like take the time to at least try to do decent grammar. It reinforces that we're all morons at heart and would like to sound like a baby at all times. Furthermore, the internet is really just 90% porn anyway which I'm alright with since well even in Pompeii, mass distribution of porn was a dream of civilization. But really, when I got a text message over the weekend about the "blog makes me lmao," I just rolled my eyes in disgust. So what do I do when someone gchats me or ims me and I do laugh. Its a "ha." It does not make me better really but I can delude myself into thinking so. Onto the list because its been a crazy weekend.
Oh PS. This probably me just being an old man and at 24 having another midlife crisis.
1. Did I watch the Patriots wipe out the Chargers last night? No. I watched the Emmys because I do love TV and good TV should be rewarded. Here are things that I noticed. Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart, Steve Carrell are just great. Daily Show took in an Emmy last night.
I feel I missed out seeing Prime Suspect:The Final Act with Helen Mirren. As the elitist, Anglophile, snob that I am, I think I dropped the ball. It took home a lot of awards and was nominated several times. Speaking of Helen Mirren, I think America is in love with her. Tell you what, she also looks good and she's exceedingly cool.
Lewis Black had a great and poignant mini routine that would have made my friend Jim just proud. His rant on why tv producers have destroyed the credits of TV shows in favor of promoting some other show was great. He is right. The people who work on TV shows deserve to be shown with their name on a full screen. Working on TV is an incredibly difficult job and a worker on a show deserves his credit instead of a preview of Survivor China.
Al Gore. Greatness that will not come into being. Man, I wish he were President.
James Spader won best dramatic actor for his portrayal of Alan Shore in Boston Legal. HUGE upset over James Gandolfini. That said, I'm happy for Spader because Alan Shore is one of those characters I wish I could be.
There's one more point but she gets her own.
2. Sally Field was really proud of her work on Brothers and Sisters. The show is amazingly boring but I've seen most of it. But she was censored last night for the line "If mothers ruled the world, there wouldn't be any god-damned wars in the first place." They cut her off at "god." Fuck you Faux. If someone got up there and praised wars, you'd keep it on. And it was you who decided to cut this because of an instant decision made by pathetic director. She didn't say vote for the Democrats. She didn't say Fuck George Bush. She didn't say anything except a desire for peace. If mothers were in charge, you're god damn right they wouldn't send their children to war. Ask your own mom. By the way, her comments are not profane by FCC standards. "God-Damn" is absolutely allowed.
3. So speaking of Faux News, Sean Hannity has admitted on national TV that Faux is an advocation network. Not just his show which I can accept his rightwing trash but he never claims to be independent, he claimed the whole network. Well that cleared things up. Faux is not a news channel but an advocation one. So they've finally admitted to pushing an agenda. Outstanding. Someone take away their press credentials.
4. I'm not terribly funny today so I'll work on it. OJ Simpson has been arrested. Holy god, bring back Judge Ito! Glove jokes! Naked Gun marathons! I actually would kill to hear how the criminal planning took place. Don't worry guys, I got away with murder, we can do this.
UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!! They have an audio tape of him for the crime...
5. Alan Greenspan aka God of both parties says the Iraq War is for oil...its amazing how quickly the GOP turned on him. I don't entirely agree with the statement but oil did play a role. That said, Alan Greenspan is way smarter than most of America including myself.
6. Michael Mukasey is the new AG candidate...doesn't sound like Alberto Gonzales...oh wait he's a Rudy Giuliani advisor...sounds more like Bernard Kerik...honestly would you if you were the President use anyone close to Rudy after that fiasco? I wouldn't but I suspect this is a message to Rudy about a tacit endorsement. Its important for Rudy to grab Bush supporters and thus the social and neo conservatives.
7. Amy Winehouse was fighting vampires again.8. Britney Spears could lose her kids today. I can't say enough at how creepy the world we live in can be when K-Fed is considered a better parent. Then again, her VMA performance is terribly awesome in comedy value and gets a zero for judgment value.
UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Apparently, Britney Spears is being investigated for attempting to put a hit out on K-Fed...this is insane and pathetic
9. Fiction! I was thinking about fictional women and narrowed down to two women who can't possibly be real. One is Samaire Armstrong as she played Anna on the OC. Seriously, she's a ridiculously hot woman who loves comic books, makes and understands lots of pop culture references, can draw, and loves dorky guys. Holy god, that is fiction. Another one is Jordana Spiro as she plays PJ on My Boys. There is no hot woman that not only works for the greatest paper ever, the Chicago Suntimes, as a sports columnist, but she can talk about Chicago sports and can deal with the guys that well. She's a diehard Cub fan. Its insane. And people wonder why guys have too high standards.
10. Review: Shoot em Up is a ridiculous movie. Its what if you put Grindhouse, 300, every John Woo movie, Sin City, and Michael Bay movie into one. I'm not even kidding. There are so many hilarious violent scenes that you aren't supposed to take seriously. Clive Owen is the lead and he eats carrots and kills people. Paul Giamatti goes around killing people too because he's evil and crazy. Monica Bellucci, aka Mary Magadalene in the Passion of the Christ, is a gross lactating prostitute but god bless her, she's hot and Italian. I learned in this movie that if I eat more carrots and hate the world and be able to kill lots of people. Go see it if only to see what you can do with a carrot.
PS. Our girl of the blog Hayden Panettirere was at the Emmys in what looked liked a prom dress but hey, it'll work. Ryan Seacrest, the host, said his 18th birthday present to her was to seat her as far away as Jeremy Piven as possible.
PPS. If you can see the clip of Colbert, Stewart, and Carrell up there on the stage, do so. its great.