Thursday, October 11, 2007

Oh hell yes...

My job basically consists of me dicking around on the internet all day. Because of this, I come across odd things that you wouldn't expect. Right now, the federal government's file on me must be quite interesting. As part of my job I have looked up disposal methods for nuclear waste, several hundred items in use by the military including, but not limited too, our entire nuclear arsenal, most vehicles used by the Air Force, and the effects of certain kinds of ammo on the human body, as well as the locations for all nuclear power plants on Earth. Also as part of my job, but quite inadvertantly, I have accidentally looked up a website for asian call girls, and several gay porn websites (a most unpleasant experiance). Because of the wide latitude I have when web surfing, I also get to look up completely frivolous things that have nothing to do with my job. And it was in this vein that I discovered this.

I have been obsessed with this since I saw it. I have been planning different ways that I could try to raise $1,500,000 so that I could buy this facility. I have been dreaming up different ways that I could retrofit it to serve as all sorts of different things. You could literally turn one of the buildings into your own personal IMAX theater if you wanted. The tunnels that link all the buildings together can probably accomadate a golf cart or two. What about this doesn't sound awesome?

Some of the options I've considered are converting two of the three missile silos into a pair of 16 story buildings. For what purpose? I haven't decided. Perhaps personal homes. Maybe as storage units. One of the thoughts that I have entertained is starting a farm on the property and using the silos as, well, silos. I could make cheese or something. Or I could raise cattle and use the silos as a big nasty slaughterhouse. Now that would be fun AND exciting! But those are only the mundane things to be considered.

What about getting into the level of James Bond supervillainy! I want to be a super villain. I think it'd be entertaining. And having a very large underground facility would seem to lend itself well to villainy. I mean, you've already got the missile silos. Now you just need to fill them with more missiles. Then you've got the underground buildings and, lets face it, one of them is going to have to be converted into a prison/torture chamber. No villain's hideout is complete without them. While we're at it, do we want a building where science experiments/crimes against nature/men playing god can be housed? I mean, do I want to go down that route as a villain? With the genetically engineered super soldiers? I suppose I do need someone to guard my nuclear missiles. And lets face it, genetically engineered super soldiers are always more reliable because you can always program in a genetic defect.

And what about just converting it into a giant home? Complete with all sorts of amenities. Like that personal IMAX theater. And maybe a helicopter landing pad and a small airstrip. You know, because, why not? No matter what, I'm going to retrofit one of the missile silos so that it looks vintage. That way my friends and neighbors can come by and see a real piece of American Cold War history.

So, won't you be my neighbor?


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