Thursday, October 4, 2007

Old School

So I'm crabby this morning. My Cubs lost last night and I literally stayed up for the whole game...I hate other time zones other than central and eastern. I mean seriously, we have to put up with elections that run too late for us. Baseball games are a pain. Why not just show Dodger games at a time when central and eastern fans could watch? Its not like Dodger fans even bother. The westcoast was an inconvenience when the West Wing had its live episode...oh west is the best my ass. Onto the list.

1. President Bush quietly vetoed the SCHIP Bill. After all, Children are the greatest threat to freedom and democracy. He says he would like to work on a plan that actually got insurance companies more money and screwed more Americans over. Children's healthcare sends the wrong message to terrorists.

2. Is anyone really surprised the US government was lying when it said torture was abhorrent in 2004? That they secretly endorsed it? I mean really, Dick Cheney tortures a liberal a day...keeps bones strong...Anyway, its yet another reason that we shouldn't have any reason to trust the Bush Administration on anything. Furthermore, the GOP candidates with the exception of a few long shot ones, all fanatically endorse the same measures...Rudy thinks 24 is the way to be.

3. Desperate Housewives (yes I'm a heterosexual male that watches the show) has offended the Philippines medical programs and thus the Philippines. Teri Hatcher's character Susan wanted to make sure her doctor wasn't getting their degree in the Philippines. The original script said Ohio...

4. GREATEST NEWS EVER! Hulk Hogan is in talks to host American Gladiators! Can you tell I'm excited because I don't think you can. News just keeps getting better. C'mon some game show to fail on NBC so American Gladiators can come on.

5. Apparently 80% of computer viruses are caused from people wanting to see Angelina Jolie nude. Seriously? I mean, isn't it a bit much? Go netflix Gia for God's sake. I mean, how do I know what where to find Angelina Jolie...oh what am I kidding? Yeah Gia is on HBO all the time too. Plus she hooks up with Lost's Elizabeth Mitchell which really is hot.

6. Pam Anderson is a terrible person. I never thought I'd see the day when I'd think that. She is the first set of breasts of a famous person I ever saw. She was the first Playboy I ever acquired. Borat might be a little brokenhearted. She's my George Washington of celebrity nudity. She apparently lied to Kid Rock about having a miscarriage in order to make him feel bad. That's just crap.

7. Don Imus is coming back onto radio. God bless outrage and its limited timespan. He's in talks with ABC radio which also has such great guys as Sean Hannity....oh wait, he's terrible. Anyway, I'll bet Imus' ratings are going to be great.

8. Evan Handler apparently disrupted the set of Sex and the City movie with hiccups. I'd get hiccups too if I looked like him but I got to hook up with Kristin Davis on screen. She definitely was the hot one of that group.

9. Britney Spears didn't show up to her hearing and K-Fed had an eye patch! What the hell is going on. Pirates of Unfitney Spears!

10. This doesn't need much to say
BONUS! McKenzie News Wire
A) The Beehive: Amy Honey, How Do You Stand It?
One intrepid reporter gives Amy's top-heavy tangle a go (on tape) and finds it's more work than pleasure.

Crucial Nugget: Winehouse's hairdresser, Alex Foden, uses furballs made from part-synthetic, part-real hair stuffed inside hairnets to pad out the singer's barnet, but top stylist Hari -- who teases the most famous tresses in London -- assures me that the same effect can be achieved with backcombing.

B) "I don't regret not having been drafted... because I made out big. Why is it good to die for one's country? Isn't it better to live in New York?" -- Israeli model (and Leo DiCaprio girlfriend) Bar Rafaeli.

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