Monday, October 22, 2007

Parallax

I've been told that I'm overly political, preachy, arrogant, self centered, I don't know what the ground looks like because I'm on my high horse and maybe evil or at least amoral. Okay, probably but those last two can't be too congruent with high horse morality. Anyway, I'll talk about politics because it matters, I'll still obsess over weird celebrity news, and I'll still be esoteric. Say what you will about my politics, at least I have fun with it.

PS. I'm still alive after watching Bears somehow win against the Eagles with Scott.

1. John Bolton has a new book coming out. In case you didn't think he was dick, hear him in his own words what a dick he is. He literally went out of his way to foil Colin Powell and later on Condi Rice in proper diplomatic measures with Iran. He declares US foreign policy in free fall...was that before or after your work, John?

2. I'm hearing reports of minors are donating massive amounts of money to Mitt Romney. For some reason, I kinda hope it really is their parents living vicariously. If they're really doing it on their own, well that's an odd road they're taking.

3. Turkey is going to Iraq....this can't be good. Someone go read a history book about Iraq. The section where Turkey invades Mosul during the 20s might be useful.

4. Holy god, the Ellen drama continues. Y'know stories like Ellen's doggy drama are more reserved for people without credentials...like me....But when Brian Williams talks about it....sheesh. Anyway, her exproducer is claiming that she regifted a dog the exproducer gave to her. Howard Stern says he's hearing she's done this nine times before....that is the oddest hobby ever...not true, I'm sure there are worse...ask Scott about any of the things in the urban dictionary.

5. Pavorotti left his family in debt of 25 million dollars. Mortgages on four homes will do that.

6. There are crimes that are unforgivable. Wearing the tee shirt of the band you're seeing at the concert is unforgivable. Wearing a tee shirt of yourself is mildly funny but unforgivable. But getting arrested with a tee shirt of yourself is hilarious. Kid Rock was arrested for a brawl at get this, a Waffle House and he had a tee shirt of himself on. Twelve hours of jail=days of hilarity.
7. CHUCK NORRIS HAS DECIDED ON A PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE! Mike Huckabee...how awesome is that?

8. I was watching Bill Maher last night on my DVR and there were people in the audience disrupting it with 9/11 conspiracy yelling. I'm not even kidding. Maher being awesome goes and kicks them out. But I just want to know, how are you not crazy by yelling almost incoherently on a live show? Do you get any point outside of you being crazy? The worst part is that my side is always clumped with them.

9. Albus Dumbledore is gay...JK Rowling has revealed. Wow, why don't you give the Christian conservatives another reason to overreact? On a lighter note, who cares? Its like revealing that Harry Osborne was gay in the Spiderman movies.

10. I have to read Clash of Civilizations again for the millionth time...seriously, every conversation about the article on whatever level comes out the same. The conservatives rail on how China and Islam are trying to defeat/kill everyone. Liberals disagree and cite specific instances where it isn't true. Conservatives have the look of someone who is hating unpatriotic pricks who are soft and appeasers, liberals are baffled at how much disdain conservatives have for everything non Red, white or blue...stressing white. Its going to be hilarious and awful tomorrow.

11. I promise I'll post Stephen Colbert on Meet the Press tonight.

12. Football. God I love it. I saw my favorite college quarterback Brian Griese have a brilliant drive without any coach assistance and no time outs...oh right, it was a shitty game but I got to watch it with friends which always helps. I also watched a stressed out Lions game and Patriots game that resembled a snuff film at this point. Anyway, on the Bears game, I saw a horrific snap where Olin Kruetz snapped the ball into his own ass. I was remarkably impressed that Andy Reid knew the rule that made that a false start. Lovie clearly didn't know about it. The only good moments about that game were the last maybe 5 minutes where both teams actually looked like functioning offenses. Griese having a 97 yard minute and a half drive really just distorts that nothing much happened in the game other than a lot of field goals and McNabb had a excellent drive.

PS. I don't think the Eagles were cheating when Griese's headset shut off and he had to call his own plays. So this makes me question Patriots cheating because I've often thought they were when the accusations of it occurs when playing at home, Patriots opponents will lose connection on the headsets. However, if the Eagles were cheating at home like the Patriots have been accused of more often than anyone else....who knows

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